How do I get my 5yo to stop biting?

[aunt lissa]

My DS has suddenly started this biting bit! It is driving me up the wall. Tonight he bit my nephew so hard and left marks. This isn't the first time obviously! I've tried time out, I've tried spanking, and taking away priveleges. Sometimes all 3 at once. But NOTHING seems to work!! I've even done the almighty of biting him back. What do I do?? I can't let him continue this and I am at such a loss now!! He leaves for his Dad's in just a few weeks and I don't want him going there and doing this to his stepbrother and his little sister!! Does anyone have a solution?!?!

 

[Samandmom]

My DS went through a biting faze when he was about 18 months. His peditrician told me to just pick him up and give him a firm NO and put him in a playpen in the corner. (No toys in the playpen) She said he will probaly scream bloody murder. Of course he did but he stopped within a week. That will not work with your five year old.

On the other hand my DD is 10 months old and I nurse her right before bedtime and she loves to bite me. She knows she is doing it too. She bites me and then laughs. (Ok I got to admit that when she starts laughing it's adorable, but I can't tell her that LOL) Sorry I could be of any help.

 

[shep]

Put broccoli in his mouth the next time...

 

[aunt lissa]

Problem with that is he loves broccoli!! Spicey stuff as well, so tabasco sauce won't work either!

 

[shep]

Originally posted by aunt lissa
Problem with that is he loves broccoli!! Spicey stuff as well, so tabasco sauce won't work either!

Okay...Sorry then...lol...
I've been lucky...so far...

 

[swea_pea1]

OK, this won't win me the mother of the year award, but I tried everything as well when DD went through this stage. Nothing worked for me until......

One day we were in the car and she reached over, grabbed DS arm and bit it. Well, what could I do, put her in the trunk (ok, I admit it came to mind, but I quickly dismissed it )

Anyway, I made her take off one of her socks and put it in her mouth. Not stuffing it in, mind you, but just hanging it out of her mouth. I don't know if it was the smell or the taste, but it was enough for her. She stopped and any time she bit after that, the threat of it was enough for her.

 

[RNMOM]

We had this problem with DS #2 until he was between 4-5. I was at my wits end also. Your kid is treated like a mass murderer when they bite.

A woman in an elevator told me her secret. I don't remember why we were discussing it but she had had 7 kids. She told me to get a big bar of Ivory soap and put it in the bathroom on the shelf just for him..Each time he bit, he got to go bite the soap.

Let me tell you it took only two time. He hated the taste and, of course, had to brush his teeth afterward really well. He did not bite a chunk but just had to put his teeth marks in it.

He never bit again after that. Is this child abuse? I really can't say but to have a kid who no one will allow their kids play with seems abusive too, if there is a solution.

 

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by aunt lissa
He leaves for his Dad's in just a few weeks and I don't want him going there and doing this to his stepbrother and his little sister!!

Could this be part of his reason? Is he stressed about going to his Dad's? What we perceive as even a small amount of anxiety can be a huge stress for a little 5yo.

I don't have a solution tho, sorry.

My brother was a biter but, at a younger age and, he only bit our cousin. My Mom bit him back a couple times (another Mom of the Year award) and, he finally stopped. I think he just grew out of it myself.

Good luck.

 

[aunt lissa]

To be brutally honest I've thought about the soap! I'm just not sure if it does fall in those "child abuse" lines or not. Anymore I'm afraid to discipline my kids in fear that it will be considered "child abuse"! I've always been against the soap thing but now I don't know what else I can do. It's to the point that I just sit and cry because I feel helpless yet I don't want my nephew or my DD to suffer.
He's rather excited about going to his dad's house so I don't think that is the problem. But this has been an on going issue since August. He used to be such a good little boy! He never did anything wrong to get into trouble and now he's a monster! Is it a phase? If it is when will it pass? I just don't know what to do. I feel like a bad mommy at times because I can't even control my own child.

 

[poohandwendy]

Anymore I'm afraid to discipline my kids in fear that it will be considered "child abuse"! I've always been against the soap thing but now I don't know what else I can do. It's to the point that I just sit and cry because I feel helpless yet I don't want my nephew or my DD to suffer.

Stop feeling helpless, kids can sense that. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps and remember you are in charge. Tr the soap thing, it works...

 

[shortbun]

I think 5 is old enough to comply with
this kind of instruction. It makes me think something else is
wrong. Get some help; 5 year olds don't bite for no reason.
Sounds like he is having major stress and therefore causing
you major stress. If you stop the biting, the stress may just
come out in another way. find out what is bothering him and
solve the WHOLE problem. Grownups are smarter than 5 year olds. It's hard for a 5 year old to articulate a problem, sometimes
they themselves don't know exactly what is wrong, just that they are tremendously uncomfortable. Our children rely on us to help them when they need it-this little guy is yelling "HELP"

 

[Christine]

Well, I'm an ex-biter here!!!! I used to bite as a child and I will tell you, like all the child books say, the behavior of biting stems from the child being frustrated. I know in my case it was. I was kind of a mild-mannered child (only child too, no siblings). When I got around other children, especially my cousin who was the same age as me, she would be kind of rough, and then I would bite her. That was just my reaction to a strange situation.

