How do you like yourself/accept yourself?

[pdisney]

Signed out for this...


I have struggled for much of my life with accepting myself, being happy, thinking I am a likeable person. I really had a hard time of it in school years...lots of teasing, not very popular, always felt like no one liked me. Now, even though I have friends, am happily married, I find myself struggling more and more.

I look at "beautiful" people, like Cindy Crawford, even just regular people, and think God must love them more, because he made them beautiful, and me just average. The teasing and being an outcast in elementary and Middle school is still with me.

I realize I've carried around a lot of anger. Now, I've gotten involved somewhat in a situation that I would never have if I thought highly of myself and was a happy person inside.

So, how do you accept yourself, even though you may not be beautiful or have had issues in your past?

 

[JCJRSmith]

First off:

Second: have you considered seeking help from your doctor? What you are describing sounds like someone suffering from depression. It is a LOT more common than most people realize and your doctor will be able to tell for sure, or refer you to someone who can.

 

[pdisney]

I see a counselor...I won't go on meds, even if I was depressed.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Beautiful people are not happier. Period.

There's no accepting or not accepting myself.

I yam what I yam, warts and all.

We all are.

 

[MerMom60_94]

A lot of my self acceptance / confidence has come with age. There comes a point in life that you realize you aren't going to please everyone with who you are so you just be yourself and accept it. Beauty is self defined. I actually prefer people who have a natural beauty complete with defects over people who work too hard at becoming "perfect". Everybody has good features and bad features. Play up what is good and downplay what isn't.

As far as anti-depressants, I have a family history of depression and, at one point, went through depression myself and I did take anti-depressants and they did help me.

In the end, you'll never get everybody to accept you. Who ever does? You need to accept yourself and look at what you have going for you. If you truly feel you can't get to that point then go to a therapist. There is no shame in doing so.

 

[SAHDad]

I have had my share of rough times. It took more than 10 years for me to start feeling good about myself after grade & high school, and even now, there are days where I have doubts.

Anyway, when I read your post, my first thought was from "Prince Caspian"

You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve," said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth. Be content."

 

[*pixie*dust*]

I see a counselor...I won't go on meds, even if I was depressed.

Why not? There is no shame in medication if it can help improve the quality of your life. Please talk to your counselor or doctor. Depression is so difficult without proper medical care. I know this first hand, as I went through it with my ex husband who suffers from severe chronic depression. Please get the care you need.

You are important and your health is important too!

 

[JessicaR]

I see a counselor...I won't go on meds, even if I was depressed.

Why? Does your counselor believe medication would be helpful?

Question: Are Both Medication and Psychotherapy Necessary to Treat Depression?

Answer: Depending upon the severity of your depression and its causes, therapy alone, medication alone, or therapy combined with medications may be advised by your doctor. Generally speaking a combination of both will get the best results. An antidepressant helps to correct the chemical imbalance within the brain responsible for the symptoms of depression. After this imbalance is corrected, a person will begin to feel better; but, the negative thought patterns which lead to depression may still remain. Therapy will help the person to alter these thought patterns and better cope with stressors in their life that contribute to their depression.

Perhaps you are unable to rationally decide if you need medication?

Now, I've gotten involved somewhat in a situation that I would never have if I thought highly of myself and was a happy person inside.

Can you elaborate?

I am truly sorry you feel the way you do.

 

[FireDancer]

Ever since I was very young I was always taught not to worry about what others think of you. Even in elementary school I never cared about being popular or having the right friends. I was decent at sports and smart enough to be in the right groups at school. If the popular kids weren't friends with me I never really thought about it. I never thought about what I thought of myself because anything in my control I changed and anything out of my control I never worried about. My mom was very good at making sure I knew what was important and what wasn't, not in the short term of a month or year but in the long term of your lifetime.

As I got older I realized that you are what you want yourself to be. I surround myself with people that enhance my life and quickly remove myself from relationships or situations that don't. If there was something I wanted to change that I was able to I did, I didn't make excuses as to why I couldn't. Anything I can't change I don't worry about.

I have found two things in life to take away a lot of the unnecessary BS. The first is to always be honest both with yourself and others. There are a lot of people who just aren't honest with themselves and that can lead to a lot of unhappiness. The second is to live by the model of the serenity prayer...Change the things you can't accept, accept the things you can't change, and be smart enough to know the difference.

The ability to laugh at yourself also goes a long way.

