How do I get over being angry at an EX friend?

[meloneyb21]

I had a major argument with a friend of mine this past week. It actually started when she tried to rub the Eagles loss in my face. It was kinda comical at first and I said something to the effect of "It's cool, I'm not a bandwagon jumper. That's still my team...lol". She then took a offense to me saying "bandwagon" (I know, petty) and started to flip saying things like "Hold up chick, I was NEVER an Eagles fan so I'm not on no bandwagon...." and so on ans so forth. She got downright belligerent, so I brushed her off and just LOL'd (this interaction was going on through facebook mind you)....then all of a sudden she starts bringing up old crap about DH and I from years ago...HUH?!?!?!

DH and I went through a rough time a few years ago and I confided in her. Even after DH and I worked it out and began to move on, she just wouldn't let go. Kinda like a dog with a bone. Every time I called her, she would always ask about that particular situation, even after it was over. I noticed that she was less than interested when I had something positive to say as opposed to something negative. She is sooooooo into drama, you wouldn't believe the stuff this girl gets in. Over the past 2 years I stopped talking to her as much for that simple reason. I'm just not into it. I'm such a happy, go-lucky type person and drama is just NOT my style.

So anyway, she starts texting me all this nonsense talking about "THE TRUTH HURTS DON'T IT!?!?!" I'm like "HUH?!?! I guess it hurts you more than me because DH and I are happy." She keeps saying it and I guess it's annoying her that I'm not feeding in to her BS....and for some reason it made her livid that I said "Calm down, go to DisneyWorld or something." Now I personally feel like this women is just bitter and angry at the world. She has been through so much as a child and adult that it is mind boggling and nothing ever seems to go right for her....but I would NEVER throw things like that up in her face.

I've known her since middle school and I always had this feeling about her, but I gave her a chance. Obviously our friendship is officially done and not worth saving (I have felt this way for a while)....anyway, how do I get over being angry? I'm not angry at the things she said (because I am truly happy for once in my life) but I'm angry at the fact that it took her a millisecond to throw that crap back in my face. I regret for even telling her and thinking I could trust her. I guess I'm more angry at myself but I thought she was a friend. Oh well, another one bites the dust I guess.

DH said it's great that I found out about her now rather than later.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I had a major argument with a friend of mine this past week. It actually started when she tried to rub the Eagles loss in my face. It was kinda comical at first and I said something to the effect of "It's cool, I'm not a bandwagon jumper. That's still my team...lol". She then took a offense to me saying "bandwagon" (I know, petty) and started to flip saying things like "Hold up chick, I was NEVER an Eagles fan so I'm not on no bandwagon...." and so on ans so forth. She got downright belligerent, so I brushed her off and just LOL'd (this interaction was going on through facebook mind you)....then all of a sudden she starts bringing up old crap about DH and I from years ago...HUH?!?!?!

DH and I went through a rough time a few years ago and I confided in her. Even after DH and I worked it out and began to move on, she just wouldn't let go. Kinda like a dog with a bone. Every time I called her, she would always ask about that particular situation, even after it was over. I noticed that she was less than interested when I had something positive to say as opposed to something negative. She is sooooooo into drama, you wouldn't believe the stuff this girl gets in. Over the past 2 years I stopped talking to her as much for that simple reason. I'm just not into it. I'm such a happy, go-lucky type person and drama is just NOT my style.

So anyway, she starts texting me all this nonsense talking about "THE TRUTH HURTS DON'T IT!?!?!" I'm like "HUH?!?! I guess it hurts you more than me because DH and I are happy." She keeps saying it and I guess it's annoying her that I'm not feeding in to her BS....and for some reason it made her livid that I said "Calm down, go to DisneyWorld or something." Now I personally feel like this women is just bitter and angry at the world. She has been through so much as a child and adult that it is mind boggling and nothing ever seems to go right for her....but I would NEVER throw things like that up in her face.

I've known her since middle school and I always had this feeling about her, but I gave her a chance. Obviously our friendship is officially done and not worth saving (I have felt this way for a while)....anyway, how do I get over being angry? I'm not angry at the things she said (because I am truly happy for once in my life) but I'm angry at the fact that it took her a millisecond to throw that crap back in my face. I regret for even telling her and thinking I could trust her. I guess I'm more angry at myself but I thought she was a friend. Oh well, another one bites the dust I guess.

DH said it's great that I found out about her now rather than later.

It will probably take awhile to get over because you have such a long history with her. You feel she betrayed your trust. She did. And that's a pretty big thing. Give yourself some time and distance.

She did you a favor. She showed you her true colors.

 

[Nennie]

She sounds like a nut. I would block her on facebook, and not respond to her texts, emails, etc.

Also, did this exchange take place pubicly on your FB "wall"? If so, I would delete it immediately. You don't need other people seeing that drama!

Good luck!

 

[Agri]

It'll take awhile. You had a friendship with her that has essentially died a pretty painful death. You will be mourning the loss for awhile.

Spend time with your other friends. When you start thinking about her and feel angry, do something positive - work on a hobby, go for a walk, etc.

