How Do You Encourage Parental Involvment

[luvsJack]

Is anyone else finding that no one wants to get involved in their child's activiites anymore?

My oldest is 28, my youngest is 12 and for that many years I have been a part of whatever they were involved in. Booster Club officer, PTO officer, team mom, etc.

DD is in Show Choir. For our jr. high kids, it is a MINIMUM $1000 for each child to participate this year. That includes the cost for the end of the year trip for the child, but they will have to pay an extra 350-500 for one parent to go with the child.

We are raising money through a multitude of fund raisers so that all the girls can compete in every competition, have their costumes, have an end of the year banquet and go to WDW in April. We cannot get anyone to help, we cannot get a response from parents as to whether they understand how much the costs are, we have held several "mandatory" meetings and no one shows. Its ridiculous! There are 4 officers, supposed to be 6, that work every fund raiser we have done. We have had 2 fund raising coordinators and both have just stopped coming to meetings.

It is so bad that the school has given us permission to require that if the parents do not help they will have to pay $200 plus trip and costume costs for their child to stay in show choir (in the past, it has been understood that the group would raise as close to 100% of costs as possible so that everyone could participate). I am honestly afraid that we are going to end up with a show choir consisting of 5 girls.

If ou have been in a group with this problem, what did you do to solve it?? I will be in this group next year too and foresee being President and left with all the problems.

 

[MushyMushy]

What???

I thought the problem WAS parents who are too involved. You know, helicopter parents?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I guess you can threaten to cancel some if the venues? That might get people's attention.

Honestly if people are NOT putting in the time, you are going to have to let some things go, I would think, right?

 

[Donaldswife]

If it were me, I would gladly take the option of paying for my DD to participate and opt out of the fundraising. I work full time, DH travels every week for work, she is in activities, and I have a life of my own as well! If I were to help with all the fundraisers at school, the PTO, Girl Scouts....etc. etc. then when we would do homework? have dinner together? SLEEP!!???? I know it is a worthwhile cause, but so are all the others. I would offer the payment choice, some parents (like myself) might be more than happy to pay for their child to get out of the hassle of the nonstop fundraising!

 

[carj]

Is the option there for the parents to simply pay their child's fees? At this point in my life, I would do that rather than participate in multiple meetings and fundraising.

Also you mentioned that some of the fundraising coordinators are not attending meetings. Is there a dynamic in the group that pushes away people? Are the meetings concise and do they make good use of people's time? Are the meetings held at times that allow the parents to attend?

Please don't think i am being critical or accusatory. It's hard to get a group of adults to do this kind of thing and can be very frustrating for the organizers. I just wanted to offer some thoughts on issues to consider.

 

[2Kds2K9]

Personally, by the time my kids were in Jr high school I was done with volunteering. I had done so much in elementary school that I was just plain burned out and felt that it was time for others to step up. Also, I'm tired of fundraisers. I would much rather just pay a one time fee for the activitiy and be done with it. I hate having to get my kids to hit up the neighbors and family every year for various fundraisers.

To answer your question on how to get others more involved. I guess you would have to instil some sort of fee schedule for non participation. Or, as someone else mentioned, don't do as many activities. When the kids realize that actitivites are being cancelled due to lack of funds/volunteers, I bet they go home and get mommy dearest to help out. I think that too many parents rely on the "usual volunteers" to get it done. At least that's what I've experienced.

Good luck.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I prefer optional fundraisers. Those who fundraise, get the discount. We did competitive dance last year and with 3 kids and hyperemisis while pregnant with my 4th, I simply did not have the luxury of washing cars or hawking wares. Nor did I have the ability to add in further commitments to our week to shuttle my kids to those things.

It just isn't my cup of tea.

Allow only those who help to get the benefits. For some--they simply can't and that shouldn't be judged as a bad thing.

 

[goofy!]

