How much financial responsibility should a 20 year old have?

[tvguy]

I don't think anyone other than the child's parent can answer the question of what is right.
Our intent for our kids was that they not work, would would pay for everything.
Having said that, I will say the biggest mistake my son made during college was getting a job.
It meant he took 12 units instead of 16 per semester.
The earnings, through a Federal Work study program, totaled $5,000 for the year, and disqualified him from getting a $10,000 a year grant.
His earnings, tacked on mine and my wifes, boosted the interest rate on his student loan by a full percentage point.
It would have been cheaper for my wife and I to just hand him $5,000 a year in cash.

 

[disykat]

We start next year. Our sons know we'll cover tuition, room and board, cell phone and transportation to and from our house only. (no car or insurance unless it becomes a school necessity later in college due to an internship etc.) They'll be helping with books and on their own for entertainment.

Our senior is on track, with lots of savings ready to go from working and another job lined up for next summer. He will probably pay more of his own school than we will require because he feels good about paying his own way.

Our sophmore has a few years, but we anticipate some struggles. Despite growing up in a family of frugals, he has always been a spender and doesn't enjoy the challenge of saving the way we do. He doesn't purposely waste or spend more than he has, he just doesn't seem to get saving.

My siblings and I were the same way. My brother didn't spend any extra money on himself at all when my parents were paying his tuition and room/board, my sister used to run out of spending money because she'd been shopping and call home for more, I had "going to a private school" guilt and worked whenever I could to contribute more than I was expected to for my tuition.

I think parents can be pretty intentional about teaching finances, yet still have their kids come out with different skill level in that area.

 

[hopemax]

My personal experience. My parents paid for tuition, books, room & board on campus the first 2 years. When I moved off campus they paid for the equivalent of what living on campus would have been. I was also on their car insurance, but I was not allowed to have my car at school.

I was responsible for everything else. I remember being annoyed because they would not let me have a checking account Freshman year, but I was responsible for paying my own phone bill. Which meant I had to go get a money order to pay for it. Meanwhile, parents of my clustermates (we had 4 rooms around a central bathroom, living room) would pay for theirs. One person even had their parents set up a toll free number. But I was responsible for money for fun, food not purchased on campus with my food card, clothes, etc.

I did have a campus job starting winter quarter of my sophomore year. It was a year long job, so I worked during part of winter break, sometimes spring break, and most of the summer. I will say, that if I had to do it again, I would have preferred not to have to work during the school year. I was an engineering major, and it was very stressful balancing school work and the job. I ended up in the emergency room once, and I could not recover from illness quickly because I had no time to rest. But I can't imagine not working during the summer months.

 

[disfan07]

I am 21 and a junior in college. My college is being paid partially by a college fund and partially by loans. I do not work during the school year. I cant because I cannot commit to a regular schedule for medical reasons. I do work during the summer though babysitting adn at preschool camp.

My parents currently pay for:
car insurance
cell phone and bill
health insurance
ALL medical expenses (which is good when you consider we topped out at $20,000 for me last year)
some food ( if they have "extra" at teh end of the month, they will put it in my account...menaing if they have extra from their grocery budget at the end of the month)
toilitries (shampoo, toothpaste, etc)
SOME clothes (depending on if it is something i need or something I want)

I pay for:
eating out
gas
most of my groceries
gym membership
credit card bill (but I usually only use it for gas)

I do have $3,000 in a savings account that is specifically for what I pay for. It's from my job 2 years ago. All of what I earn this summer will go into that account as well. by the time I go back home this summer, I should have about $1300 left in that acct. By the time I go back to school in sept, I hope to have at least $3000 back in that account.

If I could work during the school year, I would because I spend just as much time currently commuting back adn forth to the hospital for appts and AT appts so the time wouldnt be an issue, but my parents have told me many times that they dont wnat me working....so i'm not right now, but hopefully I will next year.

 

[robinb]

She didn't go to summer school this past summer. She has never had a summer job or any job for that matter to speak of.

I'm sorry, I misread your post. The loan was for Summer 2010 and not 2011.

I still think you are trying to control her money too much. Pay for what you are comfortable with and let her make or break it on her own for the rest. If she borrowed $1400 for summer school and blew in on pizza and beer ... that was her decision. She's the one who will have to pay in back. There is no better time to learn these life lessons then when you still have a bit of a safety net.

FWIW, my mother paid for my books and she gave me $125 (in 1980's dollars ) per month. That was IT. I paid my the rest of way (including housing) and worked and took student loans.

 

[Uuaww]

I think one major problem she is going to have is getting a job when she graduates. I mean, when the employer looks at a 22 year olds resume, he's gonna see babysitting and a college degree? Its one thing to not have much, that's expected. But to have nothing? in this market? thats foolish. She should get a job working in a daycare or after school program or something.

I'm not saying you are paying too much or too little, every case with everyone is different. But she shouldn't have a free ride during summers. She should either have a job or do something.

 

[Frye7127]

OP: Or is she thinking the dd will get married and the husband can "take care" of her?

As my husband says, Bingo!!!! Her mom has already told her that she will live in their basement and take care of her house for her and take care of her kids for her...All aboard the GRAVY TRAIN!!!! Poor boy!

 

[Frye7127]

I'm sorry, I misread your post. The loan was for Summer 2010 and not 2011.

