Holding a child back from starting Kindergarten because of age?

[swilphil]

Waiting until my kids were 6 to send them to Kindergarten has been, without a doubt, the best decision I've made as a parent. With DS1 it was a no-brainer because of his social skills, maturity and temperment. The decision to wait (I prefer the term 'waiting' to holding back) with DS2 was a little more difficult because he is very well behaved. He is not as advanced academically and he's not as assertive. His speech isn't as good either. DS2 is even younger though with a July b-day. DS1 has a mid-june bday and the cut off date here is August.

Other factors that came into play:

-Kindergarten is NOT what it used to be. It's changed dramatically, even in the last 6-7 years. There's an extreme focus on reading/math skills, thanks to testing. Not so much cooperative play, exploration and having fun like it was in the past. The K schedule at our school is jam-packed.

-Success in school has more to do with emotional and social skills than with academic ability. Maybe that shouldn't be the way it is, but that's what the research shows. I should probably say "failure" in school instead of success. Lots of kids with the brains to do the work don't succeed because of behavior and maturity issues.

-My kids were both still napping in the afternoon at age 5.

-Our district does not have kindergarten screening, and it's extremely common for those with summer and even late spring b-days to wait. If I had sent them a good number of the kids would be more than 1 year older.

-As one early childhood specialist told me, "Give them another year to play. It can't hurt. It can only help." I talked to so many teachers (I work in education) and they all said they've never known of one case where a kid waited and it was a bad decision. Both teachers and parents gave lots of instances where the kid went early and should have waited.

-Our pre-school has a great pre-k class where the kids have to be 5 by Oct. 1. The structure is similar to kindergarten and they learn to read, add numbers, etc.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Absolutely not would I hold back any of my kids who meet the cutoff. My middle child will be 17 when she goes off to college next year, and I have no doubt she'll manage fine...she has all along, even tho I was concerned about her separating from me early on, and was pleasantly surprised how very well she did. It was a good lesson for her and for me...kids handle situations in life MUCH better than the moms and dads. She talks about how many of the kids in her grade are so much older (she's a senior and will be 17 next month) and how grateful she is we never held her back. If everything turned out well, why would you question your decision? It sounds like no matter when she left, you'd still miss her. I miss my oldest DD too (late August birthday, and entering her Sophomore year in college at age 19), but I relish in her accomplishments and her independence. She's becoming quite the young woman, and we feel tremendous pride, as well as a wee bit of angst that she's growing up. Having her at home an extra year would accomplish nothing.

ITA

My son's birthday is October 5. When we lived in NC, the cut off date was October 16. He was 4 when he started school and has never had any problems.

I would have never even consider holding him back. If there was a major issue and I felt he needed the extra time, I would have had him skip kindergarten all together. We would have used that year to work on the problem areas and then registered him for first grade the following year.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Waiting until my kids were 6 to send them to Kindergarten has been, without a doubt, the best decision I've made as a parent. With DS1 it was a no-brainer because of his social skills, maturity and temperment. The decision to wait (I prefer the term 'waiting' to holding back) with DS2 was a little more difficult because he is very well behaved. He is not as advanced academically and he's not as assertive. His speech isn't as good either. DS2 is even younger though with a July b-day. DS1 has a mid-june bday and the cut off date here is August.

Other factors that came into play:

-Kindergarten is NOT what it used to be. It's changed dramatically, even in the last 6-7 years. There's an extreme focus on reading/math skills, thanks to testing. Not so much cooperative play, exploration and having fun like it was in the past. The K schedule at our school is jam-packed.

-Success in school has more to do with emotional and social skills than with academic ability. Maybe that shouldn't be the way it is, but that's what the research shows. I should probably say "failure" in school instead of success. Lots of kids with the brains to do the work don't succeed because of behavior and maturity issues.

-My kids were both still napping in the afternoon at age 5.

-Our district does not have kindergarten screening, and it's extremely common for those with summer and even late spring b-days to wait. If I had sent them a good number of the kids would be more than 1 year older.

-As one early childhood specialist told me, "Give them another year to play. It can't hurt. It can only help." I talked to so many teachers (I work in education) and they all said they've never known of one case where a kid waited and it was a bad decision. Both teachers and parents gave lots of instances where the kid went early and should have waited.

-Our pre-school has a great pre-k class where the kids have to be 5 by Oct. 1. The structure is similar to kindergarten and they learn to read, add numbers, etc.

I've heard the "No one has regretted it.", statement and that kids were sent on time and parents have second guessed they should've waited. I just think there is no way to qualify that. A person has no other experience in which to gauge. The problems a child experiences in class could be the same whether the child waited or not. (Not in all instances of course). To me it's a qualifying issue.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

When my kids entered kindergarten, the the cut off date was December 31. DS's birthday is October 10 and he was small. His preschool teacher said he was socially and "academically" ready for K but recommended holding him back because of his size if he wanted to play sports. We sent him. It was never a problem. In fact, he was valedictorian when he graduated.