If it were me, I would gladly take the option of paying for my DD to participate and opt out of the fundraising. I work full time, DH travels every week for work, she is in activities, and I have a life of my own as well! If I were to help with all the fundraisers at school, the PTO, Girl Scouts....etc. etc. then when we would do homework? have dinner together? SLEEP!!???? I know it is a worthwhile cause, but so are all the others. I would offer the payment choice, some parents (like myself) might be more than happy to pay for their child to get out of the hassle of the nonstop fund raising!

This is exactly why my daughter's gym has 3 different opportunities for fund raising. There are (2) 501c3 clubs and one booster club. One 501c3 runs bingo, one is dedicated to the special needs team and goes after corporate grants, and the booster club does traditional fundraising such as selling stuff and running concession stands at major league sports.

If you want to do both groups fine. If you want to do only one, that is fine too. And if you just want to pay your way, that is absolutely ok. In fact, the standard is that you pay out of pocket. The fund raising groups are considered a courtesy to help, but definitely not mandatory. I would absolutely hate it if I was forced to sell stuff. Just let me write a check.

The 501c3s, per IRS rules, has to distribute all funds raised evenly between members. But you have to opt in as a member and pay an initial membership fee. If you participate in the fundraisers organized by the booster club, all the money you raise goes into your child's account. But again, it is all optional.
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This approach seems to be popular as last year the gym had to hold a lottery because so many parents wanted to participate There just weren't enough spots available in the fund raising groups for all the parents who wanted to participate.

Of course, that might also be that the yearly fees can top $5,000+ with travel. A bit ridiculous for a kid's sport, but what the heck. DD lives and breathes her sport.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Have you considered the fact that the economy is lousy and there is 9.6% unemployment? $1,000 is a lot to raise for an after school activity, especially when a lot of that is apparently going to a trip.

Our marching band has each member pay out of pocket for stuff. But it does not make us pay for full uniforms (just $30 for shoes and $2 for gloves). Instruments we either rent or can use the band instruments. The end of year trip is OPTIONAL. There was one day trip that cost a couple dollars for dinner. There was an overnight trip this year that cost $25 for the hotel room per child, plus some money for food. There is an end of year trip in May, but it will probably be in the $400 or $500 range.

Any fundraising goes into my kid's "accounts" and pays for their end of year trip. General monies come from stuff like the concession stand we have set up during football season, and a Christmas tree sale we do.

Also. fundraisers are just a pain. My kids do one or two of the fundraisers, but when we get 10 in a year, that's a lot to deal with. On top of the marching band fundraisers you have the regular school fundraisers, PTO fundraisers, and any other extracurricular activity fundraisers. Sometimes you end up having the same thing for sale from multiple groups.

As for the mandatory meetings, when are they? Our band meetings were always on a day when I had another commitment. Fortunately, that's changed this past month, but we never went to the band parent meetings in the past two years.

 

[TLuvsD]

If it costs $1,000 tell the parents that in the beginning of the year. Fundraisers are avaliable to help offset the costs. If you don't participate in the fundraisers you write a check. If you don't want to write a check, you fundraise. Appropriate budget allocation for extenuating circumstances (verified by the principal). Written document everyone signs either at the beginning of the year or when they sign up for show choir.

I am perfectly willing to help out, I am more than willing to help extra for those in difficult cirmcumstances. But I am tired of the parents who have time/money for dinner/lunch/whatever, but don't have time/money for the activities...that they want someone else to provide the opportunity for their student. I'm over that. This option allows everyone to choose what they want to do, write a check or fundraise. Once you know how many are fundraising you can plan your activities accordingly.

 

[SandrA9810]

When I was in the Colorguard, we held a few car washes. During the marching season it was mandatory that a parent/adult help at the concession stand at least once a month during a game. The one thing about that, is it could be any adult participating for the student, so big brother or sis, cousin, BFF's mom or who ever could step in to do this.
The marching band, also sold ice cream after school. And was the ones responsible for the Tree stand.

