His lawyer wants to do a mediation instead of going to court now...is this good?

[Stepharoonie!]

I checked my mail today (I know, I forgot yesterday) and there was a letter from my lawyer inside. He sent me a copy of a letter my ex's lawyer sent to him stating that after reviewing all financial information and going through our depositions, he feels that we do not need to go to court, and should be able to settle this with a mediator. We're supposed to go to court on May 27th for the temporary custody hearing, but my ex's lawyer wants us to meet BEFORE then and try to settle things. My lawyer sent back a statement saying this way fine, but my ex would have to pay for it.

Is this a good thing to have a mediation, and for HIS lawyer to request it? I'm wondering if maybe he told my ex that he would lose custody of Madison in court, and he should go the mediation route.

Thought I'd ask before I bothered my lawyer about it tomorrow. Just not sure!

 

[Pop Daddy]

 

[FroggyinArk]

gets the impresion that mediation is ussually offered when they figure out the judge is going to rule towards the other side,, if he's willing to foot the bill and your lawyer isnt willing to barter with teh life of dear maddy,,, would probably try it,, can always tell them to kiss off and still go to court after the mediation cant you? as long as it doesnt stop the judge gets it optioon , i would think about it, get my lawyers oppinion and see what he offers,, its prolly gonna be less than a judge would set, but maybe more than what you expect, definately check into it.

 

[TammiMcMan]

My cousin's divorce was done through a mediator. They have 2 boys together and at the time, her soon to be ex was willing to give her custody, settled on visitation and financial requirements. This was almost a year ago. Now just a few weeks ago, he served her with papers disputing everything. It seems to have become more of a mess than if they just went through court originally. I would check with your lawyer and see what the repercussion could be in the future.

 

[KimRaye]

Boy, reading these replies and, knowing the Cook County domestic relations court like I do, things are different around the country!

Here in Cook County anyway, mediation is used to involve a 3rd party in a dispute(s) between the 2 involved without and BEFORE involving a judge. Eventually, all mediation recommendations are reviewed by the Judge who issues his/her ruling.

My brother is currently going thru mediation over custody and, mediators are very unopinionated. They basically 'absorb' the arguments and, make a recommendation to the Judge. Also, here anyway, mediation is free for a few visits but, if it becomes soo bad that more time is needed, the parties have to pay for extended visits. DB's mediator had a private session with my nephew also wherein nephew stated some things that he did not want revealed. This was only done with BOTH parents consent.

Back in 1991 with my divorce, the free mediator was assigned to basically, imo, try to get us to compromise. We weren't fighting about actual custody but rather, visitation.

So, I think mediators serve a lot of purposes and, they should be considered to keep attorney's fees down. jmo

Best wishes Steph!

 

[yourtravelpro]

Mediation is an excellent idea if both parties are open and willing.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

In Florida mediation is REQUIRED before the final hearing (unless it has been determined by the court that there is no way a settlement can be mediated).

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

mediation is a way of keeping control of how things are handled. if you go to court the judge will make decisions based on what he thinks is best. if you go to mediation, you make compromises.

you choose mediation if there's a risk in going to court.

example, you're each asking for sole custody. you might win, but you might lose. but if you go to mediation, you might negotiate a joint custody agreement.

and so long as the mediator's role is to help you come to decisions and agreements, not to make those decisions for you, it's cheaper than going to court and you still have to opportunity to go to court if you don't reach an agreement.

 

[niks81]

We did mediation....and it can get interesting!

I do think it helps settle some things, but you would be surprised at a few things too. When my parents did it, the mediator often put my dad right in his place and it was very comical. It can be a good thing though, and like the OP said....you basically do a lot of negotiating.

