How do you keep from getting totally tee'd off at your spouse if they hate WDW?

[Selket]

My DH is a great person and I love him dearly. That being said...however....I love disneyworld and he doesn't. Never has, never will. Everytime I've been since meeting him he comes along grudgingly (but says he doesn't want me to go without him). We've never stayed over 3 days. Now I'm trying to plan a 7night vacation there with my 2 sons (almost 6, and 1.5 yrs old). I haven't been in just over 3 years and this is for my 40th birthday (early celebration). If I talk to him about would you like to do this or that he pretty much says "whatever" and walks away or changes the subject. I passed along a comment to him today someone made about the food at the AKL - a hamburger I thought he'd like and they were raving about and he just made some sarcastic comment about the person being nuts to like a hamburger that much! If I try to find out things HE would like to do to make it more enjoyable for him there is nothing (tennis, fishing, golf, ESPN zone, etc.). He isn't interested. If we were going ANYWHERE else he'd be interested in things like that! ARGH!

He makes me feel like I'm wasting money and I end up getting anxious that the trip won't be "perfect" - it's like dragging a wet blanket around that can roll its eyes. He totally gets this "martyr" thing going when we talk about the trip and when we go there. I am thinking of asking him if he'd rather stay here with the younger one and I'll take the older one and do the driving myself (2 days each way). I can always put older one in the kid's club for an evening or two and go back to a park to ride some things that he cannot/will not. I just want to have FUN, take what comes, enjoy and not worry. I would rather us all be together however.

Help!!! This gets me so frustrated and ruins my planning and my trips!

 

[house_of_princesses]

Selket, It's always frustrating dealing with a martyred wet blanket! No matter what the circumstance. If it were me I think I may lovingly sit DH down and say something like this: "DH, I love you and know you love me. This trip is important to me. We are a family now and I'd really like for you to buck up and be a good sport about this. If you just can't muster up some smiles, then I respectfully request that you stay home joyfully and we won't speak of it again." Now the key is speak Lovingly. It was a lesson that took some time to master on my part. Hopefully he'll see your sincerity and be the good loving DH that you know him as!

Good Luck!

 

[Baloo]

Ohhh Carol honey I feel so bad for you!

I think h.o.p. said it so well! Sit your DH down and tell him exactly what she said! I know that so often it's NOT what you say but HOW you say it! I'm just starting to master that myself! Then if he continues to be a butthead I would go without him.

When my ex (he never shared my love of Disney but went to make me happy) left me a few years ago I thought I could never do WDW just me and my then 6 yr old son,but ya know what? We did and Erich and I had a WONDERFUL time! Luckily for me now I'm engaged to a Disney Freak so it makes going to WDW a joy!

Let us know what happens!

 

[rejobako]

Carol:

If your husband enjoys the activities you mentioned, then I can only surmise that his problem is the cost of what he perceives as frivolous entertainment. (As far as the parks are concerned, I've never understood this complaint. You can get a day's worth of entertainment for $50 or less. When getting into a movie for two hours costs $10 these days, a Disney park is a bargain in comparison.)


You deserve the vacation, and your kids will love it. My thought would be to see if you can save a little here and there to soften the financial blow for your husband, and then keep working the angles of things that he might find enjoyable. I'm a husband myself, so I can put myself in his position. If I were him and was worried about cost, I'd be a lot more ready to enjoy myself if I didn't think the week would blow the budget. That being said, don't compromise yourself out of a great time. I'm thinking he might be able to relax and enjoy himself if you stayed at a nice timeshare type resort, where you can all unwind when you're not in the parks. Some places offer great deals in the late summer and fall; they don't cost any more than a nice hotel room, but the extra space and amenities really help. If he's into sports, check the rates at non-Disney golf courses; if you're there in the late summer, the Buccaneers will be in training camp at Wide World of Sports; attendance is free, and every football fan worth his salt would enjoy hanging out watching those millionaires sweat.

Otherwise, let's face it. He's a guy, and if there's one thing I know about myself and my fellow men, it's that if we've decided we're not going to have any fun to spite everyone else, there's nothing that's going to stop us. At that point, your best bet is just to try to maintain your cool, ignore him and let him sulk. About halfway through the week he'll see everyone else having a blast without him, and he'll probably realize he might as well join in.

