Honest answers wanted....

[Janet Hill]

I refer to as being dragged into a white trash soap opera.....we were such an ordinary couple too....seems so ridiculous.....

I can understand I was dragged into one of these too with the ex, but not this bad. Frankly, I would be scared to death to let my daughter be at her dad's house. It's very likely this guy may have some severe anger issues.

 

[freckles and boo]

If there is no custody order then I would insist that he come to see her on your turf. Your husband's girlfriend sounds like a piece of work. There is no reason to put a child in the middle of a dangerous game. I would only send her under a court order.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I am just sending hugs.

I have a niece whose dad walked out on her at 16 mos to move in with his best friends wife (she left the husband and her kids (3) BEHIND!) totally leaving both my sister and his daughter to the wind, LITERALLY. Just up and left..........
It is sad, they were HS sweethearts, married 5 years and went thru so much to have her.
Well, fast forward 20 years. He is still with the woman, they got married after both their divorces, had two more kids together, one of which is Down syndrome and they moved out of state. She eventually got visitation with her kids, so we heard over time.
NO calls, nothing to his daughter, NOT a word, said he needed to start over....Who'd go with a woman that left her kids??????

that was till late last year when he got cancer, came calling to "reconnect" with his daughter.
Sadly, he lost so much time, such hard feelings and so much hurt that they'll never connect. She hates the wife for all the drama forced in her life (per her). It is sad as she is so hurt inside from the abandonment.

Fortunately his own mother, her grandma is very close to my niece and my sister and our whole family. She is a very special lady who loves my sister dearly.................
My sister found love again, married a great guy who has raised my niece as his own (and he had 2 boys about her age) and they all get along and are involved in each others lives. My sister AND my niece are truly blessed despite the original heartache!
As the adults we all need to be aware of the kids that are stuck with BOTH sides to deal with....it is so tough for them.
Anyhow, point I wanted to make was, adults make decisions and kids are the "porns" in all the craziness, the goal is to be safe and try to maintain some type of relationship between your daughter and her dad who love each other.
I agree, the GF sounds a bit off but TRY your best to be as reasonable as possible with the situation and work it out.

I believe in GUT feelings, if you are truly concerned, you should seek the attorney immediately but you should be prepared for an uphill battle for "maybe" "I think" will not work. It is so much easier to stay focused on whats best for your daughter, try and get along and work something out, then fight a battle on every front.
Best of Luck
to Happier days ahead for you and your family!

 

[Rora]

Like others have said, from the legal standpoint, you cannot forbid your husband from seeing your daughter.

But, I do agree with you, OP. I wouldn't want my child to be a part of that.

It might be time to file for divorce if more problems continue.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best!

 

[Cool-Beans]

I somehow thought there was a legal agreement. Sorry.

If there is nothing on paper yet, you can keep the kids home. It won't look GOOD in court, it'll look bad, but it won't be a huge deal.

Do what you want.

But you will eventually be put in the position where you are forced into this stuff. And it might be better to let the kids see their dad. You won't cause further trouble with your ex and your kids won't hear how YOU are the person causing them to not see their dad.

Good luck with whatever you do.

 

[Master Gracy]

Regardless, your husband has a right to see his daughter.
As previously stated, this will not look good in court.


One question, you say your x has your original house, is the woman living with him?
If not I don't see why your ex and daughter could stay pretty seperate from the crazy?

 

[brockash]

I am confused on this... Are you concerned about the husband coming back from Iraq??? You do know soldiers aren't any more violent than any other profession? I find it very sad that this man comes home from fighting for our country and finds out his wife is leaving him and now people are afraid that he is going to shot up his wife and her new "family".

If you don't want your daughter seeing her father because of he father, that is one thing. Using this solder as your excuse is horrible.

I don't think anyone is trying to discriminate against the military. I'm married to the military and know many ppl. in the military. It's just the way it is, there may or may not be statistics indicating if someone just coming home from Iraq is more violent than someone who hasn't been, however it's not really just not that uncommon in a situation like this that there would be violence. My husband has already had a few situations similiar to this with his soldiers that have just returned and it's only been 2 months since they've been back, and yes they've been violent. I work at a DA's office, and we see our fair share of these type of situations, so I don't think it's that anyone is trying to be mean/rude to ppl. in the military, however I'm much more concerned about a 5 year olds safetey than if someone is offended. It's just a fact; it happens. Don't get me wrong I have the upmost respect for the ppl. that serve our country, as I stated, I'm married to one of them, and I absolutely think it's very sad that this is what he had to come home from, but it's not out of the relm of possibility that the OP's daughter could be in danger; and that would go for any married man/woman that came to find out their spouse was living with another person and leaving them, it's just a fact of life unfortunately.

 

[brockash]

The gf personally told me...in some sort of effort to win me over....that she hap not told her husband because she was trying to get back at him for all the horrible things he did to her in their marriage. So, the plan was to find a bf....then suprise him when he arrived home. Then they "fell in love"....blech....

Needless to say I could not get over this woman and told her what I really thought of her....he was apparently told two weeks ago and arrived home a few days ago....

This is really a sick mess.....

Revenge is a dangerous, and many times violent thing. Like I said before, talk to your husband, and if he does have your daughter's best interest at heart, he must be able to see how the other husband could be violent. I'd maybe even play that to my advantage if I were you; I'd try to make him feel better by acting like you were only concerned about this other husband being a physco, whether he is or not really doesn't matter.

 

[Disney Doll]

Ok, the way I understand your situation , you are legally separated but have no kind of legal custody agreement...things have just been "going along" OK up until now, when you heard that GF's husband will be coming home from Iraq and finding his wife living with another man and you have been told that he tends to be not nice already so you are concerned that your DD will be caught in the "crossfire" if he comes calling at the house when she is there visiting her father & his new GF.

OP you have a valid concern for your DD's safety.

I recommend you speak to an attorney specializing in family law and child custody and get this straightened out and a custody agreement written. Explain to your attorney your concern for your DD's safety based on the potential explosive situation. I would make no comment on the "moral" aspect (ie-married woman living with separated man), but I would make my concern "scorned husband who already has a reputation for being not nice who has been in combat and is now coming home to find his wife & kids living with another man"...what are the potential ramifications of that???

Yes, a father has the right to see his children. He also has the responsibility to keep his children safe. Like it or not, there is the potential for a volatile situation there and I wouldn't want my kid caught up in it either.