How do you deal with a "difficult" child on vacation?

[kelleyrn2000]

We are taking a trip to WDW in June. We have taken our kids on many small trips, as well as to Disney before, and my 7yo dd has often proved to be difficult on many trips (some more than others.) She can be very moody, and gets upset for reasons we don't always understand. She is very sensitive and in general a great kid, but she has moods quite often where she will become defiant and need alot of redirection and discipline. She does have the ability to self-control, but she struggles to deal with her emotions/negative feelings. DH will be with us the whole time, but we always struggle with how to handle her without punishing the other kids.

Please tell me I am not the only one who has to deal with this. I love her very dearly but it is very mentally exhausting to deal with some days. We have tried counseling and she refuses to talk. We used up our alotted visits with insurance.

My main concern is if she takes off in the crowds against our rules. That happened twice a couple years ago at the zoo, she disappeared outside an exhibit and we didn't know where she was. Finally found her hiding in one of the kiosks the whole time we were searching and calling for her. All because she was upset about something.

Any tips will be appreciated! We want to enjoy our trip as much as possible. I plan to go over the rules each day with the kids, but Disney is kind of a place where you need to be flexible, and that is not my dd!

ETA I realize that labeling her as "difficult" isn't the best word choice, but it was for lack of a better word!

 

[kampfirekim]

We are taking a trip to WDW in June. We have taken our kids on many small trips, as well as to Disney before, and my 7yo dd has often proved to be difficult on many trips (some more than others.) She can be very moody, and gets upset for reasons we don't always understand. She is very sensitive and in general a great kid, but she has moods quite often where she will become defiant and need alot of redirection and discipline. She does have the ability to self-control, but she struggles to deal with her emotions/negative feelings. DH will be with us the whole time, but we always struggle with how to handle her without punishing the other kids.

Please tell me I am not the only one who has to deal with this. I love her very dearly but it is very mentally exhausting to deal with some days. We have tried counseling and she refuses to talk. We used up our alotted visits with insurance.

My main concern is if she takes off in the crowds against our rules. That happened twice a couple years ago at the zoo, she disappeared outside an exhibit and we didn't know where she was. Finally found her hiding in one of the kiosks the whole time we were searching and calling for her. All because she was upset about something.

Any tips will be appreciated! We want to enjoy our trip as much as possible. I plan to go over the rules each day with the kids, but Disney is kind of a place where you need to be flexible, and that is not my dd!

ETA I realize that labeling her as "difficult" isn't the best word choice, but it was for lack of a better word!

It wasn't clear to me whether or not your daughter has a disability. Either way my heart goes out to you. My DS(5) has autism/ADHD so I fully understand the difficult behavior and running away. As far as the running away goes, perhaps you could rent or purchase a "child find" device. I know what you're going through by not wanting your other kids to suffer or miss out on anything. I would suggest splitting up if you have to, allowing your other kids to enjoy a few attractions, while one of you lets your DD sit a few out. We have had to do that in the past ourselves. Luckily we had the benefit of my parents being with us to help out though. I don't know if this helps or not, but I'm willing to keep tossing a few ideas around with you until you find something you think will work. This is very difficult position to be in, and NO you are not alone. There are many of us in the same boat. Good luck and feel free to PM me any time if you'd like.

 

[livndisney]

With the main concern of her taking off. How would she do in a stroller? You maybe able to get a tag letting you take the stroller in line with you.


Something else you may want to consider is taking her picture every morning when she is dress for the day. Pin your cell phone number to the back of her shirt. If she gets away a CM will know how to contact you. If she gets away, CM's have policy in place how to handle it. Find the first CM and tell them you have a missing a child, show them the picture of your child taken that morning. They will get on the radio and CM's will start looking (if she has not been found already)

 

[SueM in MN]

There is a link in post #2 of the disABILITIES FAQs thread to several companies that rent special needs strollers (basically larger strollers made for older children and small adults). One of those companies also rents child find systems.

It doesn't sound as though you would need a stroller in line, but one might be helpful for you while going between attractions, although, if she is defiant and 'difficult' she may refuse to sit in it at all or get up and run.

