How do we explain this to our 6 year old?

[Magpie]

!!!!

Yikes! If I found this work for any of my children - sons or daughters - I would be in school absolutely raving mad about it!

I won't deny society plays a HUGE part in how we view ourselves. I also believe it is my responsibility as a parent to try and counteract as much of this as possible

Since it wasn't a problem with the book as a whole, but was just one illustration out of many, I simply used it as a discussion point with my daughter.

"Hey, is this right? What makes that girl more beautiful than the other girls? Is it fair to say someone's more beautiful just because she's got blonde hair or a bigger bust? Aren't brunettes beautiful, too? Why would people think these things?"

It makes a mother proud to hear her child get righteously indignant over these issues. And it's good training for the rest of her life, when her textbooks will frequently be wrong and need to be challenged. Heck, even math textbooks will contain calculation errors. Think for yourself, little girl!

 

[kreckl]

Ahhh, kids do have their own opinions! It's not always Mama's "fault" if a child is having a little bit of insecurity or comparing herself to others- they do that sometimes on their own. I think the fact that the Mom is thinking of her daughter's feelings should tell you something about her.

 

[zuzu310]

Magpie, I don't think anyone would question that society has a huge role in how young girls perceive themselves. In fact, I wouldn't even argue that the mother's role is larger. However, the OP is definitely feeding in to what she perceives as society's judgements with her disparaging attitude toward brunettes herself. So now the child apparently has society telling her how inferior her brunette hair is, and her mother telling all of us that she, too, knows how it feels to be so "subpar". I think the OPs own language is what has a few of us shaking our heads.

I think this hits the nail on the head. Unfortunately, I think you (the mom) are letting your own issues project onto her whether you mean to or not. I was involved in some mother/daughter body image studies (different since it was regarding weight but very similar idea) at my last job and it was found that we as mothers have one of the biggest effect on our kid's views of themselves. I grew up watching my mother criticize her weight her entire life and stand on a scale all the time, and I have always struggled with the same insecurities re:weight even though I am just average weight.

I would just keep enforcing that everyone is different and that she has hair just like you. I mean I know it's confusing that Rapunzel's hair color apparently changes in the movie but I would avoid saying things like, "She just dyes her hair." I mean what is wrong with, "Everyone's hair is different and Rapunzel has blonde hair, but lots of other princesses have other colors of hair too?" You should have her make a list of all of the things she really loves about herself. It might help her focus on things that make her special.

 

[MeeskaMomma]

I haven't read all the posts so someone may have already posted this.

First, sometimes people are too quick to blame mom when mom seeks advice on these boards. Little girls get randomly insecure about the most bizarre things.

Barbie and a lot of the princes are blonde so it isn't crazy that she would have gotten this idea from other sources. If she stays insecure about the subject maybe point out the Duchess of Cambridge, perhaps the most famous real life princess right now, has brown hair? Kate Middleton dresses with modesty and sophistication, if I had a little girl I wouldn't mind her looking to Kate as a fashion role model

 

[Magpie]

I think this hits the nail on the head. Unfortunately, I think you (the mom) are letting your own issues project onto her whether you mean to or not. I was involved in some mother/daughter body image studies (different since it was regarding weight but very similar idea) at my last job and it was found that we as mothers have one of the biggest effect on our kid's views of themselves. I grew up watching my mother criticize her weight her entire life and stand on a scale all the time, and I have always struggled with the same insecurities re:weight even though I am just average weight.

I would just keep enforcing that everyone is different and that she has hair just like you. I mean I know it's confusing that Rapunzel's hair color apparently changes in the movie but I would avoid saying things like, "She just dyes her hair." I mean what is wrong with, "Everyone's hair is different and Rapunzel has blonde hair, but lots of other princesses have other colors of hair too?" You should have her make a list of all of the things she really loves about herself. It might help her focus on things that make her special.

I really didn't get any of this from the OP's posts. She said, "I want her to be happy just the way she is."

Isn't that what we all want for our sons and daughters?

She did describe what she perceives as society's values. Is she wrong in her perceptions? Have you ever tried counting blondes on Fox News? It's a fun game!

I didn't get that this mother has "issues", only sympathy for her daughter, having been there herself when she was a little girl. I think it's awfully harsh to accuse the woman of having psychological problems which are harming her child.

I think encouraging her daughter to adopt Rapunzel's end-of-movie look and donate her hair to someone who will appreciate it is a wonderful idea. Not only does the child get to feel like a princess, but she also learns that her pretty brown hair has value to another person.

