How do you respond to rude invitations?

[Queen2PrincessG]

Does anyone else have the sudden urge to send a gift and diapers to OP's SIL? Along with a Big Brother gift for the little boy?

I've NEVER understood this! Why does he get a gift? he hasn't accomplished anything? I feel like this is the same idea behind giving every kid a trophy after a big game. Everyone is not a winner, someone has to lose. It's not your birthday kid, it's you siblings. I really dislike when people do things like that.

The sympathy handouts are what keep them going. They LIVE for handouts.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Where I live second showers aren't done at all, so I find this extremely tacky. Here baby showers are all about the presents. As a guest, you bring your gift, get fed lunch, and then get to ooh and aah over all of the great stuff the mother-to-be gets. That's fine, because new parents need a lot of stuff. When subsequent children are born I bring a present for the new baby when I go and see it.

I view second showers as unnecessary because theoritically the parents have everything they need. My sister had a ten year gap between her two kids and we didn't throw any kind of shower for her. No one even asked us if there would be one because that just isn't done here.

Or can at least afford it if they are having a second.

I guess my point is that I think it is tacky to have a second shower, not really need anything, but yet request diapers so you can still get gifts! I can see if this was a meet and greet, but even then I want to pick out my own gift for the baby.

And for what it's worth--I think the card/book thing is tacky, too.

Totally understandable, but everyone LOVED the idea. Especially for my friends who have done this as well. In my circle it's also ok to say "Please don't wrap your gift."

 

[SaraJayne]

Where I live second showers aren't done at all, so I find this extremely tacky. Here baby showers are all about the presents. As a guest, you bring your gift, get fed lunch, and then get to ooh and aah over all of the great stuff the mother-to-be gets. That's fine, because new parents need a lot of stuff. When subsequent children are born I bring a present for the new baby when I go and see it.

I view second showers as unnecessary because theoritically the parents have everything they need. My sister had a ten year gap between her two kids and we didn't throw any kind of shower for her. No one even asked us if there would be one because that just isn't done here.

I guess my point is that I think it is tacky to have a second shower, not really need anything, but yet request diapers so you can still get gifts! I can see if this was a meet and greet, but even then I want to pick out my own gift for the baby.

And for what it's worth--I think the card/book thing is tacky, too.

Funny, 'cause I've lived in WI all my life and showers for second and subsequent babies are the norm for me.

 

[*sarah*]

I went to a Diaper Shower for a new baby just last month. The lady's son was 17 months old when the daughter was born. They requested just diapers since they had most everything else they needed. My sister is pregnant right now with her second child, and you can guarantee that I will be throwing her a shower...and we might even request just diapers...how tacky of us, right?

 

[SaraJayne]

[/B]

I've NEVER understood this! Why does he get a gift? he hasn't accomplished anything? I feel like this is the same idea behind giving every kid a trophy after a big game. Everyone is not a winner, someone has to lose. It's not your birthday kid, it's you siblings. I really dislike when people do things like that.

The sympathy handouts are what keep them going. They LIVE for handouts.

If you ever have another child, you'll understand. But I doubt you'll allow your "princess" to be upstaged by a sibling.

 

[Mermaid02]

[/B]

I've NEVER understood this! Why does he get a gift? he hasn't accomplished anything? I feel like this is the same idea behind giving every kid a trophy after a big game. Everyone is not a winner, someone has to lose. It's not your birthday kid, it's you siblings. I really dislike when people do things like that.

The sympathy handouts are what keep them going. They LIVE for handouts.

Wow. Such vitriol directed at a child.

 

[taximomfor4]

[/B]

I've NEVER understood this! Why does he get a gift? he hasn't accomplished anything? I feel like this is the same idea behind giving every kid a trophy after a big game. Everyone is not a winner, someone has to lose. It's not your birthday kid, it's you siblings. I really dislike when people do things like that.

The sympathy handouts are what keep them going. They LIVE for handouts.