 

[NHdisneylover]

If it costs $1,000 tell the parents that in the beginning of the year. Fundraisers are avaliable to help offset the costs. If you don't participate in the fundraisers you write a check. If you don't want to write a check, you fundraise. Appropriate budget allocation for extenuating circumstances (verified by the principal). Written document everyone signs either at the beginning of the year or when they sign up for show choir.

I am perfectly willing to help out, I am more than willing to help extra for those in difficult cirmcumstances. But I am tired of the parents who have time/money for dinner/lunch/whatever, but don't have time/money for the activities...that they want someone else to provide the opportunity for their student. I'm over that. This option allows everyone to choose what they want to do, write a check or fundraise. Once you know how many are fundraising you can plan your activities accordingly.

This is exactly how it should be done. People who can just write a check and prefer to do so should not be pressured to do the fundraising because others cannot or do not want to pay out of pocket AND those who do the work of the fundraising should not have to share their funds with those who do not do the work.

I would only add , that if you have a kid whose parents will not work or pay themselves but the kid is dedicated and willing to do as much work as you will allow her to do herself she should still get a piece of the fundraising pie--it is not her fault her parents are not willing (or possibly able--some families the parents are working or caring for high needs members and simply do not have the time or cash to give) to do either--but the kid in question has to be putting in 110% and it should be a rare exception on a case by case basis.

 

[ckay87]

My observation, in my area, is that every organization has a core clique who just take over and don't let anyone else help, all the while complaining about lack of parental involvement.

During my kids elementary years, I'd volunteer for all the book fairs, classroom parties, concession stands, etc. I'd take time off work, even, to show up and sit there uselessly because the same 3 women just wanted to do it all. I spent about 30 seconds in the PTA before I ran for the door! The only organization that really welcomed a lot of hands-on help was Boy Scouts. Men are more than happy to hand over some of the labor!

My son is a senior now and I thought I'd take on one last stint as a school volunteer by joining the Safe Graduation committee. Attended one meeting, sat there silently while the same 2 women dictated all the plans for the year. That was enough.

Just my experience. So no, it's not my opinion that parental involvement is dwindling. I just think (no offense) that's a popular thing to say. Again, just my experience.

 

[luvsJack]

Last year the policy was that the parents had the option to pay oop for the costume and the trip, but were required to work fund raisers for the general fund. That was the policy we were working with, but its not working at all.

The mandatory meetings have been scheduled on different nights, at pick up time from after-school practice (somebody HAS to pick the child up, right?), on nights there is no practice, we have tried it all. We have the same 2 or 3 show up, plus the officers.

We send notes home to be brought back signed--no response. and its hard because the Show Choir teacher doesn't really give them a grade so she can't mark off points for not bringing back the note like other teachers can do.

Of the two fund raiser coordinators that quit, one got angry because she could not get enough people to work one of the events and the other says that she does not have time.

I understand the time crunch, but we are all working parents. I work full time, go to school full time, dh works away from home every week and over the weekend once or twice a month, we attend church, I workout after work 3 times a week, take dd to her other activities AND participate as needed in Show Choir; so I get the time issues. My problem with it is that they knew what they were responsible for when they allowed their child to try out.

As for the economy being a problem, I could understand that; except that through the fundraisers that us few have worked, I have raised 1/2 of dd's costs. Raising the money is not the problem, getting people to work towards raising it is. For me, the economy is the reason I need to do these events so that I don't have to come out of pocket with this money.

If any of these parents wanted to write a check to the choir for $1000, believe me we would be more than happy to take it. But, I am really afraid that is not going to happen. We have sent two letters out stating the cost and that if not participating in the events they would have to pay oop, the group costs by the first of this month (NO ONE has paid) and the individual costs (costumes, trip) as they come due. Most of the costumes have been partly paid for but no response to any other question/statement about money.

