How do you do haircuts for a reluctant kid?

[LavenderPeach]

Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to do haircuts for a very reluctant child. DS3 has an extensive medical history so he's very leery of new places and new people since he's had a lot of negative experiences. He also tends to get freaked out before any explanation can be made and there is no reasoning with him. Until recently, he had a home health nurse who would also cut his hair but we no longer have our nurse. So the other day I took DS to get his hair cut at a kids hair salon. I thought maybe a place dedicated to kids would know how to handle a reluctant customer better than a regular haircutting place. Anyway, he liked the fire truck they had for him to sit in but once she started touching his hair he started to get anxious. He did pretty good at first, although he was very guarded but then he completely freaked out when she was trying to cut around his ears and the hair by his neck. They even had an Elmo movie playing for him but he was too scared to be distracted by anything. We left with a fairly decent haircut but clearly the sides and back needed to be trimmed more. I was able to cut a little bit myself this morning but he recognized the sound of the scissors cutting his hair and started to freak out again so I wasn't able to do it as good as I would have liked. I'm already dreading the next haircut.

Any suggestions? I know there are a lot of parents of kids with autism on this board and I was thinking that some autistic kids might have a similar reaction to getting their haircut so I was hoping someone might have some ideas of how to make this easier. Thanks for any suggestions!

 

[bookwormde]

The simple solution is just to do it yourself and do not worry about it being perfect.

bookwormde

 

[LavenderPeach]

The simple solution is just to do it yourself and do not worry about it being perfect.

bookwormde

I have no clue how to cut hair, except for just trimming the back and sides which even that I had a hard time with. I once cut my friend's hair when we were in high school and even with a willing participant, it wasn't an easy task. Also, now that he's all worked up over it I don't think I could even attempt to do it without making a huge mess of his hair. It doesn't have to be perfect but i don't want it looking scary either.

 

[KirstenB]

I'm with Bookwormde on this one. You can do it. I'll be honest, I always joke this process takes me 3 days. The first day, I'm like, "not bad". Then I wash her hair, and see all the spots where it's a little crooked. So the next day, I fix those up, and think "I'm done". Then I repeat the whole scenario again the next morning! By then, it's very short, but done, and actually looks decent!! BTW, I keep it very simple, just a basic bowl cut.

 

[SandrainNC]

My youngest (non-special needs) screams when we take him to get his hair cut. We have one of those clipper sets and we use that. If he screams at home, it isn't as disturbing to others. The last time we took him somebody left because he was screaming so bad. I was so embarrased. We have been cutting it for over a year now.

Sandra

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

DS is fine with the scissors, but bring that clipper/shaver (whatever it's called) near him and he gets very anxious. I don't think it's so much the feeling against his skin as it is the noise..he still doesn't like loud noises and even the vacuum cleaner sends him scurrying to his room to get away from it.

 

[Schmeck]

Is he capable enough to safely cut off a chunk of his hair by himself? Can you hand him a pair of safety scissors that are sharp enough to cut hair?

If he can do it, have him cut off a chunk. Then you do one. Leave it at that for a bit, and then try to do a little bit more another day.

Do you know of any haridressers that could come to your house? My cousin goes to my parents' home to cut their hair.

 

[1stluvispooh]

Oh my gosh I just had a flash back to getting DD's hair cut at that age! Lets just say it took 3 of us to get it done. First of all is he scared of the clippers? My DS who is NT hatted them until he was about 5. You said he had a hard time with them cutting around his ears. DD can't stand to have her ears exposed. She thinks it makes all the sounds louder so she never I mean never wants "anyone to see my ears" Outside of that you might want to start prepping him before you go. Just casually mention it a couple of days before the cut and then everyday until you go add a little more info each time. I think if you tried to wait until you got there he was already in sensory overload, (I don't know if you did that was the impression I got from your post I could be wrong. It's been know to happen before) Also if you can find someone who doesn't freak out if the kids freaking out to cut his hair I found that helps a lot. Sometime I would have to wait just to get the owner to cut DD's hair. Then just don't expect perfection. I know it hard it your kid and well he's so darn cute you don't want a crappy cut messing it up. Just remember if it is a bad cut. It's just hair it will grow. Hope this helped.