 

[luvmy3]

For those of you convinced the only place a child can possibly learn that brunettes are "less beautiful" is at her mother's knee, I would like to submit this page from one of my daughter's early English books (published in 2000) as evidence in the mother's defence:

I particularly love how the "most beautiful" princess has the biggest bust.

I wasn't even looking at the hair color, I was looking at the dresses. The beautiful one is the most plain, the next one is a little more detailed and the most beautiful is the most detailed.
If my dd's book had that in it, that is how I would have explained it.

As a blonde, my dd was never influenced by society's view on how blondes are prettier, she was always more bothered by how they are usually perceived as less intelligent than their dark haired counterparts.

 

[Magpie]

I wasn't even looking at the hair color, I was looking at the dresses. The beautiful one is the most plain, the next one is a little more detailed and the most beautiful is the most detailed.
If my dd's book had that in it, that is how I would have explained it.

As a blonde, my dd was never influenced by society's view on how blondes are prettier, she was always more bothered by how they are usually perceived as less intelligent than their dark haired counterparts.

Funny thing about cultural assumptions... I look at the yellow dress and it looks much less fancy than the red one. The red one seems appropriate for a fancy shindig, but the yellow patterned one looks more appropriate for a garden party or something similarly casual. To my eyes, patterned dresses are a lot less fancy than solid coloured ones.

The pink one, though, is definitely a ball gown! It's even low cut.

 

[luvmy3]

Funny thing about cultural assumptions... I look at the yellow dress and it looks much less fancy than the red one. The red one seems appropriate for a fancy shindig, but the yellow patterned one looks more appropriate for a garden party or something similarly casual. To my eyes, patterned dresses are a lot less fancy than solid coloured ones.

The pink one, though, is definitely a ball gown! It's even low cut.

Oh I definitely agree, but I know when my dd was little, the more patterned the better, no matter what the occasion.
Personally I think the one in red should be labled most beautiful and I swear it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm a brunette

 

[smitch425]

All of her siblings, to whom she compares herself to most, are blondes. I have four children and she is the only non-blonde. I never said she was the only one in the family. Other posters said that.

As of this morning we have showed her a video of Rapunzel in the parks. I asked her what she thought about the blond hair and she asked me if Rapunzel was wearing a wig. I told her yes as that's the truth and she seemed content. I've still encouraged her to ask Rapunzel herself next spring.

The good news is we've convinced her to get her hair cut like Rapunzel's and to donate her cut hair to locks of love. She's really happy about being cooler this summer and helping some little girl with cancer have beautiful hair too. She really is beautiful inside and out and I'm so proud of her!

Our appointment is today so I'll try to post pictures later!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

You said "The only brunette in a family of blondes, just like my daughter", so that is why I asked. I wasn't sure if you dyed your hair blonde as an adult. DD donated her hair to Locks Of Love over Spring Break. Make sure she has the full 10" because they no longer accept anything less than that. Here are a couple of pics of DD's cut if you want to show your DD...

Before...




After...



Make sure you fill out the form to receive a thank you from Locks of Love. It will make her feel good to know she helped the kids and give her something tangible to look at if she ever doubts her decision. DD chops her hair off every 3 years. She loves it. It's ME that takes it hard every time.

Good luck!

 

[grafxgirl]

Even without the hair color insecurity issue, I've been wondering how to explain the blond/brown hair thing for Rapunzel as well! As well as why Tinker Bell is human sized. My very inquisitive(dare I say argumentative?!?) 6 year old will not let those things go...

The back story for the fairies meet and greet is that you are entering Pixie Hollow to meet them. You are magically transformed to the size of a fairy when you enter Pixie Hollow. That is why the fairies appear to be human sized.

 

[stargazertechie]

However, she wants to get her hair cut short. We want to keep her hair long; one so she will look more like Rapunzel when we go.

I'm sorry- you lost me at the point where you wouldn't let your daughter get her hair cut so she looked better for a halloween costume...

As someone who has had both VERY long (waist length) and VERY short (pixie bob) hair, please let your daughter make the decision on when she wants her hair cut. It's her body and her self image, and barring any religious beliefs, it's incredibly selfish to keep her hair long because it's what *you* want.

 

[White Rose]

I have a personal experience to share.

