How do I make amends with DD's classmate's parents?

[golfgal]

I actually spent a lot of time in both of my children's K classes. There is one teacher and 1 aide for 20 kids (at our school), plus typically a parent volunteer. Despite all of this, my ds still managed to cut his uniform shirt, as I mentioned above. It didn't stop me from asking the teacher what was going on. She was new to teaching and had no idea 5 yr olds would be interested in cutting things besides paper. She didn't even know about his shirt but made sure she was much more careful with the scissors after that.

Don't take this as a bash, but I just think it is funny when anything like this happens people always blame the teacher for "not keeping a close enough eye on the kids". Well, this particular incidence took maybe 2 seconds to happen, the time it takes for the teacher to move from one child's chair to the next child's chair. The teacher's back is ALWAYS going to be toward some kid and no matter how many eyes there are in the classroom, these things are going to happen. No matter how much we want it to be, a teacher or 10 teachers can't watch every child all the time.

 

[luvflorida]

I don't mean to get off topic about the hair, but the comments about the teacher's whereabouts rub me the wrong way.

I've taught Kindergarten and I've taught first grade and believe me, there is no way that a teacher can be in all places all the time. I know from experience that things happen in classrooms with the teacher right there in the same room, even with the child within arm's reach. It doesn't take long at all for a child to snip off a piece of someone else's hair.

 

[kadaten]

Doesn't every child cut another ones hair or there own at some point?? I would apologize and kids are kids, the teacher is the one that was in charge of supervising the children., why should you beat yourself up over it worrying, accidents happen. But thats just my opinion, I would understand if it happened to my 5 year old.

Yep! My DD (the good kid!) cut her own hair last year and has trimmed a Barbie. Her "Coconut" dog (American Girl doll's pet dog) got practically shaved one day at nap time when she didn't want to sleep. She also "accidentally" cut a hole in a pair of tights one day at school (although I don't think it was an accident!) For her, it was mostly seeing what she could cut with her scissors, and her hair....well, she said that piece was in her way so she wanted to fix it!

I think if the other mom is at all reasonable, she'll appreciate a note from you and your DD and that should be the end of it. Or if you see her, apologize then.

Don't take this as a bash, but I just think it is funny when anything like this happens people always blame the teacher for "not keeping a close enough eye on the kids". Well, this particular incidence took maybe 2 seconds to happen, the time it takes for the teacher to move from one child's chair to the next child's chair. The teacher's back is ALWAYS going to be toward some kid and no matter how many eyes there are in the classroom, these things are going to happen. No matter how much we want it to be, a teacher or 10 teachers can't watch every child all the time.

As a former preschool teacher, I have to agree with this 100%.
While we always teach kids "we only cut the paper" and have safety scissors rather than real ones, and closely monitor art/cutting activities, there's always at least one kid who does some "experimenting" to see what all she can cut! Hair grows back so it's really not a big deal.

I would, however (and I'm sure you have done this!), reinforce to your DD that we don't cut anything besides the paper, especially things that belong to other people! There are just too many folks out there who would take this to an extreme and haul people into court over typical 5-year-old behavior.

 

[Keggy]

I would write a note to the parents even helping coach your daughter to write a note. I think Monday is too late for a gift card because the hair would already have been fixed by then. I think the note will suffice, or even another posters idea of a small toy.

This is one of those kids will be kids moments - but I am sure the other parents would appreciate a note.

Kelly

 

[ReneeA]

Whew! Your original post scared me...I thought your child had done something to HURT another child. I'm one in the "They are just 5 & it's just hair" camps. I can't believe that someone else on here has 4 kids and they've never tried this! I honestly thought all kids did it. As for compensation, I wouldn't think it was a big deal if another child did it to one of my kids...however, get a gc to a salon if it'll make you feel better.

My kids are only 19 months apart. When my DD was 1 and DS 2, I was in the bathroom, and I could hear DS pulling a chair across the room. I was in there yelling at him to stop, but when your 2 and mom's in the pot...that's when you get into the most trouble Anyway, I finished up quickly when I heard him say "Hold still Janna, I cutting your hair!" Poor Juliana, had a big chunk sticking up in the back for awhile til it grew out. I was just happy that he only got hair and didn't take out an eye or something.

Oh, and my FIL had the nerve to ask me later, are you cutting that poor baby's hair? Yes, I took sissors and randomly snipped away so that she would look like a ratty kid on purpose

I wouldn't beat myself up about it too much!