 

[Selket]

You know I don't think it is really the money. We spend just as much on vacations where we visit his family and friends. Indeed we are taking such a vacation early this summer before going to WDW. We took such a vacation this past christmas (he prefers vacations where he visits family and friends and to me that just isn't a vacation! That is a chore!). (In fact this is the 1st time for us to go down to WDW where he isn't visiting family for most of the trip as his mother moved away from FL since we were there last). He is a wonderful person and loving father and husband so I wouldn't swap him for anyone (don't want to sound like I would). I have tried in the past (several times) the "talk" where I tell him how much I know WDW annoys him but I like it, it is one of my most favorite vacation spots, etc. Unfortunately he cannot muster any enthusiasm for the place, and still gets in his digs about it. He practically ridicules me for liking the place and has never said a positive word about any vacation we've taken there. I've checked airfares and my son and I could fly for what the cost of his part of the fairytake package is (taking off his park ticket I guess). Perhaps that is the best way to go.

The Bucs training camp sounds great! The trip is scheduled for late Aug. so they should be playing pre-season then however. I will have to check that out. I would love to see that myself!

Thanks for the comments. I'm really trying to be positive about it but in the end I feel like I'm somehow wrong or silly, infantile or something for wanting to vacation at disneyworld.

 

[rejobako]

Originally posted by Selket
I'm really trying to be positive about it but in the end I feel like I'm somehow wrong or silly, infantile or something for wanting to vacation at disneyworld.

Don't give in to the dark side. I'm 40 years old, and I still get goosebumps on the way up the monorail ramp. I don't fault those who find Disney too antiseptic, "fake", or expensive, but I'm a kid at heart, and god help me, I love the hoopla. After hearing your story, I suppose I should consider myself lucky. My wife loves Disney too. She tends to max out on it before I do, but all I have to do to coax an extra day out of her is send her to the spa at the Grand Floridian or Gaylord Palms.

 

[Yzma and Kronk]

selket - OMG - you are married to my DH!!!!
Everytime I even think Disney - he gives me those looks!
However, there is hope!
We just returned from our 3rd trip in a year!!! We did a 9 day, and two 3 day weekends....until our AP's expire (tomorrow )

Anyway, in reality there is nothing you can really do.
I wouldn't however, try to plan the trip without him, unless he is OK with that idea.

When we finally went I got the kids so excited about it! He had no choice!
When we got there, what I did was "allow" (hee-hee) DH to stay back and do his thing (whatever that is....) when we are there, after telling him each morning what was planned. If he wanted to come, then fine - if not OK too. (But I will tell you it's the kids that pressure him to come along and ride with them....I just smile!) We usually go ahead and have a place to meet later on.
He spent most of the time with us during the 9 day, but the two weekends, I took the kids to the parks for the most part (he worked in the room!!)
My advise is to try not to get angry and take your happy pills each morning when you are there. Our kids are a little older, so I don't need as much help.

Some other advise:
- watch how many character meals you schedule. DH was not happy when I scheduled 4 on our 9 day trip - especially bfast (Why did I just pay $60. for this ....... bfast!)
- try to plan to bring snacks, etc to minimize the meal costs. DH gets really "ugly" when eating at Disney due to cost (he won't admit he liked anything even if I know he did!)
- if budget allows - it might be better to try one of the "villa" resorts to make it a little more like home (DH hates being in a hotel room with cranky kids.......he spent a lot of time on the balcony!)
- try not to over plan - and if you cannot resist (like me) DON'T let him know what you are up to.
- print off menu's from restaurants that you think DH would like from www.wdwig.com and put them in a book and leave them lying around the house (or better yet - in the bathroom) Hopefully he'll look at it, and if he does - don't comment - just smile!
- check out all the tips people post to minimize costs, like glow sticks, buying inexpensive toys prior to avoid melt downs at the park, disney dollars for your DS6 so he knows he can buy things with "his" money etc., etc.
- the best one is.....try, try, try to get some family or friends to come along. This changed DH's whole outlook, and he actually told people, "Just leave it to my DW - she knows everything about WDW!" (I almost fainted!)
Bottom line - I'm sure he'll come around to some degree, especially since your DS is 6 and will want him to participate.
Remember: (To quote the movie - Greek Wedding.....) The man may be the head, but the woman is the neck....and she can turn the head anyway she wants!!!
Good Luck!

 

[Sandi]

My DH doesn't hate WDW, but he sure doesn't like it. He also doesn't understand mine and my DD's LOVE of the place. Despite that, he's always been supportive and I think a lot of that has to do with our going without him most of the time. He will be joining us for our fall FTP trip, but I know he won't go to the parks every day and that's fine.

