How can I get DD when she gets home from school (Update)?

[castleview]

So DD10 went into full drama mode this morning because she couldn't find her book order which she misplaced. She went on the usual "I hate you" "it's all your fault" tirade. Normally, I reverse psychology her because she does what I tell her even though she's saying "no" the whole time.

Well, this morning was a little much and she needs to know she can't hold up the whole house (younger brother and sister who are angels in the morning) and threaten to miss the bus and make everyone miserable. Things happened too fast to grab the book order and say "No books for mouthing off!"

So when she comes home - and yes, she will be the sweet angel her teachers tell me she is all the time - I'm trying to figure out a consequence for her morning behavior. Her rooms' atrocious, but I don't know if cleaning it is a good punishment. Plus, I'm just darn vindictive right now. Suggestions?

 

[kellyg403]

I say cleaning her room is perfect. Not just cleaned, but organized, laundry done, trash out, salvation army bag started for all that stuff she doesn't need. Sanitize the switch plates etc. You could conceivably draw this out for days and days...

Kelly

 

[Thumper_Man's Wife]

I don't have children, so take this with a grain of salt, but I remember when I was a royal pain to my mother. I used to have a radio, tv and phone in my room, and if I acted up, all that would be taken out of my room for a week, and then, to keep me busy while I sulked, she would take my already messy room and toss everything that was around in a big pile in the middle so I would literally have to clean the whole room from top to bottom, i.e, completely remake the bed, put everything back in my desk or on my shelves. I learned pretty quickly not to leave any drawers open or else that stuff would become part of the pile

I used to hate it then, there was nothing worse for a teenage girl than having someone mess with their personal space, but looking back on it, I think that was the best punishment I had...It only happened once and I never did it again. After that if I messed up, my phone was taken away and I could only watch TV in the living room with the family.

Of course this was back in the late '80's early '90's so take that as you will.

 

[golfgal]

WOW!!!! First, little missy would be missing the bus and walking if she talked to me like that and no way would I let her hold up siblings. Not only would her room get "cleaned" everything would get removed from her room since she has such a hard time finding things. If our kids misplace something the answer is always 'where ever you left it last".

 

[Pumbaa_]

sounds tome like she neds to go to bed an hour early and up early to avoid this issue

on top of the room cleaning

did she find what was missing? If not, i love the jumble the room and say i tried to help you find it...

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

She could donate those new, unread books when they come in.

Cleaning her room is ok, but what about having her do something for the entire family since her acting out distressed everyone else, too?

 

[HelenePA]

Sounds like someone needs more sleep at night.. I think a VERY early bedtime is in order! My 4 yr old acts like this in the morning.. of course he's 4 so I sort of expect it

 

[joviroxx]

I know this is extreme but my DS used to give me issues like that in the am and it would hold up my DD. One day, I decided to just let him have his tantrum, or go his own merry way. My DS got the bus on time and he stayed home. I didnt scream at him or anything. When he noticed his sister leaving, he panicked and stopped screaming about not finding his shoes. He got dressed, I put him in the car, took him to school and told the teacher that because he wasn't able to dress himself in the morning, he was late.

The kids was embarrassed but believe me, he NEVER gave me an issue again. He was 10, he is now 12 and mornings are lovely!

 

[punkin]

I don't like punishments. I am more of a believer in "natural consequences." Since she couldn't find her form, obviously her room is too messy and she needs to clean it. Since she threw a tantrum in the morning, obviously she is not getting enough sleep and needs to go to bed directly after dinner. These are not punishments. They are consequences.

Don't be mad at her, just tell her the consequences of her actions.

 

[castleview]

OP here. DD sleeps quite well. Problem is she's a perfectionist. If something goes, well.... Normally we ignore her, today the timing was all wrong.

 

[HunnyPots]

I agree with Punkin. And it does not matter if she really needs sleep or not - going to bed right after dinner is simply the consequence for her rotten morning behavior. Thoroughly cleaning her room on a regular basis will also help her be more organized.

And, for what its worth, ignoring disrespectful behavior WILL NOT make it go away!

 

[HelenePA]

Okay how about this one... keep your video camera handy or if your camera (digital) had the option for video that will work too, you see one day my dd threw a tantrum from hell after school.. I dont even remember what it was about well my camera just happened to be right next to the TV so i got it out and filmed her.. Everytime she even thinks about throwing another one I tell her I'm going to put the first video on YouTube and send it to her friends...