I totally agree, NHdisneylover, and am really concerened about some of these girls who are working hard but their parents are not doing anything. Some of the events we have had, the kids can work but the biggest money makers they can't. Guess we will have to change that next year.

The trip is supposed to be done so that everyone can participate but it looks like that will change this year too. It is a competition so not sure what will happen if too many drop out.

Thanks everyone, for your viewpoint, and I think I see how we can approach this next year. I am the only officer that will be left next year so am planning to either volunteer to be fund raising coordinator or president. (not enough involvment for elections) We will definitly have a plan to get money paid up front or at least a large deposit with payments made prior to competitions. And fund raising will have to be done differently too.

 

[luvsJack]

My observation, in my area, is that every organization has a core clique who just take over and don't let anyone else help, all the while complaining about lack of parental involvement.

During my kids elementary years, I'd volunteer for all the book fairs, classroom parties, concession stands, etc. I'd take time off work, even, to show up and sit there uselessly because the same 3 women just wanted to do it all. I spent about 30 seconds in the PTA before I ran for the door! The only organization that really welcomed a lot of hands-on help was Boy Scouts. Men are more than happy to hand over some of the labor!

My son is a senior now and I thought I'd take on one last stint as a school volunteer by joining the Safe Graduation committee. Attended one meeting, sat there silently while the same 2 women dictated all the plans for the year. That was enough.

Just my experience. So no, it's not my opinion that parental involvement is dwindling. I just think (no offense) that's a popular thing to say. Again, just my experience.

I get exactly what you are saying and I have experienced that too. I stopped goint to PTO meetings a long time ago for this very reason. The problem is that its just not that way here.

We are doing fund raisers that required us to have a certain number of people to work, we are BEGGING for help and not getting it. One lady brought her out of town guests to the last one just so there would be enough workers.

We had a meeting last year as soon as the girls were chosen for show choir. After the officers were chosen, the choir director told the group what fund raising events were done the past year and what worked well and what didn't. Then we had a huge discussion about what we would do or wouldn't do from that list. EVERY parent was able to speak and was listened too and every parents was able to add to the list of ideas. Now none of them want to do any of the work or pay the money!! Its very frustrating.

The kids are the ones who will be hurt in the long run. We can't have a show choir if we can't come up with the money to run the thing.

 

[mjkacmom]

Simple - people don't have time. My dd14's choir trip will cost $1400, my ds12's choir trip will cost $300, my dd7 and dds's region dance competion will cost $800. All have fundraisers, that go directly into their accounts. There are also fundraisers for both travel soccer teams, ds12's travel baseball teams, a mandatory $400 fee for dd14 and ds12's theater production (but we can fundraise). There are fundraisers for little league. There are fundraisers for band. There are fundraisers for the elementary school. As for when the meetings are held, you are in a somewhat unique situation having only one child. I don't have a single night where I'm not schlepping children around. And don't even get me started on cub scout/brownie/girl scout popcorn/candy/cookie sales. My DH coaches 3 teams this season.

 

[golfgal]

Find fundraisers that don't require the parents to work. Honestly, we pick and choose what we help with-we are board members for one activity and pretty involved in another, leaving little time for any others. Your parents may be in the same situation. Add church commitments to that and we simply do NOT have time to do anything else. If parents are paying out of pocket for costs, they should not HAVE to work at fundraisers. If a fundraiser grosses, $1000, you net MAYBE 40% of that. If a parent pays $1000 OOP, they are paying MORE already, plus you want them to work .

People are just SICK of fundraisers. I know I am. We are trying to come up with fundraisers for things that people already buy-Christmas arrangements, gift cards to the garden center, etc. It's not easy though.

