here's what I'm thinking...what do other parents think?

[#1MMFan]

Oh boy, I found some of these posts very funny, particularly Cantw8's sense of humour; you cracked me up!! Seriously, some of you need to sort out the "my opinion's right, and if you don't believe me, ask me" attitude. Incidentally I would never "correct" another parent's child; I just think that's uncalled for and it would be considered rude where I come from. JMHO. I don't get offended by the use of these labels "skank" etc. Let's face it people, some girls are also only after one thing. To the poster who thinks that the 16 yr old boy must be doing something to attract the "skanks"; he might just be a very good-looking guy. Shock horror.

Really, you guys crack me up. If I ever need to meet some of you, I'll be sure to look for you on the ceiling with the strings attached! Chill, people.

 

[Marseeya]

Okay. I have to jump in. In defense of this other poster who said she was labeled as a skank - I was in a whole generation that dressed skanky but we weren't necessarily skanks. There is a difference...The fashions had the short satin shorts and low cut v-necks with catchy words like Foxy Lady on them. The jeans were skin tight. "Shake your head Darling" was queen. I had plenty of self respect but I admit I was a slave to fashion and of course, my ever present curling iron at that juncture in my life. Fortunately, soon after the preppy movement came in full force and gave us some of our prudish dignity back.

And Target Rocks!

I grew up during the whole preppy movement, so I sure didn't dress inappropriately! Big shoulder pads, walking shorts, and the like. Before that, wasn't it long peasant shorts, and long pleated plaid? But I also wore the big hair and heavy "new wave" makeup of the 80s. Didn't make me skanky -- it was just the old fashioned fuddy duddies who didn't understand the fashion of the day. But then, I look back and still don't understand it.

It's tough finding "decent" clothes for kids, and when you live in small town America, it's even harder. My DD's 10 and between a child's size and junior. It's all low rise jeans and low cut shirts -- I have to drive all the way to the city to find anything nice for her. I really feel for the kids whose parents HAVE to shop nearby and wear the junk that these stores carry. They'll just be destined to be "sluts and skanks" I suppose.

 

[Marseeya]

Incidentally I would never "correct" another parent's child; I just think that's uncalled for and it would be considered rude where I come from. JMHO.

When a teenage girl calls your house leaving vulgar messages on the answering machine, you wouldn't ask her to stop? Any parent has a right to request certain rules in their house without feeling they have to "tattle" to the parents.

My house, my rules. I would expect another parent would correct my child too if they were under their roof.

 

[luvflorida]

Yes, this is what I am saying. I do not know how it degraded this far :rotfl2 I feel so much better knowing that my son/daughter is home with me or friends playing video games. That is all I was trying to say..... : whatever disfunctional atributes others want to assign to this statement, have at it. But, please realize that your issues are YOUR issues....good night.

I know I might regret this, but I have to jump in here, also. I've been following this entire thread and feel the need to add my two cents worth.

First of all, I agree with your first post and I understand what you are saying. It's nice to know where your teen is and it's comforting to know that your teen is at home at night playing games with friends.

However, you then wonder how this thread started to turn so nasty. I think you contributed an awful lot to the bad turn this thread has taken. A few examples:

"So, I'll see your and raise you .."

"Thanks for your opinions though, I'll file them under "Who gives a crap."

..I can put a name with a breast...I mean face."

"This is almost too inane to comment on..."

"Yes, Dahhhling..."

Now, I have a very good sense of humor, but I don't find anything funny about any of those statements. I know it's hard to ascertain emotions and meanings sometimes on the internet, but to me those statements sound very condescending and just plain mean.

There are other replies to this thread from other people that also seem pretty harsh and mean spirited. You can agree or disagree with someone without the sarcasm and without showing disrespect for the other person's opinion.

 

[dcentity2000]

The term "skank" is offensive and vulgar - says more about the name-caller than the named, IMO.



Rich::

 

[#1MMFan]

Nope, Marseeya, I wouldn't actually. I would take it up with the parents of the girl, not the girl directly. That kind of thing is not appropriate in my opinion to discuss with the girl alone. JMHO.

 

[Planogirl]

There are other replies to this thread from other people that also seem pretty harsh and mean spirited. You can agree or disagree with someone without the sarcasm and without showing disrespect for the other person's opinion.

Your whole post was super but this is particularly good. Thanks for saying this so well!

 

[#1MMFan]

To be honest here, I think everyone is giving as good as they are getting. I don't think too many of these posters need a helping hand in defending themselves. If you stand back from this thread and look at it again, it is hilariously childish how you are all bickering amongst yourselves.

