I am sorry but I may be the one to blame for all of our misfortunes lately. See, back in August I invited a few of my friends and family to come down to Walt Disney World (WDW).
I will give you all a reminder of how much fun they had at WDW.
ALEX; Ah...good ole' Alex....he visited us so long ago that I can't even remember him. I do seem to think that he did enjoy the Carolinas though.
BONNIE; She came to visit us with her husband, Charley (who should have been named Clyde). They flew in from the Gulf around the same time, but ended up in two separate parts of the state. While Bonnie went to visit her sister in Pensacola, her husband would have no part of that....he wanted to see the west coast of Florida first.....
CHARLEY; How could you forget Charley. When he came we gave him the ultimate VIP treatment, we closed the parks early for him! As I remember, he really enjoyed the Animal Kingdom, so much we gave him another day. But he got a little to excited on the Jungle Cruise and we had to stay closed for a while to clean up after him.
DANIELLE and EARL; Her and her husband Earl, being great friends with Bonnie and Charley, had decided to come over from Africa and visit us the same weekend. But we were so busy with the other two we neglected them and they turned away. Danielle went to Greenland, and Earl went to Mexico.
FRANCES; Frances was the worst guest of all. She was coming on Friday at 8am...no wait....11pm.....nope Saturday night.....wait......back to Friday night..... hold on now.... Saturday at 8pm...or will it be 8am again....no....I really don't know........ .then after all that, she takes a Cruise to the Bahamas on the Disney Wonder and goes to
Castaway Cay..... AND STAYS!!!!!.....a few hours later she decides to come and use some of her
DVC points at Vero Beach. Finally, she takes another 12 hours to get to WDW. We give her the VIP treatment as well. But does she appreciate the fact we close early on Friday and do not open at all on Saturday. NO!!! She comes on Sunday instead. So ungrateful.
GASTON; Now speaking of ungrateful, we invite Gaston down for vacation. But instead he goes to Busch Gardens Williamsburg. But , yes Virginia there is a Santa Clause, and he left you a gift......RAIN and lots of it!!!
HERMINE; We at Disney don't discriminate. Witches and Wizards from Hogwarts are welcome too. But did Hermine come to Disney? Noooo she went to Massachusetts instead to watch a Red Sox game and eat some chowda.
IVAN; Ivan the Great! or Ivan the Terrible! Who will show up remains to be scene. I called the airline and he is on the same exact flight that Charlie came into Orlando International Airport on, so lets not cancel his priority seating at the yet at Hurricane Hanna's Grill at the Yacht and Beach Club.
In there honor we will be re-imagineering our newest Epcot attraction. It will be called Soarin' Over Florida (under new management)
-You will start by waiting in a 4 hour queue for Plywood. (and ending up with 1 1/2 sheets of cement board)
-You then enter the pre-show. Its a 30 min wait for gas, and at the end, they run out.
-You then board the Hang Glider Simulator. We turn the fans up really high and then launch small twigs and leaves at you.
-You then disembark on a flight over Orlando. Just like when you Fly in an airplane, so look down to see all the pools. NO WAIT, those are blue tarps on the roofs of homes. Then as night hits you see something so pretty......just look at all those lights....it must be....it has to be....SPECTROMAGIC.......NOPE its tail lights of 500,000 cars stuck in traffic on I-95 and I-4. Then you see what has to be Wishes...Blue....Green.....Yellow......wait...no.....its just transformers exploding. After the ride ends, you enter the merchandise shop that is stocked full of non-perishables and priced gouged batteries and flashlights.
So I apologize for inviting them. Good news is they won't be back for 6 more years and because Charley and Frances had so much fun in Florida, they get to retire here in memory only and can never be used again as Hurricanes. They will all move to Sarasota and play golf all day with they elder retired friends, named Andrew, Hugo, Camille, Bob, Bertha and Floyd.
Some good came out of all this however...
WE NOW KNOW.....
....who Tom Terry is.
....that it will always be funny when a reporter falls down in 75mph winds.
....that 5am, 11am, 5pm, 11pm are the only times that matter.
....that a 5 day forecast is only as good as the next one, 6 hours later.
....that Super Doppler 9000 can tell you to the MINUTE the time an afternoon thunderstorm will hit exactly what subdivision in Orlando, BUT can't tell you what DAY a Hurricane will hit or even tell where on a 300 mile coast of FLORIDA the eye will land.
....that something the size of Texas can just stop. (for hours)
....that America may be a little more dependent on gas then we thought.
....that in a world that is 2/3rds water, Ice is more valuable then gold.
....that we should all buy stock in the plywood and battery industries.
....that hurricane season doesn't end till November 30th and there is another storm out there just waiting to visit Florida as we speak..
Happy Hurricaning
