How do I tell my DH?

[Marseeya]

This is so nice of DH, but at the same time, he's just not taking my hints!

My b-day is coming up and he's wanting to do this BIG trip to NYC to see INXS in concert, do a tour of NY, and maybe do a Broadway show.

Wow, it's just so nice and everything, but I feel so guilty that I'm really not into it! DS's b-day is the day before mine, and I just want to spend my b-day with them all. I'll get to spend the day with the kids, but then we'd fly out in the evening. I really don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I just don't want to go. He's over-the-top excited about it and can't see that I'm not thrilled. At one point, I did get a little blunt and said, "Do we have to do it on THAT date? I really want to be with the kids," and he just told me I was missing the point because it's a b-day trip. I could tell he was really hurt, so I just shut up.

Plus, I've been outright telling him I want to drive and he's INSISTING that we fly. I'm not comfortable flying.

He's SO wonderful for thinking of all this. Maybe I should just shut up and enjoy it.

 

[Pop Daddy]

ya just gotta go along with the plan and play happy

 

[Ziva]

It sorta of sounds like he's "Homer Simpsoning" you. Meaning he's getting you a gift that's really for him. I would just sit him down and explain that while you think it's sweet of him to plan it, it's just not something you want to do.

 

[Bunchkin]

If my DH came up with that plan I wouldn't have to worry about what to do ....... I'd never recover from the shock!!!

 

[lovemygoofy]

Could you ask for a postponment on the trip? Suggest it for an annv or a mid spring or mid fall trip. Tell him that your birthday wish is to spend the whole day togther and that you want to spend that trip just two of you on another special day. If you aren't going to enjoy it to the fullest, wouldn't it be a waste of money? I know its not an easy decision no matter what. Good luck and happy early birthday.

 

[worm761]

maybe he has another surprise in there for you?

this is why i stopped celebrating my birthdays...just too much stress. plus i have to turn a year older? that sucks. just pretend the day doesn't happen and everyone forgets you turned older. might just work for years. he he

 

[cstraub]

This is so nice of DH, but at the same time, he's just not taking my hints!

My b-day is coming up and he's wanting to do this BIG trip to NYC to see INXS in concert, do a tour of NY, and maybe do a Broadway show.

Wow, it's just so nice and everything, but I feel so guilty that I'm really not into it! DS's b-day is the day before mine, and I just want to spend my b-day with them all. I'll get to spend the day with the kids, but then we'd fly out in the evening. I really don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I just don't want to go. He's over-the-top excited about it and can't see that I'm not thrilled. At one point, I did get a little blunt and said, "Do we have to do it on THAT date? I really want to be with the kids," and he just told me I was missing the point because it's a b-day trip. I could tell he was really hurt, so I just shut up.

Plus, I've been outright telling him I want to drive and he's INSISTING that we fly. I'm not comfortable flying.

He's SO wonderful for thinking of all this. Maybe I should just shut up and enjoy it.

Sounds like this trip is more for him than for you.

My DH would do whatever I wanted to do for MY birthday.

By the way- If I don't want to go somewhere I'm not.

I think it's great to think of others feelings (DH in this case), but where do your feelings fit in?

 

[Marseeya]

No, it's no Homer Simpsoning. Love that term. He's picking out all the stuff that I'd really love to do, only the weekend after that, or the weekend after that, or the weekend after that...

 

[Honu]

I hope he gets the hint. We went to see them in Vegas for my bday last weekend. It was great!

 

[chell]

Even though you may not be so excited right now maybe you will be once you get there. As excited as he seems to be over it my suggestion would be to just go along with it and try to have a great time. It is so sweet that he wants to make it such a special birthday for you.

You are in a very difficult spot but I hope you do end up going and having an amazing time.

 

[Caradana]

Go with it. Be brave, march onto that airplane, embrace new things. Your kids will be fine. He's acting like such a sweetheart with his enthusiasm over this. I have a feeling that some wives on this board would about die to have that kind of spousal enthusiasm directed toward them.

 

[Marseeya]

Go with it. Be brave, march onto that airplane, embrace new things. Your kids will be fine. He's acting like such a sweetheart with his enthusiasm over this. I have a feeling that some wives on this board would about die to have that kind of spousal enthusiasm directed toward them.

I'm really not worried about the kids at all. I love getting weekends away with hubby, for as few and far between as they are.

He's a total gem when it comes to picking out gifts. This time I just have reservations about the timing.

 

[Ziva]

No, it's no Homer Simpsoning. Love that term. He's picking out all the stuff that I'd really love to do, only the weekend after that, or the weekend after that, or the weekend after that...

Gotta love Homer.


If it's all stuff you love, I say go! Sometimes it's the times when we really don't want to do something that turn out to be the most fun. If you're really afraid of flying that could be what's keeping you from feeling excited. I'm normally an anti-drug kinda person but maybe you could get your doctor to give you some anti-anxiety meds just for flights? My friend is scared to death of flying but now she can because of the meds. Either that or have a few drinks before the flight!

 

[Marseeya]

Gotta love Homer.


