How many waited for Kindergarten (inspired by EthansMom)

[kimwim8]

I wish I had a choice in the matter. My son has special needs. He will be five in January. I asked if we could put him in K-4 next year instead of kindergarten since he is obviously behind. I was told "no and if you do you will lose services through the school system". It makes no sense whatsoever. There are kids without special needs who are held back a year because it will help them, however, if I try to do that with my child who obviously needs to wait another year, I am penalized. It is so frustrating!!

Anyway, sorry to vent on your post. Reading some of the replies just makes me that much more frustrated with the situation.

Sandra

No need to apologize!!! I'm so sorry for your frustration!

 

[kimwim8]

Here's the worst part about this.....

Back in 2001, I was due with DS on 10/1. My doctor wanted to induce labor on that day...but I actually ASKED if I could be induced before then, so that I COULD have the choice of sending him to Kindergarten or not!!!

So I did this to myself!!!!

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences! I really do appreciate it!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Sandra, how sad that you are not allowed to do what you know is in the best interests of your son. That just doesn't seem right!

 

[mickeyboat]

Hannah (6) missed the cut-off by 1 day, Emily (5) made it by 4 days. I really struggled with this one because by starting them both on time, it would put them in the same grade.

I talked to Emily's pre-school teacher who said she felt she was more than ready for K, and that she didn't forsee any problems for her.

It has worked well so far.

Good luck with your decision.

Denae

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Hannah (6) missed the cut-off by 1 day, Emily (5) made it by 4 days. I really struggled with this one because by starting them both on time, it would put them in the same grade.

I

That would have been a tough decision. I think in your case I would have held the younger sister so they wouldn't have been in the same grade, but at the same time that wouldn't be fair to her if she really were ready. Glad it was your decision instead of mine!

 

[Snoopymom]

We sent our young 5 yr old ds to K this year, and now we're not so sure it was the right decision. He went to preschool for two years and he's ahead academically but he's having a lot of trouble adjusting socially.

I hesitated whether to answer since he's adopted, came home to us at two, and since starting school, has been diagnosed with mild RAD (reactive attachment disorder). We are in close contact with his teacher and we have a lot of trust in her judgement, so we're going day by day right now. He had two good weeks in a row, but yesterday he had a little bit of a relapse.

Just wanted to give you the flip side of it...worrying about what to do once he's enrolled and you're faced with whether you should take him out or not.

I think we might have held him back if we had known what a different world Kindergarten is compared to preschool....I'm from the optional half day K generation and eight hours is a long day for me at work sometimes, so I can't imagine how difficult it is for these little guys to adjust.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[darrose]

I know someone who was held back that dropped out of school before they graduated. So it doesnt always work out, but the majority of people that I know that held their kids back seem happy about their decsion to do it.

 

[DVCLiz]

I do think this is a difficult decision, and that the decision you make for a son is different than you might make for a daughter.

My oldest daughter's birthday is October 4th. She has always been an extremely mature child - as one of her teachers said, "She was born 40 years old." Always a self-starter, motivated to do well in school, and socially more mature than many of her friends, who were all November birthdays, so 11 months older than she was. I sent her on, and it was absolutely the right decision. She has done beautifully - aside from having to wait to get her driver's license, she hasn't had any problems.

Younger DD has a December birthday, but probably would have benefited from an extra year. She's a good, but not great, student, much less interested in working hard and studying. Both of mine, however, are super duper readers (with a mom who was a children's librarian, it's hard not to be!)Still, younger DD would have had an easier time socially and academically if she'd had an extra year, although she seems to be "catching up" finally in middle school.

Bottom line - I went with my gut feeling and it worked out, but it's a hard decision!!!!!

 

[castleview]

Here's the worst part about this.....

Back in 2001, I was due with DS on 10/1. My doctor wanted to induce labor on that day...but I actually ASKED if I could be induced before then, so that I COULD have the choice of sending him to Kindergarten or not!!!

So I did this to myself!!!!

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences! I really do appreciate it!

I know that feeling. My daughters birthdays are Sept. 3rd and October 19th. When I had my son last February, I was relieved that I didn't have to think about this choice! We decided to hold our girls out of preschool for a year so we made the choice earlier.

Here are my thoughts from all my research and why I kept them out:

A few kindergarten teachers told me that they've never seen it hurt to hold a kid back, whereas it can hurt to put him in earlier.