ReneeA

 

[snoopy]

DLM, I would talk to your daughter's teacher and see if she has any advice on what to offer. If it were my son (whose hair got cut) I think I would be happy with a note of apology or a phone call. Honestly, in this case I would just be thrilled that it wasn't my son who did it. I wouldn't expect or probably even accept money for a haircut.

ditto

 

[battricia]

I didn't read all three pages, so I don't know if this has been suggested. However I would wait for a while to see if the other child's parents are REALLY that upset about the situation. It could very well go either way. If I were the parent I'd probably write it off as kids being kids, but who knows what the other parents are like. You could write a humble note saying how sorry you are about the situation and you have taken measures at home to show this, but who knows if that'd go over well. If you really wanted to do that you could just ask the teacher to give it to the parents or something. I'd suggest waiting to see if they ask for reimbursements first.

tricia.

 

[SillyMe]

I like the idea of a gift card - just need to find a place around here that does kiddie manicures - most don't let kids under 12 in their nail area. Do you think it'll be okay if I wait until Monday to give the note/card? That way, I can find out her last name and stuff?

What should I do if I see the Mom tomorrow? We sometimes pick up/ drop off at the same time.

Thanks.

How about a gift card for a haircut and one for Libby Lu's?

 

[geetey]

Gosh, I certainly am not bashing any of the teachers. I hope it doesn't come across that way. I do think the teacher should be the one conveying what happened to the parents though. A simple note or a quick phone call from someone on the staff at the school as a 'heads up' would be nice. Without that, *I* would assume the teacher may not know, and that would lead me to ask what was the teacher doing?

I am fully aware of what can happen - like I said, my ds successed in cutting his uniform shirt while in the classroom with several adults. That stuff happens. They are kids. My son's teacher is a wonderful teacher. She just didn't think kids would want to cut anything besides paper. I think she learned as much that first year and the kids did.

I give kudos to the PreK and K teachers. There is a reason why I never sub in those grades. Too much for me!

 

[mcnuss]

I would be very careful about offering any kind of monetary anything. That could be misconstrued and if the parents did take you to court, it is an admission of guilt on your part. I know that sounds incredibly paranoid, but crazier things have happened!

I would arrange a face-to-face "I'm sorry-I forgive you" moment, but that's it. I'd also be sure that my child never EVER had the opportunity to do that again, plus understands the very serious consequences (it actually can be charged as an assault) I'd also want to know where the adult supervision was at the time this happened. That would be my biggest concern.

BTW, I have 4 DDs, never cut anyone's hair, never had theirs cut, so I don't think it is necessarily a "rite of passage" and I would NOT find anything "cute" about it.

You are blowing this way out of proportion and the OP doesn't need it. What do you think the parents are going to take the OP to court for ? The police are not going to charge her with "assault" (technically it would be a battery anyway, not an assault) - she is FIVE YEARS OLD and there was no injury here. I suppose the parents could go to small claims court for the cost of the haircut but even there they'd be pushing it and it would probably be thrown out by the judge who probably would not be able to stop him or herself from laughing out loud and who'd probably tell the parties to take it in the hallway and resolve it themselves.

I am glad your DDs have not cut anyone's hair or had their hair cut, but contrary to your experience, it's pretty common. Mine cut her own, her best friend cut hers, and my friend's DD cut her son's. It takes less than a second and it doesn't matter if there are 10 adults standing there. When my DD cut hers, the teacher was sitting NEXT to her. DD was holding the scissors (and they were the little plastic ones, too!) and then just took a clump of hair and SNIP before the teacher could even react. The teacher felt horrible, we laughed our fannies off and took blackmail pictures for when she's older. (Hmmm, she's in 6th grade now, time to find those pix!) You've gotta have some sense of humor about this stuff.

OP - please be easy on yourself. I know it feels awful that your child did this but it was innocent, just a test of cause and effect which is what 5 yo's do. Don't punish yourself so much. Really, I'm with the others who thought they were going to read about something really bad like a wrecked car. Can you leave a note in the other girl's cubby? Just say your DD told you what she did, that you are horrified and apologize, that DD is going to apologize to the child, and that if they would like for you to reimburse them for a haircut, you are happy to do so. I wouldn't give them anything up front - for all you know Mom took out her scissors and fixed everything right up.

 

[lulugirl]

This happened to Dd when she was in preschool. The other Mom apologized, had her Ds apologize, no big deal, the hair grew back.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

Quick update - I dropped DD off at school today and her teacher was absent. I talked to the vice-principal, who hadn't even known it happened. So, no luck there.

When I took DD to her class, a group of girls from her class immediately started whispering and telling the other little girl, "L, L, she's here, she's here." L walked away from DD. DD called her name a few times, walked over and apolgized. L just ignored her and walked away. The others girls followed L.

DD said L didn't talk to her all day. I left work early to try and catch L's mom, but her grandmother picked her up early. L's hair didn't look bad. I couldn't tell where it had been cut, so I'm not sure if it was already fixed.

DD colored a picture for L (her idea) and I had her write I'm Sorry on the top. She give the picture to L on Monday and I'll give the note to the Mom. the vice-principal wouldn't give me her name, so I'll just address to L's Mom, I guess.

 

[mcnuss]

My advice to you is to be done with it. Just let life go on.