I suggest you quit asking him what he wants to do and just make plans to make you and your sons happy. Your DH is spoiling your fun now (and a lot of the fun is in planning). Talk to us and other Disney friends because we'll always be helpful and supportive. (We share your passion -- or disease.)

Definitely have the discussion the first posters suggested and then move on. Good luck and enjoy your trip.

 

[Snow Shoe]

MY sympathies go out to you. My wife and I both dearly love WDW, and frankly we are going there in July for our 30th anniversary at the GF. That said, my suggestion to you is to leave him at home, and maybe take a girlfriend instead, or you and your oldest child go it alone and fly. On TV last night, Disney had an ad on stating that you could get 7 nights and 6 days for the price of 4 nights through August.

 

[Baloo]

Carol...I was thinking along the lines of Snow Shoe too...maybe take a sibling of yours,your Mom or a close friend.Although I will just say the trips Erich and I took,just the two of us have been some of the most relaxing, fun trips I remember. I'm not encouraging you to go with just your son but it is your 40th birthday, a BIG birthday IMHO...it's your celebration and I don't think you should feel uncomfortable or unhappy during any of it!!He reminds me of my Dad.The ONLY time my father went anywhere,resembling a "vacation" it was a 3 day weekend visiting his family!So my Mom and I went on little trips on our own or with friends.

Dang it!!! I wish I could come over to your house and bop your DH on the head with a pixie wand!!

I KNOW that would put some Disney magic in him!!!


rejobako...thanks for the info on the Bucs...my almost DH will be thrilled!


You have friends here Carol and a myriad of opinions so I'm sure you'll find the answer that is right for YOU!

 

[lmhall2000]

Everyone has shared great ideas!! Since I don't know your dh it's hard to suggest what might work. When you go on "his ideal trips" to see family/friends- do you have a great attitude about it? If you do, then mention how you don't particularly consider that a vacation but that you know it pleases him so you try your best to show the kids you're trying. If you pout a little, maybe telling him you'll give his trips a better chance if he'll just give a little this time.
Lastly, your last trip was when your child was 3- well, it's a whole new world at 6 and hopefully if he cares at all for his children's happiness he'll see their faces and not let his sour attitude reflect on the children. If you're getting closer and he hasn't changed his approach- and you feel comfortable leaving him with the younger one- just go alone with older child- but maybe make it a shorter trip- say 5 nights 4 days. If you're like me it's hard to let it roll off when the bitterness is constant and I wouldn't want my children having to go through parents who are at odds- let us know what happens- I'm hoping he'll see the fun in your child's eyes and start to be a little more less self-focused- if 3 out of 4 in your family are having a blast- then he should suck it up.
Tara

 

[Selket]

Thanks to everyone for the replies! I did talk to him about it tonight and he definitely wants to go - and I want him to go. It would be depressing without him along. I think I will have my oldest son buy him a silly hat to wear while he is there and make him wear it every day. That will no doubt keep him from worrying about anything else!

I do think that if I could find one of his friends (or our friends) with kids to come along - or someone in his family - that he would be much happier. I will have to work on that for the next trip. I do try to enjoy our trips to visit family - I can always find something I want to see (art exhibit, rubberstamp store or something) along the way. He is not a workaholic = fortunately that isn't his problem! He just likes using his time off to visit people he knows (most of which are in the upper midwest - not like the most exciting destination on the planet). I like using my vacation time to see new places, go on adventures, and/or visit disneyworld. I wonder if he'd consider a vacation to the Mt. Everest base camp? Maybe if I talk that up he'll consider WDW to be the lesser of two evils.

I hope to see all of you at WDW!

Carol

 

[house_of_princesses]

Carol,

So happy things are looking brighter for you! Be greatful your DH found the spirit of cooperation within him. I know so many who don't.

Let's decide here and now that this, our mutual 40th year, will be spent joyfully!! and wonderfully!! with the help of family, friends, and WDW!!

 

[DNSDisney]

Dh and I both like disney we just have two different ideas of what it should be like. He wants to wake up about 8 and mosey over to the parks around 10-10:30. I want to be out and waiting when the rope is still up. This has drove both of us nuts the last two yrs. The first yr we did it my way and he was a grumpy the entire trip, last yr we did it his way I felt like I was missing a half day in the park (the best least crowded time) and I was grumpy.
So this yr we have decided ( with help from this board ) To do both. He can stay in the room and catch up with us later. I started to think that as much as he likes being in the know about things he will probably be joining us by mid trip for these early morning. If he doesn't that is fine too.
Maybe the less you try to get him to enjoy it he will wonder what he is missing and start to enjoy it all on his own. Some men are funny that way. THey don't want to feel forced into anything. Not saying you are forcing but just he may preseave it that way. Stop asking if he would enjoy the hamburger just say I am planning this meal at this rest. Do you want to join us?
Give it a try it could work. JM.02

