How "Firm" are you with your PDD child?-LONG

[shoegirl1020]

I have a question and a vent to post. I have a ds7 who has ADHD, PDD and Bi-Polar, including sensory and lanuage delays.

I am very respectful and loving to all my children, but find when I speak to ds I need to be more firm and direct when asking him to do something "Joe, please go put your shoes away".

Since being released from an extended hospital stay I have an in-home worker. Today was the first day that the "behavior plan" was to be implented.

The plan was to have DS practice taking a self (getting away from a situation until he felt ready to return). I had to run to the store for milk and told ds that once I returned we would practice, one time, his self.

When I returned from the store the worker says to ds "are you ready to take your self" he says this in a soft voice, almost like he was afraid to speak to my son. DS doesn't respond. A few minutes later the worker again says "Joe, were going to practice a self, ok" Still ds is ignoring him. this goes on for over ten minutes, until I decide to step in. At one point the worker asks me to unplug the tv because he can't get Joe's attention. I say to Joe "It's time to practice your self-let's go" I say this in a firm, but not demanding to pushy way. Joe complies by going upstairs. the worker follows him up and things get ugly with Joe going into a full tantrum.

While speaking with the worker-and after he asked me about my feelings I tell him I thought he was "wishy-washy" and needed to be firm. He tells me that he doesn't like to tell kids what to do Hello! Isn't your job to implent a behavior plan? You can't do that by repeatedly ASKING someone who is obviously ignoring you and he was repeatedly throwing in the "Ok, Joe"

Am I wrong? I'm really thinking that this worker is not the right one for us, I feel that sometimes you need to be firm and consistent with our kids.

Please-your thoughts

 

[roseprincess]

I guess I don't understand , about this worker you are talking about. Is this a respite care worker from a respite agency or an autism specialist?

PDD-NOS is part of the autism spectrum. My ds, 9yrs old, had Floortime therapy for a few yrs during early childhood, It was free in my school dist. The autism specialists in my school dist were very firm to my ds and the other children. If your ds is not responding to people outside of mom and dad, you should look for professional autism therapy that will work for him ie, Floortime, ABA, hippotherapy, etc.

I guess I don't understand about the worker? . Is this someone you hired that you pay for out of your own pocket, a specialist of some sort, or is this person a respite worker ie.babysitter? That's what most respite care workers are, at least where I live, are babysitters, but they get paid thru their agency, so it is free for hte parents. I had looked into respite care workers before and it is just a babysitter, just a different name given.

I am very firm with my dson. I also have a dd with special needs. She is not autistic, but has another disability, I'm very firm with both of my children as of disciplining, ie time-outs.

As of this worker you are talking about, I never heard of "taking your self" therapy.

Best wishes to you.


Rosemarie

 

[roseprincess]

Forgot to mention, what I have learned from the Floortime specialists in my school dist. is that you have to be in the child's face, esp if the child has poor eye contact and is easily distracted. For Floortime therapy, you follow the child's lead, but you have to be firm and be in the child's face.


Rosemarie

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

As a special educator who has worked with lots of children with bipolar, ADHD, PDD and other conditions I can tell you that each child is unique. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. I know some kids who really need directions to be firm and clearn, and others who need the adult to phrase it in a way that allows them to "save face" by feeling like they had some kind of choice.

Having said that, it sounds like you've found what works for your child -- and I think that's wonderful! I would say to give the worker one more chance -- it may be that he was using an approach that has worked for him in the past, and that now he hears from you what generally works with your particular child he will change his tactics. However, if he comes back and doesn't seem to have taken your suggestions seriously, then I'd request a new worker.

I have seen some wonderful kids and wonderful staff who just didn't "click". It sounds like this worker may not be "clicking" with your son.

Good luck on finding the right person, and congratulations on your child's return home!

BTW, I have never heard this procedure called a "self", but it's one I've used pretty frequently. We used to call it taking a "Silly Breaks". I would ask the kids to go to time out and give them some ridiculous reason (Jimmy, we don't put pigs on our head at lunch time, please go take a break in the hall), and then when I went to check on them, I'd praise them instead of talking to them about their behavior. It got them to the point where leaving the class, going to a designated spot and calming themselves down was completely automatic, so that when they were overwhelmed they could do it without having to think about what I was asking.

 

[jojosmom]

I'm sorry, I think I was so frustrated with last night that I wasn't clear.

First, the worker is a behavioral specialist who is supposed to work with the family.

Second a "self" is similiar to a time-out. If he is feeling unsafe or feels himself getting over stimulated he should take a "self" to remove himself from the situation.

 

[OKWMom]

I have a DD8 with autism as well as a typical (whatever that is supposed to mean) DS11 and DD7. DH and I are firm with all of them. We feel all of our children respond better when our expectations of them are clear. We have had workers for DD8 who allowed her to be in complete control because they were unwilling or unable to take charge. She is very much like her mother, she will step up and run things if given the chance. When those situations arose, we explained our preferences to each of the workers and gave them the opportunity to adapt. Those who could make the changes we requested we kept, those who could not or did not we let go. Good luck.

 

[Forevryoung]

I have bipolar disorder but I have taught myself something similar over the years.

I created something called "freeze". When I am becoming overstimulated or too upset or starting to panic, I can say "freeze" and everyone in the situation stops what they are doing. If it's the location, the people I am with can help me get out of the location safely.

For example, arguments cause me to become unsafe (I have hurt myself in the past). My mom and I can be screaming at eachother and I start to feel out of control, I say "freeze" and she usually walks away (or stands there watching me). My responsibility is that I finish the argument/discussion in a timely manner (10 minutes or so).

It puts me in control of situations that I lose control in easily and allows my family to actually help me instead of feeling helpless.

Just another idea for anyone-
Kate

 

[roseprincess]

I'm sorry, I think I was so frustrated with last night that I wasn't clear.

First, the worker is a behavioral specialist who is supposed to work with the family.

Second a "self" is similiar to a time-out. If he is feeling unsafe or feels himself getting over stimulated he should take a "self" to remove himself from the situation.

Thanks for explaining. . I thought when you said "in-home worker"in your original post, that you meant a respite care worker.

Hope it works out well with the behavioral specialist


Rosemarie