Homework and patience

[mommasita]

I consider myself to have an extra load of patience in almost everything. Why then is it that when I sit down to help my son with his I turn into a raging person???

Anyone else. How do you deal with it?

To clarify, my son is 12 and in Grade 7, he does have a lot of homework. He has some trouble catching on due to other issues. He has not been "officially" diagnosed, but as his mother I know it is hard for him. He really tries his best, but gets things on the 3rd and 4th explanation.

I feel so awful some times after I have sat with him. I know it is not easy for him, but I do run out of patience at times, and feel like a heal now that he is in bed.

 

[breezy1077]

I can relate. I get that way some days too.

It usually happens on days that are tough for him too. I've stepped away and actually sent him in without the homework done. But DS is only in 2nd grade now....

hugs mommasita!

 

[englishteacha]

I'm a seventh grade teacher, and I struggle to be patient some days, and I feel horrible when I do lose my patience. My best advice is to help him get started, then go somewhere else for a bit and let him try to work things out on his own. Then check in on occasion to make sure he's on task and/or doing things correctly. I find I have to give myself a break, as well as give the kids a break from me. I love "my" kids, but they are sometimes challenging to deal with, and I need to take care of me so I can take care of them!

 

[Rebelmom67]

Hugs honey!! I promise that is totally natural. I have a child in 10th grade, 2nd grade and in diapers. Both of the "school age monsters" give me headaches. I say to myself everyday "they would be diagnosed as ADD if I took them for an evaluation, I just know it!!"

Honestly, they are just difficult kids that I work with everyday. We do the best we can and they will turn into beautiful adults, I just know it.

 

[GJM]

My DS is in 3rd. grade this year, and he has alot more homework and harder then last year. I hated homework in school. Some days he is fine and other days I don't know what the problem is, I try and keep my patience but I see him not even trying and I talk to him about it, he gets mad and I get mad.

The other day I told him if he does well with homework, we could go get something he wanted at the store. He did great that day, and I pointed out to him that homework took less time because we had no issues.

So far he has been better, he isn't getting something everyday, but he does seem to be trying harder.

 

[cristit14]

It is not just you. I have those days with DS too. Today was actually a good day with the homework. I must have taken some patience pills today.

 

[Katy Belle]

I used to teach and was soooo patient with other people's kiddos. I never even felt frustrated But with my own 3, some days I can barely stand it. Especially DS11 who is being taught Math from some CRAZY program that I don't understand and don't agree with. Boy is it hard to try and figure it out and hang in there with him!

Good luck, you are NOT alone!
Katy

 

[GJM]

I don't understand some of my DS 3rd. grade homework. They use Everyday Math and some of it I just don't get.

How come what we learned in school worked fine for us and now they change it!

 

[powellrj]

If it gets too bad, see if you can find a high school or college student to tutor him for a few hours each week. They can use the extra money and you can use the peace. I stopped helping with homework several years ago and we are all happier now.

 

[FINFAN]

you are far from alone on this.....and more than likely your DS is doing stuff in the 7th grade that you did in Sophomore year! I really think that the volume and pace of the work has "evolved" faster than the average kid has over the last 20 years. Just no balance anymore, no "free" periods or down time, even the 5 minute passing periods when kids could say "hi" at their lockers is stressfull and cut down to 3 minutes. I think all that stress comes home with them at the end of the day, just like our work stress comes home with us and they are just as burnt out as we are.
Hang in there, I keep telling myself while education is huge, that it is technically 12-16 years of their life, and that I am raising a whole human being, not just a robotic student. I try to walk away when getting to the point of yelling because I can guarantee you my kid will remember that WAY more than the math problem he can't get, and that yelling and impatience I am "teaching" him may pass on to the next generation. I admire teachers, I DO, but man, I HATE the government for the demanding/inflexible regimine they require from these kids. Sorry, rant over, but I DO feel your pain. I also know that kids who struggle have such low self esteem that it carries over to their years after formal schooling is done...keep supporting him and letting him know that he will get through it, use any resources you have and also let the teacher know that it is a struggle at home, sometimes they can work with you to alter amounts of repetitive work, or meet with you DS individually to make sure he is getting it at school even if he is not showing it in his homework...think outside the box, and just keep being there for your DS.

 

[SeaShelley]

I feel your pain as well........many a night I've nearly bitten my tounge off for wanting to yell "Ya know what ? I did my homework already...many years ago. I didn't work all day to come home and do yours !"

I help him (14 yo son) with a question now and then, but seriously, there are days when it feels like I doing the whole stupid assignment.

Right now the biggest challenge is getting him to realize the difference between "homework" and "studying".

Lord give me strength !!

 

[Martha7]

I hear ya on this one. I used to literally pretend that there was a video camera trained on me while I sat with my then 7th grader, so that I didn't act out on the incredible frustration that I was feeling. He'd knock his pencil onto the ground, like, 15 times, and take forever to do the work. I always suspected that he was trying to get me to throw up my hands and give up on homework completion, but I wasn't about to let him fail. The good news is that while he isn't a sterling student, he's currently in a film studies program at the local technical college and is enjoying it. Hang in there!