 

[Pammy_from_WI]

I too am married to a man who's perfect WDW vacation would be to hire Chip and Dale and see them box with each other. LOL He hates crowds, doesn't like to travel, due to the fact he does it for work. So when we got married I made it clear that he could enjoy his vacation in a peaceful home, but he would have to allow us to travel without him. He's fine with that. I also added that at least every other year, he would have to go SOMEPLACE, even for a couple of days, with us, again he's fine with that.

This year he broke done and agreed to try WDW for 9 days. I think he was a little saddened when he saw the trip videos of our little ones first trip to WDW, last year. Plus we were gone for 3 weeks and I think deep down he missed us. LOL

I've planned for 9 days so we could do things slowly, get up a little later, do the parks for a few hours, go back to the hotel and relax and then go to the parks for a few hours. Plus I told him if he wants to take a day off from us to read or relax that was fine too. This is our first, big and long trip together as a family. I'm hoping things will go so well he'll turn into a WDW freak like we are, but I doubt it.

Here's a good example of how anti-WDW he is. A few years ago he had an all expense paid trip for a work conference. They stayed at the Swan and work even covered his food. Him and other guy went over to Epcot and rode Spaceship Earth and Body Wars and left. ARRRRGGGGHHHH I told him are you out of you mind???

Anyhow I feel your pain!!! I hope your trip is wonderful. I try not to talk about the planning too much with my DH and that seems to work out ok. I just tell him I need x dollars for WDW and he takes care of it. I've tried to plan a few things behind his back, to surprise him. I've also made him swear to put on a happy face for our little one and not complain too much about the prices. We worked out what I can spend on the trip and so far I'm on budget. And if he is too much of a anti-wdw grump, next time he'll be sitting at home. LOL

PS- I have a wonderful hubby!!! He is a great dad and he helps support my many Disney habits. So even though he's anti-Disney I still love him to death.

Pammy

 

[KLRI]

I am married to a non-fan as well. We're taking a trip in September and when we were discussing details about where to stay, how long to go, etc., he said that he recognized that we have different ideas of what is fun, that he realized how important it was to me to go to Disney and that he "could get through it" (as if it were dental work or something). I backed off then, booked the trip and now casually bring up some questions about things I think he'd like to do and occasionally he mentions that he enjoyed something on a prior trip and would like to do it again (mostly to eat at Boma's). I have also found it effective to ask him to consider how much fun our son (2yrs.) will have doing certain things--then he gets a big smile and agrees. He has compared WDW and the Dis to a "cult" before, but I don't really let him get to me.

Just in case we have some bumps along the way while on the trip, I'm planning to make a suggestion that he just do his own thing once or twice (we're staying on site so that will make it easier for us to split up--he likes to take leisurely jogs in the morning and I want to get going for early entry) and leave it up to him. Heck--its Walt Disney World and I will be happy if we just hang out at the resort sometimes.

KLRI

 

[Selket]

Thanks to everyone for the support - it is very helpful to see I'm not the only one with the anti-disney spouse and all the ways you've come to cope with it. I think from talking to DH that he would not consider letting us go without him as he really wants to be part of the trip. He is very good about letting me do what I want for the trip within budget of course. Our 1st was only 2.5 when we were there last time so this time I expect that my son will have even more fun and my husband will enjoy watching him. Dh is also very agreeable to staying with the little one if we want to go off and ride stuff. He isn't too much into riding. He totally surprised me last time by riding TOT however! I had assumed he would not so imagine my surprise when he took off for it and left me with the kid! LOL! Of course it made him sick to his stomach and he swears never to do that again. Not like he didn't know what was going to happen however.

I'm going to pencil in the activities so we have a plan but otherwise we'll go with the flow when we get there and see how we do with the hot weather. If we enjoy the pool more than the parks, so be it. As long as I get to ride test track this time!

 

[BibbidyBobbidyBoo]

Well,I wouldn't say my DH HATES Disney persay- but he's really not into amusement parks anyway (and that includes theme parks) -he's just not into rides much. Disney also turns him off a bit because he thinks it's "unmanly" to wear anything Mickey/etc. and thinks it's for kids only. Our last trip he even made comments about how he wouldn't wear this and that when he saw men in shirts/hats/etc.
*sigh* He just doesn't get it.
Plus it isn't exactly the least stressful thing in the world- to go to amusement parks or theme parks, even Disney, with young children, stroller, etc.