 

[Earstou]

I had to cut my ds' hair for many years. When he hit high school, I told him he had to go somewhere to get it cut because it wasn't cool to have mom cut it anymore!
(mom haircut!)
I started out with scissors, then finally graduated to the clippers. He would ask me to give him a buzz cut at the beginning of summer, and he wouldn't need another cut until school started. He hates loud noises, but I think he tolerated the noise because it meant fewer cuts!
My clippers came with a video that showed you how to cut hair. My first few tries were not good, but after that the cuts were passable.
I would always prepare him a few days in advance by saying "on Tuesday I will cut your hair", then remind him again the next day, then give him a choice on the day of the cut as to when to cut it. I got so that I would give him a treat to eat (careful here, hair can get in it!) to keep him calmer. We also would have some fun activity lined up for after the haircut.
He has an aunt who cuts hair, but lives in another state. We would have her cut it (at home) whenever we saw her, which worked really well, except we didn't see her very often!

 

[LauraVV]

I have no clue how to cut hair, except for just trimming the back and sides which even that I had a hard time with. I once cut my friend's hair when we were in high school and even with a willing participant, it wasn't an easy task. Also, now that he's all worked up over it I don't think I could even attempt to do it without making a huge mess of his hair. It doesn't have to be perfect but i don't want it looking scary either.

You wait until he's really sleep and sit him on your lap. You take a pair of good scissors and cut the bangs. The next day you cut the back. The next day you cut the sides.

You then wait until kindergarten until you get a "real" haircut.

I had no idea how to do it either. There's no way in the world you can ruin hair. It grows back.

Why get worked up about it? Don't talk about it. Just do it.

 

[LavenderPeach]

Thanks for all the suggestions and encouragement! The main problem isn't that he screams and cries but that he wiggles around and moves to avoid the haircut and also puts his hands up by the scissors. Sharp scissors + a wiggly kid = The hairdresser tried clippers first and he just kept moving away and putting his hand up to block it. He touched and looked at it first but didn't want it anywhere near his head. I think he gets nervous since he can't see what is happening and he's had too many bad hospital/doctor experiences (like getting IVs put in, etc).

Schmeck, interesting idea about having him help cut his hair. I might have to try that. He might go for something like that. Also, I've thought about having someone come to our house to do it but I don't really know anyone.

Laura, I actually did trim around one side while he was asleep the other night. It was a little too dark for my bad eyes to see very good but it came out okay. We tried to trim a little more last night but he wasn't fully asleep so he kept trying to put his hands up to stop us. Too bad we can't have a hairdresser lined up at the hospital next time he needs to be sedated for a procedure!

I know a lot of people say to prepare kids for whatever event is going to take place by telling them about it but for some reason, DS does worse when with this. Like when we go to the doctor's, the doctor will usually try to show him the stethascope (or whatever) first before using it thinking that it will make things go smoother but he actually does better if the doctor just does it without talking about it first. DS likes talking about how he got his haircut so if I talked to him about it before we went he would probably be fine with that but I think it would be because he wouldn't fully understand that we were going to go do that. I won't go into all his problems but he does have some comprehension issues so he doesn't always understand what is going on.

And unfortunately snacks won't help because he has a feeding tube and is just learning how to eat (he's about at the stage of a 9 month old). He tolerates the food he eats but he certainly doesn't enjoy it.

Thanks again for all the good suggestions! It's so funny that he has put up with so many medical things including having a trach and ventilator for 18 months plus wearing a hot, uncomfortable back brace every day for 23 hours a day but it's the "easy" things that seem like the hardest for him.

 

[1stluvispooh]

Thanks for all the suggestions and encouragement! The main problem isn't that he screams and cries but that he wiggles around and moves to avoid the haircut and also puts his hands up by the scissors. Sharp scissors + a wiggly kid = The hairdresser tried clippers first and he just kept moving away and putting his hand up to block it. He touched and looked at it first but didn't want it anywhere near his head. I think he gets nervous since he can't see what is happening and he's had too many bad hospital/doctor experiences (like getting IVs put in, etc).

Schmeck, interesting idea about having him help cut his hair. I might have to try that. He might go for something like that. Also, I've thought about having someone come to our house to do it but I don't really know anyone.

Laura, I actually did trim around one side while he was asleep the other night. It was a little too dark for my bad eyes to see very good but it came out okay. We tried to trim a little more last night but he wasn't fully asleep so he kept trying to put his hands up to stop us. Too bad we can't have a hairdresser lined up at the hospital next time he needs to be sedated for a procedure!

