Hi there :) Advice please?

[JohnnyDepp'sGirl]

Thanks for all of the advice everyone.

 

[disneyworldluvr349]

I wish I knew what to tell you. Normally I would say listen to your heart, but seeing as it is confused, that probably won't do you any good.

Sorry I can't be of any help

 

[Princess Brittany]

I think you should just have a serious talk with him. Tell him how you feel and if he feels the same way and is ready then take it from there. This is a really delicate situation and you just need to follow what you think it right. Good Luck!!!

 

[Sparx]

i've dated guys like that. the ones with "problems" and what always ended up happening was they needed me a lot more than i ended up needing them. i ended up supporting them throughout the whole relationship, without getting anything in return, and its not healthy. its exhausting and painful, and i always ended up worse off than i was before. you'll sit up on the phone all night having horrible conversations begging them not to hurt themselves, and thats not what you deserve.

i know that sounds heartless, but a relationship cannot be one-sided, and that is what he is setting you up for. i've been where you are too many times, and it truly just is not worth it.

 

[JohnnyDepp'sGirl]

I wish I knew what to tell you. Normally I would say listen to your heart, but seeing as it is confused, that probably won't do you any good.

Sorry I can't be of any help

It's ok.

I think you should just have a serious talk with him. Tell him how you feel and if he feels the same way and is ready then take it from there. This is a really delicate situation and you just need to follow what you think it right. Good Luck!!!

He knows I like him, and I know he likes me. The problem is I don't know where to go from there. He wants to be friends but he wants to be more.

i've dated guys like that. the ones with "problems" and what always ended up happening was they needed me a lot more than i ended up needing them. i ended up supporting them throughout the whole relationship, without getting anything in return, and its not healthy. its exhausting and painful, and i always ended up worse off than i was before. you'll sit up on the phone all night having horrible conversations begging them not to hurt themselves, and thats not what you deserve.

i know that sounds heartless, but a relationship cannot be one-sided, and that is what he is setting you up for. i've been where you are too many times, and it truly just is not worth it.

I totally respect where your coming from, but in this case, I don't feel like he needs me all that much. I do feel as though sometimes it is one sided. He shows he cares when the situation calls for it, but in the classroom he hardly speaks to me. He smiles yes, but talks? No.
My heart doesn't want to give up on him, but I know I don't deserve the pain I feel when he tells me what is going on in his life. But I think it makes me like him even more.
I smile whenever my phone buzzes because I know it's him, but I cry when I read some of the messages.
I am so lost.

 

[PigletGurl]

Love is patient.

 

[Sparx]

It's ok.


He knows I like him, and I know he likes me. The problem is I don't know where to go from there. He wants to be friends but he wants to be more.


I totally respect where your coming from, but in this case, I don't feel like he needs me all that much. I do feel as though sometimes it is one sided. He shows he cares when the situation calls for it, but in the classroom he hardly speaks to me. He smiles yes, but talks? No.
My heart doesn't want to give up on him, but I know I don't deserve the pain I feel when he tells me what is going on in his life. But I think it makes me like him even more.
I smile whenever my phone buzzes because I know it's him, but I cry when I read some of the messages.
I am so lost.

everything you're saying really resonates with me, becuase i've done it all before, too many times. in your first post you said that you're afraid of what will happen when he doesn't need you anymore, and i totally understand that. and then crying over messages he sends you, and how he doesn't talk to you in class, but he constantly texts you. it kinda sounds like maybe you're a "secret" for him? kwim? like he doesn't necessarily want everyone knowing that he's talking to you? thats a major red flag, to me.

 

[JohnnyDepp'sGirl]

Love is patient.

I know, but I am not a patient person.

everything you're saying really resonates with me, becuase i've done it all before, too many times. in your first post you said that you're afraid of what will happen when he doesn't need you anymore, and i totally understand that. and then crying over messages he sends you, and how he doesn't talk to you in class, but he constantly texts you. it kinda sounds like maybe you're a "secret" for him? kwim? like he doesn't necessarily want everyone knowing that he's talking to you? thats a major red flag, to me.

I thought that too, but when he walked with me through the halls, there wasn't an eye that wasn't looking. But it could be that I am his secret. I don't think he is ashamed of me, plus he doesn't really have a ton of friends that he has to impress. When we talk at school it's usually in private. We sat together in the hall, people walked by and can see us. But usually when we talk it is just me and him. And I am afraid that he won't need me if he gets better.

 

[JulielovesDisney]

I would seriously just sit him down and talk to him about how you feel. Tell him everything and don't hold back. This is the only way you'll ever know. It's impossible to guess what he means by this gesture and that text message. Nobody ever shows their feelings the exact same way as someone else. So it would just be better to sit him down, privately, and talk to him about everything that's on your mind.

 

[Sparx]

I know, but I am not a patient person.

I thought that too, but when he walked with me through the halls, there wasn't an eye that wasn't looking. But it could be that I am his secret. I don't think he is ashamed of me, plus he doesn't really have a ton of friends that he has to impress. When we talk at school it's usually in private. We sat together in the hall, people walked by and can see us. But usually when we talk it is just me and him. And I am afraid that he won't need me if he gets better.

if you're going to go with the "love is patient" route, remember the rest of the quote. is this love kind? envious? wanting? perhaps the patients of it is the least of your worries.

as for the bolded, you definitely need to think about that. in a relationship one shouldn't need the other in that way, and throw them away when the need passes. thats very unhealthy, and he's being very unfair towards you. he's using you.

