How do I let DH wait on me?

[Pooh67_68]

The title says it all.

Friday 4-2 I had knee surgery and I am not to do much right now. Its annoying as I am the person who takes care of others if they are sick or injured and now I must try and let DH take care of me.

 

[Trish5768]

Heidi just kick back and enjoy it, if only for a few days. You need to recover girl. You'll be back on your feet in no time and back to taking care of him.

Hope your surgery went well!

 

[EllenFrasier]

The title says it all.

Friday 4-2 I had knee surgery and I am not to do much right now. Its annoying as I am the person who takes care of others if they are sick or injured and now I must try and let DH take care of me.

First, let me wish you a speedy recovery! Now, just remind yourself that you are actually helping your Dh by letting him help you. You see, if you let him help you now, you will recover quickly and then you will be well and healed enough to help the others you are used to helping. Got that? LOL

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Why do you have an issue with it? Are you a control person or have anxiety?

Identify why you are having an issue with it. If I would take a stab at it sounds like anxiety over letting him take care of you.

So easy way to overcome that short term is make the ever popular "Pro/Con" list. Believe it or not it helps.

Everytime you feel "anxiety" you whip out the list and then focus on the pro side.

 

[wdwmom2]

Marriage is a two way street. You take care of him when he needs it, he takes care of you when you need it. Let it go, sit back, relax, and let your knee heal!!!

Or you could stop taking your pain pills, get up and do what you normally do, get in alot of pain, and then not care who takes care of you as long as they do it!!! JK

Hope you have a speedy recovery!!

 

[golfgal]

Just keep reminding yourself if you follow dr's orders NOW you will only have to let him wait on your for a few days, if you don't he most likely will have to wait on you for the rest of your life because you damaged your knee so badly not letting it heal.

 

[Pooh67_68]

Thank you everyone and yes Mystery Machine its anxiety.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thank you everyone and yes Mystery Machine its anxiety.

I knew it. Do you have OCD as well with things? If so that is going to be tougher for you.

I strongly recommend you make the list of "why" you need to have your dh help and then include the bad stuff, like injuring yourself, not allowing dh to help creates anxiety in him, etc....Include postives how how this will strengthen you and your dh. In other words it is called "reprogramming" your thought processes.

If you see it on paper it can help you when you feel the urge to jump up and do something you should not get up.

Does your dh understand your anxiety? He could help the process with learning how to reassure you. In fact you could go so far as to write down what he needs to say to you when you start stressing. Sounds nutty but might work. If he stands there and reads his list to you then it might help you reduce your anxiety.

 

[Pooh67_68]

I knew it. Do you have OCD as well with things? If so that is going to be tougher for you.

Yes

I strongly recommend you make the list of "why" you need to have your dh help and then include the bad stuff, like injuring yourself, not allowing dh to help creates anxiety in him, etc....Include postives how how this will strengthen you and your dh. In other words it is called "reprogramming" your thought processes.

If you see it on paper it can help you when you feel the urge to jump up and do something you should not get up.

Does your dh understand your anxiety? He could help the process with learning how to reassure you. In fact you could go so far as to write down what he needs to say to you when you start stressing. Sounds nutty but might work. If he stands there and reads his list to you then it might help you reduce your anxiety.

Its somehing I have been struggling with all my life, however he is very suportive and doesn't belittle, just doesn't understand what I have to be nervous about.

Thank you for the suggestions.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Its somehing I have been struggling with all my life, however he is very suportive and doesn't belittle, just doesn't understand what I have to be nervous about.

Thank you for the suggestions.

Sounds awful. You just reminded me of my sister who is OCD on cleaning her house. She had ankle reconstruction sugery and could not do ANYTHING for at least 6 months.

She had people helping her all over the place. I remember the day she finally got to clean the toilet, I was there helping her out. You never have seen someone so happy to clean their toilet.

 

[Pooh67_68]

6 months your poor sister. Luckly for me its just going to be a few weeks, just until therapy is done. And yes I was stressing about not being able to clean the house, but DH will do it and a good job at that.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just wanted to add this OP. This is a great test to measure your level of anxiety/OCD/Depression.

If you HAVE TO do stuff that might risk injuring yourself, then I would consider that a high level of anxiety. I would suggest meds, counseling, etc...

If you follow the doctor's orders and find yourself having panic attacks, OCD thoughts that you cannot escape, and/or depression, also high level and getting yourself help is probably wise.

So look at this as a teachable moment for yourself. My sister FINALLY got on some meds. I mean her house was spotless and she was OCDing about something being out of place. That was when she figured out it is NOT about "cleaning the house" but about anxiety.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Hmm, I've never thought of myself as anything other than extremely independent and I also have a hard time being taken care of by anyone. I do let my DH and kids help when I have a migraine, like I've had for the past week, but the helping is in small doses. Occasional helplessness is ok, but the longer term and complete kind can be intolerable for some personality types.

When I was on bed rest and laid out in the hospital for 10 days before DD was born it was unbearable. I couldn't stand it. I was so antsy over the girl doing a bad job cleaning when my 14 month old DS was coming to visit I mixed a cut of boiling tea water with hand soap and washed the hospital room floors with the towels on my feet Also, every time I got up to use the bathroom I would wipe down the sink. Now I'm not OCD but when all I had to look at was a few counter tops all of a sudden they were very important. EVERYTHING was important when I found myself looking for something I COULD control, anything really. I don't consider myself a control freak exactly, but I do think something happens to us when we are stripped of all our independence.

OP, I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had some advice but I really don't. Relying on other people for everything made me miserable. I suppose looking back on my own experience I would suggest trying to be extra gracious towards the people helping you out. Lots of Thank-yous and I-don't-know-what-I'd-do-without-yous might make up for your occasional snippiness that is inevitable if you are anything at all like I am.

Try to focus on the fact it will all be over soon

 

[Mishetta]

Been there, done that. Just let him help. It will make him feel good taking care of you too! I had my husband & kids helping me. I was so surprised that my oldest who seems to fight with me most, was the one who came downstairs to sleep on the couch next to me since he was worried I'd need something during the night! If you follow doctors orders, then you'll be up & around even sooner! Good luck!

 

[Sgstuckey]

I am in the same boat you are! I had knee surgery on 3/18. I was supposed to have a meniscus repair done and ended up having to have microfracture surgery instead. I can not put any weight on my knee for a total of four weeks; I couldn't drive for two. It is about killing me to not be able to do anything!

I am trying to relax and appreciate my family for all they are doing! But, it is difficult!

Good luck!

 

[shortbun]

Get a little bell and flirt with him when he comes to see what you want.

 

[babytrees]

Heidi-

It is the hardest thing for us caretakers to "allow" some one else to take care of us. But the biggest gift we can give them and us is to do it with a smile on our face and in our heart. Just think, if he didn't help you do those things you would do them yourself and needing more help and for longer.

You know where I come from....though it is nice after 8 weeks to do SOME things by myself

 

[donac]

It is difficult since they never wait on us the way we would wait on them.

I had bunion surgery in June and was on crutches. Dh and ds's would leave me alone for hours on end. I would have to ask them for everything. If they were layed up I would be in every half an hour checking on them. I was so happy to get off the crutches after less than a week and go to a cane. Then if I wanted a glass of water I could get one when I wanted to.

Take care and get yourself a bell. My niece gave me a button she found in DW to use instead of a belll. It was a picture of the Red Queen and when you pressed the button it said "Off with your head"

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Forget the bell, get some walkie talkies. They work great!