It will be a long time before you stop feeling so angry/hurt/guilt/etc., but you *can* control how you handle it. The more you channel that emotion associated with her into something positive, the sooner you'll start to feel a bit better.

 

[DVCJones]

I think it is okay to be angry with her. Just don't let it consume you and move on.

I had a similar situation occur with my brother's wife. I confided in her about something and she threw it in my face later when we had a disagreement. Completely uncalled for and totally inappropriate behavior!!! So, while I am still angry with her, I just try to focus on how lucky I am to know what kind a person she really is. She is one who loves drama, but claims not to. She likes to bully people and intimidate with inappropriate behavior. She only likes to hear what you have to say if you are struggling. A "misery loves company" type of person. She also "keeps score". You know the type of person if she did something nice for you 5 years ago, she throws it in your face years later after SHE offends you and you have the nerve to call her on it.

Just be glad you know what kind of person she is and cut her loose. I am so happy now that I know what she is all about. Be glad you are a happy person and not miserable like your friend. Focus on all the good things in your life and let go of the "pooh" in life.

Don't worry, be happy!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Give yourself some time to be honest. You have been friends since middle school and that is some major history there.

Frankly the lingering anger you are feeling is your mechanism for stopping you from going back to her.

I think once you accept that it is truly "OVER" between you the anger will go away.

So bottom line, cut yourself some slack.

 

[LVSWL]

This is a really hard one. Like other posters have said, you have a long history with her and while you may now realize that she isn't the kind of person you want in your life it is natural to "miss" the friendship and morn the loss of it. Being angry is ok, as long as you don't let it take over all the positives you have in your life. I think there are lots of lessons to be learned from situations like this. I have a friendship that ended after a trip to WDW. The trip went ok except for the last day when my friend went off on my DH for no reason. Then no apology and she and her husband left, skipping out on two days in the villa we had reserved for them. We actually were over it by the time we got home, just realized we wouldn't travel with those friends again when the first NASTY letter arrived from her. We answered with a NOT nasty letter to try to mend things and then the second letter arrived. We were done. She still sent a birthday card a few months later with snarky comments and then a text this birthday that was snarky. She just added my oldest DS on Facebook That bothers me the most. I have "missed" our friendship. We had known each other for 33 years and she was my maid of honor, but as with you the signs were there. She is an alchoholic(but dry for 10years) but that mean spirited behavior can still pop out at the drop of the hat. Toxic people stink. I try to count myself lucky that she lives 4 hours away.

 

[Curiouser&curiouser!]

More than likely the only thing that will help you get over this is time. When you have known someone that long, it hurts that they would throw it all away for practically nothing. The saying is true: Time heals all wounds.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

Went through a similiar situation with a cousin of mine and let me tell you, it was really hard and I had very angry feelings and hurt feelings too.

It will be 4 years now that we have literally not spoken. We unfortunately ran into each other at a family function and I was just going to ignore her and her boyfriend, but she came over and said hello (to our table) I smiled and said hello.

Do I miss the good times we had, very much so and now that all this time has passed I do look back on more of the good times we had. But I know that she leads her life a very different way than I do and this is the best way to be.

Now her grandfather had passed away last year and I had asked my Stepfather for her phone # because that is how I am. I didn't want to leave a message or send her a text but that is what happened and she was very nice about it.

You really have to give yourself time, because it will take alot of it for you to get through and just hang out with different people that ARE not afflicated with her.

Something that also helped me move on was to write down a list of all the good times AND all the bad stuff. Which of course out weighed everything else and when I look at that, I know I did the right thing to not continue our friendship. Good Luck to you!

 

[surfergirl602]

Here's what you do:


unfriend her from facebook, and delete and posts from her or about her.
Then delete her contact information from your phone.
Then forget about her - she's gone from your life.

 

[meloneyb21]

She sounds like a nut. I would block her on facebook, and not respond to her texts, emails, etc.

Also, did this exchange take place pubicly on your FB "wall"? If so, I would delete it immediately. You don't need other people seeing that drama!

Good luck!

Yes, some took place on my "wall" but I immediately removed it and texted her instead....and she is definitely blocked from here on out.

Years ago I would have totally emotionally "gut-punched" her, but that's just not me anymore. All throughout this argument my mindset was "those who live in glass houses should not throw stones, but I got some boulders that'll make you homeless"....but I simply refuse to stoop to her level. She's had some hard times so I just chalk her attitude up to that and move on.

It kinda sucks to be the bigger person sometimes .

 

[disneyfans95]

Sounds like something my tweens would be doing, not adults.

 

[meloneyb21]

Sounds like something my tweens would be doing, not adults.

Yea, you don't understand how childish I felt after that mess with her. I got to the point where I was like "WHAT am I doing?" It was a total waste of my time. I soooo cannot deal with her...and the way she just went from football to that so fast made me realize that she wanted to start an argument with me for some odd reason.

 

[robinb]

I don't know ... sometimes I think it takes two people to ride a Drama Llama. One to kick and the other to steer. You glossed over your part in the argument in your post and I don't think something would escalate that out of control without help from both parties.