Good luck

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This is the same guy who wouldn't let you have your dd on Mother's Day?! hmmmmm.....I don't know what to make of it. I am just such a cynical person when it comes to people having a track record of not wanting to work things out.
Makes me suspicious that he would be "setting himself up" for a better position to go to court and then sue for full custody. I don't even know if that is a reality. I am sure you can get some good advice here.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

actually, I do a lot of mediations in non-domestic cases. what I've found is that you try to "make your case" to the mediator and the mediator often gives feedback on wht will "likely" happen in court.

both sides get a chance to see what each of them is thinking.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

My mom asked my stepfather this morning what it meant (ahh..a lawyer cooped up in a hospital bed) and she said that he smiled and said that it meant that my ex's lawyer knows that his client doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning full custody...so it's a good thing.

We are supposed to do the temporary custody hearing on May 27th, but his lawyer wants to do the mediation BEFORE then. I'm not sure how it will go. I'm still a little concerned. He didn't let me talk to Maddy at ALL yesterday, and he said she didn't want to talk this morning. He made it a point to tell me he took today off of work so he could "spend time with his daughter. It's a daddy-daughter day." I wanted to tell him "yeah, right!" but I have no guts.

Will keep you updated.

 

[tc]

In Colorado, mediation is mandatory in all domestic cases. Mediation cuts costs, and allows a third party to listen to all sides, and then helps the parties come to an agreement. Mediation is not binding in Colorado. Meaning, the mediator cannot rule or make a final decision. All he does is help the parties come to a decision that they all can live with. This decision (if one is reached) is stated in a Stipulation and sent to the court (instead of attending a hearing) and the judge signs it, making it an Order of Court. There are those rare occasions when the Judge does not think the agreement is good for both sides, and will force the parties to come to court, but I've only seen that once. Arbitration is a different matter. It's like mediation, where the parties get together with a third party and discuss the problem. But the arbitrator's decision is binding, and the parties have to take his or her decision. It's then submitted to the court and signed by the Judge. These are very rarely overturned.

Now, as to whether or not you should attend, I think you should. There's nothing wrong with getting together with your attorneys and a third party and discussing this situation. Maybe Maddie's dad will be able to understand how difficult he's being and see that putting Maddie first is the important thing. If you don't come to an agreement, nothing is lost, you can still go to court. However, you may be surprised what can be accomplished by simply allowing a third party to put a different light on things. I've seen some strange turns of events during mediation, so it's worth a try.

JMHO!

 

[SeaShelley]

Nothing to add about all the advice given here.....just a

 

[CindysGusGus]

I dont have any advise...just want to wish you luck...this must be very draining emotionally.

 

[my3kids]

Make sure, if you agree, that his attorney isn't setting you up for a binding agreement. If it is binding, I think you wouldn't get a chance to win outright in court, you'd be forced into whatever the mediator worked out for you. If they are pushing it, it sounds like it is in their best interest and maybe not yours. Don't worry about bothering your attorney. That is what he/she is there for; to look out for you and Maddie's best interest.

Good luck.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

thw whole purpose of mediation is to come to a binding agreement.

the operative word is "agreement".

if you don't agree, don't sign. simple as that.

just make usre it's not an arbitration -- arbitrators can make decisions and bind you to them.

 

[Serena]

It wouldn't hurt to go and see what happens. As long as you aren't binded by anything.
But Steph, be strong or make sure your lawyer is sensible and strong for you.

 

[SideshowBob]

For some it does not work, others a great thing.

Was explained back then to SSB that gives you the option of spending FAR less money (even though $1,000 an hour with all involved), and coming up with an agreement that you both have a stake in... and not a third party deciding YOUR lives for you. Found it to be very effective, and did come to binding agreement after many hours. It is indeed a taxing day. Does kind of come down to if you have been able to to communicate in the past, as if not, might be very tough.

Probably, the custody part would be last, as normally (from my understanding of it all), the financial parts all settled first including division of assets, child support, alimony, etc... then the children part, which was by far the most emotional.

 

[momof2inPA]

Who chooses the mediator? It's not some buddy of his attorney, is it?