 

[luvsJack]

Simple - people don't have time. My dd14's choir trip will cost $1400, my ds12's choir trip will cost $300, my dd7 and dds's region dance competion will cost $800. All have fundraisers, that go directly into their accounts. There are also fundraisers for both travel soccer teams, ds12's travel baseball teams, a mandatory $400 fee for dd14 and ds12's theater production (but we can fundraise). There are fundraisers for little league. There are fundraisers for band. There are fundraisers for the elementary school. As for when the meetings are held, you are in a somewhat unique situation having only one child. I don't have a single night where I'm not schlepping children around. And don't even get me started on cub scout/brownie/girl scout popcorn/candy/cookie sales. My DH coaches 3 teams this season.

Oh, yes, yes , I completely understand about the time. I only have one child at home, but I have raised two boys so I know all about having one kid on one side of town and the other on the other side. Dh worked out of town back then to, so it was still just me. But,in all reality, I am much busier now than I was then and they played baseball, football and basketball, took karate lessons and guitar lessons, active in church etc. etc. etc, and there were huge costs and fund raisers done for every thing they were in. I really, really understand the lack of time. We didn't have a night without somewhere to be then and we don't now.

I really do understand, BUT, they should have said "I can't work the fund raisers, I will pay the costs out of pocket". We are not getting a response from these people and because show choir is a scheduled class we can't just put the girls out either.

As for the meetings, even when I had two children to haul all over the place, when older ds's baseball team said "MANDATORY" meeting--I sort of took that to mean I should make every effort to be there. I never thought "mandatory" meant "optional"--and that is the frustration.

I can see that we will have to completely overhaul the policies of show choir for next year so I will be having many meetings with the principal to clear all of it. Its just that its always been that the choir raised the money for the girls and in that way if a family simply did not have the funds to pay out of pocket, they didn't have to.

I really am getting the feeling that many of these parents think that even if they don't do the work, their child will still benefit from the work we have done.

 

[mjkacmom]

Oh, yes, yes , I completely understand about the time. I only have one child at home, but I have raised two boys so I know all about having one kid on one side of town and the other on the other side. Dh worked out of town back then to, so it was still just me. But,in all reality, I am much busier now than I was then and they played baseball, football and basketball, took karate lessons and guitar lessons, active in church etc. etc. etc, and there were huge costs and fund raisers done for every thing they were in. I really, really understand the lack of time. We didn't have a night without somewhere to be then and we don't now.

I really do understand, BUT, they should have said "I can't work the fund raisers, I will pay the costs out of pocket". We are not getting a response from these people and because show choir is a scheduled class we can't just put the girls out either.

As for the meetings, even when I had two children to haul all over the place, when older ds's baseball team said "MANDATORY" meeting--I sort of took that to mean I should make every effort to be there. I never thought "mandatory" meant "optional"--and that is the frustration.

I can see that we will have to completely overhaul the policies of show choir for next year so I will be having many meetings with the principal to clear all of it. Its just that its always been that the choir raised the money for the girls and in that way if a family simply did not have the funds to pay out of pocket, they didn't have to.

I really am getting the feeling that many of these parents think that even if they don't do the work, their child will still benefit from the work we have done.

I like individual fundraisers, that go right into each child's account. We have a great deal here with a grocery store. They sell us gc's to sell, and we get a percetage. I can't remember the amount, maybe $5 for every $100, but you are going to grocery shop anyway. Another one is selling candy bars - you buy a box, and get 1/3 of the profit. Both cost me nothing. All of the packets of candles, cheesecakes, etc., go in the garbage, because I have no one to sell them to (everyone I know has kids who are fundraising).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OP you have to keep in mind that you need to change your fundraising strategy.

I would have to pay cash up front because I have no one to sell to. ALL of my family are barely getting by and all of my neighbors have little kids with fundraisiers of their own.

A great fundraiser that I participated in for my neice was a "fantasy football" thing on Yahoo groups.

Trivia nights are great fundraisers.

Car washes, garage sales, etc....

I will admit that candy bars are a pretty good sell.

The kids and parents actually have to WORK instead of selling useless crap to people.