How do you pick up the phone & call

[hegsag]

someone you haven't talked to in a long time & find out they're really sick? My brother and I were very close growing up. When he and his wife got married we still kept in touch. His wife is very controlling and witchy -- when I would call she would either listen in to our conversation or he'd put me on speaker phone -ugh! I thought I was being smart by calling his cell phone but she picks that up too. I really dislike this woman and have zero interest in talking with her. My mom told me today that my brother is very ill. I have anxiety about calling because his wife has to listen in to our conversation & I'm not comfortable with that (I have basically stopped phone calls altogether & only see them at Christmas).

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

maybe call him and invite him to lunch? does he have an email? you could invite him that way.

 

[smkiya]

maybe call him and invite him to lunch? does he have an email? you could invite him that way.

I really like this idea. I think as your brother, you have a right to speak to him ALONE! I also think that when talking about his illness, it would be better done in person. You could call or email him and say, "I miss my big/little brother and I want to see you. Can you meet me for lunch this week?"

Good luck!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

With any anxiety, you can make the "pro/con sheet". List all the pros and all the cons.

Now when you write down the cons you also put an action rationalization to it.

Ex. I hate that my SIL listens in to our conversations.

Rationalization is....I cannot change SIL and my desire to speak to my brother overrides the anxiety I feel.

Ex. I may have to speak with SIL and justify why I am calling.

Rationalization is....It will be normal for SIL to question why I am calling as I am not calling their home anymore. My end goal is to find out how my brother is. If he is very sick he is probably not answering his phone anyway. I will probably need to go thru SIL to speak with my brother.

(These are examples of course. It is up to you to provide your own pro/con list.)

If indeed your brother is very ill and you really want to pick up the phone to speak with him, this is just one technique for combating anxiety.