How did you know it was time to move out?

[Wonders10]

Hi everyone,

Sorry if this is long and redundant - posted a similar thread a few days ago. It has since been moved to a black hole I think. I turn 26 today! I live at home with my mom because I'm a full time graduate student and not working at the moment. I really want to move out - to Orlando specifically. I have a little less than 2 years until I graduate but part of that time will be working out in the "real world" doing clinical internships. Luckily through my school, I am able to relocate to Orlando and still take courses if need be and should not encounter any problems with that. I live in south florida now if that would make any difference.

I have lived on my own - 4 years away at college in Indiana and 7 months in Orlando right after graduation while I did the WDW college program. That is why I want to move to Orlando - I loved it while I was there and not just the Disney part. So living on my own isn't new to me, but for the past 3 years I have been living at home - I taught for a year before starting school. Since school is local and I'm not working I just thought it would be a waste to get my own place. Technically I can afford it but it would cut into my savings a lot. Like a lot of people I have student loans and of course bills that will need to be paid once school is finished. Plus I'm hoping to get a new car and purchase a home within a year of getting my job. With the savings I have right now, that's doable, but I'm concerned that it won't be so doable if I move out.

Aside from the financial situation, I'm wondering if I'm mentally ready to do so. I'm a total homebody but I also acclimate myself really well to my surroundings - I make wherever I am a home. If I make the move I will be moving in with an old friend of mine that is relocating back to the area. He still has friends there and we have sort of lost touch but are getting closer - but still not like how we were. So that adds to the concerns that I may not be able to trust him enough and I will be left in the dust somehow. I know that doesn't make much sense but its complicated to explain I think.

Anyway, my main point is how did you know that you were ready to get the heck out of your house, get your own place even if it means having to be a lot thrifty, and not worry that you were making a mistake?

Thanks for reading! I know its long but I've been struggling with all of this for a week now and I just have to keep getting it out of me.

*Shannon

 

[lisajl]

Wow! I would have loved that luxury of staying home until I was your age.
That is wonderful! I say finish school then move out. But that is just my opinion. My dd is 20 and will stay with us until she finishes college or goes to another college in about 1 1/2 years. She is not sure yet.
I know she is not ready to move out. She rarely balances her checkbook!
AAKKK!!!

Good luck on your decision. I'm sure you will do fine. BTW, my oldest nephew moved out around 25. He sounds like you, a home-body. He bought a condo and loves it.

Lisa

 

[momof2inPA]

You're 26, you need to move out on your own, not with a friend. Find a job and a school where you can complete your degree as you work.

 

[beckmrk04]

I knew before I got out of high school!!!

Seriously, though- mine was a more gradual move. I left for college, then transferred back home to a local university because of money issues. So, I moved back home- and hated it. I had a taste of freedom, and coming back home was like reverting back to sub-adult status.

But, I met my now-dh when I was 19, and we moved in together after 6 months. It just felt right. 5 1/2 years later we're married.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

You're 26, you need to move out on your own, not with a friend. Find a job and a school where you can complete your degree as you work.

I have to disagree with the not with a friend. Depending on where you live a roommate is a necessity, not a luxury. Where I live most apartments require a very well paying job (more than you make right out of college) or two people paying the rent.

But the issue is then you have a rooommate. You need to be sure you can pay the rent alone, if you have to for a month or two.

If you can live at home and save up for a house, buy a car or whatever you can do, as long as you are going to school, working and helping with the household expenses I see nothing wrong with living at home. Again, maybe it's a regional thing.

If you're out there blowing all your money and you can't afford to move out it's a whole different ballgame that I didn't touch on in this thread since the OP sounds like she is working and saving.

 

[Wonders10]

You're 26, you need to move out on your own, not with a friend. Find a job and a school where you can complete your degree as you work.

First, I'm definitely not getting a job. It's not an I'm too high and mighty for a job, but with my program it just isn't possible. Classes are too demanding and soon I will be doing clinical internships during the day and taking classes at night - another job would be too much and the type of job I'd have to get probably wouldn't add much $$$ to the pot.

Second, what is wrong with living with a friend? We're both adults and we will save on money with rent and expenses. Not meaning to sound rude, just curious b/c out of all the people I have talked to about this, no one told me I should live alone, not with my friend.