Yes, he was 17 when he left for college but he was more than ready to go.

On another note, another mom of a girl with a late December birthday did hold her back. Then, on more than one occasion, complained because her DD was a year older than others in the class. Well duh.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

DS's BDay is June 10. He is one of the younger kids n his class. The year after he started they moved the cutoff BDay back to Aug. 1 in our district (It had been Sept. 30). If that had been the case his year, maybe I would have kept him back. He's fine academically--his reading test in the spring (3rd grade) came back advanced and math accelerated--but he's a lttle immature and he seems shorter than most boys--of course, some of them WERE held back and are a year older. Some people advised me to hold him back for sports, but couldn't live with myself if I'd done that.
Robin M.

 

[shortbun]

Our son, born in late July, was a preemie and adopted. His emotional maturity at age 5 was questionable. We did not send him to Kindergarten but moved him into a Kprep classroom with other kids who either missed the deadline or in his situation. It was the perfect thing for him. He's in 6th grade now, mentoring younger children and on top of his game. I'm very proud of him!!! As far as the 'sport thing', our son excels in sports but he's only played on age related teams thus far, not grade level teams.

Both DH and I have late September birthdays and were the youngest in our classes. We both felt we suffered from immaturity and neither of us were ready for college when we tried it the first time.

 

[golfgal]

I think the big difference here is that some states have a December cut off so a summer birthday is middle of the road for people and no big deal. In states where the cut off is Sept 1st, like our, having a late summer birthday means you are the youngest kid in your class.

DS15 is a July baby. Hindsight, I wish we would have held him back. Academically he was fine but as the years went on the social part of it really started to show. By about 4th grade you could tell he was less mature then his classmates. Part of that stemmed from the other kids in the class that were held back--it was very common in that town. Had DS started school in that town he would have been held back. Some of the kids in his class were almost 2 years older then him (another story altogether though).

 

[ilovejack02]

-Kindergarten is NOT what it used to be. It's changed dramatically, even in the last 6-7 years. There's an extreme focus on reading/math skills, thanks to testing. Not so much cooperative play, exploration and having fun like it was in the past. The K schedule at our school is jam-packed.

My DS turned 5 Aug 6th. I am not sure what our cut off date is, but just knew that he was NOT prepared maturity wise to hit full day kindergarten.
He is reading quite well, but cant write to save his life and just is over all still kinda immature for his age. He gets along well with the other kids and teacher, but I can just tell he needed some more time. SOOO what i have done is enroll in him a private half day kindergarten.. if he does well and matures etc then he will move onto first grade at our local public school. If not he will move onto full day kindergarten next yr in public school. Im confident we have made the right decision.

 

[mom2rb]

My twins' were born in August. I didn't know if they should be held back or not. I ended up homeschooling. They are nine now and I still don't know. Right now they are in the middle of third grade. If I had put hem in fourth they would be behind, if they were in third they would be bored. So five years later and I still wouldn't want to make that choice.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have an late one, my dd who is 16 now.....her b-day is April.
My other dd is early & turns 11 this month and is in 5th. She is right on target....

We are from Missouri where the cut off is July 1.

I think if my oldest was held back she would have done better in school. She struggled with maturity all through elementary school and had alot of friends 1 year younger than her.

So it really does depend on the kid.

 

[java]

My 4 soon to be 5 (the end of october!) was ready to go but age prevented him. So it's back to preschool this year. And he loves that too! He'll just be very prepared next September. I do wish there was some kind of a test or something to see if those that miss the age cutoff could make it. If I was still in NY he would be in Kindergarten. But here in NJ nope. Well I get him an extra year I guess.

 

[punkin]

DD14 has an October 24 birthday (made cutoff) so is is now in 10th grade and doing well.
DD8 has has a November 6 birthday (just barely made cutoff) so she is now in 4th grade and doing well.

Never occurred to me to hold either one back.

 

[emma'smom]

This has been a point of conversation in our household lateley. My dd is 5 and has just started the equivalent of the kindergarten year in her 3-year Montessori class (Prek/K). She has a late May birthday and I would really like to redshirt her next year so that she won't always be the youngest student. She is very bright and plays well with children who are a year older...but I worry about her always being the youngest when it is time to make to tough social decisions in the teen-age years.

She is at a Montessori school, so they will continue to give her work that challenges her at her developmental level regardless of which classroom she is in. We're also thinking of doing a 1/2 year of K and 1/2 year of first...then letting her do a full year of first the following year.

 

[nuke]

If the child has no developmental delays then there is no reason to hold them back. Especially if your reasoning is because you don't want your kid to be the smallest in the class or you want him to be the smartest. That is ridiculous to me!

