How do you deal with someone who knows no personal boundries?? (it gets long)

[SundaeAfternoon]

Yes, but honestly there's a bit of it that I don't believe.

I do. I have experienced people like that before, and if you are not used to a personality like that, it can be very unsettling.

 

[JESW]

You met another parent who is friendly and wants to talk to you. I can see why you are upset.

Why don't you give me your telephone number and address and I'll have her get in touch with YOU!

 

[JESW]

Yes, but honestly there's a bit of it that I don't believe.

And which part would that be??

 

[kimmar067]

...in response to OP...wow.....just, wow......make a great premise for a sit-com though....

 

[daisax]

If she is off her rocker, all the more reason to try to be a haven for her daughter, I should think. I'd be clear about pickup times and such, but try to keep that friendship alive. I imagine her mom has scared off more than a few friends for her daughter over the years.

By 5th grade I don't remember my mom involved in any of my friendships except as a limo service!

 

[Bluestars]

Wednesday - I spoke with a Mom from the other Mom's town and she gave me the warning to distance myself as much from this woman as I possibly could as she is totally whacked. There have been a couple incidents with her where kids safety was at risk (bringing them places and then leaving them unattended while she went off and did something else...left them alone for hours...took kids for hours and the parents couldn't get in touch with her..etc.) so that clinches it for me. I just asked if she knew her and that is when she told me to be very, very careful. The other Mom is well-known in her town and now she is trying to latch on to those of us in the other town - those of us who don't know her.


Jill

After reading all that about her, I don't think I would feel comfortable at all dropping my child off at her house. I would be backing away from this relationship as quietly and as politely as possible

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Run - Run as fast as you can - in the other direction!!!

 

[JESW]

Just a quick update...I saw the Mom yesterday as Tues. & Wed. are the days our girls are in the same after-school program. I wasn't mean, but when she came by I just excused myself and dd and we went off to the car. She did come after me and asked if my dd could have a sleepover at their house (on my dd's bd) and they would have a party for her there. Huh??? She expected me to let my daughter go over her house on her birthday so she could give her a party - I don't think so! I very politely told her no and that is not something we wanted to do and we are not big on sleep-overs anyhow. She just said ok and went to her car. In her mind I am sure she thought she was being nice, but why would she think I would let my 10/11 year old go to someone else's house on her bd??

When we got home I had a talk with my daughter. I made it VERY clear to her that I really liked her friend but I felt uncomfortable with her mother. We have talked before about trusting your instincts and those feelings you get inside when you are around certain people - she understands that as there have been a couple kids she felt that way about. We had a good talk and that she is turning 11 tomorrow I am able to talk with her more about "grown up" situations. She also told me that she thought the Mom was a bit "strange" and she didn't want to go over her house. Dd sees her friend quite a bit at school and during the after-school program. I will not punish the girl because of her mother's behavior, but now that I know how she is I will take more control of the situations - having the girl at our house, limiting the hours so the mom doesn't leave for the entire day, and not getting so involved.

Jill

 

[Bluestars]

I think you handled it very well with the mother and also with your daughter. I can't believe the mother wanted to have your daughter celebrate her birthday at the mother's house.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think you handled it very well with the mother and also with your daughter. I can't believe the mother wanted to have your daughter celebrate her birthday at the mother's house.

Me either. Strange offer from someone you don't know well. Sets off bells and whistles to me.

I think you handled it well too.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

We know a few people like your new "friend". She is probably just trying to be friendly. She almost certainly means no harm.

People are different. You either need to find a way to adjust to her, or have a conversation over coffee that explains your differences.

It is not her that is the problem - it is the fact that the two of you differ so much. Neither of you is "wrong"...

 

[JESW]

I wish it was just the fact that we are "different", but I do believe there is something "off" with this woman and talking with the other mom who has known her for years made me believe it more. Again, I will not be mean to her or her daughter, but I will not let her take my daughter or let her go over her house - there have been safety issues with this woman when she has taken other children and I will not put my child at risk.

Jill

 

[OceanAnnie]

I wish it was just the fact that we are "different", but I do believe there is something "off" with this woman and talking with the other mom who has known her for years made me believe it more. Again, I will not be mean to her or her daughter, but I will not let her take my daughter or let her go over her house - there have been safety issues with this woman when she has taken other children and I will not put my child at risk.