Thanks everyone for their quick replies!
*Shannon

 

[KJSJpipe]

I went to college when I was 18, came home for summers and holidays. Graduated May '96, married Sapt '96. So I moved out because it would be silly to live at home and be married .
On the other hand my DB is 35 and still lives at home! .
You could not pay me to live there! Love 'em but need my space.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

You're 26, you need to move out on your own, not with a friend. Find a job and a school where you can complete your degree as you work.

Ya know, I wanted to add something to my other post.

Why on earth would you ever tell someone who is in the position to finish school without working to move out on their own and get a job and pretty much make their lives 10x harder than it is now?

It is so flippin hard to go to school and work full time. I do it. It is taking me forever to finish school. Working full time means I have less class options since I can only go to school at night.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

If you can stand to live at home then do - just to make life easier financially. Use that time wisely and sock away every dime that you can!

I moved out the weekend after my high school graduation at age 17. I couldn't WAIT any longer.

 

[KarenAylwood]

I went to college 500 miles away from home so I've been living on my own in Virginia since I was 18 (I'm almost 24 now), although college wasn't really "on my own"- college was dorm life and financial stability from my parents. I was at home for maybe a month after I graduated before moving back to VA (my parents live in upstate NY) for graduate school.

I got a masters in a subject (chemistry) that covers your tuition and gives you a stipend to live on no matter what school you go to. So I was living on a small stipend from the grad school and lived 1 year with a roommate (horrible experience) before moving in w/ my DBF this past August (better than I could have ever imagined ).

My parents helped me when I needed it (I was commuting to school and driving 120 miles each day) but I really went on my own financially when I got a job last month. When in grad school I've covered rent and any extras but my mom helped me a lot when we first moved in together since the move was expensive (neither of us had much in the way of furnishings). We also took a once in a lifetime trip to Ireland that I borrowed money for. I'm proud to say that in a month and a half of working I have entirely paid her back!!

I think that the right time to move out is whenever you're ready. As long as you're not looking at this as a crutch- my parents have many friends whose kids came home after graduation and don't know what to do with their lives.

You've got direction- you know you'll be done in two years. If you really want to move to Orlando I say DO IT but if you really want to save the money, heck- stay at home. You've got your own life and are working on your degree, you're just living at home.

My DBF's brother (32) moved in with his mom for a period of time and has a full time job. People do what they have to do depending on the situation they are in.

 

[Wonders10]

I think part of my problem is that I have a complex about my relationship with my mom. Its like we are one and the same as far as anyone else is concerned. I really do not have many friends down here. The girls in my classes are nice and we talk but we do not hang out outside of class at all. So in a sense, I don't have much of a life down here. I think living with a friend, meeting his friends and their friends, going out more, etc. will definitely help me socially in a positive way. I just have the hardest time making decisions and I am so concerned with what my family will think of my decision (and what others think in general). I know thats bad but I'm just throwing it out there. It might help to explain my angst a little more. Keep your thoughts and suggestions coming. I appreciate them!

*Shannon

 

[ChrisnSteph]

When I got pregnant at age 20.

 

[KarenAylwood]

I think part of my problem is that I have a complex about my relationship with my mom. Its like we are one and the same as far as anyone else is concerned. I really do not have many friends down here. The girls in my classes are nice and we talk but we do not hang out outside of class at all. So in a sense, I don't have much of a life down here. I think living with a friend, meeting his friends and their friends, going out more, etc. will definitely help me socially in a positive way. I just have the hardest time making decisions and I am so concerned with what my family will think of my decision (and what others think in general). I know thats bad but I'm just throwing it out there. It might help to explain my angst a little more. Keep your thoughts and suggestions coming. I appreciate them!

*Shannon

Ok, well if that's the case- I think it's important for you to move out. You need to branch out and get to know people. Your mid-20's can be some of the best times with friends! You could also meet a guy easier if you're interested in that.

You say you are concerned with what your family will think? Well, it seems as though at 26 years old you are more than old enough to be living on your own, and it sounds like you can afford it from your description of your savings (even if it means not buying a house within a year or two of getting a job).

I say have a heart to heart with your mom and move out. You'll be better for it!!

Goodluck!!!