 

[Planogirl]

To be honest here, I think everyone is giving as good as they are getting. I don't think too many of these posters need a helping hand in defending themselves. If you stand back from this thread and look at it again, it is hilariously childish how you are all bickering amongst yourselves.

Be careful because now you're a part of the bickering.

Besides what's a holiday without a good fight!

 

[Marseeya]

Nope, Marseeya, I wouldn't actually. I would take it up with the parents of the girl, not the girl directly. That kind of thing is not appropriate in my opinion to discuss with the girl alone. JMHO.

Fair enough, though I do disagree. When kids are younger, I totally agree with what you're saying, but once they're old enough to be running around without parental supervision they can handle opinions/rules from other adults. I know this particular girl's parents and from what I know of them, how I responded to her was the kindest possible way for me to let her know that what she was doing was unaccaptable. I can't imagine how bad I'd feel if I'd told her parents and they'd abused her for it. Aside from that, I still feel comfortable asking a child not to use profanity or wear revealing clothing in my home (though happily I haven't had to deal with that yet).

 

[#1MMFan]

Be careful because now you're a part of the bickering.

Besides what's a holiday without a good fight!

I don't perceive that actually; I'm trying to stand back and look at the overall impression. But, I know that you are really joking.

 

[#1MMFan]

Fair enough, though I do disagree. When kids are younger, I totally agree with what you're saying, but once they're old enough to be running around without parental supervision they can handle opinions/rules from other adults. I know this particular girl's parents and from what I know of them, how I responded to her was the kindest possible way for me to let her know that what she was doing was unaccaptable. I can't imagine how bad I'd feel if I'd told her parents and they'd abused her for it. Aside from that, I still feel comfortable asking a child not to use profanity or wear revealing clothing in my home (though happily I haven't had to deal with that yet).

I can appreciate that, but I just wouldn't be comfortable doing that, and if you know what Scots are like, we are very conservative about commenting outside our bubble of safety. Maybe it's more acceptable in America (?). It would be more like we would be telling kids not to associate with that particular child again, or bring them over.

 

[WIcruizer]

I can't even believe there's a serious discussion on this. There have been skanks in HS isnce....well...there's been high schools. In the 50s they were called "fast" later "loose" and on it goes. Skank is an apt depiction of those girls that dress slutty. I understand today's fashion, and we all know some of these girls dress and act slutty, and I have no problem with them being called skanks.

If you don't want to be called a skank, then don't act like one. Maybe if more people were willing to call a spade a spade, there would be more peer pressure to act less skankish.

 

[Cliff Clavin]

Now, I don't know too much about whether or not there were skanks in high school, but I do know that ol' Clliffy Boy never had much of a problem having his share of the women back then. oh no. Way back I used to take the girly girls parking under the bridge not far from the high school. And then we...

That's a discussion for another time.

But it did get me thinking. Thinking about skanks. And then it had me thinking of skanks of a different kind.

Skanking, in simple terms, is a way of dancing to Ska music. A lot of the young folks these days like Ska music. It's got a really great beat, and it allows you to skank around with the best of them.

So the next time your child tells you he or she has been skanking around, give him or her the benefit of the doubt.

Perhaps, instead, he is just dancing to his or her favorite type of music.

My favorite type of music, though, are some nice blues. And nothing goes with the blues more than a nice, tall, glass of my favorite brewski.

Cheers! And happy holidays!

 

[4greatboys]

it allows you to skank around with the best of them.

 

[BelleMcNally]

Now, I don't know too much about whether or not there were skanks in high school, but I do know that ol' Clliffy Boy never had much of a problem having his share of the women back then. oh no. Way back I used to take the girly girls parking under the bridge not far from the high school. And then we...

That's a discussion for another time.

But it did get me thinking. Thinking about skanks. And then it had me thinking of skanks of a different kind.

Skanking, in simple terms, is a way of dancing to Ska music. A lot of the young folks these days like Ska music. It's got a really great beat, and it allows you to skank around with the best of them.

So the next time your child tells you he or she has been skanking around, give him or her the benefit of the doubt.

Perhaps, instead, he is just dancing to his or her favorite type of music.

My favorite type of music, though, are some nice blues. And nothing goes with the blues more than a nice, tall, glass of my favorite brewski.

Cheers! And happy holidays!

This might be the best post I've ever read!

 

[Disney Doll]

If you don't want to be called a skank, then don't act like one. Maybe if more people were willing to call a spade a spade, there would be more peer pressure to act less skankish.