I have a December born husband who was put in transitional class between Kindergarten and 1st grade. He said it was the best thing that ever happened to him...and it was (three degrees later).

My sister is October born and went early at my mom's insistence. Although she was second in her HS class and went onto Cornell, it was a social nightmare for her. She just wasn't as physically or mentally mature as the other kids. My parents were very lucky she did well academically, but sis and my Dad wish she was kept back.

I went to a state university in the Midwest after transferring from the Northeast. The cutoff date there was September 1st as opposed to December 31st. I saw a huge difference in the student behavior. I could be wrong, but I think it had a lot to do with not having 17 year olds in college.

Coming from a family of teachers, there was a lot of support for keeping the girls back. They didn't buy the "they'll be bored" bit because any kid could be enriched after school (matter of fact, a lot of them see the "bored" bit as an excuse...but that's another thread...don't mean to offend anyone either).

One of the best answers I heard from both teachers and parents was "What's the rush?"

So...my DD1 is now in Kindergarten having turned six after the first week of school. She's very comfortable and doing very well. Although, I think she would have been fine if we put her in last year, I worried about her hitting a snag in 5th or 6th grade.

As much as I loved and trusted her preschool teachers, I didn't think they'd suggest holding back unless the kid was a classic example. So it will be totally up to you.

I obviously am biased because I kept my kids out. Sorry for preaching for so long. It's just all that research and agonizing coming back to haunt me. I just wish I had posted the question on the Disboards like you did! Good luck with your decision.

 

[Pam]

Our DD has a mid-September birthday - we waited the extra year before sending her - she started kindergarten at age 5 and then turned 6 a couple of weeks later. She's now 20 and in her 2nd year of college.

Our DS has a late April birthday. We also waited the extra year to send him to kindergarten - he was 6 years and 4 months old when he started. He's now 17 and in 11th grade.

Both of our children do extremely well academically and have a lot of school and community/recreational activities. Both are social creatures. Neither have ever expressed regret that my DH and I chose to wait an extra year to send them to school. And -- truth be told, we had a lot of fun having them at home with us the extra year!

 

[goodeats]

Have the cut-offs become earlier? When I was in elementary school I think the cutoff was December 2nd.

My birthday is in October, and I started Kindergarten when I was 4 and was always one of the youngest in my classes. Academically I was great, but I remember having social problems in elementary. Granted, some of that may have been my weird Mama rubbing off on me, but I think I was a little immature socially. I caught up in Junior High, though. Sometimes I wonder if I should have been held back. I have some friends who are a year older who were held back, and I get kind of jealous. But it's a hard call since nobody can predict the future.

I've heard boys are more likely to 'need' to be held back.

 

[4greatboys]

You just cant go wrong holding them back a year. That extra year helps out so much maturity wise. Even if it doenst seem like in K or 1 a year or so later it does make a difference.
Our cut off here in Texas is Sept 1--my oldest was born Sept 2 at 1:23 am. Yes he missed the cut off by 1 hour 23 minutes and it was the best thing that could have happened. That extra year has helped him deal with school issues much better.
Ds #2 has a May birthday and after speaking with his preschool teacher she said he was more than ready for k that fall--at the age of 5. We did it and it turned out to be a mistake. He was great in K but by first grade he was having some maturity issues in class. We never held him back but most of his school time has been a struggle for him. I very much regret not holding him back for K til he was 6.
Now ds #3 is 5 and we put him in preschool this year, he will go to K next year when he is 6.
Ds #4 who is 3 will go to preschool a couple of years then K also at the age of 6.

 

[720L]

I put my DD in Kindergarten early. She was about 10 days from the cut off date for Kindergarten. I wish we would have done young fives!!! She went in to Pre-1st after Kindergarten, but young fives would have been easier (pre-1st is all day every day and i felt so bad sending that little girl for such a long day!). I am glad she did Pre 1st though, she is doing awesome this year in 1st grade. The reason we did pre-1st was it was recommended by the K teacher--her fine motor skills needed work.

 

[mickeyboat]

That would have been a tough decision. I think in your case I would have held the younger sister so they wouldn't have been in the same grade, but at the same time that wouldn't be fair to her if she really were ready. Glad it was your decision instead of mine!

