holding son back from Kindergarten

[disneywith4boys]

We have a Dec. 31st cut off date. One of the very few states left with such a late date. !st DS had a Nov 24th bday, and we didn't send him until the next year. Our pediatrician said she really believed a child should be 5 when they start K. We never considered that we "held him back", but that he didn't start K until he was 5. Our 2nd DS has a Sept 3rd bday. He started K this year, just a few days short of 5. Exactly 1/2 his class has fall birthdays who started late, so about 1/2 his class is almost 1 year older than him. I don't feel concerned that he is the 3rd youngest in his class, someone will always be the youngest. I guess if we were in any other state all the others with the fall bdays would have started at this time. I'm so suprised that so many states have cutoffs as early as June, July and Aug!! Those June kids are starting K at 6 and 3 months! That seems so late to start K. I really can't believe they aren't ready before then. Anyway DS is doing fine even compared to the kids 1 year older. You know your own child. I'm sure you will decide what fits him best. Don't worry about oldest vs. youngest, but ready or not ready.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Go with your gut.

My DS turned 12 this week. He is in 6th grade.

In Kindergarten the school told me he was too immature to go to 1st grade. Around here the private schools have what they call "primer" - it is a grade between K and 1st. I was furious. Nobody mentioned anything about this until one day they approached me about having him tested to see if his maturational age matched his chronological age. I didn't want him tested but they said they wouldn't allow him to go to first grade!

He tested a little younger. The school wouldn't budge. He did primer the following year.

The year after that we moved him to public school because the private school was just too small and wasn't really what we wanted for him. The public school put him in 2nd grade, so we got back the year we lost. He has been making A's and B's ever since. Math is hard for him, so he does make C's, but this year he is in honors math so I think a C is pretty darn good! He did NOT need to be held back a year. He is tiny, but if we held him back based on his physical size he wouldn't have made it out of 3rd grade yet!

We did find out in 4th grade that he has inattentive ADD. He isn't hyper or disruptive, he is just flighty. I am a bit peeved that the private school wrote him off as "immature" when they probably suspected the ADD but never said so. We probably could have had him diagnosed sooner if someone had said something earlier! (His teacher in 3rd grade suspected it, but due to one thing and another his testing was delayed until 4th grade.)

If you think your child is ready then go ahead and put him in Kindergarten.

 

[kim_o]

I'm not faced with this issue yet, but will be (DS has a mid September b'day and we have a Sept. 1 cut off). I know I come from a different era, but I was the youngest in my class. It wasn't something that I really took notice of until high school when so many other kids were driving and I still didn't have my license. I would have really gone out of my mind if my parents had held me back - as it was I was extremely bored in school (all through elementary and high school) and I was in the excelerated/gifted classes anyway. I couldn't even imagine tacking on another year.

So come the time in 2.5 years, if I feel DS is ready for Kindergarten, I will put him in private school to bypass the cut off. Youngest isn't/shouldn't be an issue. The only question is - do you feel your child is ready emotionally and intellectually? If yes - then why should the age even matter?

I personally feel that there shouldn't be a cut off. There should be a pre-evaluation to asses the mental and emotional maturity of each child.

 

[Princess-in-Training]

we just went through this - i wrote a nearly identical post over the summer! We decided to delay Kindergarten.

Although he knows most of the info already, he is building academic confidence on being able to work on his own. He's also building his fine motor skills, which were seriously lacking - he still has problems holding a pencil correctly. And there are things that go beyond those areas -- zipping up his own coat, for example. the only thing we regret is the fact that his preschool is so darn expensive and we could have been saving all that money this year! Seriously, though, I think we did right by him -- when I looked at him honestly I had to admit that he wasn't nearly as mature as his peers (although he has made huge gains in that department, too). Incidentally, his birthday is 9/27 and our cutoff is 9/30.

Here's my thread, if you are interested I got such wonderful feedback and advice from the disers!!!!


http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1521634

best of luck,
in training

 

[disykat]

I actually agree with byrolmom as well. As a teacher, I individualize and that is my argument FOR putting them in with their agemates. It's my job to teach them, not tell the parents how much easier it will be for me if they hold them out a year. If that many kids simply aren't age appropriate for the benchmarks in those grade levels, then either the curriculum or the age guidelines need to change!