 

[MICKEY88]

don't base anything on Cindy Crawford or any other celebrity , a lot of them wouldn't look nearly as good without good makeup,

something else to keep in mind,

as a Photographer I shoot model portfolios, a lot of models are just plain janes that know how to do makeup really well and look a lot different once made up,

the other thing is a lot of them are the ugliest people on the inside. I've taken photos of some women who turn heads when they walk in a room, but once I've talked to them I would not want to be friends with them..

it is very true, that true beauty comes from within..

just be a good person and if others don't like you as you are, it is their loss

 

[RedxPanda]

I have suffered mild Depression on and off (self diagnosed and it seems to come and go with hormone levels... like PMDD), so I am self aware enough when it happens to realize that i am not thinking rationally and i would just sort would wait for it to pass and move on. I didn't want to see a doctor about it because i don't think that medication is the answer, but I wanted to change it and I thought, for sure, that had to be a way out of it on my own.

This Book helped me a lot. It's written by an American psychologist who has had many talks and has studied the Dalai Llama and Buddhism teachings. The basic idea of this book in particular is to show how much there is in common between psychology and Buddhism. Many view Buddhism as a religion, but after reading about the basics of the 'religion' i quickly realized that it is almost a 'self-psychology' of sorts if not just a philosophy of living. This book teaches that one of our basic wants, as humans, is to be happy. It is as simple as that. The hard part is achieving that happiness in your own life, in this world, and in all aspects that we live. After reading a few of the chapters, I was already able to look at my life and find what can I do to change what I don't like. Giving yourself the confidence and ability to make those changes is what makes it work. And the result is that you do live a happier existence.

It's not always easy, first you have to believe that you can make it better. And the hard part is not letting yourself fall back down in that abyss where you start to feel helpless. It is a process, occasionally you have to stop, pick yourself up, and do it again.


On a less serious and more material note, I started watching TLC's What Not to Wear in 2007/2008, it sounds silly, but it did wonders to build my external confidence level. They teach all types of people how to buy clothes, cut their hair, and apply makeup in a way that will flatter their appearance without much effort. They build the confidence in their guests, and let them know you don't have to look like a size 00 model to make yourself feel as beautiful as one both inside and out. I do believe, when I started watching this show, it was my first step in giving myself confidence in my appearance and what i was given.

 

[rie'smom]

I'm good with myself - I'm 51 . When I was younger I had lots of self doubt and went through a long bout with anorexia. Got over that about 20 years ago. Therapy was a HUGE help along with the support of my husband and family.

 

[AshleyW]

This Book helped me a lot. It's written by an American psychologist who has had many talks and has studied the Dalai Llama and Buddhism teachings. The basic idea of this book in particular is to show how much there is in common between psychology and Buddhism. Many view Buddhism as a religion, but after reading about the basics of the 'religion' i quickly realized that it is almost a 'self-psychology' of sorts if not just a philosophy of living. This book teaches that one of our basic wants, as humans, is to be happy. It is as simple as that. The hard part is achieving that happiness in your own life, in this world, and in all aspects that we live. After reading a few of the chapters, I was already able to look at my life and find what can I do to change what I don't like. Giving yourself the confidence and ability to make those changes is what makes it work. And the result is that you do live a happier existence.

I LOVE that book! I read it as I was starting to get into Buddhism - not because I thought I needed help being happy, but just for some insight into Buddhism - and I was AMAZED at everything I learned and how I felt after reading that book. My fiance has been dealing with some anxiety issues the past 6 months - having trouble eating, sleeping, throwing up a lot - because he's in his last term of school and there was some question about whether or not his job was stable. Anyway, I had him read the book and it's like he's got a whole new outlook on life. There is some things in the book related strictly to the religion of Buddhism, but you can find ways to make it relate to your life even if you're not a practicing Buddhist.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Frankly, I have been so happy in my life that I just can't relate to people who are not happy. Don't take this to mean that my life has been easy. I was raised in a very poor home - poor like few Americans can understand. I have also seen conflict while in the military. I have seen close friends and relatives die, sometimes horribly painful deaths. I worked in the WTC and lost many, many friends on 9/11. The list could go on and on - but my happiness has never wavered.

Sure, I have had bad days - well, bad hours - but never so much as a bad week. And I have never wished that I was someone else, or somewhere else, or anything else of the kind.