 

[Soccermom-Cheri]

you are far from alone on this.....and more than likely your DS is doing stuff in the 7th grade that you did in Sophomore year! I really think that the volume and pace of the work has "evolved" faster than the average kid has over the last 20 years. Just no balance anymore, no "free" periods or down time, even the 5 minute passing periods when kids could say "hi" at their lockers is stressfull and cut down to 3 minutes. I think all that stress comes home with them at the end of the day, just like our work stress comes home with us and they are just as burnt out as we are.
Hang in there, I keep telling myself while education is huge, that it is technically 12-16 years of their life, and that I am raising a whole human being, not just a robotic student. I try to walk away when getting to the point of yelling because I can guarantee you my kid will remember that WAY more than the math problem he can't get, and that yelling and impatience I am "teaching" him may pass on to the next generation. I admire teachers, I DO, but man, I HATE the government for the demanding/inflexible regimine they require from these kids. Sorry, rant over, but I DO feel your pain. I also know that kids who struggle have such low self esteem that it carries over to their years after formal schooling is done...keep supporting him and letting him know that he will get through it, use any resources you have and also let the teacher know that it is a struggle at home, sometimes they can work with you to alter amounts of repetitive work, or meet with you DS individually to make sure he is getting it at school even if he is not showing it in his homework...think outside the box, and just keep being there for your DS.

you've said a lot here. (DD's teacher told parents at the beginning of the year (5th gr) that math would be what we did in 8th or 9th gr. C'mon! They are 10 years old!)

Just getting DD to sit down and DO her homework is making me a maniac. I just can't walk away though and let her fail. There is so much required to be crammed into their brains. No wonder she feels overwhelmed and I guess I'm not making it any better by forcing the issue. But she has to get it all done.

 

[java]

It makes me thank God that I am not a teacher. I don't know how they do it everyday.

I can say that it gets better as they get older.

 

[PlutosFriend]

Wow, while I am sorry to hear this for you, it is good to know I am not the only one suffering thru this! My dd frustrates me to no end with home work. She is in 3rd grade and I sometimes lose it too

 

[PlutosFriend]

I don't understand some of my DS 3rd. grade homework. They use Everyday Math and some of it I just don't get.

How come what we learned in school worked fine for us and now they change it!

Man, no kidding!!!!!! I have to go and look up some of the terminology they use today Although, I hated math back in my day and still hate it. You don't know how many times I just want to say "Mommy just uses a calculator"

 

[NotUrsula]

I'm sure I'm going to have to put on my flame suit after this answer, but where else can I vent what I really feel if not here?

Why are we doing this? My parents never helped me with my homework; they didn't even make sure that I did it. (Well, other than my knowing that my butt would be grass if my grades went into the toilet because I didn't.)

My opinion has always been that I don't see how the teacher can tell what isn't sinking in if she cannot see the wrong answers all over the work. IMO homework is for practicing skills learned in the classroom -- if you learned them you shouldn't need help with practicing them, and if you didn't learn them, having totally wrong homework tells the teacher that this lesson needs a do-over.

DH disagrees with me. He feels that we have to stand over DS and coach him until all of his answers are complete and correct -- even if it takes all night. I pretty much leave them to it -- if he wants to drive himself and DS crazy with that who am I to get in the middle.

For myself, I passed sixth grade 35 years ago and I have no interest in trying to relearn any of it. There, I said it. I feel better now.

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd12 gets a few hours of homework, and is in all honors classes. Lucky for me, she is very organized, and just does her homework in her room - I've never even seen a page. However, ds10 is a WHOLE different breed - I can't imagine not having to keep on top of him. So far, he can do the work without help, but he's constantly forgetting assignments (I have duplicate text books here at home for him). I'm dreading him going to JH!

 

[kellyg403]

I'm sure I'm going to have to put on my flame suit after this answer, but where else can I vent what I really feel if not here?

Why are we doing this? My parents never helped me with my homework; they didn't even make sure that I did it. (Well, other than my knowing that my butt would be grass if my grades went into the toilet because I didn't.)

My opinion has always been that I don't see how the teacher can tell what isn't sinking in if she cannot see the wrong answers all over the work. IMO homework is for practicing skills learned in the classroom -- if you learned them you shouldn't need help with practicing them, and if you didn't learn them, having totally wrong homework tells the teacher that this lesson needs a do-over.

DH disagrees with me. He feels that we have to stand over DS and coach him until all of his answers are complete and correct -- even if it takes all night. I pretty much leave them to it -- if he wants to drive himself and DS crazy with that who am I to get in the middle.

For myself, I passed sixth grade 35 years ago and I have no interest in trying to relearn any of it. There, I said it. I feel better now.

Actually, I won't flame you because I do feel this way somtimes. I mean my mom couldn't tell you what classes I was even taking, her responsibility was the cooking, cleaning and her job..mine was school. Period. Getting help so I can pass a class was something I had to figure out. If you want to know the truth, I often look at the kids and wonder if its them or me. My dsd14 practically falls out if she thinks she has to be the one to ask the teacher about help/or tutoring. She wants me to call. So, I wonder if they take any responsibility whatsoever for their work, the drive to succeed etc.

I do help the kids with homework if they ask. But, I don't stand over them. Because I am like the OP, I go from being helpful to part of the problem in record time. My kids really NEED to find a tutor because we end up in not a good place after 20 minutes. Its too frustrating. I often ask them what they want me to do. I did not sit in class for 8 hours, I did not write down the homework from the board. I have no idea how to do the math they are doing because I learned how to do it differently, like using my brain instead of a calculator. See..already getting frustrated.

Kelly

 

[Camicar]

Welllll... My dh is the one who loses patience. From watching him, I think his problems are that he expects dd to get everything instantly (which is just so utterly ridiculous it's smackworthy) and he doesn't know HOW to teach/help. And getting impatient is just the cherry on top.

End result? DD won't ask him to help her with ANYthing at all in life. What she's learned from his lack of patience is that he's not her go-to person if she needs help.

So do consider what life lessons you are teaching your children when you demonstrate a lack of patience.