Because in most families, becoming a big brother or big sister is a rite of passage. It changes the family dynamics, gives him an important role in his baby sister's life. It's an exciting time for kids, why not celebrate with him? It wouldn't be a "handout" but more of a gesture. It's NOT just a huge deal to the mom, dad, and newborn -- it is also a huge deal to the older kids!

I just realized I never actually answered the OP's original question -- how I respond to rude invitations. After starting out quite judgmental, I decided that it was an ugly way to be...and that it's something I want badly to change about myself. So how I respond is to assume good intentions (that may be poorly expressed).

I have things that I look back on, and think, wow...NOT my shining moment. Attitudes I took, things I did, etc. Perhaps in 10 years, some people will look back on their old DISboard threads and think "My, how far I've come. Not my moment of glory."

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

If you ever have another child, you'll understand. But I doubt you'll allow your "princess" to be upstaged by a sibling.

No, you're right. We actually never wanted more than one. We feel complete minus a dog or 2.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Because in most families, becoming a big brother or big sister is a rite of passage. It changes the family dynamics, gives him an important role in his baby sister's life. It's an exciting time for kids, why not celebrate with him? It wouldn't be a "handout" but more of a gesture. It's NOT just a huge deal to the mom, dad, and newborn -- it is also a huge deal to the older kids!

I just realized I never actually answered the OP's original question -- how I respond to rude invitations. After starting out quite judgmental, I decided that it was an ugly way to be...and that it's something I want badly to change about myself. So how I respond is to assume good intentions (that may be poorly expressed).

I have things that I look back on, and think, wow...NOT my shining moment. Attitudes I took, things I did, etc. Perhaps in 10 years, some people will look back on their old DISboard threads and think "My, how far I've come. Not my moment of glory."

Well, i've seen how he's interacts with other kids. I'm not convinced he's going to be happy for a while. He snatches toys from other kids hands, hits his mom. He's awful, IMO because he doesn't interact with other kids. BIL and SIL can't afford to send him to preschool so he has no social skills. When FIL holds DD he screams and cries and say put her down. I'm sure this is normal to some degree but at the same time it's a bit disturbing to see a 4 year old act this way and not be corrected.

 

[taximomfor4]

Well, i've seen how he's interacts with other kids. I'm not convinced he's going to be happy for a while. He snatches toys from other kids hands, hits his mom. He's awful, IMO because he doesn't interact with other kids. BIL and SIL can't afford to send him to preschool so he has no social skills. When FIL holds DD he screams and cries and say put her down. I'm sure this is normal to some degree but at the same time it's a bit disturbing to see a 4 year old act this way and not be corrected.

If they can't afford preschool, maybe let them know about Head Start, and Public School integrated preschools. Maybe even preschool co-ops. Lots of people don't know about these options, unfortunately. That would be helpful to both the parents AND the child(ren).

And if you are serious about the illegal activity in the basement, please, please notify the authorities. Too many people stand by and watch when something needs to be done. Otherwise, maybe just leave these people alone. Basically, either do something to help or just help yourself and live and let live.Don't talk about them, not even to the "cousins." If the cousins will talk about them to you, I'm sure they will talk about you to others.

 

[SaraJayne]

Another reason people bring gifts for the big brother/big sister is because it's thoughtful, and nice.

 

[DWGal210]

No, you're right. We actually never wanted more than one. We feel complete minus a dog or 2.

Which is fine, that's your choice....but it is sad you are so unloving towards your own nephew. He might be a brat, maybe he's whiny, etc - BUT HE'S FOUR.

 

[horseshowmom]

[/B]

I've NEVER understood this! Why does he get a gift? he hasn't accomplished anything? I feel like this is the same idea behind giving every kid a trophy after a big game. Everyone is not a winner, someone has to lose. It's not your birthday kid, it's you siblings. I really dislike when people do things like that.

The sympathy handouts are what keep them going. They LIVE for handouts.