As I said in a previous post, when you are talking about a Sept. birthday like the OP (or anyone within a month or two of the deadline) there really is a decision to be made. However, in our district it is very common for parents to hold their March, April, and May kids back so they can have the academic and sports advantage. Then they scream loudly about requiring more from the kids earlier, putting the kids who actually fall within the age range at a real disadvantage.

It can be a real problem - especially for those kids whose parents actually followed the guidelines. Classes used to commonly contain a 12 month age range with a few carefully chosen exceptions. Now it is more common to have an 18 month age range. I have taught one level classes with a full two year spread. It is hard, regardless of intellect, for a 5 year old Kindergarten student to "compete" with a 6 1/2year old Kindergarten student.

I think many people DO forget to take what it will be like in high school/college for their kids. You may not want them to go to college at 17, but you also need to think about having a 19 year old high school student. Fortunately the OP in this thread won't have that situation to consider because her child is so close to the deadline.

 

[dis75ney]

We held our son back. Our cut-off is September 1, and DS's birthday is in late August. Intellectually, he was (and still is) ahead of his classmates, but we knew that he wouldn't be ready socially to handle kindergarten when he was eligible to start. We had full support from family and friends (not that we needed it!), and DS has made wonderful progress. It was the best decision we've made in regards to DS's education.

In the end, though, you know your child best. If you feel your DS would benefit from staying back a year, go ahead and don't let others' opinions stop you. Best of luck!

Stacy

 

[tmatthews]

My son will turn 5 in June and he will be held back. He has had speech and OT delays so there is NO way he is starting "on time". He is in 99% for height and weight which has hindered my decision somewhat but I know it will be HUGE disservice to start him this year coming....

Just as PP stated ... it depends on the kid. I am a teacher as well and see very little harm in holding a child back especially since he hasn't technically started yet.

Just a note...I have a dd16....one of the youngest in her jr class. She will graduate at 17! No problems in grade school but see a difference in maturity levels between her and peers. (Just a glimpse in the future for yoU!) She will be the last one to drive etc......Maturity is soooo impt in high school!

Only you can make the decision but I would lean towards NOT starting. imho

 

[turnlisa]

Definitely depends on the child. My oldest DS started school when he was 4 - his birthday is in November and our cut-off was December. I am glad that I didn't wait. When he got to 1st grade, they put him in 2nd grade reading, and he has been ahead ever since. Now at 11, he is in the 6th grade and getting all A's.

My youngest was 5 when he started with a July birthday. Again, he is way ahead. Holding him back would have driven me nuts! You are the one that knows your child - good luck!

 

[auntie]

Having done this with my youngest(now 16) and knowing I should have done it with his older brother. I can now..at the other end of this (high school 10th grade) say the "gift" of time, is one of the best things I've ever given him. His being a bit older..(although because of his birthdate not much his best friend is only six months younger than he), has only been to his benifit. I think particulary with a boy, size isn't a particular concern. While one poster did mention having a 19 year old in high school....I will tell you that in our high school, there are kids older than that. Seems with the NY State Regents requirements not all the kids are making it through in the four years time. So his being closer to 19 rather than 18 doesn't bother me. He doesn't give his age any thought at all. He's with the same kids he's started school with. His extra year has him more mature than some in his grade. I can't put my finger on it..or quite describe it verbally...but there is something I see in him..a sense of maturity that serves him well. Especially with boys of this age, when they have been known to "act" before they "think". I don't think there is any harm in starting the following year..it's not going to hurt someone, but there is the chance that if you are questioning his readiness, that he will suffer some consequence to starting before he was ready. In the end..it all works out. We've done it both ways..but if I had the chance, I wouldn't have second guessed myself with my older boy...and trusted my gut.

