How Many Friends Do You Have?

[Mrs. Darcy]

I have two absolute best friends that I've known since childhood. The sad thing is that one has moved to NYC and I'm afraid our friendship will begin to fade since she's making new friends. But so far she's still there for me, since I called her very late at night when I couldn't sleep the first night my husband left for his job and we were on the phone for 2 hours! My other very close friend is nearby and we talk at least 3 times a day. I have casual friends that I've met during my volunteering as a cheer coach. Sometimes we go out as a group, but I don't feel close enough to any of them to made a 3 am cheer-me-up call, like I can do with the other 2.

My husband has lots more true friends than I do. He met them years ago when he took up golf, and he socializes with them on a regular basis, they come to our home when the big sports games are on and they know all about each other's families joys and sorrows.

My advice to the OP about her husband is that IF he really wants some guy friends, join a weekend or evening softball team or something else that he's interested. Lifelong friendships grow from that. And invite them to your home for barbeques or birthday parties. One good friend is all you need to feel like you have that something extra in your life. It's never too late.

 

[nathalee81]

I am the OP so I have read all of the responses here. Thank you all.

I think those of you who socialize primarily with your family are playing it smart. That is a good way to avoid what I have heard and seen referred to as "frien-emies." These are the relationships between people who are friendly on the surface but who cut each other up at the first opportunity with the explanation that it is just business when they do it while it is betrayal when done to them. No matter how much rivalry there is between siblings and other relatives, in the end it is much harder to say "I don't care if I never see you again" when you know that you are related to that person.

I have met a family that would make you rethink your thoughts. I was shocked when I saw how this family operated and the disrespect they showed to people they had claimed to "love". And they have absolutely no problem "cutting people out". Coming from a family that yelled, screamed and then hugged and got over it (and people you could count on when the chips were down), this family was just so foreign to me.
In answer to the question, my husband is my best friend. Then I have two close girlfriends. I am very close to my mom, too. And I have extended family that I am close with-but we live in different states so I don't see them alot .
I don't have alot of other friends or acquaintances.
I, too, am an only child and have always been pretty comfortable being alone.
Also, to the PP whose mother had leukemia-I am so sorry you were treated like that. I hope your Mom is doing well and I hope you find some better friends in the future.

 

[Katy Belle]

DH and i have lived away from our families since we got married, when i was 20, 22 years ago. We have lived in 6 places and i have good friends in all of those places. In many cases we became family. If i had to count... I have one BEST friend, we email daily and see each other rarely. Great friends...about 10. And many more friends, all over the world!

We just moved here 5 months ago. I have not gotten invoved yet and have made only one friend. But i am missing friendship and will start my quest for friends soon. I know how to do it, been there, done that.

As far as friend bringing too much drama or being too much effort....NO WAY. I feel blessed and lucky to have loved all of my friends!

 

[PatsGirl]

I can count my "real" friends on one hand, the ones who will bail you out of anything at anytime and my sister who, although we don't hang out all the time together or have similar interests, is my closest "friend". I have a dozen other friends who I socialize with and can count on to a lesser degree and then the neighborhood drinking clan who have designated bar stools in the local pubs where I visit. Wouldn't trust them for much other than sharing a beer and a football game or two.

 

[U2_rocks!]

As a teen I had 2 groups of close friends - in one group I had a very close friend and a bunch of social friends (aquaintances) and in the other I had 2 very close friends and a few close but not intimate friends. We all grew up and went our separate ways, and of those 3 very close friends only 1 still lives here (the other 2 live overseas). So the one who lives here is what I would consider my BFF. Over the years I have collected various friends and neighbours, but none of them are what I would consider "very close". I see them in different settings and we chat and have drinks together, but I feel weird about just calling them up on the spur of the moment and having them just come over for no set occasion. I feel like we are just social friends and I'm not sure how to take it to the next level with them. I probably have at least 30 social friends that I get along great with when we see each other and who welcome me into whatever group they are in when we see each other. Of those 30, though, I am not sure who to try to get closer to, or if to just let things be. Friendships change. Right now I have friends who are members of the same club, friends whose kids go to school with mine, friends who live nearby. If any of those ties were to change, I'm not sure if the friendship would survive.

DH has friends through his hobby, fishing, but they aren't super close friends. Well, one is almost like family, but he's 15 years older than DH so they aren't really social outside of fishing. But if we really needed help he'd be there for us. i.e. he's a close friend but not in a social way. DH's close teen friends all moved away too, and his one very best friend who was best man at our wedding died in a small plane crash (along with his wife and DDs) several years ago.

