Her Cheating Heart - Advice Needed!

[Jcricket Fan]

She is not a friend she is a user.

What do you think she will say to keep you around...."Well yes I am cheating on my future husband and don't plan on stopping and I won't be telling him I am sleeping with someone else and gee there is that whole STD issue which I am ignoring....I really like having my cake and eating it too it really is great to be a user and I do hope you will support me in this or gee you must not be a really good friend because I sure know what it means to be an up standing person"

I'm thinking that isn't anything she will be saying. It makes much more sense to make you be the bad guy. Don't take it on.

 

[gemmie214]

How right you are.

It just breaks my heart to lose a friend.
I feel like I'm being selfish or that I am in the wrong.
"I should just be like her other friend - always there and trying to help and accepting of what she is or does because thats what good friends do" she says.

You have a right to surround yourself with people that have the same moral and values that you do. Nothing selfish or wrong about that.

As people grow they can drift apart, it is sad but it happens. Just ask yourself - "What am I giving to this relationship? What do I get from this relationship?"

 

[chris1gill]

Personally? I'd tell the fiance & let him be the decider in this.... it's not up to you to change your friends mind, but somebody should at least make the "fiance" aware that he isn't the only love of her life.....

 

[miss missy]

Should I just chalk this up to a friend lost? - ExBestFriend YEP!!

I was there but my friend was married and having a to do with a married man. I told her I would not be part of it (she tried to have the affair in my presence since theat guy was a friend too). I wasn't going to watch what she was doing to all those children, they each had 5 kids and they were all getting hurt by it. I took her and her 5 kids in when she was deciding on whether she was going to stay married and I was not going to watch her have an affair- help her have an affair. Anyhow, it was a hard thing to do, but I had to tell them both (one was a Pastor!) That what they were doing was wrong and please wait until you are both divorced. I couldn't be part of it.

She never spoke to me again. End of story. After taking her and her kids in and all that, it was probably the most pain I ever felt that she just walked away. Thank god time heals and I learned so good lessons in all that!

He didn't stop with her after my talk, but he didn't stop being my friend either. This was 3 years ago, and just the other day, I ran into him (we are not close close) and he took me aside and told me "thank you for saying that to me back then, I know you were bing a true friend and I had my head so far up my $## that I didn't see it then, but I do now, thank you!"

Anyway. You friend is not cool for asking you help her get married and stand by while she has an affair and intends on continuing! I would tell her the TRUTH and let what comes come. She is not being honest with her bf either, how sad is that!! A marriage that has failed before it even starts.

No way would I be part of that drama, no way!

Can someone tell the poor guy what is going on behind his back?

 

[va32h]

Honestly? Your friend sounds like a skank.

Would you be this wracked with guilt if she was an embezzler, or a con artist, or a car thief? She's doing something you find morally inacceptable and there is nothing wrong with not wanting to associate with her. If she doesn't like it - well who cares what she thinks? She thinks it's okay to sleep with guys in exchange for expensive gifts, is her opinion worth anything?

 

[mickeyfan2]

If a condition of you being her friend is having to accept her cheating, then yes, I would lose her as a friend yesterday.

Sorry

And I would find a way for guyA to find out about guyB before he gets married.

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't think you have a friend there. I think you have an acquaintance with very little integrity who is using your history of friendship to manipulate you.

What she is doing is wrong. And a "friend" does not support wrong in the name of "friendship".

You have, my dear, lost a friend. You must grieve it like a death, because, in essence, it is. But you need to do what you know you need to do in order to be able to look at yourself in the mirror. You must live with yourself. How would you feel if you were engaged and later found out that your fiancee had been doing this to you and people knew and no one told you??

If you don't think her fiancee will listen to you, then send an anonymous letter. I had a friend whose husband had cheated on her. He told her that the affair was over, they were going to counselling, she thought things were getting so much better and then I saw her DH with the woman he had supposedly "broken up" with. I knew that she would not believe me, because she did not want to believe me. She wanted to believe that their difficulties were a fluke and they were "fixing" things. So I sent a letter written anonymously, as if it came from a co-worker of her husband's (his paramour was a co-worker). In it was enough info to get her questioning and start her snooping, which she did, and she soon found out he was still cheating despite his assertions that he wasn't and despite the fact that they were going to marriage counselling to "fix" everything.

