How have you handled the drama....

[JonetteA]

It seems to me that some family members just don't get why a Disney Wedding is so special! My dad told me tonight that he thinks that it cheapens my marriage b/c I don't want to get married in a church. Needless to say, I said that isn't God all around, no matter if you are inside a church or out. At that point he got upset. I can see the drama just beginning. I am not budging, but I am interested in hearing how other couples have delt with this issue.

 

[dreams91]

It seems to me that some family members just don't get why a Disney Wedding is so special! My dad told me tonight that he thinks that it cheapens my marriage b/c I don't want to get married in a church. Needless to say, I said that isn't God all around, no matter if you are inside a church or out. At that point he got upset. I can see the drama just beginning. I am not budging, but I am interested in hearing how other couples have delt with this issue.

Once you get there and they see the wedding, then they have that 'ah hah' moment. They realize that it is a dream come true. I got tired of hearing, "so is Goofy the best man?" I just told them that Disney takes weddings very seriously and that many many people marry there every year. Usually shut them up.

Good luck!!

 

[ead79]

I can totally relate! My mother-in-law was less than thrilled with the idea herself at first (she thought a Disney wedding would be cheesy and tacky). I actually have a great aunt and uncle that refuse to even look at the pictures of the wedding because I didn’t get married in a church.

Basically I just let it roll off my back. I knew my wedding was not going to be cheesy or tacky at all, so I just let the comments slide. As the wedding plans started coming together, everyone seemed to get more “on board” with the idea. It’s really difficult to not be hurt by the comments, but you’ve just got to try to keep a thick skin about it. As far as comments from close family members go, I would have a conversation with them. I would sit down with your dad and tell him how very much a Disney wedding means to you. Tell him that you understand his concerns, but that you feel that God is going to be present at your wedding, even if it’s not in a church. Don’t let the conversation turn argumentative, just let him know that you’re hurt because his support means a lot to you. I think he’ll come around—just give him some time.

As an aside, my personal beliefs are that Jesus lives in the hearts of those who accept Him as Savior, so He was definitely present at my wedding. I know that we had a very religious ceremony after speaking with our minister (Rev. Jack Day) and letting him know how important our faith is in our lives. He is a retired Baptist minister, so he understood where we were coming from and tailored his ceremony to suit us perfectly. Perhaps if your dad knows that the ceremony can be religious, he will feel more reassured.

for you!

 

[hmgolden]

I can totally relate. My mother actually stopped speaking to me until 2 weeks before the wedding over this very same issue. She did not think my DH and I were taking getting married seriously since we weren't getting married in a church and had no plans to have the marriage blessed by the church. It was ugly, and made for a rather akward bridal shower, let me tell you! Anyway....DH and I went on the theory that this is our day, and this was the way we chose to celebrate it. We were inviting people that we wanted to be there, and if they didn't want to come, that was fine with us, we weren't going to let it rain on our parade. Like the other girls said, you'll be amazed at how many people will come around the day of the wedding. While we were on the stairs at the GF taking pictures, lots of moms with little girls would stop and watch. My mom chatted with ALL of them talking about how wonderful it was I was getting married at Disney. My MOH pretty much doubled over in laughter hearing this, because she knew what I had gone through in the months leading up to that day. At our Illuminations DP, (in the pouring rain) my DH's Aunt, who prior to the trip was one of the most anti-Disney people I have ever met, came up to us and told us that now she wants to renew her vows at Disney, it was so romantic! Of course we still have family members who don't talk to us over the wedding, but we wouldn't have made those people happy even if we had gotten married at home, they would have found something else to complain about. My point is, this is your wedding. And people will come around once they see and understand what a Disney wedding can be. No amount of convincing prior to the day will have any real affect (at least in my expereince). Don't let it bother you. If people don't let themselves have a good time, the only ones they are hurting are themselves.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

I've come to the conclusion, from reading posts on this board, that there is someone in every family who doesn't realize that this isn't their wedding. For the most part, I believe that they think you may regret some of the choices you are making for your wedding (ie. not getting married in a church, only having a few family members there, etc) and therefore try to change your mind by making things more difficult for you or saying that they won't come.
But I agree that once they see the place you have choosen, and realize that you are not getting married by Mickey Mouse , that this is what you really wanted to do and that you might have regretted getting married at home. In the end, it is best just to remember that this is your wedding and no one elses. If they don't support your decision, then that is unfortunate, but you can't let that change what you have always dreamed of.
Happy planning and don't let anyone bring you down at this time!