 

[brymolmom]

I am a teacher. I was taught and expected to individualize for students. Obviously, you cannot do this all day but you certainly can and should some. This is a hot topic for me because my DS has a March birthday. He entered kindergarten (age 5) reading at a third grade level. He is now in third and reads at 12th grade level (or so the tests say, I'd put it more at 8th). I definitely expect him to be taught and not sit around being bored. His teachers have been great at this, especially his first grade teacher! There is going to be differences in levels no matter the age.

The difference here is - you didn't CHOOSE to put your child into this situation - you followed all the guidelines and cutoff dates. Wouldn't it make it that much more difficult for your ds's teachers to spend that time to enrich him if he had 1/2 of his class whose parents chose to put them into that class a year ahead already? That is why I am so against it - for kids just like your ds and for kids who are doing Kindergarten-level (or slightly below) work and need that teacher's help and assistance. Pretty soon we're going to have all 6 year, 364 day old kids starting kindergarten and your very advanced 5 year old won't be able to have the extra time needed because these 'advanced' (not really, just a year more to learn) kids will be 3 years ahead of current levels.

 

[pantherlj]

Only you know your kid best but I have never even heard of holding a kid back until the Dis. If you are supposed to start by the cutoff you start. I was a late birthday and I was fine. My one son will be a late birthday and he will go as planned. I really think you need to do what you feel is best for your child but I truthfully have ever heard of such a thing until here. Very interesting.

I didn't know it was an "option" either! My DD turned 5 on Oct 3. Cut off was Oct 15. I sent her and she is doing great. She would have been very bored at home with daddy another year

They celebrate birthdays in the classroom. She was excited another girl shared her SAME birthday. Turns out my DD was turning 5, the other child turned 6. That is a big difference at this age. It is also a big difference when everyone starts driving!

I will never know if I made the perfect decision but she is happy, loves school and is learning lots. Good luck with your choice.

 

[accountingbabe08]

He is 15 now, seems like forever ago his birthday is Sept 21. and I made the decision back then to hold him back a year. they had a program called kindergarten connectiion with a mix of k and 1st grade work. He did well and I don't regret my decision at all.



my daughter just missed the cut off Sept 30. Birtdhay 10/5 she is 7 and in the first grade she is the tallest, smartest, brightest kids in her class ( no bias here lol) . I didn't even think of it when she was being born early.

Belinda

 

[Not so Dumbo]

We held DS back too. His bday was a week before the cut off. I have no regrets, infact it's been one of the better decisions that I've made.

 

[Dr Pepsi]

I think I'd put him in. Kids can change so fast at that age. If he's not ready for 1st grade he can always redo kindergarten.

 

[auntie]

I think I'd put him in. Kids can change so fast at that age. If he's not ready for 1st grade he can always redo kindergarten.

I'm not sure I'd agree with that. I think you will have more a problem doing that than giving him some extra time..if you feel he needs it. Once he starts, and then if you decide he shouldn't go on to first grade, you are dealing with an entirely different situation. He will feel as if he wasn't good enough, and his friends will always be that one grade ahead of him..and he will be the kids that "got left back"...
If he starts a year later..he will not know the difference. You will...he doesn't.

 

[kokomos]

My dd bday is also Sept 1, which is the cut off date at her school. I wish we would have waited. They did hold her back in 1st grade. That didnt help her confidence level and she has struggled every year.

Now they have her in a fast track program taking 2 grades at once. If all goes as planned she will be the youngest in high school next year. It has boosted her confidence again but I think she will struggle even more next year.
Like I said I wish we would have waited.
Good luck with YOUR decission. You know your child best.

 

[thedeans]

renae3 - Good luck making your decision. My oldest ds is an August baby. He started kindergarten in September when he just turned 5. I didn't think he was ready, but I didn't listen to my gut, I listened to everyone else. He did struggle until about January when it seemed the light bulb came on. The next year in first grade he struggled and by the end of the year he was doing better. I was afraid this pattern would continue so I decide to have him repeat 1st grade. We moved to a different school district that summer and he talked me in letting him start second grade instead of repeating first grade. Well I let him and by the end of the first week, I knew I had to put him back in first grade. Luckily they were moving a lot of the kids around so it wasn't notice by other kids that he was repeating first grade. I am glad it was a new school for him. I don't know how he would have felt if he had friends that knew he had to repeat first grade. He was bored the first several weeks but after that he did a lot better. He is now 25 and doing very well.