 

[AKL_Megs]

From a kid who was NOTORIOUS for temper tanturms into my teen years, in this instance, I would say that the WORST punishment would have been getting up early until I could prove that it wouldn't happen again. My mom would have had me up 45 minutes early.

I would throw the cleaning in there for good measure.

 

[okeydokey]

I don't like punishments. I am more of a believer in "natural consequences." Since she couldn't find her form, obviously her room is too messy and she needs to clean it. Since she threw a tantrum in the morning, obviously she is not getting enough sleep and needs to go to bed directly after dinner. These are not punishments. They are consequences.

Don't be mad at her, just tell her the consequences of her actions.

I agree 100%. She chooses the behavior, she chooses the consequence.

When my DD was younger, getting her out of the house was a chore. She was always running behind. If she wasted my time in the am, she had to pay that time back with an earlier bedtime at night. She learned pretty quickly. Now that she's in middle school she gets up super early and hasn't missed the bus once all year.

 

[daughtersrus]

Okay how about this one... keep your video camera handy or if your camera (digital) had the option for video that will work too, you see one day my dd threw a tantrum from hell after school.. I dont even remember what it was about well my camera just happened to be right next to the TV so i got it out and filmed her.. Everytime she even thinks about throwing another one I tell her I'm going to put the first video on YouTube and send it to her friends...

 

[czycropper]

Cleaning her room would be good BUT whenever my DD12 or DD10 do something like that the BEST punishment is to literally take the door to their bedroom off - that makes them straighten out faster than anything since they are so into privacy at the moment The first time we did it they just sat on their bed in shock and kept saying "I can't believe you did it". It also made REALLY clean their room since anyone going upstairs could really see what a mess the rooms were.

Now, all I have to say is "Off with the DOOR" and they straighten up immediately

 

[laurafergie]

I don't like punishments. I am more of a believer in "natural consequences." Since she couldn't find her form, obviously her room is too messy and she needs to clean it. Since she threw a tantrum in the morning, obviously she is not getting enough sleep and needs to go to bed directly after dinner. These are not punishments. They are consequences.

Don't be mad at her, just tell her the consequences of her actions.

Absolutely! And the temper tantrums have got to stop. It is beyond disrespectful to you and to her siblings and anyone else in ear range. NO ONE wants to hear it.

If she does this now - just wait until the teen years roll around - the disrespect will fall into other areas like accountability, i.e. being where she says she is, coming home by curfew, driving safely, not sneaking to see a boyfriend behind your back...you think these are separate issues, but they are not - it all has to do with respect. I guarantee that by teen years, respect is sometimes ALL that will keep a kid in line.

Ok - Off the soap box now.

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

Cleaning, organizing, and getting more rest are natural consequences for such behavior.

 

[castmemberb4]

Absolutely! And the temper tantrums have got to stop. It is beyond disrespectful to you and to her siblings and anyone else in ear range. NO ONE wants to hear it.

If she does this now - just wait until the teen years roll around - the disrespect will fall into other areas like accountability, i.e. being where she says she is, coming home by curfew, driving safely, not sneaking to see a boyfriend behind your back...you think these are separate issues, but they are not - it all has to do with respect. I guarantee that by teen years, respect is sometimes ALL that will keep a kid in line.

Ok - Off the soap box now.

Since she is a perfectionist I can see this happening as a result of her own frustration rather than intentionally being disrespectful. Not to say it wasn't disrespectful.

Cleaning, organizing, and getting more rest are natural consequences for such behavior.

I agree that these should also keep this problem from happening again. and if it does you should definately use the video/youtube method.

 

[sunnyday123]

OP here. DD sleeps quite well. Problem is she's a perfectionist. If something goes, well.... Normally we ignore her, today the timing was all wrong.

Do you have my DD? We had a morning like yours, but it was sneakers. I don't get the "I hate you" or other rumblings but I get the yelling and eye rolling. When she gets home from her Dad's tonight, she will be taking a shower and going to bed. No computer, tv, or *gasp* texting the rest of the week, which also means no talking on the phone.

Early to bed, get up on time, have your stuff together the night before. This will be my DD's new mantra.