I have to agree wholeheartedly with this statement. Of course, this is going to get us into the "don't judge a book by its cover" debate, but the fact remains that your appearance colors peoples' perception of you. Right or wrong, fair or unfair, it's the reality. If you dress liek a skank, people will thnk you're a skannk. You could be the nicest girl in the world, and people will still think you're a skank. Same goes for guys.

To get back to the OP's original question....I have no children, but have 2 nephews & 1 niece to whom I ma very close. They are in college now, but their parents always made a habit of welcoming all the kids' friends into their home. As my DSIL used to say "when they're here, I know where they are, what they are doing and with whom". Very wise....

Their friends' parents wouldn't be so welcoming..."it's too expensive to keep feeding all these kids snacks & soda" was a big excuse line, or "they're too noisy". My reply...hiring a lawyer is a lot more expensive than some snacks and soda, and if they're dead from being in a car accident, then they'll be real quiet.

 

[PixieDust32]

.................................

 

[lookingforward]

Interesting thread, hopped on since I have two teenage boys and a sweet little six year old daughter. Now that I have a little girl I do notice how many inappropriate clothes are out there, even for her age. Kind of scary.

I agree with the OP about being comforted when her boys are inside playing games. I feel exactly the same way! My kids are very active and would rather be out in the yard or at a friends playing football, etc. But they also love a good video game or time on the computer. I loved the Bill Gates comment, although when I moan and complain about my 15 year old's C grade he always reminds me that Bill Gates dropped out of college and "gee, mom, look at how well he did". I decided a long time ago to be the type of mom who always welcomed my kids friends into the house, provided them with food, and was actually nice to them. That way I can keep tabs on exactly who they are hanging out with and also get a feel for their personality. Knowledge is power! I also am a big fan of the cell phone. Verizon LOVES me..we have four phones, but it allows me to let go a little bit (did I say I am a control freak) give them a sense of independence, but allow them to check in with me.

Now, for the skank comment (I can't resist)...I personally don't like that comment. I know some of you will get mad at me for this but here goes...I work pretty much exclusively with domestic violence victims (90% of them women) in a police department. Many, if not all, are the victims of degrading behavior and comments. When we label women (or men) it tends to have a negative effect. Even if they don't hear you say the word they feel the disapproval. A young teenage girl who dresses inappropriately is doing so to seek out attention, for whatever reason. She is not trying to ruin a boy, she is trying to gain his attention. The teenage boys are not innocent either, they pay more attention (even if it is negative) to the girls who "let it all hang out". The media (music videos, Brittney Spears, Jessica Simpson, etc) dress that way too, and everyone seems to think that is okay. Society has mixed messages and for a girl of 15 it may be hard to understand why its okay for rap stars and rock stars to wear it and not them. When my son's friends dress inappropriately I try and comment on something about them that does not involve the "outfit". Like "you have such beautiful hair" or "what an amazing tennis player!" Girls in todays world NEED more self confidence because the media portrays them in such a superficial light. I would cry if my son described a girl as a skank or any other derogatory comment. We can have values without blaming or pointing out others.

Thanks for "listening". I will get off my soap box now.

 

[Marseeya]

Now, for the skank comment (I can't resist)...I personally don't like that comment. I know some of you will get mad at me for this but here goes...I work pretty much exclusively with domestic violence victims (90% of them women) in a police department. Many, if not all, are the victims of degrading behavior and comments. When we label women (or men) it tends to have a negative effect. Even if they don't hear you say the word they feel the disapproval. A young teenage girl who dresses inappropriately is doing so to seek out attention, for whatever reason. She is not trying to ruin a boy, she is trying to gain his attention. The teenage boys are not innocent either, they pay more attention (even if it is negative) to the girls who "let it all hang out". The media (music videos, Brittney Spears, Jessica Simpson, etc) dress that way too, and everyone seems to think that is okay. Society has mixed messages and for a girl of 15 it may be hard to understand why its okay for rap stars and rock stars to wear it and not them. When my son's friends dress inappropriately I try and comment on something about them that does not involve the "outfit". Like "you have such beautiful hair" or "what an amazing tennis player!" Girls in todays world NEED more self confidence because the media portrays them in such a superficial light. I would cry if my son described a girl as a skank or any other derogatory comment. We can have values without blaming or pointing out others.

It's too bad more people don't have your wonderful and kind attitude. This world is cruel enough without women having to degrade one another and tear one another down all the time. It's such a shame, but one negative remark can undo all the helpful and kind remarks out there.

Someone already said it on here and it's worth saying again (plus I think someone has this in their sig and it always makes me smile), although I'm sure I'm not getting it right: name calling and insults speak more of the character of the one doing the insulting than it does of the one being insulted.