How much say to realtives have in discipline of your child

[Wishing on a star]

She is a little kids, upstairs in the privacy of her own home.
She was confronted...
IMHO, in this particular case (not in general) she owed him no response at all.
No response whatsoever.

If she had said....
"I'm playing on the computer" (like 'you can't stop me')
Or "It's none of your business"
Or "What are you doing up here anyway"
Or any other myriad of responses.... She would really be accused of being rude.
She is just a little kid!

IMHO, when one is cornered, and the only response is 'obey' an inappropriate request, or be considered rude...
Then hey, IMHO, the kid chose the best of her two options.

 

[JoiseyMom]

How much say does he get. Ugh none. He is not her parent. If he was left in charge of the kids that would be different but you were in the house at the time. If safety isn't an issue, if she isn't doing something to his child it's none of his business when she goes to bed and should have not butted in. If anything he should have come downstairs and asked if you were aware she was still up or if you wanted her to be in bed.

ITA!! I have had this with my bil, when DH and I are present at in-laws!! OMG...it chaps my !!!! My bil has no patience, and never gives me and DH a chacne to tell DS or DD to please lower voice, stop, or whichever thing might be going on. Unless they are in imminent danger MYOB!!!

BIL is childless by choice so as far as I am concerned has no right to repremand my kids in anyway, unless we are at his house and they are touching things they shouldn't.

DH and I have learned to pick our battles with our 2 youngest . DS is ADHD, and there are certain things that are not worth fighting over. We have this issue with FIL too. Mil and Fil took kids on vacation in Dec, and DD13 almost didn't want to go because of her perception of Fil and Mil always getting on DS's case!!

We have had some lovely arguments over this!!

 

[Mermaid02]

Wow - personally I think the child was far more out of line the the adult. Whatever happened to respecting your elders? It was very rude of your daughter to not respond to him. The whole thing would be over with a simple - "mom said I could stay up - but I can go check with her to make sure."

Every adult in my family has a certain degree of authority over my son. Even my adult friends do as well. And yes - even in my own home. There is no place where it would be acceptable for my son to be disrespectful. My son knows what situations are a concern and need to be brought to my attention and what just needs to be followed.

Oh come on...... everybody has "That Uncle" that they ignore........

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow - personally I think the child was far more out of line the the adult.

Every adult in my family has a certain degree of authority over my son. Even my adult friends do as well. And yes - even in my own home.

We completely and totally disagree on every single level.

To either expect a child to blindly obey everyone else, or to have the maturity and savvy to know just how to perfectly handle situations where cornered and confronted by inappropriate adults...
Wow...

 

[sbell111]

How much say does he get. Ugh none. He is not her parent. If he was left in charge of the kids that would be different but you were in the house at the time. If safety isn't an issue, if she isn't doing something to his child it's none of his business when she goes to bed and should have not butted in. If anything he should have come downstairs and asked if you were aware she was still up or if you wanted her to be in bed.

Am I the only thing one that finds it amusing that the OP has made just one post to this thread. The rest of us keep building on each other's assumptions.

 

[mhsjax]

Wow - personally I think the child was far more out of line the the adult. Whatever happened to respecting your elders? It was very rude of your daughter to not respond to him. The whole thing would be over with a simple - "mom said I could stay up - but I can go check with her to make sure."

Every adult in my family has a certain degree of authority over my son. Even my adult friends do as well. And yes - even in my own home. There is no place where it would be acceptable for my son to be disrespectful. My son knows what situations are a concern and need to be brought to my attention and what just needs to be followed.

I agree the child should have responded, however, I don't think the child was way more out of line. This was a relative by marriage, going upstairs for no reason, where probably only bedrooms and maybe a playroom is located. Why on earth did he need to be up there. Sounds fishy to me. The only time people other than me have authority over my kids is IF they are in that persons home or they are doing something dangerous, or they know for a fact that they are directly disobeying what they have been told by me. Other than that BUTT OUT.

 

[sbell111]

She is a little kids, upstairs in the privacy of her own home.
She was confronted...
IMHO, in this particular case (not in general) she owed him no response at all.
No response whatsoever.

If she had said....
"I'm playing on the computer" (like 'you can't stop me')
Or "It's none of your business"
Or "What are you doing up here anyway"
Or any other myriad of responses.... She would really be accused of being rude.
She is just a little kid!

IMHO, when one is cornered, and the only response is 'obey' an inappropriate request, or be considered rude...
Then hey, IMHO, the kid chose the best of her two options.