If it's all stuff you love, I say go! Sometimes it's the times when we really don't want to do something that turn out to be the most fun. If you're really afraid of flying that could be what's keeping you from feeling excited. I'm normally an anti-drug kinda person but maybe you could get your doctor to give you some anti-anxiety meds just for flights? My friend is scared to death of flying but now she can because of the meds. Either that or have a few drinks before the flight!

Yeah, it's funny I was going to actually crack a joke at Pop Daddy saying something about getting drugs, but then I thought, "Why not???" Just a low-dose of valium or something to get me on the plane.


I've flown before, but it's been such a long time that I've built up a fear of it. I wasn't afraid before I had kids, but now I'm scared to death.

 

[jfulcer]

I'm really not worried about the kids at all. I love getting weekends away with hubby, for as few and far between as they are.

He's a total gem when it comes to picking out gifts. This time I just have reservations about the timing.

Ok, you love getting away for the weekends, you LIKE the plans that DH is making for you and are appreciative. You main beef is "why not plan it for another weekend - Before or After???" Well why can't YOU plan your 'together time' with your DS for Before or After????? I'm assuming INXS is not playing the weekend before or after - hence the timing.

But your son WILL be there the weekend before, and the weekend after.

I say GO and have a good time. And then spend some special time with DS too.

 

[luvmyfam444]

Didn't read the other posts (yet) - so sorry if I repeat....

But yes, I have to almost agree with you to "shut up & enjoy it" 'cause I"m afraid if you ruin this trip he'll never try it again...

BUT then I see your point of wanting to be with your kids - BUT you would have all day with your ds before flying out so you would have the best of both worlds...

I think you need to figure out what exactly is bothering you about the trip & see if you can compromise...

- it's it the flying?
-is it being away from the kids?
-is it going on ds b'day?
-is it the trip itself you don't like

-I mean change the variables - if you went on the EXACT same trip (flying & all) on a different date would you be ok with that or still not happy?
-If you drove instead of flew but everything else was the same - would THAT make you want to go?

Remeber just 'cause it's a b'day trip doesn't mean it has to be on your b'day - just w/in 6 months or so!

Maybe if you could pinpont it dh might be willing to change what it is that's really bugging you - but THEN again if he's already bought tickets you may just have to go along for the ride.....

I would LOVE it if my dh came up with something like this (though honestly I'd probably find something to crtique about his planning - it's just my nature) My dh doesn't even get a gift that I specifically pick out & SHOW HIM!!!he'd certainly NEVER come up with a trip on his iwn (though I almost always take us on a family trip around his b'day--he just doesn't have a clue)....

 

[robinb]

I've flown before, but it's been such a long time that I've built up a fear of it. I wasn't afraid before I had kids, but now I'm scared to death.

Flying is a piece of cake. Knowing you as I do from the DIS you are a strong and capable woman. You will be fine!

If the trip is all about you and not him ... I would say do it and have fun! You will be safe and you will have one of those coveted mommy/daddy weekends. I have not had one of those since May 2004. But who is counting?

 

[Planogirl]

Go!!! I would die if my DH ever did anything like this. I'm lucky if he actually remembers before the day before.

Maybe it's the flying that's making you a little more antsy than normal? I would just get on that plane and look forward to having fun.

 

[Marseeya]

Ok, you love getting away for the weekends, you LIKE the plans that DH is making for you and are appreciative. You main beef is "why not plan it for another weekend - Before or After???" Well why can't YOU plan your 'together time' with your DS for Before or After????? I'm assuming INXS is not playing the weekend before or after - hence the timing.

But your son WILL be there the weekend before, and the weekend after.

I say GO and have a good time. And then spend some special time with DS too.

INXS isn't a shoe in for the trip anyway. He's been bidding on tickets on e-bay, which I think is dicey. He had them up to $500 yesterday (way, way more than I'm comfortable paying), then got outbid, but within minutes of being outbid, the seller offered them to him as a "second chance" offer. Isn't that kind of fishy when it happens like that?

He's got a different bid in, but I asked him to please not go that high again. I'd kill to see INXS, but I really don't feel right that it's going to cost us that much money.

On the other hand, I was looking at broadway.com and they have a bunch of hotel packages for some really good shows. As much as I'd like to see INXS, we could do something else that would be completely incredible.

(as for why I can't plan the time together; he'd kill me if i took over just kidding. i actually plan a lot of trips for us.)

 

[Marseeya]

- it's it the flying?
-is it being away from the kids?
-is it going on ds b'day?
-is it the trip itself you don't like

-I mean change the variables - if you went on the EXACT same trip (flying & all) on a different date would you be ok with that or still not happy?
-If you drove instead of flew but everything else was the same - would THAT make you want to go?

You're very astute! The flying plays a very large part. We'd originally talked about driving and I was far more comfortable with that. The trip itself is fine, but the price -- OMG. Read what I wrote to jfulcer about the tickets. By the time it's all paid for (concert tickets, flying, hotel, dining, etc), we could have bought new living room furniture, or new bedroom furniture for each kid, or a week-long value trip to WDW (two of which we need, one of which we'd love ).

I've resolved going away from the kids, thanks to the great advice here. I just feel better about it. Sometimes a little encouragement is all that's needed. Thanks guys!

So, if we drive instead of fly, I'd feel a lot better. If he'd tone down the spending, I'd feel a lot better.