How do I politely say no?

[stashbin]

My DD5 started kindergarten this year and she has a little friend that always wants her to come over. Well I met her mom and agreed to let her go over there for a couple of hours to play one evening. When I arrived everything was cool, when I picked her up everything was cool. That night DD tells me they were out playing by the bonfire!!!! That freaked me out. Then the dad is kind of off too....can't explain but he gives me the creeps.

So the little girl's mom is bugging the stew out of me to let DD come back over to play (and spend the night). I would feel better with the friend coming to my house, but again...it always turns around with my DD going over there.

So my question is, how do I let this mom know that I am not ready for the drop-off playdate thing yet without hurting her feelings or making my DD hate me too? This lady and I have nothing in common so getting together to let them play while we conversate isn't going to happen. What do I say? Please help!

 

[mjkacmom]

Is she referring to a fire pit? We have one, and the kids roast marshmallows. There is always an adult supervising. They've all been camping many times, too. I'd never let let a 5 year old go on a sleepover - I think 2nd or 3rd grade would be the earliest I'd allow it. Have you invited this girl over? I think if you invite her, and her mom says she wants to have them, just let her know that your dd would like to show the girl her house.

 

[stashbin]

Is she referring to a fire pit? We have one, and the kids roast marshmallows. There is always an adult supervising. They've all been camping many times, too. I'd never let let a 5 year old go on a sleepover - I think 2nd or 3rd grade would be the earliest I'd allow it. Have you invited this girl over? I think if you invite her, and her mom says she wants to have them, just let her know that your dd would like to show the girl her house.

Well I saw the burn pile out in the back yard when I dropped her off but NEVER did I think she would allow them to run around out there while it was burning. She had smut on her nose!
Yes we have had the girl to our house. They have each visited each other's homes one time. It is my DD's turn to go over there...even though I have asked for her to come back to our house. I asked DD to ask her friend to come over to our house and she said that she did...and that her friend's mom won't let her come to our house! Maybe we creeped her out too! haha!!! IDK...I am just not ready to let her go over to someone's house like that yet. How can I tell her that without insulting her?

 

[Magic Mom]

What's wrong with a bonfire if the parents are present? We've had them before and they are fun. A bonfire doesn't necessarily mean this

They can also just be larger controlled fire pits.

As for your question, you can either be direct and say that right now you really aren't interested in play dates with them, or you can be vague and just decline invitations due to a busy schedule. Eventually they will stop asking.

 

[glitterkittyy]

Would you be okay with your DD going over for a playdate but not a sleepover?

 

[stashbin]

What's wrong with a bonfire if the parents are present? We've had them before and they are fun. A bonfire doesn't necessarily mean this

They can also just be larger controlled fire pits.

As for your question, you can either be direct and say that right now you really aren't interested in play dates with them, or you can be vague and just decline invitations due to a busy schedule. Eventually they will stop asking.

I don't want my child around fire unless I am there to supervise...period.

 

[Mkrop]

I don't want my child around fire unless I am there to supervise...period.

Could she play over there during the day, when they most likely not being doing the bonfire.

 

[stashbin]

Would you be okay with your DD going over for a playdate but not a sleepover?

Well...more so than a sleepover for sure. But the last time I let her go over the sleepover thing was mentioned and I just said "not tonight". But I don't want to be put on the spot again without something to say that would not make me look like an untrusting witch.
I mean seriously...the dad did creep me out.
But my DD loves this other little girl!

 

[Magic Mom]

I don't want my child around fire unless I am there to supervise...period.

If I don't trust people enough to let them supervise my child around a fire pit, then I don't trust them enough for them to supervise my child. Period.

 

[freckles and boo]

I don't want my child around fire unless I am there to supervise...period.

That sounds like the answer you need to give. Don't worry about being polite. If your daughter really likes this little girl then maybe you need to bite the bullet and get to know the mother better. And I agree with a PP that five is WAY too young for a sleepover unless it is with family

 

[Goofycampers]

Honestlly for a 5yr old as long as they are supervised I don't think the bon fire is a big deal. But I wouldn't let my DD spend the night with anyone I didn't know WELL at that age.

 

[happygirl]

Why does the dad creep you out??

I would just tell her your daughter is to little to stay overnight.

 

[stashbin]

Could she play over there during the day, when they most likely not being doing the bonfire.

I guess that would be better...but ya know what's weird is that they always ask for her to come on Friday nights...maybe this is the only time in their schedule to have kids come over.
Am I being too protective? I mean she's 5...IDK...maybe it is me!

 

[kwelch10377]

Honestly for your DD sake I would suck it up and try and conversate with the mom while the kids play. You never know maybe you do have more in common than you realize. This would also give you a chance to see what occurs while your DD is over at the house.

 

[Briarmom]

Can the other girl come over to your house?

 

[happygirl]

I guess that would be better...but ya know what's weird is that they always ask for her to come on Friday nights...maybe this is the only time in their schedule to have kids come over.
Am I being too protective? I mean she's 5...IDK...maybe it is me!

I have a 6 year I don't think I would let her stay the night.

Maybe,you should try to get to know the other family, It might calm your nerves

 

[glitterkittyy]

Well...more so than a sleepover for sure. But the last time I let her go over the sleepover thing was mentioned and I just said "not tonight". But I don't want to be put on the spot again without something to say that would not make me look like an untrusting witch.
I mean seriously...the dad did creep me out.
But my DD loves this other little girl!

If your main concern is the father creeping you out, I would think you'd not want your daughter over there at all. So ask yourself honestly...is this family really a threat to your daughter or are you looking for an excuse because you aren't ready for her to want to be somewhere other than home? Remember, if you trust them in the day time or in small doses, why not at night? Something does not compute for me.

 

[Art 1]

We would have not let our children at 5 go play at a house without us being there unless we knew the people very well. I would just say that you would rather they play at your house. If the lady is offended, oh well.

 

[Magic Mom]

I guess that would be better...but ya know what's weird is that they always ask for her to come on Friday nights...maybe this is the only time in their schedule to have kids come over.
Am I being too protective? I mean she's 5...IDK...maybe it is me!

If it were just about the fire then I would say yes, over reaction. But if you really are creeped out by the Dad ( and not just using that as an excuse) then I don't think you are over reacting. There will be plenty of other friends for your DD.

 

[Mkrop]

I guess that would be better...but ya know what's weird is that they always ask for her to come on Friday nights...maybe this is the only time in their schedule to have kids come over.
Am I being too protective? I mean she's 5...IDK...maybe it is me!

Not necessarily, just trying to make some suggestions you would feel more comfortable with.

Can you fib and say DD really prefers to play here?

Or as others have suggested you may need to suck it up and converse with the mom.