How Do you Tell a Busy Body to Mind Their Own Business?

[jdb in AZ]

#1 I was at a grocery store slouched over my shopping cart and a total stranger came up to me and told me to stand up straight or some day I wouldn't be able to. huh?

#2 A family member was at the same grocery story (maybe we shouldn't shop there any more?) and an acquaintance came up to him and said, "You look like a type 2 Diabetic. You should try the Keto diet." The acquaintance is not a doctor.

#3 DH and I had dinner with a long-time friend and his new wife and were updating the friend on a troubled (derelict, scoff-law) family member, and the new wife thought she was being helpful by advising me what to do with the black sheep of the family.

#4 At Costco I accidentally parked too close to the motorcycle parking area and a total stranger started shouting that the area was reserved for motorcycles. This woman was not a motorcyclist -- just a passerby. I had to wait for another car to move so I could park in a more suitable area. The self-appointed parking police came closer and repeated that I was parked incorrectly. I was in a really bad mood and sneered right back at her that I was waiting for another car to move. She gave me an uppity look, surprised that I would have the audacity to tell her off, and told me to "have a nice day."

o.k. DIS. Do you have any pithy comebacks for any of the above? I'm sure the people meant well, but I would really like to be able to shut down a busy body the next time I encounter one.

 

[pxidst119]

My go to line is “Thank you for that.” The person usually walks away after I say that. It may or may not be my tone that shuts it down and seems to work.

 

[mousefan73]

#1 I was at a grocery store slouched over my shopping cart and a total stranger came up to me and told me to stand up straight or some day I wouldn't be able to. huh?

#2 A family member was at the same grocery story (maybe we shouldn't shop there any more?) and an acquaintance came up to him and said, "You look like a type 2 Diabetic. You should try the Keto diet." The acquaintance is not a doctor.

#3 DH and I had dinner with a long-time friend and his new wife and were updating the friend on a troubled (derelict, scoff-law) family member, and the new wife thought she was being helpful by advising me what to do with the black sheep of the family.

#4 At Costco I accidentally parked too close to the motorcycle parking area and a total stranger started shouting that the area was reserved for motorcycles. This woman was not a motorcyclist -- just a passerby. I had to wait for another car to move so I could park in a more suitable area. The self-appointed parking police came closer and repeated that I was parked incorrectly. I was in a really bad mood and sneered right back at her that I was waiting for another car to move. She gave me an uppity look, surprised that I would have the audacity to tell her off, and told me to "have a nice day."

o.k. DIS. Do you have any pithy comebacks for any of the above? I'm sure the people meant well, but I would really like to be able to shut down a busy body the next time I encounter one.

1. I think this person was trying to be funny. and or has a wierdness about them
2. first sentence is odd as how does Type 2 look? Kinda of a rude statement. Second sentence I assume your family member is overweight and the aquantiance most likely trying to do a favor and give a tip; maybe they had success with Keto?.. Some people find the truth or advice leading to this truth offensive ( none of your business type thing) and some are brutally honest.
3. New wife IMO was not inappropiate as this was the dinner conversation. You brought up the issues and to be honest not including her in the conversation a bit rude.
4. As I get older I find that I speak out more when I see things not being done right. I have yelled at a person who parked in a mother/child spot ( larger for stroller and closer spots). " Thanks YOU for taking that spot away" as I walked by.. Kinda of obvious when you are a single guy with no kids in tow. Now for that person to continous bother with you is a bit off and has time on their hands.

 

[theluckyrabbit]

All replies said in a pleasant, but firm tone which does not invite further discussion:
#1 Ignore this person. No hostility. Not worth the trouble or the time. Some people just can't help themselves.
#2 Thank you for your concern. Have a nice day. Or ignore them. You don't have to respond.
#3 (Very kindly, but firmly) Thank you for your concern. I'll keep you in mind when we're ready for advice. Now, who's ready for dessert and coffee?
#4 (Again, kindly, but firmly) Thank you for your concern, but there is no need to yell. I heard you and am waiting for that other car to move first so I can back up safely.

