Homework related...help me be strong!!!

[clh2]

DD is 12, and in 7th grade.

This year, for the first time EVER, we are really struggling with her to do her homework. It usually gets done, but I feel like every night is a struggle.

It probably doesn't help at all, but we found a fabulous new furbaby at the humane society last weekend. Except this doggy is the perfect homework distraction.

The paper homework is getting done. Quite simply, it needs to get done. There is "no fudging" this. It is either done or it isn't.

Practicing for band is another story. DD isn't fond of band this year. We do not "force" her to be in band. She chose to be in band. Part of the band commitment is to practice 20 minutes per day, for 6 days per week. DD CHOSE to not practice last week at all. Yep, she chose this. Monday, she brought her flute home, and didn't touch it. Tuesday, she also chose to not bring her flute home, because of a cross country meet. The meet got a weather postponement, and was delayed until Wednesday. DD chose not to bring her flute home on Wednesday. She also chose not to bring it home on Thursday. She has to bring it home on Friday.

Throughout the weekend,my DH and I were reminding her about her homework. Reminding her to practice her flute.

We got into a huge blow-up argument tonight about homework, responsibility, where to put her homework etc. The fact that she did not practice her flute came up too. I was just sick about this. It is DH's birthday, and DD was being a butt-head about her homework.

DH made it extremely clear that he did not want a fight on his birthday. So, DD watched TV tonight from 7 until 9. Then at 9, DD had the NERVE to ask me "is it OK if I practice my flute tomorrow night for both Sunday and Monday????"

I refuse to sign her practice log for this past week. Simply, she didn't practice. I am not anal about this. I do not measure her practice time. I trust her that if she says she practiced 20minutes, that she did. But I will not sign off for her if she didn't even bring her flute home for more than 1/2 the week. She didn't even open the case this weekend.

So tomorrow morning, when she is as sweet as can be, I WILL NOT SIGN THE FORM, unless she has it properly marked as ZERO minutes practiced. I WILL NOT SIGN THE FORM...I WILL NOT SIGN THE FORM...I WILL NOT SIGN THE FORM...I WILL NOT SIGN THE FORM...I WILL NOT SIGN THE FORM...

I know she is going to ask. But I WILL NOT SIGN THE FORM.

It'll be a tough lesson for DD. It will be a good lesson. Quite simply, I cannot enable my DD to lie on homework.

 

[RitaZ.]

You can do it! Don't sign it!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Good for you!

We went through that with our oldest in 6th grade and part of 7th. It was awful. My best advice is to stand your ground and remain firm, but incredibly calm through the whole thing. I realized after a while that ds wanted us to get upset because it delayed the homework further. If we stayed calm and refused to say anything but "do your homework," it eventually got done.

 

[babytrees]

My flute playing daughter did the same thing one time. Though she had practiced a little. The F had an effect on her and since then has practiced more than she was graded on...except on weeks things got out of hand...never less than a B. Homework responsibility is a tough lesson to learn.

 

[bsnyder]

Good for you, Mom! Hang tough!

We have occasional homework battles too. DD (also 7th grade) knows that if she spends the weekend procrastinating doing her homework, she won't be able to do anything fun on Sunday. If she doesn't have anything specifically planned for Sunday, she doesn't see the value in doing her homework before then, and doesn't allow for the possibility of last minute invitations. Today, we went to the grocery store on the way home from church. We ran into a school friend who invited her to the movies, and then got a phone call on the cell from another friend inviting her over for the afternoon. I got tears, and lots of long, sad faces. But the answer to both invitations was still no.

I don't expect it to be the last time she procrastinates - but I'm confident that eventually it will sink in.

 

[Hannathy]

I have 2 things to say actually more... 1. I really liked my DD teacher for orchestra and she said I know you won't practice everyday and that is up to you but I want you to practice this song 20 times and I don't care if you do it all on Sunday or 3x a day. It was great and my DD continued to like orchestra even when she was swamped with other work. 2. Is your DD going to be a music major? is it more important she like it and learn or to grudgingly practice everyday and hate it and quit? If she practiced at all I probably would sign it this time I would hate for her academic record to be screwed up for one bad week. But I would warn her it was the last time. And lastly it was clarinet practice records that I learned to be able to forge my Mom or my Dad's signature so well you could not tell! Came in very handy 35 yrs later when my Dad had dementia and we needed a form signed for his benefits and it would have been very difficult to have it ok'd for someone else to sign! Good luck and do what you are comfortable with but I rank orchestra low on the academic scale so I don't get to worked up over it.
For a laugh one of my DD's friend is an extremely good violiist, plays with the junior symphony and in a town with a Music college so lots of competition and the orchestra teacher had to beg him to turn in his practice sheets so she wouldn't have to dock his grade- she used to say but you play better than I do and I can't give you an A without them. So I think it is the age.

 

[Tinijocaro]

How can you learn to like an instrument when you don't have a chance to have success at it by practicing? Yes, music is fun, it's even more fun when you see the results of your hard work, hear yourself sounding better. It really bothers me to hear parents who want music to be only fun, with no work committment at home. Skills need to be developed in order for the real fun to happen. Those skills can not be properly developed in a 20 minute group lesson at school. I tell my private violin students that as a teacher, I can't make them a better player. All I can do is teach them how to go home and teach themselves to be better. If they don't do the home practice, they will make very little improvement, at least not nearly as much as if they had practiced during the week at home.

I had one very naturally talented student whose mother told me she would not make him practice- she wants music to be fun for her son. Well, he stopped being talented when he stopped practicing, ended up quitting last summer. After talking to the mother about how a child actually usually needs to have practicing put in the same category as homework- not an option, just something you must do when you sign up, she decided to give it another go with him- this time enforcing regular practice. Guess who's doing great again?

If your kids sign up to play an instrument, they should be practicing, at least 4-5 days per week. If they are in the first couple years- 15-20 minutes is plenty and is not a huge time committment. DH is a band director and I have taught public school strings and continue to teach privately. The kids who practice do the best. If your kids are taking private lessons and not practicing- then you are wasting your money. Don't bother.

Wow- that sure turned into a vent!

To the OP- you are right to not sign that practice chart. DD will be embarassed by it and might start practicing.