 

[FutureAshleyDukes]

During my last trip to visit my DH2B at Vanderbilt his family really let me know their opinions about us having a wedding at Disney. I took it really hard, and there was a ton of crying, it got pretty messy. Anyhow, we basically explained to them that this was what we wanted, also we let them know how convenient it would be since they pretty much let you do everything hands off and that's what we needed so DH2B and I could finish our degrees.

When that wasn't good enough I basically told them that I would have a wedding in Nashville, but they had to plan everything for me since that was what Disney was doing. That pretty much kept them quiet.

Everything will work out in the end though, and you'd be surprised how many people will come around. A week ago I thought it would pretty much be me, DH2B, and my mom at the wedding. Now I'm having to call my EM about adding extra guests to my list.

Here's some extra pixie dust , let's hope that things calm down for you soon.

 

[hjc1277]

Tinkerbelle -- I couldn't have said it better!!
Ashely -- keep your chin up, you're almost there

-Heidi

 

[jamie0201]

Its so funny how there is always someone who isnt happy!!

This is a long story, but Ill make it short....

We got married March 26, at Disney and for the entire year leading up to our wedding, I had to deal with his mom - not complaining we werent getting married in church, complainging we were getting married in Florida! She made me cry once a week, it was bad!!!! None of Brian's family wanted to travel to Florida - and none did! He had his mom, dad, 3 brothers, sister, brother-in-law, and one cousin and his wife there - one table! Thats it! We had approx 100 people and that is all that came from his family! Luckily, he didnt mind! We gave them all over a years notice, and it was there choice not to come. This is what we really wanted, and it was our wedding!!! We had to keep telling ourselves that! The good part is - his parents are now happy we did it there, b/c they liked it so much and thought it was absolutely beautiful! And now, they are mad at the other members of the family for not coming - not us! Thankfully!

You cant let people bring you down! I look back at the last year, and laugh to myself b/c I let her bother me daily!!!! I would call my mom in Florida and cry, once a week. Dont do this to yourself!!!! Enjoy the planning stage! I wish I enjoyed it more! All of your weddings will be wonderful b/c this is what you want!!!

Jamie

Pixie Dust for all of you!!!!

 

[jennycee]

We too got the ridiculous remarks about Goofy being the best man, and if Mickey and Minnie would be attending the ceremony. We laughed it off and prepared everyone for what they would be missing if they didn't come. My Mom had some doubts, not because it was in Disney but because it was so far from home. We have such a large family and she had this fear that we wouldn't have everyone there. At first I too struggled with this, but after we sent out the STD cards the phone was ringing off the hook with people asking questions and wanting to know where they should stay. The thing that tipped my Mom over was when we went to do the site walk-through. She was shocked at how nice the pavilion was and how beautiful and "church-like" it is. Then we entered the back of Epcot and appeared in the park next to American Adventure. She was starting to get more excited at that point. Then we go into the rotunda and we are talking about the table arrangements, decor, lighting, taking pictures and I turn to ask her something and she is sobbing like a baby! She couldn't believe how nice it was in there and said she could see us all partying in there and how much nicer it would be than something at home. I was so thrilled to see her feel the same way that I did! Needless to say that once we took her over to the Isola to show her where the cocktail hour and desert party would be she was floored. That sealed the deal. Maybe you can include your parents and his on your walk through and let them experience the magic of the sites and let them imagine you guys there on the big day.

Overall we didn't have a bad response from anyone about getting married in Disney, but I see how oblivious people are so I can understand. I too say DO NOT let anyone spoil your planning and ideas of a Disney wedding. This is such a fun and happy time and no one should ruin that for you. Let the comments roll and the ones who are special enough to join you will "get it" the day of your wedding.

Good luck!

 

[rosiejo]

Its so funny how there is always someone who isnt happy!!

This is a long story, but Ill make it short....

We got married March 26, at Disney and for the entire year leading up to our wedding, I had to deal with his mom - not complaining we werent getting married in church, complainging we were getting married in Florida! She made me cry once a week, it was bad!!!! None of Brian's family wanted to travel to Florida - and none did! He had his mom, dad, 3 brothers, sister, brother-in-law, and one cousin and his wife there - one table! Thats it! We had approx 100 people and that is all that came from his family! Luckily, he didnt mind! We gave them all over a years notice, and it was there choice not to come. This is what we really wanted, and it was our wedding!!! We had to keep telling ourselves that! The good part is - his parents are now happy we did it there, b/c they liked it so much and thought it was absolutely beautiful! And now, they are mad at the other members of the family for not coming - not us! Thankfully!