 

[goodeats]

Yes, I think you should move out. It sounds like you are too close to your mom and need to cut the apron strings.

I never moved back home after college. When I came home for the first long break (Christmas I guess) Freshman year, I knew I would never live there full time again. After graduation I got an apartment with two other girls. After a couple of years I moved out alone, then I got engaged and DH moved in with me.

Just out of curiosity, are you the youngest or only child?

 

[Wonders10]

Just out of curiosity, are you the youngest or only child?

No but I often felt that way. I have an older brother - he is 37. Since my dad was never really around, my brother sort of took on that role for me. But by the time I was old enough to start having real memories, he was in college and starting his own life so I've lived with just my mom for the most part.

Honestly, I will admit that I am almost too attached to my mom. I know that the first few days away from home would be hard and I'd probably call her crying a few times, but then I would get over it (like I always do) and have fun. But I actually feel guilty leaving home, like she will be too lonely. My mom isn't the type to join a book club or "lunch with the girls". I even felt guilty when I'd have to go back to college after summer vacation - and I had to do that. I know that feeling guilty is something I need to get over and that she needs to realize that I'm a grown woman now, sort of lol. But I still can't help feeling that way.

Oh and I have discussed this with my mom - on numerous times actually. Her basic feelings are that I can do what I want because I'm an adult and its my decision (but not in a you can do it honey way, more of a I don't agree with this but you can do what you want way) and she feels that I'm blowing away my savings by paying for rent that is really unnecessary. I talked to my brother about this and he agrees with my mom believe it or not. So while I know they won't be mad at me, I don't really have any supporters in my family for this.

 

[disykat]

I think it sounds like you are more than ready to move out.

However, the things you are saying about your friend make it sound like the relationship is not defined enough to withstand living together. Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, but I honestly couldn't tell from your post if you are talking about being platonic roommates or really "living together". I've had lots of roommates - all platonic friends - and my experience is that you need to have everything spelled out pretty clearly.

 

[SDFgirl]

Happy 26th Birthday!

I would agree with others that it's time to move on from your mom's house. I know where you're coming from - I was very, very attached to my parents in my early 20's. I didn't live with them, but I hung out with them all the time, sometimes instead of going out and getting a life of my own. My mom had to practically shove me out of the nest, saying, "You need to build your own life!! Quit relying on us so much!" Now, it kind of sounds mean, but it was true.

Your mid--20's are not a time to be socially isolated. There's so much fun you could be out there having - and it doesn't have to be expensive or wild. Also, if you want to meet someone and get married someday, this is the best opportunity to do that.

Get out there and live your own life! It sounds like you already know the answer in your heart. Go for it!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Anyway, my main point is how did you know that you were ready to get the heck out of your house, get your own place even if it means having to be a lot thrifty, and not worry that you were making a mistake?

I moved out at Sept of '86, when I was 21 with my BF (now DH). We lived in a rat hole of a place. I didn't care.
My parents drove me nuts. I wanted my own life. We moved to our college town, where I had been going, and both went to college.

 

[EthansMom]

I lived away from home for college, returning home for summer and then while I looked for a job after college. But I moved out on my own after I had my first full-time job.

I think that the benefits of living at home while you finish school are great. But it really sounds like you need to find some social activities to do on your own. Maybe do some volunteer work, take some fun class (cooking, dancing, quilting, what have you...), or join a sports league. When I was in my mid-twenties and on my own in a strange city, I volunteered at the Humane Society and joined a soccer team. A good friend of mine took ballroom dance classes.

I'd leave the moving out on your own for when you have a job.

Good Luck!

 

[disneymom3]

I guess I am not seeing why you would need to move out to have more of a social life. As the PP said, get involved in some things that matter to you and meet people.

Personally if you get along with your mom and all is okay there, I would not move out while you are in school and not able to get a job. I can understand why one of the earlier posters said to live alone--DH went from home to sharing an apartment and then a couple of housemates and he has always felt like he never really lived on his own. He is not unhappy with his current life, but wishes he had taken at least a year to live by himself as I did. However, I went to college 2000 miles from home and then stayed in that area. If I had moved back to my home town, I probably would have lived with Mom and Dad until I got married. Almost all of my sisters did that and they are all just fine.