Agreed. I think that we need to remember that we are talking about a 6-year old.

Every adult in my family has a certain degree of authority over my son. Even my adult friends do as well. And yes - even in my own home.

That is not how we fly. All other adults, family or otherwise, merely have transactional authority that we bestow upon them. They have no authority simply because they are old or related.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Am I the only thing one that finds it amusing that the OP has made just one post to this thread. The rest of us keep building on each other's assumptions.

I don't see any assumptions
The OP's original post was pretty clear about the situation.

 

[FireDancer]

I have a nephew and lots of friends with kids. if they are in the house I don't get involved in parenting unless it is something that could be dangerous of something I know for a fact they shouldn't be doing.

In the case the OP mentioned the easy way to handle it is to just ask the child "aren't you supposed to be in bed?" if you think they are supposed to be. That gives her the opportunity to say they are allowed up until the movie is over or it isn't their bed time yet or something like that. If they are supposed to be in bed they know they are caught and will usually do what they are asked. At that point I couldn't imagine any well disciplined child ignoring a simple question. A little strategic shift in approach would have made the situation better for everyone.

I grew up with a close family (well, mom's side at least) and uncles, aunts, and grand parents were often times the babysitter or person in charge. From that aspect it wouldn't seem weird to me for an uncle or similar family member to have a role in discipline, that part just depends on the family dynamic.

 

[grumpeeduck]

Creepy, weird vibe about BIL here...............I would question dd to make sure all is well............

This is not cool on any level.

 

[MyManGoofy!]

We completely and totally disagree on every single level.

To either expect a child to blindly obey everyone else, or to have the maturity and savvy to know just how to perfectly handle situations where cornered and confronted by inappropriate adults...
Wow...

See - now how did an adult telling a child it was past their bedtime-to go to bed become inappropriate?

And I must concede that if adults are clueless to what inappropriate behavior is then you are right - a child would not have any idea either.

 

[Ceila]

Good luck with your trip.
Sounds like BIL is preparing to use this as an opportunity to "Set You Straight" regarding his views on discipline of daughter. Which, he apparently has issues with.

Holy jump-to-conclusions, Batman!

 

[sparklynails23]

Does BIL have kids? People without kids seem to know everything about raising them.

 

[glitterkittyy]

I don't see any assumptions
The OP's original post was pretty clear about the situation.

I see a lot of assumptions. BIL has gone from uncle to computer snooper to possible child molestor.

 

[Disney Doll]

So the BIL has gone from merely an annoying relative to a privacy-invading child confronting and cornering potential pedophile know-it-all who will ruin the upcoming vacation in the space of 4 pages.

Gotta love DISers!

How about this?

"Susie, when an adult talks to you, you have to answer because it's rude not to".

"BIL, do me a favir and leave the discipling of my kids to us. If you see them about to get hurt, by all means, step in, but optherwise hubby & I can handle the day-to-day stuf. Thanks".

Problem solved.

 

[nmmom95]

Every adult in my family has a certain degree of authority over my son. Even my adult friends do as well. And yes - even in my own home.

Maybe it's just in my family, but too many adults are idiots. I teach my children to respect authority, and who that is varies with the circumstances, such as the teacher has more authority at school, DH & I at home, etc. A relative by marriage that we don't see often falls off the radar unless the kid is about to touch a hot stove.

 

[hentob]

. Apparently at one point later in the evening he went upstairs (without asking) and saw dd6 playing on the computer. He told her he thought she should be in bed and I guess she completely ignored him and kept playing. Later when he came back downstairs he told us what happened and was VERY upset that she didn't listen to him because he's an adult too.

Sorry. He sounds creepy.

What right did he have to be upset? Who the heck does he think he is to waltz upstairs and tell your daughter what she should and should not be doing?

Ugh.

Teach your daughter to report, not ignore, strange behavior.

My children are taught to respect elders....to a point. They only have to "obey" certain elders. Scary things happen when children are taught to "obey" all adults.

 

[hentob]

See - now how did an adult telling a child it was past their bedtime-to go to bed become inappropriate?

It is not his responsibility to tell a child that is NOT his own when they must go to bed

Very inappropriate.

 

[hentob]

Every adult in my family has a certain degree of authority over my son. Even my adult friends do as well.

Why?

 

[glitterkittyy]

It is not his responsibility to tell a child that is NOT his own when they must go to bed

Very inappropriate.

According to the OP, the uncle didn't tell the child to go to bed. He said he "thought she should be in bed." That's a big difference. One is an order, and the other is an observation.