Jill

I think that is very smart. The only snag I see is if your DD's friend continues to come over your house, she will be asking your DD to do the same, I imagine quite a bit. That's a lot of excuses and eventually you will be asked why. Awkward. I would consider having them meet (skate rink, movies, etc..) to give you some relief from that. I would stay at the meet up place and encourage the other mother to go do her errands (7 hours!), she would probably take you up on that. At least then it wouldn't be a tit for tat (my house/your house) type thing all the time.

 

[Carys]

I tend to agree with other posters who don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with the other woman, the behaviour described sounds perfectly normal for an outgoing networker, particularly if she (mistakenly) believes you two have already formed a friendship.

On the party issue - although I'm not a parent, I know of an instance where a family friend held a child's party because for various reasons the mother was not up to doing so, perhaps she knew you were under stress and was just trying to be thoughtful.

Not every personality meshes well. Take it as a friendship that's not meant to be and move on - don't waste time trying to figure out if it's right or wrong because it's wasted emotional energy! And deal with invitations for your child as they come, don't worry about them in advance. Hope it all works out smoothly

 

[Disney Doll]

I think that is very smart. The only snag I see is if your DD's friend continues to come over your house, she will be asking your DD to do the same, I imagine quite a bit. That's a lot of excuses and eventually you will be asked why. Awkward. I would consider having them meet (skate rink, movies, etc..) to give you some relief from that. I would stay at the meet up place and encourage the other mother to go do her errands (7 hours!), she would probably take you up on that. At least then it wouldn't be a tit for tat (my house/your house) type thing all the time.

When my mother had a bad feeling about another parent and she was pressed as to why she wouldn't let me go to that child's house but would let the child come to our house, her stock answer was "I know, I'm a kooky overprotective mother. I just can't help it and I am so glad you understand and don't have a problem letting Susie come to our house to play".

 

[akhenaten]

I think somewhere out there in cyberspace a woman is posting about the mom she met who was not even going to have a bday party for her DD and how terrible she thinks that is.... and that she even offered to have the child over and make a cake for her... but the mom said no....

and folks are posting on her thread about how awful that parent it and how wonderful she was to offer!!

Its all just a matter of perspective...

BUt seriously ... you just need to trust your instincts...

 

[disykat]

I think somewhere out there in cyberspace a woman is posting about the mom she met who was not even going to have a bday party for her DD and how terrible she thinks that is.... and that she even offered to have the child over and make a cake for her... but the mom said no....

and folks are posting on her thread about how awful that parent it and how wonderful she was to offer!!

Its all just a matter of perspective...

BUt seriously ... you just need to trust your instincts...

But this issue isn't who someone who heard the other mom's side might feel - the issue is that the mom was told that the dd didn't want a party and jumped to some sort of weird conclusion that she needed to take over and throw one!

 

[akhenaten]

But this issue isn't who someone who heard the other mom's side might feel - the issue is that the mom was told that the dd didn't want a party and jumped to some sort of weird conclusion that she needed to take over and throw one!

Maybe.... that is what the op said she told the "odd" mom... maybe she was not so clear or maybe the other mom misheard.... things like that happen all the time!
I still think that could be what the "odd" mom "heard" .....

 

[dismom2]

I've known a couple people like this. They pushed their way into private conversations, invited themselves to everything and invited me to do things with them a lot (not with a group); started calling me all the time, and even buying things for me--which was weird. I gave them a chance, though they drove me crazy, but eventually we went out separate ways, and to be honest, I'm glad. They were just a little too pushy. When someone calls you everyday as soon as you wake up, and calls several times a day, it gets to be a little much. To be honest, I started to avoid them. I do feel for them, though. I think these girls in particular had some type of social disorder, and felt they had to push their way into people's lives. I don't think they realized they were actually pushing people away. They eventually move on to someone else after you ensure less contact and really start backing off.

 

[JESW]

Maybe.... that is what the op said she told the "odd" mom... maybe she was not so clear or maybe the other mom misheard.... things like that happen all the time!
I still think that could be what the "odd" mom "heard" .....

Nope...even dd told her that she didn't like to have parties - never did. The last two years I took her and 3 friends out for the day - bowling,pizza,arcade - 3 years ago she was at Disney for her birthday - and before that it was cupcakes at school and family parties.

Tonight she wanted Japanese food for dinner and right now she is at the school social/dance with all her friends and I am sure she is having a blast doing exactly what she wanted to do on this birthday!

Jill