So sorry to hear this, I too am going through a horrible separation, but following my DH's affair, taking him back and then discovering that they were still seeing each other and him telling her he was willing to give up everyone and everything he loved to be with her. Shame, she never had any intention of leaving her partner so mine and my daughter's lives have been ruined for nothing.
When he first left, so many people said time was a healer. And to a certain extent it is - I do (most days) feel stronger, I do have really bad days, but these seem to be getting less. I too have never had an answer as to 'why' and don't think I ever will. This used to haunt me at first, especially because they way my DH is now treating me - almost with contempt and hatred and I've done nothing other than take him back and loved him. I've resigned myself to the fact I probably will never know and most days I can shrug and think so what, it's his loss.
My DD (17) sadly loathes and is disgusted by her father, not only for his adultery, but for the way he is treating me now (refusing to pay anything other than half the mortgage, knowing that on my salary I can't keep the house going, but he just doesn't care). It's his 50th birthday tomorrow and Katie has refused point blank to go visit him at his sister's where he's living, even though I've offered to drive her over, try and assure her that he still loves her - she simply hates him so much because of the way he treats me that she doesn't want anything to do with him at the moment, but I do hope this will improve over the coming months/years.
I wish you strength, courage and please, please, come on here any time and rant and rave, sob and bawl - you're facing an emotional rollercoaster - but you WILL get over it.
Be strong, you're one brave lady