Sometimes it is helpful for the child to feel they have some control of the situation. If your family has planned everything out, she may just be feeling overwhelmed with following the plan and doesn't have the resources to deal with it. She may want to help you with planning. It's also helpful to have something to do - some people have found that hidden Mickey books help give the child something to do.
Some of the sounds, crowds and just general busy-ness of the area can also be too overstimulating for some children.

Have you noticed any time or relation element - like is she better first thing in the morning or later in the day? Might she be getting hungry (low blood sugar can make people cranky and irritable)?

You may want to look into using a tour planning service like TourGuide Mike or RideMax that helps you to be in the quietest part of the quietest park. You can get a lot of things done in a much shorter time period and quite a few posters have said they seldom waited more than 10 minutes for anything, even during pretty busy times.

 

[Kat77]

If you feel that bolting in crowds is a concern, you might consider having her sit in a stroller or using a locator alarm http://www.nextag.com/child-alarm/compare-html .

 

[kelleyrn2000]

Thank you for the reply. No, she doesn't have a disability ( i guess i posted here because I feel like some of you may understand). They said she likely had ADHD when we were seeing the counselor, but I wasn't comfortable with the diagnosis. I don't feel that it was correct, since her teacher said she was doing fine at school. She does fairly well at school, with very rare episodes of defiance (at school).

She has never been the typical child, and is very unpredictable as far as moods. We always walk on eggshells around her. Most of her frustrations are taken out on me, since she and I are the closest. She sometimes gets physical with me, but it's not extreme (throwing objects, light pushes, pinches, mostly verbal). She may act fine and happy one minute, and the next she is flipping out for no apparent reason, or over a seemingly miniscule issue. And then she is back to being fine after I let her cool down.
It's honestly like having two different kids some days. She can be the most wonderful caring and thoughtful child!

I was thinking about taking walkie talkies to the park, in case DH needs to take her to cool down. The problem is,she usually needs to be alone to get back to normal. I'm not sure where DH would be able to take her. I'm getting stressed just thinking about it. On our last trip three years ago she took off in the airport and DH had to run after her and chase her. I think people were wondering if he was trying to kidnap her!!

 

[kelleyrn2000]

With the main concern of her taking off. How would she do in a stroller? You maybe able to get a tag letting you take the stroller in line with you.


Something else you may want to consider is taking her picture every morning when she is dress for the day. Pin your cell phone number to the back of her shirt. If she gets away a CM will know how to contact you. If she gets away, CM's have policy in place how to handle it. Find the first CM and tell them you have a missing a child, show them the picture of your child taken that morning. They will get on the radio and CM's will start looking (if she has not been found already)

Yes, the cell idea is a great idea. We have had the Code Adam for her in stores when she has hidden from me.

As far as the stroller, she is too big for that but we will need that for our 2yo who is a runner as well!

 

[kelleyrn2000]

Sometimes it is helpful for the child to feel they have some control of the situation. If your family has planned everything out, she may just be feeling overwhelmed with following the plan and doesn't have the resources to deal with it. She may want to help you with planning. It's also helpful to have something to do - some people have found that hidden Mickey books help give the child something to do.
Some of the sounds, crowds and just general busy-ness of the area can also be too overstimulating for some children.

Have you noticed any time or relation element - like is she better first thing in the morning or later in the day? Might she be getting hungry (low blood sugar can make people cranky and irritable)?

I need to learn how to do multiple quotes....sorry!

She is awful in the morning. I leave for work in tears many times. After school typically fine, but it really does vary. Some days we can go all day without a meltdown, but typically at least one episode of her telling me how mean and stupid I am. It's like living with a teenager who throws toddler tantrums. But she is 7.

Noise does affect her more than average. I think that's why she likes to be by herself in her room to cool down.

I like the idea of helping her plan things. I will have to come up with a way of her being too controlling. She loooves to make up rules!