I now have a ds that is kindergarten this year. He is a January baby so he was almost 6 when he started school (his birthday was last Friday). I never put him in pre-school because I have the best babysitter that worked with him. He is doing great in school. I am not sure what your kindergarten curriculum is, but they have to know so much before they are able to pass.

Like so many others have said you know you ds the best. Listen to your motherly instincts!

 

[chrisw127]

Our son has a late August birthday and would technically have made the cutoff. We have year-round school here that begins in July. We held him back. I actually got a lot of advice when he was in utero on this issue! When one friend, a mother of three boys, found out I was having a boy in August, she said "Whatever you do, don't send him to Kindergarten when he turns five!" That wasn't the reason I made the decision, but it did make me think, certainly.

It's funny, but I have a neighbor who is one of those types of NEVER thinks she is wrong about anything, but when I was weighing the decision last year, she told me that she regretted sending her summer birthday daughter and son to school so early. She said that intellectually (and yes, she thinks they're brilliant!) they were ready and that they were able to behave themselves, but now that they are 13 and 15, there are issues. Her son is shorter than everyone else in his class. His friends are all driving. Her daughter didn't go through puberty with her friends and they all abandoned her for boys and all that stuff (which, come to think of it, isn't a bad thing). I guess she just feels they are sort of left behind on a lot of things.

Anyway, I have no regrets about keeping him back. It's very common here. In fact, the principle at our son's school told another neighbor that "Our parents just don't send their kids with summer birthdays until the next year." Now obviously, that has a lot do to with testing and the belief that older kids will score better and you can argue whether it's wrong or right, but for us, I fully believe we made the right decision.

Besides, I kind of like having him home. And that's just one more year I can save for college.

 

[chrisw127]

My son will turn 5 in June and he will be held back. He has had speech and OT delays so there is NO way he is starting "on time". He is in 99% for height and weight which has hindered my decision somewhat but I know it will be HUGE disservice to start him this year coming....

Just as PP stated ... it depends on the kid. I am a teacher as well and see very little harm in holding a child back especially since he hasn't technically started yet.

Just a note...I have a dd16....one of the youngest in her jr class. She will graduate at 17! No problems in grade school but see a difference in maturity levels between her and peers. (Just a glimpse in the future for yoU!) She will be the last one to drive etc......Maturity is soooo impt in high school!

Only you can make the decision but I would lean towards NOT starting. imho

Exactly!

 

[lastminutemom]

I'm not faced with this issue yet, but will be (DS has a mid September b'day and we have a Sept. 1 cut off). I know I come from a different era, but I was the youngest in my class. It wasn't something that I really took notice of until high school when so many other kids were driving and I still didn't have my license. I would have really gone out of my mind if my parents had held me back - as it was I was extremely bored in school (all through elementary and high school) and I was in the excelerated/gifted classes anyway. I couldn't even imagine tacking on another year.

So come the time in 2.5 years, if I feel DS is ready for Kindergarten, I will put him in private school to bypass the cut off. Youngest isn't/shouldn't be an issue. The only question is - do you feel your child is ready emotionally and intellectually? If yes - then why should the age even matter?

I personally feel that there shouldn't be a cut off. There should be a pre-evaluation to asses the mental and emotional maturity of each child.

Around here, the good, well-respected private schools all have a June cut-off with few exceptions. Private schools want kids to be older not younger. I have a friend, who moved here from out of town, and put her then 9 year old into private school in 4th grade. It was a train wreck since almost all the boys were nearly two years older.

How a child is at 4 (maturity etc) tells you nothing about how they will be at 8 or 12 or 18 for that matter. What does matter is your community's norms. If no one holds kids back in your community, if your K classes are a blend of young and old, then that is one scenario. If your community is highly competitive, then your K classes are going to lean older.