I still think you are trying to control her money too much. Pay for what you are comfortable with and let her make or break it on her own for the rest. If she borrowed $1400 for summer school and blew in on pizza and beer ... that was her decision. She's the one who will have to pay in back. There is no better time to learn these life lessons then when you still have a bit of a safety net.

FWIW, my mother paid for my books and she gave me $125 (in 1980's dollars ) per month. That was IT. I paid my the rest of way (including housing) and worked and took student loans.

The difference is you are willing to work...she is not and cannot explain why after made the statement that she has watched DH and I work nearly her entire life, what makes her think that she doesn't have to? SHRUG!

 

[Mermaid02]

Our daughter is a JR in college and turned 21 last month. She has paid her own cell phone bill since she was 16 and started working. We pay her car insurance, medical expenses (premiums, copays, etc) and we bail her out occasionally when she is "short" that month on her other bills.
She has a room mate who has NEVER had a job. I think her parents are doing her a terrible disservice.

 

[robinb]

The difference is you are willing to work...she is not and cannot explain why after made the statement that she has watched DH and I work nearly her entire life, what makes her think that she doesn't have to? SHRUG!

She works a "work study" job, right? That's working.

There's obviously something that I'm missing, so I'll bow out of this conversation and wish and your your step-daughter well .

 

[hereyago]

As my husband says, Bingo!!!! Her mom has already told her that she will live in their basement and take care of her house for her and take care of her kids for her...All aboard the GRAVY TRAIN!!!! Poor boy!

Oh MY!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, you and DH need to lower the amount you have been "helping" her with.

And you know, the guy she marries, if he is that stupid to put up with that and continue the enabling, then he deserves it.

 

[Mermaid02]

She works a "work study" job, right? That's working.

There's obviously something that I'm missing, so I'll bow out of this conversation and wish and your your step-daughter well .

Yes, but it's usually very limited hours and not during vacations (especially the lucrative summer vacation).

 

[FINFAN]

As my husband says, Bingo!!!! Her mom has already told her that she will live in their basement and take care of her house for her and take care of her kids for her...All aboard the GRAVY TRAIN!!!! Poor boy!

ohh, she's majoring in Husband Hunting..I see....hmmmm, again, keep track of all educational expenses and a calendar of her expected graduation date. As of that date, all bets are off.

 

[bluesaturn]

As my husband says, Bingo!!!! Her mom has already told her that she will live in their basement and take care of her house for her and take care of her kids for her...All aboard the GRAVY TRAIN!!!! Poor boy!

And the boy is interested in med school? Does he have wealthy parents willing to pay his way? If not, does your step daughter realize that it will be lean times while he is in school?

One thing that would concern me is that she won't have work experience when she graduates. As a PP mentioned, that is not going to look good on the resume no matter how good her grades are. Is the work study job something that would be useful work experience for her future career? Having a job in college is about more than just having spending money, it's about building your resume for the future.

 

[Freyja]

Considering that most people I know (myself included) have been totally responsible for their own financial situations at 20, and have had to pay their own way through collage (with student loans which they need to pay back themselves) I´d say you are waaaay too nice!

 

[malibuconlee]

Last night was a breaking point...she was crying saying she paid for everything and I thought my husband was going to lose it. She has no concept of really how easy she has it. We really are working with two mentalities on money - her mother's and ours - which allows her to have a choice and she is taking the "easy way" which is spend what you like, don't worry about tomorrow, and just do enough to get by...

She is coming by today to get her christmas stuff to take back to school...I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of tears.

Well then. What a great time to sit down and put into writing EXACTLY how much you are spending on her since she thinks she's paying for everything. Let her know that if she's going to be ungrateful she really can pay for EVERYTHING.

OK now that sounds harsh, and it is. Realistically this is just a "wake-up call". After telling her this I would offer to sit down and come up with a budget. I'm sure the girl just has no idea of how to do it. I know grown married mothers who have NO idea how to write up a budget.

If she refuses, well I would probably cut her off.

I was responsible for things at a very early age. I have a friend whose parents did everything for her. Honestly financially, emotionally, etc she's a WRECK. She tells me all the time how I'm better off because of being responsible at an early age.

 

[robinb]

ohh, she's majoring in Husband Hunting..I see....hmmmm, again, keep track of all educational expenses and a calendar of her expected graduation date. As of that date, all bets are off.

Just had to pop back in to say: "We call that the M-R-S Degree".

 

[tzolkin]

Considering that most people I know (myself included) have been totally responsible for their own financial situations at 20, and have had to pay their own way through collage (with student loans which they need to pay back themselves) I´d say you are waaaay too nice!

I was thinking the same thing.

DH and I both worked at least 30 hrs per week during the school year and neither of our parents gave us $1 toward our educations.


If parents are willing and able to help their children out with school, that's great. But it's definitely not something that should be taken for granted.

 

[JessicaR]

Could you point me in the direction to get this book? I looked and couldnt find it under that title. Thanks!

Originally Posted by Magpie
A book you might want to consider giving your stepdaughter is "Good to Go" - it's a young adult's guide to living on your own, and it has lots of excellent advice around finances.

Anyone know of this book? Pages are going by and I just dont want to forget cause it sounds like a book I would like to read. Thanks.

 

[shortbun]

I had this long answer all typed. I think your husband and her mother should have a meeting of the minds. He-not you-should present her mother with all of his daughter's expenses and let her know that he is not willing to underwrite all of her activity. It's up to her parents to decide how her finances are handled.