 

[PrincessMom4]

Has she been tested for Sensory Processing/Intergation Disorder?? These children are extremely sensitive to one or all of the 5 sense. Things that you or I may not hear or does bother us may drive your child insane. My child has SPD and some anger issues and sounds much like your daughter except for the school part. She doesn't have social skills at school

 

[Bete]

As stated previously, there are larger strollers that can be rented for your daughter. I know this is more work for you, but in the long run it would make for a better and safer trip. If you refuse this option then do a child harness. Infact, you may want to do both aids.

With your child getting older and smarter, she could really dissappear from you quickly and perhaps not want to be found. She may view it as a game and you are a captive audience. This is serious in an environment such as Disney. Also, it distracts so much from your vacation. Maybe, using the tools above would help her to understand the seriousness of her actions in running away. I really think she needs to understand this is not acceptable behavior and it's not a game and it's not a way to get positive attention from her parents. I'm not saying this is the case here, but be on the safer side. She will resist a stroller I'm sure and I'm sure she'll put up a fuss about it, but maybe, it can be a good tool to bring her around on this behavior.

I commend how helpful CMs are at Disney, but to rely on them in this instance is asking a little too much. They may or may not be able to help. In this world, something terrible could happen if she gets away.

Another thought is perhaps getting drugs for the trip to calm her down. We do this with my Alzheimer's mother when we travel. It does help to a degree. We don't use the drugs under normal home conditions, but for vacations I use extra aids. Ask your doctor if he/she thinks there would be something that could help her. Bringing her out of her routine, probably brings out the worse in her; it can be more frustrating stimulating all her senses at a place like Disney.

I'm not being mean, but you have had serious instances of her running away already. I really believe you need to be on the side of caution and safety, here.

 

[PrincessMom4]

When my DD had a meltdown at Disney, Stitch just happened to be coming out and came over and hugged her. I never got to tell them how much that meant to us. So CM's are great!!!

 

[persimmondeb]

She sounds a lot like my sister as a child. Unfortunately, we never really figured out any coping mechanism beyond giving her a wide berth when she was in a mood. And I don't think she took off like that until she was a little older, although noise and crowds would fairly predictably set her off. The good part, my sister is a highly functional and successful adult, if still somewhat volatile of mood and cranky, but that's not really helpful to you at the moment. And "difficult" is exactly the word my parents used!

Does she know how to use a cell phone, and would she call you/answer the phone? My DS14 (Aspergers) has carried one for years. He's not a runner, but he is a wanderer, and he's walked off in a snit a few times. He knows he must answer the phone, no matter how absorbed he is, or how mad at us he is, and he's pretty good about it. You can get a pre-paid pretty cheaply, so it's not a major inconvenience if it's lost.

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

First, I want to say that I would do further evaluation on your daughter. She sounds a bit like my son with Asperger's. Also, children with ADHD can do fine in school especially the lower grades. My younger son has adhhhhhhd and he is actually in gifted programs. School was never a problem for him until around 6th grade when we discovered a writing disability along with some As as well. It took us a long time to realize all this because he is our "happy, easy child"- well compared to his slighly older brother who has more extreme AS with all the sensory sensitivities and meltdowns associated with it. For the running away, one thing we do with my son who has adhhhhhhhhhhhd is dress him in neon, specifically those construction worker t-shirts that all but glow. It makes it easier to spot when he has taken off. The other ideas of strollers and child find devices are good as well. Another thing you can use are Safety Tats- it's a tatoo made for these purposes that you can put info on. you may consider using headphones as well. If she has auditory sensitivites, this may block some of the noise and cause her to be calmer. Also, I would avoid things like crowds ( ie: fireworks, parades) if this is a trigger. I hope I gave you a few tips that you can use.

 

[kampfirekim]

Another thought is perhaps getting drugs for the trip to calm her down. We do this with my Alzheimer's mother when we travel. It does help to a degree. We don't use the drugs under normal home conditions, but for vacations I use extra aids. Ask your doctor if he/she thinks there would be something that could help her. Bringing her out of her routine, probably brings out the worse in her; it can be more frustrating stimulating all her senses at a place like Disney.