Okay, this is comical now.

There is no way that Q2PG isn't a troll. With just a little over 200 posts since September and the bizarre statements in some of these theads, she (he?) has got to be a phony.

You're not the one who said they key cars when they don't like where others park, are you?

 

[krcit]

Another reason people bring gifts for the big brother/big sister is because it's thoughtful, and nice.

Probably why OP doesn't 'get' it.

OP, why don't you do yourself and this family a favor and stay out of their life. It's obvious you despise them all. I suspect the feeling is mutual.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

[/B]

I've NEVER understood this! Why does he get a gift? he hasn't accomplished anything? I feel like this is the same idea behind giving every kid a trophy after a big game. Everyone is not a winner, someone has to lose. It's not your birthday kid, it's you siblings. I really dislike when people do things like that.

The sympathy handouts are what keep them going. They LIVE for handouts.

If nothing else, he deserves a gift after dealing with family members like yourself.


Anyone ever seen the movie Revenge of the Bridesmaids? I have a feeling Princess G is going to turn out like the bride and QueentoPrincessG is definitely like the bride's mother.

 

[agnes!]

OP - You obviously have a history with these people and don't like them at all. The mother's a witch, the (almost) older brother (by the way, is this child your nephew? If so, he is related to *you* even if it is only by marriage) is a brat, the particular family-unit has no clue about how to behave.

And this is SIL's sister? I admit it, I'm confused...is this your son-in-law's sister, your sister-in-law's sister, your husband's brother's wife's sister, your brother's wife's sister, your father-in-law and mother-in-law's grandchild...

You think she's rude, tacky, neglectful, no class, no finesse, you're right, they're wrong? Did I get that all correct?

Why not just make sure they all know that you are refusing to go, dig your heels in about this and any future social events, punish them all by your absence and see how that goes. You'll be happy you're not going and they'll be happy you're not there.

Btw - why are you getting so worked-up when you're going to be on that cruise that week. Go, enjoy your cruise...if you think you *can* even though this tacky/rude/classless event is occurring at the same time.

agnes!

 

[ccgirl]

[/B]

I've NEVER understood this! Why does he get a gift? he hasn't accomplished anything? I feel like this is the same idea behind giving every kid a trophy after a big game. Everyone is not a winner, someone has to lose. It's not your birthday kid, it's you siblings. I really dislike when people do things like that.

The sympathy handouts are what keep them going. They LIVE for handouts.

And this is your nephew you are talking about; right? A 4 year old innocent child?? You're DD must be perfect and never misbehave; right? Else, you wouldn't be referring to your nephew the way you do. To your defense, my in laws have a very similar experience. I started out resenting my Niece and holding the things her parents did against her. However, I grew up and realized she was only a child. She could use all the help she can get. Now I have her over for frequent play dates and have her play with my children so she can be loved in an environment that is not so hostile. If what you say is true; no wonder he acts the way he does. You have a wonderful opportunity to make a real difference in his life rather than resent a child. I hope you cease the opportunity. Just be glad you are not the one needing the handouts. Best of luck to you.

 

[disneyjunkie]

[/B]

I've NEVER understood this! Why does he get a gift? he hasn't accomplished anything? I feel like this is the same idea behind giving every kid a trophy after a big game. Everyone is not a winner, someone has to lose. It's not your birthday kid, it's you siblings. I really dislike when people do things like that.

The sympathy handouts are what keep them going. They LIVE for handouts.[/QU You really are a piece of work. I

 

[MommaMouse411]

I doubt that she was thinking about diapers while she was procreating.

At least if I give someone diapers as a gift, I know that they will get good use out of them.

plus its not like you are supplying mother with diapers for the rest of the kids diapered life...

i had a 2nd shower...not by my request..my mother wanted to..it was nice to not have to worry about shopping for diapers and wipes before birth and after birth..I was in lots of pain so the diapers I received..were a blessing..