You have no idea! When I got PG with Emily and realized when she would be due, I called the school and asked them about possibly starting Hannah early. They did not think that was a good solution. I talked to the principals of all three elementary schools in town, and to the pre-school teachers. Basically, I consulted anyone who would listen.

Hannah was a premie, so she is small for her age, and probably not as advanced as other children who were a little older than her. It takes her longer to learn. Emily is about average in size and catches on to things very quickly. So academically and physically, the girls are just about on par with one another.

I decided I wanted the girls at least separated into different classrooms. I figured pre-school would be a good trial run. If it didn't seem to be working, I could always still hold Emily back from K.

I don't think it would have been fair to hold Emily back when she was clearly ready just because she was born within the same school year as Hannah.

The girls really enjoy sharing all of their K experiences with one another, even though they are still in separate classrooms. Hannah told me a couple of weeks ago that she didn't want to be in her teacher's class anymore. I immediately thought she was having trouble with her teacher or some of her classmates. Turns out she was missing her sister.

So for now, it was the right decision. I'll get back to you in about 10 years when they are in high school.

Denae

 

[kimwim8]

Hannah told me a couple of weeks ago that she didn't want to be in her teacher's class anymore. I immediately thought she was having trouble with her teacher or some of her classmates. Turns out she was missing her sister.

That is so sweet!

 

[Rachie0507]

My DD5 started Kindergarten this year. Her birthday is 8/26 and the cut off here is 9/1. I had no doubt that she was ready though. I already worry about DS who is 3 and also has a summer birthday. Boys just aren't as mature. There is a boy in my DD's class who was already 6 when school started so he is more than a year older than her. His mom said she just knew he wasn't ready and she is very happy she waited.

All kids are different, but it is so hard being the mom and trying to decide what is 'right'!

 

[swilphil]

Both of my boys have summer birthdays (our cutoff is Aug. 1), so I have been talking to many people about this for years. I have yet to talk to one parent who has regretted waiting to send their child to K, though several people have said they wished they had waited. Teachers of ALL grades tell me how the more mature kids have an advantage.

When the time comes, you should talk to the teachers at the elementary school. They might be aware of circumstances that will affect your decision. In our area, the trend is definitely to wait, so there are Kindergarteners starting at age 6. If I sent my son to K shortly after he turned 5, he would have several classmates who are a full year older than he is.
As it is, our 5 year old is in Pre-K five days a week, and it has been a great experience for him. Now we just need to figure out what to do with his younger brother in a couple of years.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Mickeyboat, sounds like your girls are handling it well. My kids are so competitive that I bet I would have had problems--constantly comparing themselves, etc. As it is, being three years apart, my middle 2 children have had issues. It's ok now that they are 12 and 15yo because their interests are so different, but when they were more interested in the same things it wasn't fun (little brother is more athletic, which caused problems with the older one, little brother gets better grades with less obvious effort, etc).

How cute that one of your daughters missed the other one!

 

[Patricia]

I wish you could have been with me today during my parent teacher conferences. I have 54 students, and there were 3 who were expressing regret that they decided to send their son and not hold him back. These are now 8th graders about to graduate on to high school and being on the immature side compared to their peers is quite painful. I know it is hard to look that far ahead when you are making the decision with a smart and ready 4 year old. Just remember it's not the K year where the issues are, it's later. I have never met a parent who is sorry they held their child, but I have met many who regret sending them. Good luck with your decision.

 

[EthansMom]

Here, the cutoff is Dec. 31st although most parents with December children opt to hold their children back and start Kindergarten the next year.

My SIL and BIL started DearNephew (a mid-Dec. birthday) as soon as possible and he has been the youngest in his class ever since. He was not prepared socially; he hadn't had much "free play" social interaction (through preschool or playgroup) and didn't know how to deal with problems on his own and he was very emotional. Finally, DearNephew seems to be doing better now that he's in Second Grade. (He had a miserable time in First Grade.)

DS has a friend in his preschool who also has a December birthday. He has a small build and is very shy. Friend's mom has to wait with him at preschool until DS arrives in the morning -- he doesn't want to be left at school without having my DS to play with. Although there is only 4 months difference in age between DS and his Friend, a stranger watching them would think there was a year or more difference. Friends mom and dad plan to hold him back for Kindergarten and I think that is an excellent choice for him.

Each child is different and I would make the choice based on what you think is best for your child.