I'm not being mean, but you have had serious instances of her running away already. I really believe you need to be on the side of caution and safety, here.

Meds may be an option worth looking into. I know you mentioned that you've exhausted your isurance for therapy sessions. Perhaps you would be willing to consider psychiatry. I know that sounds frightening at first, but they could likely determine the underlying problem (it very well could be an undiagnosed disability) and prescribe meds if appropriate. We saw a psychologist for many months to help us with behavior modification and have considered revisiting that option as well. Talk to your pediatrician if you haven't already. He or she may have some insight or be able to refer you to the proper specialist if necessary.

I agree that the CM's are great and will do everything they can, but there are too many dangers even at Disney to fully rely on them to find her. That's why I still recommend a child finder device so you can find her quickly without wasting precious time looking for assistance. The picture every day or at least a very current pic (taken just before you leave) is an excellent idea, just in case. At WDW I'm sure pics won't be a problem!

You mentioned that her worst time is in the am. Perhaps DH could take the others ahead if possble and you and DD could meet up later? If the tantrums happen after you arrive in the park, I do recommend finding a little "cool down" spot. I have always been able to find a little corner somewhere during DS5's (Autism/ADHDD) meltdowns. When he settles down we rejoin the others.

Our psychologist said that "all behavior is communicaton " and that it may seem like "no reason" to us, but there is definitely a reason to them. We just have to find that reason. I know that every situation is different, but we really do understand the pain and frustration you're going through. Hopefully one or all of us are able to help, if nothing else at least give you a little love and support. Best wishes, Kim

 

[elcodfish]

My nephew is 3 and even though everything else is fine he is very delayed in speech and he has all sorts of melt downs and runs away. We have found the best way to deal with him is to let him have control over certain things and give him the power to make decisions, so he feels like he is the one in control. I would ask your daughter in the morning to pick out the first thing you are going to do that day, or where you are going to go to lunch. Even asking her, what should we do first, Splash Mountain or Big Thunder may make a difference. Last week at the zoo, he was crying and just miserable until we stopped and asked him which should we do first, train or elephants and he stopped and really took his time before leading everyone to the elephants and he was much better. I would also give her a map everyday and ask her periodically for help finding something, even if you know where you are. Having a morning alone with her could also help her feel special. Good Luck!

 

[OneLittleSpark]

Has she been tested for Sensory Processing/Intergation Disorder?? These children are extremely sensitive to one or all of the 5 sense. Things that you or I may not hear or does bother us may drive your child insane.

I was wondering this too. If the world just 'gets too much' it sometimes seems like the only option is to shut down and get away from everything. I have some form of mild undiagnosed AS / SPID and I know what it feels like to have the world screaming at you (at least, that's how it can feel for me). When I get particularly bad, I can't string a sentence together; all sounds physically hurt; I feel like the world is pressing in on me; crowds make me feel like I'm suffocating; and the best communication I can manage is a random hand flapping. If this is what it's like for your daughter, it would 'make sense' of her running away, and also getting stressed and angry.

If she has these issues, she probably doesn't yet have the control of language to fully explain what's going on in her head (heck, even I can't fully explain it, and I'm in my mid-twenties!). You may need to help her with this somehow - perhaps through art, physical movements or using similes. If she can find a way to better communicate her needs and feelings, it may give you an opportunity to help reduce her stress and handle it when it happens. I know I'm making it sound like it's simple, but I know, it really isn't. Unfortunately there are no magic fixes for these issues, and there's never really a cure, but even if it just makes life a tiny bit easier, I'm sure it will make a huge difference to you.

As for what you can do at Disney, I'll give you a few suggestions, and you can see if anything sticks:

Ear plugs or ear defenders to use in busy crowds and during loud things like fireworks. Make sure she has these to hand, so that she has complete control over them, and can decide when she needs to block the world out.

A pediatric wheelchair / SN stroller could be a help to her. Partly it will make it harder for her to bolt; but it will also give her a 'safe place' to go to, and put a bit of a barrier between her and other people. The downside is that she will be lower down, so crowds will feel more oppressive (I use a wheelchair, and tight crowds are really stressful for me).