 

[JohnnyDepp'sGirl]

I would seriously just sit him down and talk to him about how you feel. Tell him everything and don't hold back. This is the only way you'll ever know. It's impossible to guess what he means by this gesture and that text message. Nobody ever shows their feelings the exact same way as someone else. So it would just be better to sit him down, privately, and talk to him about everything that's on your mind.

I know I should, but I don't want to know what will happen, nor do I have the guts to find out. What if I loose everything?

if you're going to go with the "love is patient" route, remember the rest of the quote. is this love kind? envious? wanting? perhaps the patients of it is the least of your worries.

as for the bolded, you definitely need to think about that. in a relationship one shouldn't need the other in that way, and throw them away when the need passes. thats very unhealthy, and he's being very unfair towards you. he's using you.

I think this love is one-sided. My heart won't let me let go. I keep holding on to some small hope that he wants me as much as I want him.

Thank you for the blunt honesty, sometimes a slap on the face is what you need the most.

But how to handle it I am at a loss.

 

[imabrat]

Okay, the only thing this guy screams is DRAMA! Your heart is going to hurt but you need to let go. If you hold on, your heart is only going to hurt more in the end.

 

[JohnnyDepp'sGirl]

Okay, the only thing this guy screams is DRAMA! Your heart is going to hurt but you need to let go. If you hold on, your heart is only going to hurt more in the end.

But maybe I am looking at this all wrong. He is there for me, he says he prays for me when I say I am having tough times, and he wished that I could have been at the concert with him. And he says things that melts my heart, and makes me smile. Should I really throw all of that away?

 

[Sparx]

But maybe I am looking at this all wrong. He is there for me, he says he prays for me when I say I am having tough times, and he wished that I could have been at the concert with him. And he says things that melts my heart, and makes me smile. Should I really throw all of that away?

words are only worth so much though. he says all those things, but what does he do? how does he prove how he feels other than just saying what is going to make you happy?

 

[JohnnyDepp'sGirl]

words are only worth so much though. he says all those things, but what does he do? how does he prove how he feels other than just saying what is going to make you happy?

Well he was honest with how he felt about me, and he has been honest about everything else.
When he hugs me it's different than any other hug, it's filled with longing, and confusion.
We talk together, and when I want to talk he is there to listen. Everything just seems so unsure in class though.
He tells me things I know nobody else knows, and I accept them and try to be there for him, even when things are overwhelming, because I feel like he deserves it.

Maybe I painted him in a negative light, because he really is a wonderful person going through a tough time. He has never been mean or unfair to me. He is there when I need him, and he even said that to me "If you need me I am here for you."

This is why I am so torn.

 

[imabrat]

words are only worth so much though. he says all those things, but what does he do? how does he prove how he feels other than just saying what is going to make you happy?

Truer words were never spoken.

But maybe I am looking at this all wrong. He is there for me, he says he prays for me when I say I am having tough times, and he wished that I could have been at the concert with him. And he says things that melts my heart, and makes me smile. Should I really throw all of that away?

Everything that I edited below, and bolded especially, are what bothers me about him. I have been clinically depressed - did I realize it at the time? HELL NO! But I look back on it now and realize that I was in a very dark place. Depression doesn't heal overnight, it takes a very long time to overcome and there is a great chance of relapsing. You're going to be waiting for years for him to be "ok". You're young, you shouldn't waste your time being young on someone you're going to have to wait on. Then there's the whole not interacting much in public thing - sorry, but texts don't count for much anymore. Talking face-to-face and not talking face-to-face are two different things. Chemistry is so different in those situations.

All I'm saying is this is going to be one hell of a road to travel, and either way you ARE going to get hurt. Best to nip it in the bud while you can before you become so emotionally invested that it'll devastate you in the end.

Over the week I found out that he has some deep issues. He told me his mother died when he was 14 (he is 16, I am 17), and that he takes medication for depression.


Then he texted me the ever so lovely "I want to talk." He told me that he "really, really, really likes me" but needs to focus on getting better psychologically, and once that happens we could be together. Then he said "friends?" and gave me a hug.

I had texted him asking him how his weekend was and he pretty much said, " i crashed the truck, I have new cuts on my arm, and my dad hates me" at first I didn't get the message so I received another one saying "I am sorry that was to much" I had told him I didn't get the first message and when he sent it again, I told him that "you can tell me anything no matter how bad I will be here for you, i promise" and all he said "thank you."

When we came back to school after the weekend he texted me saying he wanted to show me his cuts. So I went out in the hall and he followed. I almost cried when I saw them, and I said the stupidest thing that came to mind "I think we should take away everything that you can hurt yourself with" and he said "ok" which I knew to mean "that won't happen" so I just looked at him and asked if I could hug him, he said of course. I didn't want to let go of him


.

 

[JohnnyDepp'sGirl]

I guess I really just need to talk to him. Lay everything out on the table. And see where to go from there.