I know this sounds *really* weird, but I am 39 years old, I no longer bite, but it stilll kind of feels good to me. Funny huh?? I think it is a great stress reliever. Guess I'm orally fixated.

At any rate, my grandmother did stop my behavior. One day my lovely cousin and I were playing Tinkertoys or something and for some reason I bit her. Now, I'm sure my lovely cousin probably hit me over the head with one first (granny NEVER saw that) and I bit her. So my grandmother got fed up and bit me and said "how do you like that." It didn't really hurt, but that one action kind of humiliated me and showed me that my behavior really wasn't appropriate. I never bit again--unless someone wanted me to.

 

[CEDmom]

The point KimRaye made is exactly the one I was going to make. Many very young children (pre-talking) bite because they don't know how to express themselves any other way. Beyond this age there usually is an underlying anxiety. You say your DS is going to his father's house in a few weeks. Does this mean he'll be away from you from Christmas? If so, that could be it in a nutshell. I think he's crying out to you because of something that's upsetting him. I'd lay off the punishing and just try to talk to him about what's upsetting him.

 

[ASFCurly]

Biting is a real problem at work, the kids are 1.5 to 2.5 and it seems to get worse in the winter when the kids are stuck inside more, not able to run around as much, as we are not their parents, there is a limited amount of things we can do, we talk to them about no biting, and set them to the side of the activity, sometimes it works, and they won't bite for a while at least, other times it won't, one child bit two different kids within 5 minutes the other day, this child is the youngest and smallest and it is easy for the other children to hurt her without meaning it

 

[vald1977]

This is just a thought but kids sometimes bite when they are teething. Could he be getting some molars? Whichever method you decide to use, just try and keep doing it each and every time he bites. Try not to show how upset you are. Just remove him from the situation and go to the consequence (time out, no tv, whatever). Good luck to you, Aunt Lissa. I hope this phase is over quickly.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you want to use soap, save up some small hotel soaps. They know I have them. My girls never bit but boy do they have mouths sometimes. They definetly HATE it! Only had to use it once on younger dd & 3 times on older dd. (We still threaten that preteen mouth, LOL!)

 

[aunt lissa]

Thank-you all so much for your advice! I still don't know what I'm gonna do or how to handle this. I know that this kind of thing usually stems from frustration but he's w/ me all day every day! However I'm thinking that the frustration may be from change of enviroment. My sister and her DS moved in w/ us in August. But shouldn't he be adjusted to that by now? I passed all the fighting and hitting he did as just that; change of enviroment. I'm going to print this out and go over pro's and con's of each and hopefully then be able to make a decision on how I'm gonna get try to get him to stop!! Again Thank-you all!

 

[FreshTressa]

Originally posted by Christine
I know this sounds *really* weird, but I am 39 years old, I no longer bite, but it stilll kind of feels good to me. Funny huh?? I think it is a great stress reliever. Guess I'm orally fixated.

LOL, me too. I still have the urge to take a nip out of my DH and kids sometimes out of love!!

My son has had some aggression issues in the past, and I tried punishments but they didn't work. It finally stopped when I became sympathetic, but I am not sure if that is what did it or he just grew out of it.

I guess I would sit down and talk to him and try to get to the why he did that. If he says I don't know I would offer up some suggestions for how he felt. Sometimes just attaching words to the way he was feeling when it happened helps. Once you get the why out of him then discuss some alternative techniques for dealing with those feelings. And the whole time I would be very sympathetic and supportive and loving.

Finally, I would tell him that I loved him, but that biting was not acceptable and I would tell him what the consequence would be next time he did it. For us, the consequence would be leaving wherever we were. I would just leave the family gathering or the park or whatever.

Good luck!

 

[GAIL HAYDEN]

Originally posted by RNMOM
We had this problem with DS #2 until he was between 4-5. I was at my wits end also. Your kid is treated like a mass murderer when they bite.

A woman in an elevator told me her secret. I don't remember why we were discussing it but she had had 7 kids. She told me to get a big bar of Ivory soap and put it in the bathroom on the shelf just for him..Each time he bit, he got to go bite the soap.

Let me tell you it took only two time. He hated the taste and, of course, had to brush his teeth afterward really well. He did not bite a chunk but just had to put his teeth marks in it.

He never bit again after that. Is this child abuse? I really can't say but to have a kid who no one will allow their kids play with seems abusive too, if there is a solution.

I was going to suggest that also. Child abuse, NO WAY!!! It is abuse (to any other person) to let them get away with it.