How cruel is this?

[Shugardrawers]

My DH has a beautiful DD 17 who lives outside Biloxi with her mom. Of course, they were in the path of hurricane Ivan and we tried to call them but either got the machine or a busy signal. Ok, we figure they've evacuated. We leave messages saying we are worried and please call us as soon as possible. This has been going on since the day before the hurricane. We STILL haven't heard from them despite leaving at least 1 message a day. Ok, we think maybe the phone was out. Today I talked with a friend of mine in Biloxi. She says they didn't get it bad at all and that the power was out for a little while but not the phone service. I happened to become friends with one of DDs friend's mom. I call them. She says DD and family didn't evacuate and that the phone was always on and she's talked with her daily. No matter how you feel about your ex, unless he's a total jerk who shouldn't have any contact with his child, you OWE them the courtesy of returning a call when he's worried about his child. To leave a paniced father hanging is just cruel. We were about to book a flight down there when I told my DH to let me call Cassie first to see if she'd heard from them. His ex is just a sick sick woman!!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I agree. That's not very nice.

At least DD is okay. You must have been so worried.

 

[Serena]

That is unexcusable.

 

[gr8tpanther]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers
His ex is just a sick sick woman!!

I have another not so "DIS appropriate" word, I think you can figure it out


As much as I despise my EX, I would at LEAST make sure that HE knew his kids were ok, geesh, how hard is it to pick up the phone, send an email or even a text message, some people ONLY think of themselves and not the feelings of others.

 

[Microcell]

I am sorry they are not closer, literally and figuratively. My father lived 750 miles away and it was hard for me to understand that he would care.

Speaking from experience, I think there is anger on the part of the DD too becasue she is 17 and has your phone number. I understand that the ex is easy to blame. I have been the kid in a situation and to this day I am hard pressed to call my father back, and he lives 15 minutes away now.

It was thoughtless for his DD not to call back, but I have a feeling she was thinking with her heart and not her head.

 

[Shugardrawers]

I don't even know that DD got any of the messages. At one time DD wasn't supposed to play the voice mail messages because she'd delete them and not pass the word on. I don't know if that's the case. I can't think of any reason she wouldn't want to call him back. They are very close and she's daddy's little girl. He never forgets her birthday, christmas, valentines day, still sends easter baskets etc. It's my opinion that the ex DW is getting the messages and not passing them on or bothering to call back.

And yeah, panther, I thought of a few choice names for her that weren't very "magical". DH says if it wouldn't affect his DDs lifestyle we'd skip a child support payment or two. You can bet she'd be on the phone in a heartbeat then! DD adores daddy but the ex DW would rather have been widowed and done with him. Lord knows why, he's a marvelous DH to me.

 

[Microcell]

Why is she living with her mom if you and your DH think she is sick?

 

[caitycaity]

that is really awful. divorce can be so difficult if the parties involved aren't willing to work it out.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Originally posted by Microcell
Why is she living with her mom if you and your DH think she is sick?

Disliking the other parent or playing these ridiculous power games with the other parent does not make you an unfit mother. It's a poor example for sure but DD is happy where she is, she's lived there all her life and all her friends are there. At 17 she's old enough to make that decision for herself. If she expressed a desire to move here with us (and we have always told her she's welcome at any time) then we'll go help her pack. Until that day, we respect DDs desire and right to choose where she wants to live.

 

[2MuchOhana]

No, it wasn't very nice that is for sure; but on the bright side at least DD is okay!

Jodi

 

[Beauty]

I agree that Biloxi didn't get much damage. I have cousins that evacuated here from Ivan just in case. When they got home she said she had seen worse damage from just plain old summer thunderstorms.

Thats not very nice at all that his ex wouldn't speak to him. You would think that DD would have called him anyway, at that age she would have to know how worried he would be!

 

[mom2grace]

Originally posted by Beauty

You would think that DD would have called him anyway, at that age she would have to know how worried he would be!

ITA!!

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Your husband could call the police and explain that he has tried to contact his daughter and is very worried about her. They should be able to locate her for him. This might make the EX more receptive to his phone calls.

Lori

 

[tiggerlover]

What a shame, that woman just sounds plain inconsiderate and spiteful. Given the circumstances and DH's numerous phone calls she should have called or at had DD call to let you all know they were safe.

 

[ckret01]

Has your DH talked with the X or his DD to see why they never returned your phone calls? I would be livid!!!

 

[HookdonWDW]

Have you and your dh thought about getting his dd a cell phone? At least that way, you'd have a method of getting in touch with her in case of an emergency. If you're worried that she wouldn't be responsible, you could go with a prepaid phone plan, and just add minutes every month or as needed.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Originally posted by HookdonWDW
Have you and your dh thought about getting his dd a cell phone? At least that way, you'd have a method of getting in touch with her in case of an emergency. If you're worried that she wouldn't be responsible, you could go with a prepaid phone plan, and just add minutes every month or as needed.

Actually, yes, that's now on the list of things she's getting for christmas. She had one but we had it disconnected due to extreme overages. Prepaid will definitely be the way we go. And yes, I agree with those that say DD herself should have picked up the phone even if she didn't get the messages. She's old enough to know that daddys worry about their babies. We'll give her a stern lecture when we finally do talk to her and DH has some choice words for his ex as well. We are waiting a week or so now that we know they are ok then trying again. Though DD is like clock work and it's about time for her to call needing money for something or other so we'll probably hear from her first LOL.

 

[robsmom]

flame away but why is your DH waiting a week or so to call if she is daddy's little girl and they are so close, why do they go weeks at a time without talking. if his ex is not communicative, he needs to set up a daily phone call with his child. even if for 5 minutes at night to say goodnight. with such routine communication he would know if she was going to be out on one night and he should't call plus she would answer the call because she is expecting a call. I'm 37 yrs old and I talk to my parents at least a few times every week. a 17 yr old should talk to dad everyday.

 

[Shugardrawers]

I'm not one to flame anyone, but a weekly call to a 17 year old seems appropriate to me. Since the day before the hurricane we have called daily. It would have driven me nuts at that age if daddy called daily. I'm 40 and live clear across the country from my parents and still only talk to them about twice a month. I still consider us to be close. At 17 they want to be independent and apart from their parents. When we lived nearby we talked on the phone once a week and had dinner once a week together, now that we've moved we call on Sundays and she usually calls once during the week but not always. We usually talk on the IM during the week but haven't seen her this week. That's not terribly suprising considering she's got a job now and is still in school with many activities she takes part in. Emails have gone unanswered as yet though to be fair we just sent one off a couple of days ago and she's never been one to spend a lot of time on the computer anyway. How often he calls normally isn't the issue really here. Even if we only called once a month, the issue really is that it's his ex's responsibility to return calls to us or if she doesn't care to then to have her daughter call us to say she's ok.

 

[MagicalMom]

I'll probably get flamed for this, but do you think there is a possibility that DD or the EX may read this board? The thread about your DH not liking children could have been hurtful to her. Just wondering.

Children of divorced parents often feel that they are to blame. Finding out that your father does not like children could just reinforce the feeling of blame that she may be already experiencing.