How do I get someone to stop a bad habit??

[LiLIrishChick63]

DH has had this habit since before I even met him of picking his fingers. he'll sit there and pick with his nails, or he'll put them in his mouth and rip the skin right off.

it's SO disgusting and it drives me nuts, espically when it's all i hear is him pick-pick-picking them for HOURS on end!

any advice on how to stop it?? he's tried that clear nail polish that is supposed to have a bad taste and stop you from picking, but he just picked it right off and kept on picking and biting.

the only thing he'll do that's not AS bad, is he'll get the nail clippers and use those to clip off the dead skin instead of using his fingers or his teeth.


help!!

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

They make a few products for that problem. They are mostly used to get little one's to stop sucking their thumbs, but i DH doesn't do a lot of hot foods I would try it. It is made of a hot pepper compound or close to it. Or you could ask the dr. if the pharmacy could make up a compound for him. He would use it like hand cream, but it would taste bad or bothersome. This may help to break his habit.

 

[Imzadi]

The question is: Does HE want to stop also?

If he does, there are finger cots he could get to put on his fingers while he's sitting. They look like this:

Habits are patterns. He has to break the pattern. He needs to occupy his hands with something else to do while sitting. The thing with breaking a habit is: you have to replace the bad habit with some other activity. People usually can't break a habit by replacing it with a void.

He needs something else to do with his hands while doing his normal activities in which he picks his fingers. Maybe shuffling a deck of cards. Pulling on a rubber band. Twirling a pencil. He could fold origami. He could learn to knit. He could doodle pictures. He doesn't have to do these things long term, but long enough for him to realize he doesn't have to automatically go to picking his fingers when he's just sitting.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Ooh, good idea Imzadi!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Keep in mind that some "bad habits" go beyond simply being a bad habit. So you may not be successful despite your best intentions.

An example----and no I am not diagnosing over the Internet, but simply shared something that occurred for me.

I have several bad habits and I had 2 that disappeared overnight while getting treatment for PSTD. One of them was nailbiting. A bad habit that I had for about 30 years. Now, I wasn't I therapy for that or the other habit...but they went away anyway. I thought it was so funny. Each weekly visit, I had to report what occurred since the last appt--so thus I noticed those.

I can only attribute my habits to being a way of handling anxiety.

I took a long break from therapy...but I've been nail bite free for over a year. I do find I sometimes regress a little and will begin picking at my fingers. But I notice soon enough to resolve whatever is bothering me on my own.



I am sharing because over the course of my life, everyone and their brother had a remedy and nothing worked. Sometimes "habits" go far deeper.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Tell him if he needs to do that, he should do it when he's alone or at least not in your presence.

I'm a nail biter and finger picker but I stopped doing it in front of people when a BIL mocked me for it. I realized it looks awful and childish.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I think you need to pick your battles, and this might not be a battle to pick.

If you go after this too hard, I bet he will start harassing you about a bad habit you have.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Picking for hours on end is OCD behavior, more than a habit, and tougher to divert.

If he wants to stop, then he has to "do something" with his hands. Stress balls or things he can manipulate with his hands are things to change his habit.

You always have the rubber band trick. Put that on your wrist and snap it when you want to pick yourself.

He needs to get off the dead skin, so he has to do something like use the nail clippers.

How much dead skin are we talking? Is he picking until he bleeds? Does he do this constantly? I guess how much picking is he doing?

 

[Magpie]

Geez... I've struggled for decades to stop biting my nails. Sometimes I can quit for a week or two, but the urge to bite them is always there in the back of my mind. It gets worse and worse, and then I get distracted or happy or stressed or something and then next thing I know I'm biting my nails again. I'll try to stop before it gets too bad, but then I notice that ONE nail is short, while the others are longer, and I get to thinking that I should really make them all the same length...

And in short order I have no nails again.

Honestly, I'll keep trying, but the odds of me succeeding long term are pretty darn slim. I guess I'm lucky my husband is able to love me for all my other good qualities, and ignore this one.

 

[Jennasis]

Make him go get a manicure? If he's go "dead skin" around his nails, a manicurist can snip that off for him.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Make him go get a manicure? If he's go "dead skin" around his nails, a manicurist can snip that off for him.

That is a great suggestion!

Have him get reg. manicures to keep his hands looking good.

 

[Luvchefmic]

My Dad and my Uncle (his brother) and my youngest DD all did this, my maternal Grandfather constantly shook his leg up and down while sitting and clanged the coins in his pocket, when I was a kid I used to lick my lips (some of the childhood pictures I have chapped lips) most of us smoke,,,we are all a nervous bunch come to think of it ! Now my DH cracks his knuckles all the time Snap Crackle Pop....wanta trade ?

Seriously I think the manicure idea is a wonderful one if he'll go for it

 

[AtlantaSue]

Oh My....I have picked at my fingers almost my entire life. I can remember being in church and having my brother or my mom say "quit picking!!" But I am in my forties, and no one else has actually commented (except for maybe asking, "what happened to your finger?!") Not really even DH. I just don't think it bothers him.

However, I've never done it for "hours", and it really just depends on what is going on in my life. Looking at my hands today, you wouldn't know it. Check back on Friday, and it might be really obvious. When I am really stressed, I have definitely done it to the point of bleeding. Not pretty. Sometimes I wear acrylic nails, and I will say they prevent the act quite well. Not so much an option for your, DH, though! And anyway, as soon as they come off I go back to my old ways.

I will say that, after reading about your situation, I am so grateful that DH has not made this an issue. I can't imagine actually having to stress over my stress reliever... But I guess I would break down and try the finger coverings (how humiliating....) if he really wanted me to. I suppose I'm mainly just going w/ the folks that posted asking if your DH really wants to quit, b/c that would be key for me.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

As others have stated, if he doesn't want to change, then he won't. However, if he's asking you for help in stopping then charge him for it. Every time you catch him at it he gives you $1, or alternatively, you put $1 in a jar (you can save it for a Disney trip or something).

 

[Magpie]

The question is: Does HE want to stop also?

If he does, there are finger cots he could get to put on his fingers while he's sitting. They look like this:

Does anyone else think these things look like finger condoms? I'd be too embarrassed to wear them in public!

And if I was at home, I know I'd constantly be making inappropriate jokes with them and embarrassing my teenagers.

No way in heck would those things come anywhere near my fingers unless I was a doctor, and they were a necessary medical supply, for... I dunno. Checking a prostate, or something?

 

[Imzadi]

Does anyone else think these things look like finger condoms? I'd be too embarrassed to wear them in public!

And if I was at home, I know I'd constantly be making inappropriate jokes with them and embarrassing my teenagers.

No way in heck would those things come anywhere near my fingers unless I was a doctor, and they were a necessary medical supply, for... I dunno. Checking a prostate, or something?

They are worn at the post office. I've seen cashiers wear them. Clerks who deal with piles of papers wear them so they don't get paper cuts. Sewers wear them as well as artists, so they don't get ink & dyes all over their fingers. They aren't just medical.

From what I gather from what the OP said, she has a problem with him doing it sitting at home, not in public. He doesn't have to do this while out shopping, etc.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

thanks for all of the suggestions, i really appreciate it! there's a few that i'm going to try and talk to him about.

and for the few answers, he only does it when we're at home sitting, doing nothing. when we're out in public he rarely does it. and i HAVE tried telling him to do something else with his hands instead of that, but i'm going to bring that up again.

and yes, sometimes he DOES pick until they bleed. that's why i want to kick him of this habit. and espically when he puts them in his mouth, i'm always worried he'll get sick or an infection of some sort.