I am happy with who I am, I am in love with my wife, and I have two great sons. How could life be better? You find happiness within yourself, but I don't have a road map. I wish that I could help...

 

[cocodog]

As another poster stated, alot of my own self confidence has come with age. I am 44 now, and feel so much truer to myself than when I was younger. I also take anti- depressants.
I refused to entertain the idea for years, but when a doctor explained in medical terms how they could help me, it seemed much more acceptable. The anti- depressants have made a world of difference.
Good luck!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I learned my lesson about wanting to be someone else a long time ago. I always went through life wishing I could be someone else, someone who was prettier, thinner, richer, more popular... There was a particular girl when we were in our 20's who had the best job, the best hair, the best clothes, the coolest car, had all the hot guys throwing themselves at her. And she also had the best personality. She was the sweetest person. At one point in my life I would have given anything to be her. Unfortunately, she died of a brain tumor at 30.

Focus on what is good in your life and get yourself out of this destructive situation you're in. You have to learn that the person you are hurting most is yourself. Cut yourself a break, find something positive in your life, and something positive about you and focus on that. A friend once gave me some very sound advice -- "fake it until you make it." Even if you're unhappy, create a mantra for yourself that you are a good and worthy person who deserves nothing but the best. Demand if it yourself. If you love you, others will too.

Good luck and don't forget to reach out for help when you need it. We all do at some point.

 

[minkydog]

Beautiful people are not happier. Period.

There's no accepting or not accepting myself.

I yam what I yam, warts and all.

We all are.

One thing that I have learned over the years is that no matter how you change yourself, no matter where you run, you take yourself with you. In other words, losing weight won't make you like yourself more--there's always someone who lost more, lost it faster, and looks better that we do. You can have plastic surgery or Botox so that you'll look totally different, but you'll still have all your childhood issues. Beautiful people do not have it made. Doors open for them, but they are always aware that people want to be with them for the the glory they can bestow. Arm candy ain't what it seems.

A lot of my self acceptance / confidence has come with age. There comes a point in life that you realize you aren't going to please everyone with who you are so you just be yourself and accept it. .

And this is the nugget of truth: you will never be "just right" for everybody. If you were then I would say you have serious boundary issues because you'd be molding yourself constantly to what strangers wish you to be, instead of being the person you were meant to be.

Here's another nugget: You can't love others until you first love yourself.

There is no shame in medication if it can help improve the quality of your life. Please talk to your counselor or doctor. Depression is so difficult without proper medical care.

Depression can be situational or it can be chemical. You're doctor can help you learn the difference. The upshot is, if you have a chemical deficit or chemical imbalance you can do talk therapy until the cows come home but it's not going to correct your brain chemistry and your feelings are unlikely to change. Medications can correct the chemistry so you can move forward with therapy and start changing your life. Or you can refuse to use all the tools at your command and keep making the same mistakes over and over again, never getting better.

You deserve more.

 

[Serena]

Anti depressants helped me a lot.

Whenever I feel really bad I make a list. I count every single one of my blessings. Every thing I can and should be grateful for. It does help me.

Physical beauty is a mixture of genetics, bone structure, a hairstylist, knowing what to wear and how to apply the right makeup.

Go to a crowded place and just look around. Really look and see how many people that you see belong to the "beautiful people" group. Most people are just normal.

 

[believe]

Sure I get unhappy at times with my weight, but that is temporary and I am working to realize as long as I am healthy that is what counts.

I believe every individual has something in their life they struggle with or would like to 'fix' in their life or body. Just because they appear 'happy' doesn't mean the are. There was a guy at the supplier I work with who seemed 'happy'. Suicide is how his life ended. Appearances aren't everything and the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

From a young age I realized if I am in God's will I can easily remain happy. When I am unhappy I search for where I am lacking in my relationship with Hiim.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Depression can be situational or it can be chemical. You're doctor can help you learn the difference. The upshot is, if you have a chemical deficit or chemical imbalance you can do talk therapy until the cows come home but it's not going to correct your brain chemistry and your feelings are unlikely to change. Medications can correct the chemistry so you can move forward with therapy and start changing your life. Or you can refuse to use all the tools at your command and keep making the same mistakes over and over again, never getting better.

You deserve more.

I would add that the proof of the statement above is DisneyBamaFan's quote about being happy despite all the bad things that have happened to him. I think he's probably got a chemically "happy" brain.