Make sure she eats regularly. I get more sensitive when my blood sugar is low (as Sue said), but I don't always feel hungry until after I've begun 'stressing out'. Carry some snacks around with you, so you don't get caught short in a line.

Try and check in with her regularly. These things can often be building for a while, and it may be that even she doesn't know it's happening. A quick, quiet conversation on how she's doing, and if she needs anything may just help keep her from boiling over, and let her feel more in control.

Keep her cool and hydrated.

Try to plan 'sensory breaks' into your day, to give her some time and space to wind back down. This could be going into a restaurant for a snack during a quiet time; sitting in an out-of-the-way place for a while; going to the cinema in the back of the Kodak building (Main Street Square, MK); or going to the first aid centre for a lie-down.

Make sure all her clothes are soft, breathable and non-constricting. During a bad patch, a scratchy top can cause me pain, and a tight necked-top can make me feel claustrophobic.

Keep an eye on her in places with strong scents, particularly perfume shops (I can't even go into the one in Paris, WS).

Have some of the retrieval techniques others have talked about (such as tracking devices) to use if she does bolt.


One of the big things that helps me when things are bad, is feeling like I have got control of the situation. I need to be able to block out or get away from the things that are stressing me, or I will just continue to escalate. You may want to arrange a signal with her that means 'Get me out NOW', for use when she's overwhelmed and can't talk. It may explain why she has run away from you before, and why she didn't respond at the zoo when you were calling for her; it may not be that she was deliberately hiding from you, but that she had to get away from external stimuli, and was so stuck inside her own head that she physically couldn't respond.

All of these things are just things that I know help me, they may not do anything for your DD. If anything here doesn't feel right, then it may not work for her; you know her better than I do, so don't be afraid to trust your gut.

I hope some of this helps you guys, and I hope the Disney magic does wonderful things for you all. If you or your daughter want to talk to me about any of this, you're welcome to PM me. This is such a tough thing to go through, and I wish I could give you a simple fix, but you know as well as I do that there isn't such a thing (if there was, I know you would have found it). Please remember that none of this is your fault - you are a wonderful mother who is doing everything that she can for her daughter, in a very difficult situation.

I need to learn how to do multiple quotes....sorry!

When you want to quote more than one post, just click on the little button next to the 'Quote' button. You can do this for all of the posts you want to quote, then when you hit the 'post reply' button, they'll all be there in the order you clicked on them.

 

[ariel71]

Ironic - I just happened across a website yesterday regarding "highly sensitive" people, and it may be worth reviewing to see if it's relevant in your situation. It does seem to describe some of your daughter's behavior while allowing for the fact that she may not have something that escalates to the level of SPD or other "disorder" per se.

I can't post links yet, but the website is "hsperson" with a www at the beginning and a dotcom at the end.

 

[kelleyrn2000]

Thank you everyone for your tips. I have thought about sensory issues in the past, but her symptoms are very inconsistent, so it doesn't seem that likely unless she has a milder form of it. There have been periods of time (months even) where her behavior has been better and her moods more even keeled. Her latest "difficult period" started back in December and hasn't let up for an extended period of time since then. The ADHD is still a possiblity (she is the type to need to constantly wiggle around at home but at school I think she seems to be able to control herself just fine) but it doesn't seem to me to be the cause of her problem IMO.

She sounds a lot like my sister as a child. Unfortunately, we never really figured out any coping mechanism beyond giving her a wide berth when she was in a mood. And I don't think she took off like that until she was a little older, although noise and crowds would fairly predictably set her off. The good part, my sister is a highly functional and successful adult, if still somewhat volatile of mood and cranky, but that's not really helpful to you at the moment. And "difficult" is exactly the word my parents used!

We don't really know what sets her off half the time. Sometimes her feelings are hurt, sometimes things didn't go her way, sometimes she just gets upset and we don't know why she is mad. And when she is in a good mood, the child is angelic, loves to help, does nice things for others (like cleaning the bathroom out of the blue), it's just such a huge difference!