I know a lot of people say to prepare kids for whatever event is going to take place by telling them about it but for some reason, DS does worse when with this. Like when we go to the doctor's, the doctor will usually try to show him the stethascope (or whatever) first before using it thinking that it will make things go smoother but he actually does better if the doctor just does it without talking about it first. DS likes talking about how he got his haircut so if I talked to him about it before we went he would probably be fine with that but I think it would be because he wouldn't fully understand that we were going to go do that. I won't go into all his problems but he does have some comprehension issues so he doesn't always understand what is going on.

And unfortunately snacks won't help because he has a feeding tube and is just learning how to eat (he's about at the stage of a 9 month old). He tolerates the food he eats but he certainly doesn't enjoy it.

Thanks again for all the good suggestions! It's so funny that he has put up with so many medical things including having a trach and ventilator for 18 months plus wearing a hot, uncomfortable back brace every day for 23 hours a day but it's the "easy" things that seem like the hardest for him.

Well my DD was that way at that age too. She has outgrown it I can now tell her what is going on before it happens and it usually helps. (I told her for months that when she turns 9 we would get ride of her booster seat. Yeah I know she hasn't needed one for years but it what she had always done in my car so...) All I have to say is hang in there things will get easier eventually.

 

[pudge the fish]

My dd was 3 when she went for her first hair cut
She threw up all over the salon because she was so freaked out by it all.
it didn't get much better until she was about 7
until then grandma did her bangs -
it was rough as she would jerk away and we thought she would get stabbed by scissors.

you are not alone

 

[mechurchlady]

You need practice sessions with him so he gets used to the scissors around him. Sort of like a dog being clipped. You can hog tie them but that does not stop the fear. You are dealing with fear.

Use safety scissors and gently show him that it will not hurt. It seems he does not like his head touched so he needs to understand that some head touching is ok and nice. It is the same treatment as if the kid refuses to walk past a fence with a dog, for example.

Your kid may be hypersensitive to some extent and the touching annoys him. it is going to take a lot of role playing. If you have a barber you trust who will not have outbursts such as adults only then take him there to see how safe it is. Rewards and practice and adjusting to the situation.

Forcing him only makes the fear worse.

Big hugs
Laurie

If not then tell them he is studying to be a XXX of XXX religion.

 

[turkeymama]

I have a 5 year old autistic son. I cut his hair myself until he was about 1 year old. He was miserable for his first haircut. The longer we went to him, the better my son got. We stuck with the same guy until last February, right before DS turned 4. Then we moved.

I started taking him to the girl that cut my hair. She was very aware of his difficulties, so the first several haircuts were not perfect, nor were they complete. As time goes by, he gets better. He gets super freaked out by the clippers close to his ears and his neck. He still squirms and whines. We went for a haircut 2 weeks ago and he told her he was going to rip her arms off if she didn't leave his neck alone. Thank God, everyone in there knows him. So clearly, time doesn't necessarily work in our favor.

I found something that works pretty well for us. My husband has this grooming kit that has attachments. I started using the moustache/clipper attachment to trim around his ears and neck. It takes forever, but I can do it while he is watching t.v. Also, it isn't very loud at all and it doesn't "tickle". I started doing this before I take him for his real haircut. That makes it much less stressful for all of us.

 

[LavenderPeach]

Well my DD was that way at that age too. She has outgrown it I can now tell her what is going on before it happens and it usually helps. (I told her for months that when she turns 9 we would get ride of her booster seat. Yeah I know she hasn't needed one for years but it what she had always done in my car so...) All I have to say is hang in there things will get easier eventually.

Okay, so DS isn't the only who freaks out about knowing things ahead of time. Hopefully he'll eventually outgrow it too. You read so much about how helpful it is to give kids warning ahead of time that it surprised me when I realized it makes things worse for him. One time I was talking about how we were going to church the next day (which he loves) and he got really upset because he wanted to go right then and didn't understand that we would be going the next day and not right that minute. I think he's getting a little better with this but I still have to be careful.

My dd was 3 when she went for her first hair cut
She threw up all over the salon because she was so freaked out by it all.
it didn't get much better until she was about 7
until then grandma did her bangs -
it was rough as she would jerk away and we thought she would get stabbed by scissors.

you are not alone

Fortunately DS didn't throw up but actually, it's a surprise that he didn't! That sounds exactly like what DS would do. He has lots of GI issues and he used to throw up at least once or twice a day and we had to be very careful not to make him too upset (not helpful when you're trying to discipline). Thanks for reminding me I'm not alone! Sometimes I need that reminder because it feels like I'm navagating all his various issues by myself.

You need practice sessions with him so he gets used to the scissors around him. Sort of like a dog being clipped. You can hog tie them but that does not stop the fear. You are dealing with fear.

