TheOtherVillainess
Luminous beings we are, not this crude matter.....
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2003
- Messages
- 6,406
How NOT to cook hamburgers on a gas grill.
1. Clean and spray grates with PAM before turning on gas and lighting fire. Otherwise, if you attempt to PAM your grates with the fire on, you run the possibility of igniting your eyebrows.
2. Make sure the gas is turned all the way ON before you hit the self-lighting button on your grill. Otherwise, the damn thing is just going to go 'poppitypoppop' for no reason.
3.Add prepared hamburger patties to grill and close lid. Wait five minutes, then flip.
4. When you flip them, make sure to use a good sized flipper-over doohickey, because otherwise, your patties could potentially slide off sideways and land on top of a burner. O.O
5. If your patty DOES slide off sideways and land on top of a burner, make sure to use gloves or other hand protection to lift up the grate. You don't wanna burn your hand. Owie.
6. If you are of large breastiness, it is really best if someone who is NOT of large breastiness (say your husband, roommate or other girlfriend who happens to be less chesty than you) lifts up the grate and retrieves the errant hamburger patty. Otherwise, you run the risk of accidentally charring your ****eh goodness on either the grate or in the flame.
7. Once said patty is retrieved, close lid and wait 5 more minutes.
8.Once hamburgers have aqcuired your preferred level of doneness, remove to a plate. Make sure it is NOT a paper plate because the grease will leak through and burn your hands. Styrofoam is also not ok, because the grease could melt the styrofoam and burn your hands. Again..ouch.
9.Let the burgers 'rest' while you attempt to warm the buns on the grill,because you've already discovered they will not fit in your dinky little, non-bagel-sized toaster, where they tend to get stuck and spontaneously burst into flame.
10.Carefully using rubber-coated tongs to remove the now-warmed buns from the grill, top with a hamburger patty, your favorite condiments and enjoy.
And that's how NOT to grill burgers. Happy Grilling Season, everyone!
TOV
1. Clean and spray grates with PAM before turning on gas and lighting fire. Otherwise, if you attempt to PAM your grates with the fire on, you run the possibility of igniting your eyebrows.
2. Make sure the gas is turned all the way ON before you hit the self-lighting button on your grill. Otherwise, the damn thing is just going to go 'poppitypoppop' for no reason.
3.Add prepared hamburger patties to grill and close lid. Wait five minutes, then flip.
4. When you flip them, make sure to use a good sized flipper-over doohickey, because otherwise, your patties could potentially slide off sideways and land on top of a burner. O.O
5. If your patty DOES slide off sideways and land on top of a burner, make sure to use gloves or other hand protection to lift up the grate. You don't wanna burn your hand. Owie.
6. If you are of large breastiness, it is really best if someone who is NOT of large breastiness (say your husband, roommate or other girlfriend who happens to be less chesty than you) lifts up the grate and retrieves the errant hamburger patty. Otherwise, you run the risk of accidentally charring your ****eh goodness on either the grate or in the flame.
7. Once said patty is retrieved, close lid and wait 5 more minutes.
8.Once hamburgers have aqcuired your preferred level of doneness, remove to a plate. Make sure it is NOT a paper plate because the grease will leak through and burn your hands. Styrofoam is also not ok, because the grease could melt the styrofoam and burn your hands. Again..ouch.
9.Let the burgers 'rest' while you attempt to warm the buns on the grill,because you've already discovered they will not fit in your dinky little, non-bagel-sized toaster, where they tend to get stuck and spontaneously burst into flame.
10.Carefully using rubber-coated tongs to remove the now-warmed buns from the grill, top with a hamburger patty, your favorite condiments and enjoy.
And that's how NOT to grill burgers. Happy Grilling Season, everyone!
TOV