First, I want to say that I would do further evaluation on your daughter. She sounds a bit like my son with Asperger's. Also, children with ADHD can do fine in school especially the lower grades. My younger son has adhhhhhhd and he is actually in gifted programs. School was never a problem for him until around 6th grade when we discovered a writing disability along with some As as well. It took us a long time to realize all this because he is our "happy, easy child"- well compared to his slighly older brother who has more extreme AS with all the sensory sensitivities and meltdowns associated with it. For the running away, one thing we do with my son who has adhhhhhhhhhhhd is dress him in neon, specifically those construction worker t-shirts that all but glow. It makes it easier to spot when he has taken off. The other ideas of strollers and child find devices are good as well. Another thing you can use are Safety Tats- it's a tatoo made for these purposes that you can put info on. you may consider using headphones as well. If she has auditory sensitivites, this may block some of the noise and cause her to be calmer. Also, I would avoid things like crowds ( ie: fireworks, parades) if this is a trigger. I hope I gave you a few tips that you can use.

The safety tattoos are a good idea. Also maybe letting her wear headphones with music if she wants? Her issues are not consistent, so I don't know that it would be possible for her to have sensory issues. They thought maybe ADHD, but at this point I am not pushing that since she is successful at school. Her older sister (8) has been diagnosed with ADD and is way more easy going, although not doing as well in school.

My nephew is 3 and even though everything else is fine he is very delayed in speech and he has all sorts of melt downs and runs away. We have found the best way to deal with him is to let him have control over certain things and give him the power to make decisions, so he feels like he is the one in control. I would ask your daughter in the morning to pick out the first thing you are going to do that day, or where you are going to go to lunch. Even asking her, what should we do first, Splash Mountain or Big Thunder may make a difference. Last week at the zoo, he was crying and just miserable until we stopped and asked him which should we do first, train or elephants and he stopped and really took his time before leading everyone to the elephants and he was much better. I would also give her a map everyday and ask her periodically for help finding something, even if you know where you are. Having a morning alone with her could also help her feel special. Good Luck!

Yes, she loves being in control! And she has taken our maps before and tried to navigate the way for us!

I was wondering this too. If the world just 'gets too much' it sometimes seems like the only option is to shut down and get away from everything. I have some form of mild undiagnosed AS / SPID and I know what it feels like to have the world screaming at you (at least, that's how it can feel for me). When I get particularly bad, I can't string a sentence together; all sounds physically hurt; I feel like the world is pressing in on me; crowds make me feel like I'm suffocating; and the best communication I can manage is a random hand flapping. If this is what it's like for your daughter, it would 'make sense' of her running away, and also getting stressed and angry.

If she has these issues, she probably doesn't yet have the control of language to fully explain what's going on in her head (heck, even I can't fully explain it, and I'm in my mid-twenties!). You may need to help her with this somehow - perhaps through art, physical movements or using similes. If she can find a way to better communicate her needs and feelings, it may give you an opportunity to help reduce her stress and handle it when it happens. I know I'm making it sound like it's simple, but I know, it really isn't. Unfortunately there are no magic fixes for these issues, and there's never really a cure, but even if it just makes life a tiny bit easier, I'm sure it will make a huge difference to you.

As for what you can do at Disney, I'll give you a few suggestions, and you can see if anything sticks:

Ear plugs or ear defenders to use in busy crowds and during loud things like fireworks. Make sure she has these to hand, so that she has complete control over them, and can decide when she needs to block the world out.

A pediatric wheelchair / SN stroller could be a help to her. Partly it will make it harder for her to bolt; but it will also give her a 'safe place' to go to, and put a bit of a barrier between her and other people. The downside is that she will be lower down, so crowds will feel more oppressive (I use a wheelchair, and tight crowds are really stressful for me).

Make sure she eats regularly. I get more sensitive when my blood sugar is low (as Sue said), but I don't always feel hungry until after I've begun 'stressing out'. Carry some snacks around with you, so you don't get caught short in a line.