However, he doesn't give me a REAL hard time. I mean he didn't ruin the trip we took together like he COULD have (gripey attitude, rolling eyes/etc.) He was pretty good and took it in stride even though I knew he wasn't enjoying himself nearly as much as me and the children. But he did so because he knew how much it meant to ME- being my first trip ever and wanting to go all my life.
Then he had no problem at all with me returning shortly after on a solo trip. I think he'd prefer not to go, if you get my drift.

Our next trip he was actually happier with the idea of me just going with our oldest daughter- but my son wasn't so happy about that so we nixed that idea and decided on a family trip again (and possibly a trip with just my daughter ALSO.... maybe). However, I'm trying to make this as pleasant and enjoyable as possible for him. How?
Well first off- he said he'd enjoy it more if we didn't have to drive almost 24hrs there (even though I did most of the driving last time! Since it was overnight and I'm a nightowl and he's not). So I postponed the trip for 3 months later and we plan on flying (that way we'll be sure to have the extra $$ to fly- it's expensive for 5 people!)

Also I mentioned that instead of us all going to all the parks like last time (we went to all 4 parks PLUS US/IOA for 3 days also- and never parted from one another..... the whole family together all day every day)- that maybe sometimes if he wanted to just go back to the hotel midday with the youngest and enjoy the pool or if she took a nap he could take one with her also -and I'd keep the older two with me (or maybe sometimes just the oldest if our son wants to swim also- he also still takes naps sometimes and might then also). He seemed to like that idea- probably mostly because it would mean a break from all the stroller pushing (although we shared that duty equally usually) and parent swapping on rides and the "commando" style I had last time (although I plan on trying to chill on that on this trip LOL)

More relaxing vacation for him in other words. Also remember I said he doesn't really like rides. He ONLY enjoys them because of the children enjoying them- he doesn't enjoy them for himself at all. Except maybe RnR- and only because he HATES roller coasters but this is the only roller coaster he liked- probably because it's dark so he doesn't get his "icky stomach" from riding it. (he doesn't get sick persay- just doesn't like roller coasters or rides that twirl you around and stuff- the kids and my favorite types of rides ofcourse LOL)

Money is not an issue with him at all. Not that we're rich- I don't mean that. I just mean he doesn't really care that much if the money is spent there or elsewhere. It's a non-issue with him- he doesn't even worry about it- he leaves all that money stuff up to me. LOL He just isn't the ride/theme park type of person. And I'll never change that- just try to make the vacations like that as enjoyable as possible for him and he in turn tries not to ruin our good time by SHOWING how he's not really having a lot of fun. LOL

By the same token- we also do things he enjoys that I don't. It's a give and take kind of thing. We go camping (I so do NOT enjoy that- especially in Texas summer heat LOL) and boating/fishing (which isn't my favorite either- I'm too impatient to wait for fish to bite all day long. LOL) But I grin and bear it for him, as he would do for me on doing things *I* enjoy.

I'm hoping to make this next trip enjoyable enough that he won't balk at another trip in the future. But if so, I'll just resign myself to solo trips and with the kids as they get older and can enjoy it more without stressing me out. There is NO WAY I would go right now with 3 kids (ages 2, 5, and 9) by myself. I wouldn't enjoy myself very much. LOL

 

[Memaw2Wm]

Back in 1992 my entire family (dad, sisters, BILs, nieces and nephews) went to Disney for Christmas. I dragged my then husband with me kicking and screaming.

Afterwards he told me it was the best vacation of his life!

But will he go back .... Noooooo! We are now divorced, but remain friends and the grandkids really, really want him to go to Disney with them.

So I ask him, he refuses and I book the vacation without him ... it just not worth arguing over.

Of course he did recently agree to go to our granddaughter's ballet recital ... so he may find himself back at Disney ... that girl has got him wrapped!

 

[skiwee1]

Does he have to go with you? My DH doesn't care for WDW either. He can only handle a visit once every 5 years or so. My 14 y/o son hates the place. So I leave them home. Luckily my mother loves WDW so she goes with myself and 4 y/o DD. It is so pleasant not to hear any whining or complaining from the male factor and us girls doing what we want! We have been going 3 times a year for 2 weeks each trip. DH doesn't mind at all as he knows I'm Disney obsessed and when I'm happy then he's happy. Maybe you can find someone in your family that likes it as much as you and take them instead. It is great to have someone go that really gets into WDW as much as you do.