And you know what? Maybe I overstepped, maybe I should have minded my own business, maybe I should or shouldn't have done a lot of things, but the bottom line is that I did for her what I would have wanted someone to do for me...let me know that the person I loved and supposedly loved me was a liar and a cheat.

You know the right things to do. Don't let this skank manipulate you.

 

[lil mermaid]

Add me to list of those who say lose her. She is not a friend if she is putting you in this situation.

I could never participate in the wedding of someone who was doing something like that. I would feel like such a hypocrite.

 

[ButchJohnson]

Find a way to "accidently" let them both know about each other.

 

[shortbun]

This may seem irrelevant but, does your dh know. I think my dh would really be irritated that I was helping someone who I knew was cheating plan their wedding. He would probably wonder why I was contributing to something like this if I really thought of marriage as a sacred vow. I know that I would be very disappointed in my dh if he was helping a friend cheat on his wife.

Yeah, my husband and I don't associate with people who cheat on their mates. It's one of the things we agreed on before we got married. Your "friend" is very confused. I would refuse to be in her wedding. Let her explain THAT to her family and fiance. You could end up a witness for the other side in the divorce proceedings. Step out.

 

[Freyja]

Wow, tough one. Just wanted to wish you good luck.

 

[Fairy Dust]

I personally would not get involved in her affairs at all. I wouldn't want a friend like that as they are not my values. Best of luck whatever you decide.

 

[Liberty Belle]

She's the bad friend, not you. I think you need to dump her and tell her fiance what's going on. My feelings are, if he is also your friend, you owe it to him.

 

[horseshowmom]

I agree that she's not worth worrying about. This is NOT a nice person (selfish barely scrapes the surface).

Get out while you still can. At some point this is going to blow up. You don't want to be a party to it when it does.

I tend to agree that the fiancee has a right to know, but I really don't know the best way to do it.

 

[rie'smom]

I absolutely agree=lose her and make sure her fiancee finds out. You said that he's your friend too. If your hubby was cheating,wouldn't you want a true friend to tell you? She is wrong and just so awful to put you in this situation. Anyone who would cheat on their intended and expect you to cover is less than a friend-she's trash.

 

[northcapemaymom]

Run sweetheart, run! This scenario your "friend" is in is a giant grenade and the shrapnel is going to fly everywhere when it goes off. I see nothing but pain and heartbreak coming out of that relationship, and she is definitely NOT ready for a wedding. Having another lover is not the way to start a marriage.

 

[OceanAnnie]

What a manipulator! I'd be MAD. I'd be mad because I thought I had a friend and that I wasted my time helping to plan a wedding that means more to me than to her!

Don't let her problems worry you! You've done all you can for HER. Let the chips fall where they may. She's made her bed(s). The groom-to-be, I agree needs to be told. The sooner the better.

You should do something nice for yourself. Celebrate being rid of a pseudo friend!

 

[crazyforgoofy]

Honestly? Your friend sounds like a skank.

Would you be this wracked with guilt if she was an embezzler, or a con artist, or a car thief? She's doing something you find morally inacceptable and there is nothing wrong with not wanting to associate with her. If she doesn't like it - well who cares what she thinks? She thinks it's okay to sleep with guys in exchange for expensive gifts, is her opinion worth anything?

My thoughts exactly!!!!

I'd drop that girl like a hot rock. What kind of 'friend' puts you in the middle of a crappy mess like she's doing?

 

[Piglet843]

You should do something nice for yourself. Celebrate being rid of a pseudo friend!

I am celebrating this morning. I bought some books on e-bay.
It is a series of books (Christine Feehan dark series).
My ExBestFriend has all of them and was letting me read them one at a time.
(love dark series by the way!!)

Now I have them all too!! For just a mere $70... DH is gonna shoot me...

 

[jfulcer]

I think I need to be a disenting voice here. Everyone is telling you that you should be dropping her like a brick, that she's a skank, etc. But this may be exactly the time that she DOES need a good friend that is willing to stand by her to help her figure out how to resolve her problem.

Yes, I agree she is being quite selfish and is not being fair to her fiancee, so I'd refuse to help with with wedding, but she may need your help to figure out that this is wrong. I can't tell you the number of times that I've told my DD that fighting with her sister is bad. I assume that one of these times she'll get it.

Isn't the appropriate phrase here "A friend in need is a friend indeed" (Amicu certus in re incerta cernitur). I think your friend has a HUGE need. By your own description she's your 'Best Friend' for 5 years. I think that calls for a little bit of 'trying' to help her on your part.