I would recommend that you sit back and let things blow over for a couple of weeks. If she's still in your dog house, email her why and then unfriend her. If you choose to keep her around, I would have a heart-to-heart talk with her and tell her that the problems you once had with your DH are off-limits because it hurts you when she brings them up.

Oh ... one more thing. Go Pack Go! *snicker*

 

[LuvOrlando]

Sorry this happened to you OP. I had a weird similar blow out on FB not too long ago with DH's wack-a-doo Oxycontin addict Aunt with his childish Mom pulling the strings I was ticked for a while mostly because I was so frustrated with the fact they meant to do harm.... not that they did. I can tolerate anything but malice. In the end a bunch of my real friends private messaged me & sided up with me on FB as I disarmed the lunacy. One even made it a point to tell me how proud of me she was that I was able to remain a lady and keep my temper, which made me feel sooo much better. It felt so good to know everyone else saw what I saw, which made me realize these people hurt themselves more than I ever could.

I'm sure all your real friends saw right through her, no need to say a word. Still, getting kicked in the face is not fun, feel better

 

[Kitzka]

the fastest way is to have no communication with said 'friend' and to not ask about her through mutal friends. i would even excuse yourself from conversation when/if she comes up. i had a 'friend' who i had a falling out with and avoided her and things about her for a year or so. I am now able to hear her name without seething in anger.

it's not easy when you feel betrayed.

Lara

 

[eliza61]

Sounds like something my tweens would be doing, not adults.

Boy I'm glad you said it.

Op, let me understand some thing. you say she was your friend since middle school, she was close enough to you that you felt safe confiding in her about marital problems and now you two had a childish argument over Michael vick and the eagles and you're ready to give her the boot?

With all do respect, both of you need to grow up. Now you're not saying your part in this argument but I'm thinking you were not totally blameless.

Have you actually called her and tried to sit down with her like a mature adult? instead of the texting nah, nah, nanna stuff?

Listen, if she is a good long term friend and I'm only assuming that she is because you used her as a confidant, I would simply sit her down and explain how you feel.

Now you do say you regret her role in your life and if that's the case, I wouldn't hang onto the anger. But why has this been going on for 2 years? that seems like an awful long time and energy to trade barbs back and forth?

Boy one thing I love about being a "senior" LOL my tolerance for stupidity and drama is real, real low.

 

[meloneyb21]

I don't know ... sometimes I think it takes two people to ride a Drama Llama. One to kick and the other to steer. You glossed over your part in the argument in your post and I don't think something would escalate that out of control without help from both parties.

I would recommend that you sit back and let things blow over for a couple of weeks. If she's still in your dog house, email her why and then unfriend her. If you choose to keep her around, I would have a heart-to-heart talk with her and tell her that the problems you once had with your DH are off-limits because it hurts you when she brings them up.

Oh ... one more thing. Go Pack Go! *snicker*

You are right about that, it takes two to tango, but the way she got mad was outrageous. I mean I was in it when we were talking about football and I thought we were just doing some friendly "ribbing" on each other at first about the sport, but she totally threw me off when she went in on DH. I felt there were things she always wanted to say, but she should have said them years ago when our problem first occured....not when we're over it and moved on.

It's just frustrating when you KNOW someone just wants to hurt your feelings and says something that has NOTHING to do with anything else. Why would you try to bring me down when I'm trying to be happy?

 

[meloneyb21]

Boy I'm glad you said it.

Op, let me understand some thing. you say she was your friend since middle school, she was close enough to you that you felt safe confiding in her about marital problems and now you two had a childish argument over Michael vick and the eagles and you're ready to give her the boot?

With all do respect, both of you need to grow up. Now you're not saying your part in this argument but I'm thinking you were not totally blameless.

Have you actually called her and tried to sit down with her like a mature adult? instead of the texting nah, nah, nanna stuff?

Listen, if she is a good long term friend and I'm only assuming that she is because you used her as a confidant, I would simply sit her down and explain how you feel.

Now you do say you regret her role in your life and if that's the case, I wouldn't hang onto the anger. But why has this been going on for 2 years? that seems like an awful long time and energy to trade barbs back and forth?

Boy one thing I love about being a "senior" LOL my tolerance for stupidity and drama is real, real low.

I am not totally blameless....but she took it to a whole other level. I never said anything about her personally but she took it there with me and I still don't know why. You don't know her like I do, but she is impossible to talk to and impossible when she thinks she's right. I have decided to move on because her attitude has been a problem for the past few years.

It was always the little things that would add up to make me think "why is she being like that?" She has always been mean spirited and some of the things she has done to others has made me distance myself. I know that she has sensed that, so I guess now it's my turn.

 

[DVCJones]

It was always the little things that would add up to make me think "why is she being like that?" She has always been mean spirited and some of the things she has done to others has made me distance myself. I know that she has sensed that, so I guess now it's my turn.

Trust your gut!!! Trust me...you will so better off just letting people like this fall out of your life. Be glad she isn't family.