An increasing number of people seem to have a decreasing understanding and awareness of what constitutes their own vs. other people's business, i.e boundaries. So telling one of these people to "mind their own business" makes no sense to them because they think the whole world is their business!

 

[mjkacmom]

I don’t see an issue with #3, it was brought up in conversation. Maybe she was in a similar situation and was trying to help?
A few weeks ago a WW representative approached my friend in Kohls, asking her if she knew about weight watchers.

 

[Disneylover99]

1. Laugh - then slouch more

2. Laugh - then stuff a Twinkie (or something else that’s sweet and bad for you) in your mouth in front of them - tip - always keep something sweet in your pocket for this purpose. Then go home and try the Keto diet.

3. Agree with them - then talk behind their back when they leave

4. Say, I’ve only got two wheels over the line, just like a motorcycle, smile and give them a thumbs up

That was fun OP. Great thread!

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

A slightly different perspective.... #1, what if this was a really lonely person and this was the only human interaction they had all day? Maybe they were hoping for some friendly banter?
#2, this is just rude, and while we are on the topic, why is it unacceptable for people to comment on overweightness or obesity but acceptable for people to make weight related comments to skinny people?
#3, maybe she was nervous about meeting friends of her partner and just wanted to seem helpful or join the conversation? Nervousness sometimes equals, mouth in first, brain in neutral.
#4, just a rude busybody.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

#3 DH and I had dinner with a long-time friend and his new wife and were updating the friend on a troubled (derelict, scoff-law) family member, and the new wife thought she was being helpful by advising me what to do with the black sheep of the family.

Why talk about your black sheep if you aren't expecting advice?

Is this me "being a man"? Like, if you are talking about a situation, why are you getting upset when somebody offers advice? They are only trying to help. Would you rather have them say "sucks to be you" or "Person X sounds like a jerk"?

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Number 3 sounds like she was just participating in a conversation you started with her. If she was truly overstepping boundaries, you can shut it down with an “I’ll give that all the consideration it deserves.” Then change the subject.

The rest get this face until they leave:

 

[morgan98]

I find these threads very interesting. I must live a boring life, but I work outside the home (close to 50 hours a week on average, including probably 8 overnights of travel a month) and do all my normal chores and errands and rarely have encounters like this.

OP, in what span of time did all of this happen to you? Just curious.

 

[Searc]

Why talk about your black sheep if you aren't expecting advice?

Is this me "being a man"? Like, if you are talking about a situation, why are you getting upset when somebody offers advice? They are only trying to help. Would you rather have them say "sucks to be you" or "Person X sounds like a jerk"?

No, it isn't you being a man. My reaction was the same. Not inappropriate or out of line at all for the wife to offer advice in conversation.

 

[shh]

honestly for me, just a smile and quick exit or a change of conversation is all it usually takes when people are offering unwelcome advice - it really doesn't bother me, I guess. (Which is good, given all the pet peeves that DO bother me lol. Nice I can be tolerant about some things.)

I do disagree on #3 - if she's with your friend and you're all having dinner together, why would you bring up a topic you specifically don't want her to participate in? Feels like that's more the etiquette breach to me. It's happened to me several times...I'm at dinner with someone and they invite another friend(s), then spend most of the meal talking about people I don't know, reminiscing about things they did that I wasn't involved in....feels rude and exclusionary.

If it were me, I'd have just sat silently hoping the topic of conversation would change eventually and not offered advice myself unless asked, but that doesn't mean she was wrong to try to engage with you both.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

Why talk about your black sheep if you aren't expecting advice?

Is this me "being a man"? Like, if you are talking about a situation, why are you getting upset when somebody offers advice? They are only trying to help. Would you rather have them say "sucks to be you" or "Person X sounds like a jerk"?