Use safety scissors and gently show him that it will not hurt. It seems he does not like his head touched so he needs to understand that some head touching is ok and nice. It is the same treatment as if the kid refuses to walk past a fence with a dog, for example.

Your kid may be hypersensitive to some extent and the touching annoys him. it is going to take a lot of role playing. If you have a barber you trust who will not have outbursts such as adults only then take him there to see how safe it is. Rewards and practice and adjusting to the situation.

Forcing him only makes the fear worse.

Big hugs
Laurie

If not then tell them he is studying to be a XXX of XXX religion.

Yeah, practicing with him is a good idea. The place I went was sort of far away because I wanted to try a kids salon but if I found a closer place then maybe we could visit it often, even if was just walking in the door to say hi. Poor thing has to work so hard at all his therapies (OT, PT, speech, and feeding) that I feel bad when we have to do "normal" things that he finds so unpleasant.

I have a 5 year old autistic son. I cut his hair myself until he was about 1 year old. He was miserable for his first haircut. The longer we went to him, the better my son got. We stuck with the same guy until last February, right before DS turned 4. Then we moved.

I started taking him to the girl that cut my hair. She was very aware of his difficulties, so the first several haircuts were not perfect, nor were they complete. As time goes by, he gets better. He gets super freaked out by the clippers close to his ears and his neck. He still squirms and whines. We went for a haircut 2 weeks ago and he told her he was going to rip her arms off if she didn't leave his neck alone. Thank God, everyone in there knows him. So clearly, time doesn't necessarily work in our favor.

I found something that works pretty well for us. My husband has this grooming kit that has attachments. I started using the moustache/clipper attachment to trim around his ears and neck. It takes forever, but I can do it while he is watching t.v. Also, it isn't very loud at all and it doesn't "tickle". I started doing this before I take him for his real haircut. That makes it much less stressful for all of us.

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll have to look into that since it seems like a better way to go than the clippers. I wonder if DH has anything like that already.

Thanks again everyone! I knew I could count on you guys for some great suggestions!

 

[mechurchlady]

A problem that people with neurovariancies and phobias has it that people want to throw the person right into the new thing or the thing they fear.

It will be fine if he increases a tiny itty bitty bit each day or week. It could be noise, fear of being hurt, not being able to see what is going on, or sensory issues with being touched in certain spots. OMG what are you going to do to me? is the third one I listed. Some people freak out when they do not know what is going to happen. Find which one then tiniest step. Play with him with safety scissors so he gets used to scissors being safe. Pretend to be a barber and let him pretend to cut your hair. Let him control the situation.

He has lots of therapy but make this a fun time game like role playing as him the barber. Developing trust of his barber and stop by on the way to a candy store or what ever he likes like a city park.

Forcing a kid then develops the mental anguish of being constrained and force to do upsetting thngs. There are bratty moments, innocent childish fears, and then true fears and neurovariances that are based on imanigined or misunderstood reactions to seemingly innocent stuff..

I am sending you a dole whip and lots of hugs.

Laurie

 

[turkeymama]

I totally agree the haircut thing shouldn't be forced in cases like these. It just isn't that important in the grand scheme of things.

 

[LavenderPeach]

Yes, I have lots of practice in not forcing him to do certain things. His feeding therapy is a huge test of patience. We've had to take tiny little baby steps to move him forward with this (and we still have a very long way to go). So I totally agree and understand about not pushing too hard. Unfortunately, there are other times he has to be forced to do things he doesn't want to, like getting an IV put in for a procedure or even just letting the doctor listen to his lungs. Poor thing. I feel so bad that he's afraid of things because of his medical history but I know that he wouldn't even be alive if it weren't for all the medical intervention he's had so I'm thankful for that.

Laurie, thanks for sending a dolewhip my way! Hmm......I stilll have to try one of those sometime.

 

[LauraVV]

Yes, I have lots of practice in not forcing him to do certain things. His feeding therapy is a huge test of patience. We've had to take tiny little baby steps to move him forward with this (and we still have a very long way to go).

You know, my daughter went through years and years of feeding therapy. I thought she'd always be a skinny thing. But....she's now actually a little chubby. She still cannot eat some things well (meat, crusty breads, etc.) but does very well now. Feeding therapy was a very fun thing for her. It was a game. She still calls the Easter Seals building Sue's house. Sue was her feeding therapist. Anyway, she still has a good relationship with food. She also was able to nurse, a rare thing for a micropreemie like her.