DH and I don't have any close "couple friends" that we do things with. The only people we feel we can call up at a moment's notice to see what they are up to are family i.e. my brother and SIL, and my brother's wife's brother and his family. DH's siblings are either away or are much, much younger and don't really socialize with us a lot. I am also very close to my parents in all respects, including proximity - I can be found sipping tea on their lawn at least 2 afternoons a week! Lovely people, and I am lucky to have them as parents!

 

[RockAndRollBallerina]

I have 1 very close friend who is not related to me at all. That's it. Never felt the need to have a huge circle of friends.

 

[disneychrista]

One.

 

[nikkistevej]

I have my best friend, the one that has been through everything since we were 15 and met her. I am still BFF's with her- 23 years later- never an argument, never talk bad about her, I feel like we will always be there for each other, we must be just alike and different enough to get along perfectly. Now I also have my sister- we weren't that close until we were older- she is 6 years older than me- but now we are super close. Of course there is DH- who is also my best friend. I am friends with DH's cousin(way before Dh and I got married), but she is very judgemental and I know she talks about me- because she does everyone else. LOL Then I have friends from my DD's dance, and scrapbook friends, that I hang with sometimes. I feel blessed to have that many people in my life.

 

[nrpofp]

Have 3 very best friends. One of them is friendly enough to have sex with, the other 2 are 10 and 7 years old and are results of the sex with the other....

I have the same kind of best friends you have. I have many casual friends from work ,church and neighbors, but I prefer to spend most of my time with my three best friends.

 

[njmom47]

I don't currently have a best friend other than DH.
I have 4 co-workers who are my closest friends. We do socialize outside of work, share rides if necessary, feed the pets while the other is away, but one of them knows things about me that the others don't (and vice versa) because we live similar lives and she understands.
I know if I needed any one of them, they would be there, and vice versa.
I am fairly close with my cousins as well.
I have friends that I haven't seen in years (including some of us that reunited due to FB), and we have been getting together every other month or so for the past year. We have changed, but there is one in the group who I feel fairly close to, as she and I also have gone through similiar situations in life.
I do have one very long-time friend but she lives far enough away so we don't visit often, but when we do, we just pick up where we left off.
DH and I also have our baseball family...some of whom we are closer with than others. DH is also very close with one of his sisters and one brother.

There's not that much drama, and I like it that way. (I have enough drama with my dds and ds!)

 

[PatriciaH]

DH is my best friend. I love doing things with him above anyone else. I have 142 friends on Facebook. About 30 are friends we do things with as often as we can. Good friends. Friends that have really been there for us-like when DH lost his sister in a car accident 2 years ago. Some are in other states now but we visit or they visit. Others are HS or college friends that I do not see a lot and am not close to at all. I love my sister and just moved closer to her so that is great. We have 2 couples we are very good friends with. 1 moved to CA recently and we are visiting them in 2 weeks. We try to Skype a lot because we miss them. We have a few couples here we hang out with. Several are friends of one of our very close friends. DH and I test as introverted but that shocks everyone

 

[ilovejack02]

Hubby and 5 really close friends : ) . I tell all to hubby and lots to my 5 gal pals , one gets more than the rest . I have tons of friends, and several DIS friends that I adore and wish I had more time to get to know better. Thank goodness I get to see my Dis gal pals a few times a year at lunch .. Lovely ladies , that I wish I could be closer too, but we all have our own lives outside of Dis .
One or two good gal pals from years ago , I have caught up with on FB, we all wish we had more time, but we live states apart .

I am an only child and lived away from the rest of the family for many years. I made my friends my family.

 

[SanFranciscan]

I have met a family that would make you rethink your thoughts. I was shocked when I saw how this family operated and the disrespect they showed to people they had claimed to "love". And they have absolutely no problem "cutting people out". Coming from a family that yelled, screamed and then hugged and got over it (and people you could count on when the chips were down), this family was just so foreign to me.
In answer to the question, my husband is my best friend. Then I have two close girlfriends. I am very close to my mom, too. And I have extended family that I am close with-but we live in different states so I don't see them alot .
I don't have alot of other friends or acquaintances.
I, too, am an only child and have always been pretty comfortable being alone.
Also, to the PP whose mother had leukemia-I am so sorry you were treated like that. I hope your Mom is doing well and I hope you find some better friends in the future.