I'm adopted and I look very different from the rest of my family in 2 ways. I am very fair skinned and I have blue eyes. The rest of my family have a much darker complexion and all have hazel or brown eyes.

I remember the first time someone pointed out that I have blue eyes. It was a distant great aunt who took me aside and told me how beautiful my eyes were...and that I was so special because I was so pretty and so unique. I do not have many memories from that time, I was maybe 4 or 5...but this one stands out in my mind.

She made me feel so amazing, so special, so pretty, and at this time I had very short hair and kept on being called 'little boy' by strangers, so this was so important to me to be seen as pretty and such.

My family never made a big deal about differences, and I grew up in a diverse neighborhood, but still child insecurities can hit at any time and any way. Kids are not only cruel to each other, they are cruel to themselves, too.

Within my family, I was different, and this great aunt made sure I saw this difference as something of beauty. My mom always did her part to make sure we felt loved, appreciated and special, but for some reason this moment made a huge impact on me. I always felt horrible that I looked like a 'boy' because I had short hair...this sweet relative's comments made me feel like a beautiful princess, no matter what.

 

[Dani784]

Wow! Lots happening while we were gone! We just got back a bit ago and she is super happy! She had plenty to donate to locks of love (I knew she would, it was LONG) and still has it to her shoulders so she can still wear ponytails and braids. We also allowed her to get a hot pink hair extension to add to her new look. She looks amazing and so grown up!

I cut mine short Rapunzel style as well so she feels better about it. And we're both much cooler in this 95 degree heat! I'll try to post pictures here shortly. Thank you all for your support and advice. After she looked in the mirror she said "Mommy, I look like Princess Sofia!" Yet another brunette disney princess. ( I'm starting to think Walt had a thing for dark haired girls )

So bottom line: happy kid; happy mom. Good day!

 

[Bob NC]

I really didn't get any of this from the OP's posts. She said, "I want her to be happy just the way she is."

Isn't that what we all want for our sons and daughters?

She did describe what she perceives as society's values. Is she wrong in her perceptions? Have you ever tried counting blondes on Fox News? It's a fun game!

Yeah, but I would point out that many of them dye their roots brunette.

 

[Dani784]

file:///C:/Users/Brent%20and%20Krysta/Downloads/Leah's%20new%20hair%20cut.jpg

Anyone know how I turn ^^THIS^^ into a picture you can all see? My IT hubby went to bed with a cold so I'm on my own tonight!

 

[smitch425]

file:///C:/Users/Brent%20and%20Krysta/Downloads/Leah's%20new%20hair%20cut.jpg

Anyone know how I turn ^^THIS^^ into a picture you can all see? My IT hubby went to bed with a cold so I'm on my own tonight!

You need to upload your photo to a site like photobucket and copy and paste the IMG link into your post. If you can't figure out how to do it, just let me know and I will PM you my email address and I can post it for you.

 

[Dani784]

Ok I think I figured it out! LOL! Here is a before image for my daughter. This was taken on Mother's day when my girls decided to dress super crazy for our Mother's day dinner! LOL! In case you can't tell, my six year old Leah is on the left!

[/URL][/IMG]

Here's what her Rapunzel outfit looks like with her long hair pulled back.

[/URL][/IMG]

That's her little sister in her new Minnie Dress sneaking in the photo! LOL! And here is what her hair looks like now. I personally LOVE it!

[/URL][/IMG]

And just to show you what the poor girl is up against, here are her brothers.

[/URL][/IMG]

[/URL][/IMG]

So there you have it. My lovelies! I would post a pic of me but frankly I'm just too embarrassed. I like my hair but that's about it. I wish I still looked like these gorgeous kiddos!

 

[smitch425]

Adorable kids! It doesn't appear she got enough taken off for Locks of Love, though. Maybe next time!

 

[Dani784]

Adorable kids! It doesn't appear she got enough taken off for Locks of Love, though. Maybe next time!

No she did! Her hair curled up at the ends and when stretched out, they wound up taking about 12 inches total! I donated mine as well. They took about 11 inches from mine. They braided it all up and put it in their special baggies and sent it on its way! She was so proud to allow another child to share in her pretty hair! And I was proud of her.

 

[smitch425]

No she did! Her hair curled up at the ends and when stretched out, they wound up taking about 12 inches total! I donated mine as well. They took about 11 inches from mine. They braided it all up and put it in their special baggies and sent it on its way! She was so proud to allow another child to share in her pretty hair! And I was proud of her.

Awesome!