This goes back to the Men are from Mars, women are from Venus theory. Men talk about things expecting advice and a solution and women talk about things hoping for empathy.
Now I am showing my age.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

I find these threads very interesting. I must live a boring life, but I work outside the home (close to 50 hours a week on average, including probably 8 overnights of travel a month) and do all my normal chores and errands and rarely have encounters like this.

OP, in what span of time did all of this happen to you? Just curious.

OP parked the car, went to the supermarket to buy food for a supper party, slumped over the trolley, bought unhealthy food and hosted supper party, all in the same day, ofcourse!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I find these threads very interesting. I must live a boring life, but I work outside the home (close to 50 hours a week on average, including probably 8 overnights of travel a month) and do all my normal chores and errands and rarely have encounters like this.

I mean, I've had people point out that my shoe is untied, but I don't think anyone in a grocery store ever told me not to slouch or to go on a diet. Then again, I'm a middle aged white dude.

 

[DisLiss]

I don't give these people much thought. I just say "Thanks for that info/your opinion/concern/assistance/etc.", and go on with my life. End of story.

 

[mrodgers]

I am a guy that works in a factory with 99% being other guys.

Do you want my personal version of how to tell or do you want the lesser resulting Disney approved version?

I also live in a trailer in a trailer park and loved the "Trailer Park Boys" show, so think hard before you say, "what would your first version be?" LOL


#4 would not be a mind your own business issue. As a motorcyclist, it would certainly be my issue because next time I could be on my motorcycle and not have the motorcycle parking. It's a nice thing to have because parking a bike in a normal car space, its very easy to almost hit because it's so small and unnoticeable, and even easier to most because most of the idiots on the road is too busy texting and updating Facebook and Instagram to notice a motorcycle buried in a slot big enough for a car.

 

[ronandannette]

All replies said in a pleasant, but firm tone which does not invite further discussion:
#1 Ignore this person. No hostility. Not worth the trouble or the time. Some people just can't help themselves.
#2 Thank you for your concern. Have a nice day. Or ignore them. You don't have to respond.
#3 (Very kindly, but firmly) Thank you for your concern. I'll keep you in mind when we're ready for advice. Now, who's ready for dessert and coffee?
#4 (Again, kindly, but firmly) Thank you for your concern, but there is no need to yell. I heard you and am waiting for that other car to move first so I can back up safely.

An increasing number of people seem to have a decreasing understanding and awareness of what constitutes their own vs. other people's business, i.e boundaries. So telling one of these people to "mind their own business" makes no sense to them because they think the whole world is their business!

I love your responses to #1, 2 & 4. But then again I’m not the type that gets easily rattled by things of no consequence and striking back or needing to “put people in their place” isn’t in my nature. I wouldn’t have even remembered these encounters happened 5 minutes afterwards.

#3 is different though. What was the OP expecting when she opened the topic of conversation? A poster upthread mentioned women just wanting to be heard and there’s some validity to that, but choose your audience!! A couples dinner out should be a time where everybody expects to engage in group discussion.

 

[Moliphino]

#2, this is just rude, and while we are on the topic, why is it unacceptable for people to comment on overweightness or obesity but acceptable for people to make weight related comments to skinny people?

People commenting on someones thinness are more likely to be complimentary (or at least think they are). Most of the time thin people aren't being shamed for being thin. It's really not appropriate to comment on a stranger's weight either way. "Eat a cheeseburger" is just as rude as "eat a salad".

 

[fly girl]

1. I would have been dumbfounded. I probably would have said, "I'm ok. No worries." and thought all day about a sharp comeback I should have used instead.

2. I can't even. I would have told them where to shove their Keto diet. So long acquaintance.

3. This is where we differ. You are at a dinner with friends talking about an issue. Maybe it was her approach that bugged you, but most times they are just joining in on the conversation and offering up an alternative. I wouldn't have a problem with it. But if she wouldn't let up, I would have changed the subject.

4. I would've handled it the same way you did.