 

[taximomfor4]

The cutoff for our school is age 5 by Dec. 1st for Kdg. So, even if you don't turn 5 until Nov. 30th, you can attend school ... making you "officially" 4 1/2 yrs. old.

DS10 has an Oct. bday. We decided to keep DS in pre-K for an additional year b/c he was extremely shy and it took him awhile to open up to his teachers! He would answer questions but would never initiate a conversation w/his teachers until Feb. I felt that he needed more time to "come out of his shell". Also, it gave him more of a chance to be better prepared for Kdg. on an educational level. I'm v. satisfied w/the decision I made ... but know that others may have chosen differently. Does this mean all kids w/an Oct. bday and a "5 by Dec. 1st" school policy should be held back a year? Heck no! There are some kids out there who are v. social and ready for Kdg. at age 4 but can't attend b/c they miss the cut off date. However, there are some 5 yos who aren't ready and could use the extra year.

Age should not be the only factor in deciding whether a child is ready for school or not. I have had some kids who were young kdgs. and did well. And, I've had some young kdgs. who struggled. However, the same could also be said for the older kdg. students as well. You need to know your child and what they can handle and are capable of.

A big nod to Daxx's wisdom and experience in this matter. Definitely depends on the child. For my oldest (July birthday, and had never been to preschool) it was a no-brainer. She was super-social, followed directions well, and was VERY bright. For my second dd, (June Birthday), she is very small for age, but had 2 yrs of preschool at the elementary school she'd attend for K-thru-5th. She was reading at age 3 but had fine + Gross motor delay (and IEP in preschool). I sent her to K because her teachers felt strongly that she was perfectly ready, and an additional year in Pre wouldn't cure her muscle problem.

My son wasn't a summer bday.

My youngest just turned 5 this summer. I was VERY on the fence (even started a thread here). She wasn't allowed in Preschool (Bladder problem), and never attended daycare either. She is small, waits her turn well but won't stick up for herself when other kids cut her off, colors well, knows letters and sounds (and writes most of them too), writes her name well, and really, REALLY wanted to go to K. I sent her. Time will tell if I did the right thing...but the teacher (in close contact with me due to the bladder problem) gives glowing reports...and my dd comes home thrilled. Apparently, she is quite a bit ahead of the class but hates singing.

I say it completely depends on the child. Some will be better off holding off a year. Some will be better off going in as a young K. And I KNOW some would be fine either way!!

 

[babieemelly]

My brother has a late birthday (November) and he started Pre-K at 3 in September and turned 4 in November. A lot of his friends turned 5 that next January, and it was always the same year after year. He was always the baby of the class but he did fine! He made a lot of great friends and propelled to the top of the class. He's in college now and made it into Polytechnic University, one of the most prestigious engineering schools that will soon be merging with NYU.

It really just depends on the child. If they're ready for school, then let them go! I wouldn't hold them back because of their size or any superficial reasons. If they have developmental or social delays and you feel they could use an extra year at home, than that's up to you. Holding them back a year, for necessary reason, at such a young age won't at all make a negative difference in the long run.

 

[disney4us2002]

Our oldest son (freshman in college now) has an Aug 22 birthday. We never considered not sending him when he turned 5, of course he had attended daycare and preschool since he was 3 months old so separation wasn't an issue.

Most of the replies have been from parents with young children. My son's 2 best buds who have birthdays also in August and are now 18 are in their senior year of high school. They and the parents all agree that now they wish they hadn't held them back. The boys feel like they're missing out by not going away to school and feel "too old" to be hanging out with high schoolers and the parents have said it's a different ball game when your "child" is 18. They can sign themselves in and out of school, write their own sick notes, sign their own interims, etc. and it's all legally acceptable. They are good kids and probably it won't be a problem, but a school legally doesn't have to let an 18 yr old stay in school if there are behavioral issues. Just a thought.

Your six year old may be fine in kindergarten but s/he will be 18 before even starting his/her senior year.

 

[luvtogo12]

DS missed the cut-off date by 3 days so I really had no choice but to keep him home another year. I am so glad I did not have to struggle with this decision, the decision was made for me.
It really worked out for the best. He really struggles in school. He is a little immature and is also a little small for his age. He has encountered his share of bullies and I could not even imagine him being in the 7th grade this year. It is tough enough for him in the 6th grade.

 

[FoundMyPrince]

It's interesting to read the various cut offs dates for schools. Growing up, our school cut off was October 1. In the district we live in now, it's August 1. DD2 will begin school the week she turns 6. There are absolutely no exceptions in the district (even for children who have a bday on August 1 - some friends have a son that missed the cut off by a few hours.)

 

[Bob Slydell]

Our son is a Labor Day baby and we decided to wait a year for him to start K and to give him one more year of pre-K, more for the extra year of maturity than anything else. We consulted with his preschool teachers before we made the choice and overall we're happy with the decision (he's now in 1st grade).