You cant let people bring you down! I look back at the last year, and laugh to myself b/c I let her bother me daily!!!! I would call my mom in Florida and cry, once a week. Dont do this to yourself!!!! Enjoy the planning stage! I wish I enjoyed it more! All of your weddings will be wonderful b/c this is what you want!!!

Jamie

Pixie Dust for all of you!!!!

Hang on a minute - let me get this right - your DH2B's family were complaingin about you getting married in Florida, even though that's where you're from??

I thought traditionally you were supposed to get married near the bride's family and the groom's had to travel??

We said Disney as I've always wanted to get married there and it takes all the politics out as we're just having an intimate with immediate family - but the party back home is another matter!

We're having it in my boyfriend's home town as that's where we live and where all our friends are - but my family live 100 miles away and will have to stay overnight in a hotel. When we picked a venue in town near a hotel and transport to make life easier for the travellers, my MIL2B complained that we should have it nearer where they live because all her family would have to pay £7 to park for the evening in town!!

Unbelievable!

 

[leight]

I thought that no one would want to come to our disney wedding-planned it around a trip to WDW with our best friends (we've been together 10 yrs-have 2 dds and it was absolutely important that the wedding was for my girls -and what could be more special than Disney for that?) I was shocked when both our moms said they'd come as well as our siblings and some friends. It outnumbered us from an intimate - so we changed to a Swan wedding and rented a 7 bedroom pool home so we made it a family affair. Heard a lot of grumblings about how we didn't invite people, how cheesy it was, how unfair the extra expense was. We basically didn't invite anyone- it was to be an addition to a planned vacation but suddenley it was our fault. As a second wedding for both- big weddings weren't an option and my focus was my daughters-they were the only reason I was getting married.A piece of paper from a church or state could not make me love my dh more or be more committed.

I did make the wedding totally my own (big difference from the first where it was my mother's wedding not mine-down to the big brawl at the end!)

I wore the white dress for my girls(heard comments about that too) but when the family saw the programs which dedicated and included those we'd lost, and experienced the personalization of the ceremony which every passage I myself chose. We included a ring exchange with our daughters and made family promises (including a trip to WDW every year-lol!)

A brief, private, lovely luncheon at the Palio's restaurant to celebrate and thank our guests. I did a cinderella theme with cinderella carriage frames as place card holders and our favours were silverplated slipper bottle openers and heart shaped wine stoppers. I wrapped the stopper boxes in white paper and placed the slipper (unwrapped) on top then used clear celophane as a wrapper with ribbons.

 

[J&L Love Disney]

Jonette,

As a bride of 10 years who went through this 10 years ago, I say you do what you want. I know that is very difficult to do, but this is your life. You need to make you and your DF happy. I did things my way (my DH and I paid for most of the wedding ourselves, but parents did chip in). I DO NOT regret it for one moment.

All that being said, I had a very religious mother (who passed away last year) and she had a daughter (me) who does not belong to any organized religion. I believe in God, but my beliefs were not her beliefs. She wanted only a church wedding and felt I would not be married if I wasn't married in a church.
I met her in the middle. We held a small ceremony only after the wedding in her church with her minister. I loved my mother dearly and I respected her beliefs and I wanted to make her happy. I also DO NOT regret this. I have those moments to remember her too.

By the way, we did have a minister at our wedding and my mother ended up being pleased with this too!

But regardless of anyone else's beliefs, opinions, etc. this is YOUR wedding. You should have your wedding where you desire.

And I also believe that God doesn't just reside in the church. He resides in all our hearts and therefore, he is everywhere.

Lisa

 

[pouncingpluto]

I'm feeling lucky to come from a pretty untraditional family. We have no religious background at all. My fiance's mother would have liked for us to get married in the church where she did, but even she (and his whole family) hasn't attended church in probably 20 years, so she's hardly said anything about it.

One thing that helps is that we're both the younger of two children with older brothers who eloped. So our parents are glad to simply get to attend the wedding of one of their children. His mom was *really* upset when his brother eloped and gave him a hard time about the hometown church thing, so we feel grateful that his brother sort of took the heat off us.

Our friends and family are so scattered... his in Michigan and DC. Mine in Florida, Georgia and DC (not to mention France and Germany, but those friends/family aren't coming). No one has complained about having to travel, and just about everyone seems to think a Disney wedding is a cool idea. I have to say it does make it easier that I have a lot of family in Florida, though... not among invitees, but random other people are alway like "why," and it's easier to say I have family down there than to get all into the whole Disney thing.