I have no recent experience with what it is actually like to have family relationships so perhaps I have romanticized them. My husband is my only family. We have been married 25 years and have no children. My parents and my sister are deceased. Most of my mother's family and all of my father's family died in WWII.

My husband has blood relatives here in California, but he doesn't have much contact with them. He is angry that it is always up to him to call them or visit them and not the other way around. He says that he does not think that anybody in his family would care if he were to die. He said so on Saturday, the same day that he told me that he wished that he was more popular because he feels as though he doesn't have any friends in real life, just people from Facebook. He told me that he got to know those people by posting 20-30 times per day while online. My God! I can't imagine making that many posts to any web site, and I considered myself quite active on Disboards.

 

[nathalee81]

I have no recent experience with what it is actually like to have family relationships so perhaps I have romanticized them. My husband is my only family. We have been married 25 years and have no children. My parents and my sister are deceased. Most of my mother's family and all of my father's family died in WWII.

My husband has blood relatives here in California, but he doesn't have much contact with them. He is angry that it is always up to him to call them or visit them and not the other way around. He says that he does not think that anybody in his family would care if he were to die. He said so on Saturday, the same day that he told me that he wished that he was more popular because he feels as though he doesn't have any friends in real life, just people from Facebook. He told me that he got to know those people by posting 20-30 times per day while online. My God! I can't imagine making that many posts to any web site, and I considered myself quite active on Disboards.

I'm sorry for the loss of your family. I'm also sorry your husband is so upset by this.
Not all families are like the one I described, I just wanted to point out that having family doesn't always ensure love and closeness (unfortunate, but true).

 

[KimR]

I have a question for those of you with non-family friends. Are these people you've known since childhood, or friends you have made recently? The reason I ask is that it seems that it is so much more difficult to make friends as an adult. Also, it seems the older you get the more difficult it gets. I can remember my parents being very social when I was child; however, as they grew older they became very reclusive. Or at least my Mother did, hence my Dad did as well. Same with my grandparents and my in-laws. It's a depressing thought, actually.

 

[KristaTX]

I have a question for those of you with non-family friends. Are these people you've known since childhood, or friends you have made recently? The reason I ask is that it seems that it is so much more difficult to make friends as an adult.

They are people I have met as an adult. Most of them I know either from a church or a Disney connection.

 

[indimom]

I have a question for those of you with non-family friends. Are these people you've known since childhood, or friends you have made recently? The reason I ask is that it seems that it is so much more difficult to make friends as an adult.

My best goes all the way back to before K. We were neighbors and went to the same church. She's a year younger than me so we weren't in the same classes at school, but we rode the bus together and hung out after school. My mother considers her her fifth daughter.

I don't think that's very common though.
My sisters' bests are all from college or later.

 

[amyren]

I have a question for those of you with non-family friends. Are these people you've known since childhood, or friends you have made recently? The reason I ask is that it seems that it is so much more difficult to make friends as an adult.

I've known my both of my non family besties for over 15 years. It's like we've grown up together.

I agree that making friends as an adult is harder. I think the easiest way to make a friend as an adult is through another person. For example I have gotten to know DSIL's best friend over the last year. I really like hanging out with her but normally it's when DSIL is around too. DSIL our "glue person"

 

[Squirlz]

My life changed dramatically when I met my wife 2 1/2 years ago. I went from having just a couple friends to now having literally hundreds of friends all over the country. It makes life very interesting!

 

[PatriciaH]

I have a question for those of you with non-family friends. Are these people you've known since childhood, or friends you have made recently? The reason I ask is that it seems that it is so much more difficult to make friends as an adult. Also, it seems the older you get the more difficult it gets. I can remember my parents being very social when I was child; however, as they grew older they became very reclusive. Or at least my Mother did, hence my Dad did as well. Same with my grandparents and my in-laws. It's a depressing thought, actually.

One good friend I have know since college-22 years now. She lives in another state but I see her a few times a year. She has a 4 year old. One of the few friends we have with a child. One friend I have known since HS but I never see her in person-only on FB or talk through email. One good friend DH and I have known for about 13 years. We worked with him and now DH works with him at another company. Our other close friends we met at work in FL and have known 5-6 years now. None of the people we hang out with regularly have or want children. One couple here (we have known them about 12-13 years too-used to work with him) have 2 and we can rarely get together because of it.