Try and check in with her regularly. These things can often be building for a while, and it may be that even she doesn't know it's happening. A quick, quiet conversation on how she's doing, and if she needs anything may just help keep her from boiling over, and let her feel more in control.

Keep her cool and hydrated.

Try to plan 'sensory breaks' into your day, to give her some time and space to wind back down. This could be going into a restaurant for a snack during a quiet time; sitting in an out-of-the-way place for a while; going to the cinema in the back of the Kodak building (Main Street Square, MK); or going to the first aid centre for a lie-down.

Make sure all her clothes are soft, breathable and non-constricting. During a bad patch, a scratchy top can cause me pain, and a tight necked-top can make me feel claustrophobic.

Keep an eye on her in places with strong scents, particularly perfume shops (I can't even go into the one in Paris, WS).

Have some of the retrieval techniques others have talked about (such as tracking devices) to use if she does bolt.


One of the big things that helps me when things are bad, is feeling like I have got control of the situation. I need to be able to block out or get away from the things that are stressing me, or I will just continue to escalate. You may want to arrange a signal with her that means 'Get me out NOW', for use when she's overwhelmed and can't talk. It may explain why she has run away from you before, and why she didn't respond at the zoo when you were calling for her; it may not be that she was deliberately hiding from you, but that she had to get away from external stimuli, and was so stuck inside her own head that she physically couldn't respond.

All of these things are just things that I know help me, they may not do anything for your DD. If anything here doesn't feel right, then it may not work for her; you know her better than I do, so don't be afraid to trust your gut.

I hope some of this helps you guys, and I hope the Disney magic does wonderful things for you all. If you or your daughter want to talk to me about any of this, you're welcome to PM me. This is such a tough thing to go through, and I wish I could give you a simple fix, but you know as well as I do that there isn't such a thing (if there was, I know you would have found it). Please remember that none of this is your fault - you are a wonderful mother who is doing everything that she can for her daughter, in a very difficult situation.





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Thank you for all the tips! It's nice to have your insight too, and I agree that she seems to have trouble understanding her feelings. For example, when she is sad, it may come out as anger, and we have no idea that she was feeling sad, or why she is sad. It's so confusing to me.

 

[WheeledTraveler]

Can I just point out that just because she's doing well at school (it sounds like both academically and behaviourally), doesn't mean you shouldn't get things checked and tested for. I was a top student through most of my school years which means no one thought to look at the things I struggled with (neatness, memorization, etc.) until I got to college at which point they became real problems. I was diagnosed at 22 with a learning disability (specifically executive function problems), auditory processing problems, and some level of SID. The real problem is that no one knows how to teach coping mechanisms to an adult because you've got many more years of habits to break. The neuropsych told me if I hadn't been so smart (and compensating with pure intelligence) I'd have been in her office by the time I was 8 and I really do which sometimes that someone had recognized this all in me when I was young enough that I could have been taught skills. If you think something might be up with your kid, trust your instincts and get it checked out.

 

[kampfirekim]

My nephew is 3 and even though everything else is fine he is very delayed in speech and he has all sorts of melt downs and runs away. !

Hi elcodfish, I believe we met on your neb thread! I don't mean to be nosy or make any implications, but do you think your nephews parents would be open to further evaluation? What you have stated sounds all to familiar to me. My DS seemed pretty normal to us up until around age 3 except for speech delay, melt downs, running away. Turns out he has autism and wasn't diagnosed until age 4 when his behaviors began to reveal more autistic tendencies. Fortunately in SC he was already qualified for special ed and all necessary therapies through our school system at age 3 with developmental delay, so he wasn't really behind in beginning a good treatment plan. Your nephew sounds strikingly similar to my DS and I just wouldn't want to see valuable time lost that he could be receiving services, that is if he isn't already. Again, I don't want to pry. I just saw a couple of red flags and was concerned.

ONE LITTLE SPARK: Thank you so much for your post. I joined this thread hoping to help a little, but I ended up gleaning a lot of tips from your advice. It helps to be reminded of some of the issues that seem small to us but are huge for DS. Thanks again, Kim