Helping your child (school craft) does not mean doing it for them

[Magpie]

I can't help noticing that all us Dis Parents make our kids do their own work. I wonder which board the over-involved parents hang out on?

 

[golfgal]

and to work on a finger grasp that will help with penmanship later - and she took that practice away from him.



I'm one of those parents too, and it is hard. But we've explained to DS that he should not compare his projects to the ones done by parents, but should simply look at the grade his teacher gives him to know if he has done a good job. She is very good at telling which are done by the kids, and grades very appropriately.


Kids remember when we honestly support their artwork. (I don't mean inflated praise, just support.) In our house, it's "the blue apple" that DS still talks about. We were at a story-time a the library, and there was an apple coloring page. We witnessed a mom arguing with her three-year-old about how he could not color his apple blue, because real apples couldn't be that color. It astonished DS and bugged me so much I used food coloring to serve blue apples for snack that day at home!

Exactly. . My sister is like the mom with the blue apple-but then goes on and on about kids needing to use their creativity. I remember once when her oldest was 2 or 3 and my DH was playing peak-a-boo with her. She was having a great time then my sister walked in and said "you know perfectly well that he just put a blanket over his head and didn't go anywhere" .

When our kids were in elementary school the room mom just coordinated the snacks for parties, etc. but none of the parents stayed for the party itself.

Heaven forbid you have a fruit loop/candy necklace that looks like a 5 year old made it

 

[daughtersrus]

It doesn't get any better as the kids get older.

A friend of mine was telling me about some of the books that the kids in the elementary school were she works submitted for the "young authors" night. It was quite obvious that some of them were not done by the students.

My DD(24yo) was just tell us last night about a parent of one her 8th grade students. The mom sent her an email saying that she was going to sue because her child's progress report said that he was making adequate progress. DD is the case manager but not the classroom teacher. He is mainstreamed in all of his classes. DD looked through all of the data and it showed that he is meeting all of his IEP goals with 98% and above on all of his homework assignments. His test score are also above average. The mom goes on to say that she is doing all of his written homework assignments for him.

 

[Tinkmom75]

I just wish I had the guts to hand her a kit and say "since you like doing this so much her is your own kit." I just couldn't be that snarky face to face. Only here on Dis.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

My question is why were three parents hanging out in a classroom for a kids party????

I love our school district! It is so family oriented. Parents are encouraged to attend parties, field trips and other special days at school. Actually it is almost expected. My oldest DS's teacher last year just assumed I would attend the honor roll assembly, and I had to work that day. If I can't make it we try to get one of the Grandparents to go.

I was at my 3rd graders party yesterday along with at least 10 other parents. It is interesting to see how different parents interact with their kids. My poor kids have to do projects and homework on their own.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I can't help noticing that all us Dis Parents make our kids do their own work. I wonder which board the over-involved parents hang out on?

Good question. Maybe they are too busy doing projects and homework to spend any time online!

 

[rodeo65]

Frustrates me too, because the kids that actually do their own work (like mine) feel bad that their project doesn't look as good. Our kids are one grade apart and most of their projects are done in class - I can only assume for this reason, but there is one big one each year in January that covers both the geometry in their math unit and Medeival Times in their Social Studies unit. They have to build a castle out of recyclables etc. that they have at home and then bring in in and explain which geometrical shapes are used. The assignment says does not need to be painted or decorated in any way.

Last year DS did his completely on his own except for DH helping him figure out a way to make his drawbridge raise and lower. Otherwise it was all taped together and not painted - it looked like an eight year old's project. When I took him in on due date the number of castles that were clearly made from art store kits or dads with a shop in the garage was astonishing. One had a moat with real water and model train set foliage, knights and horses attached. My DS's looked like one of maybe 5 that were kid made.

This year was a little better - DD's class must have less competitive parents because better than half looked kid done. There were still the token craft store kits but much fewer. My spiel to my kids for anything homework is I've been throuogh school and have been graded - your turn. DH and I help with problems but no way will we do it for them. They have a better attitude now that we've discussed it a few times over their work is theirs and they are not so worried about competing with adults.

 

[golfgal]

Frustrates me too, because the kids that actually do their own work (like mine) feel bad that their project doesn't look as good. Our kids are one grade apart and most of their projects are done in class - I can only assume for this reason, but there is one big one each year in January that covers both the geometry in their math unit and Medeival Times in their Social Studies unit. They have to build a castle out of recyclables etc. that they have at home and then bring in in and explain which geometrical shapes are used. The assignment says does not need to be painted or decorated in any way.

Last year DS did his completely on his own except for DH helping him figure out a way to make his drawbridge raise and lower. Otherwise it was all taped together and not painted - it looked like an eight year old's project. When I took him in on due date the number of castles that were clearly made from art store kits or dads with a shop in the garage was astonishing. One had a moat with real water and model train set foliage, knights and horses attached. My DS's looked like one of maybe 5 that were kid made.

This year was a little better - DD's class must have less competitive parents because better than half looked kid done. There were still the token craft store kits but much fewer. My spiel to my kids for anything homework is I've been throuogh school and have been graded - your turn. DH and I help with problems but no way will we do it for them. They have a better attitude now that we've discussed it a few times over their work is theirs and they are not so worried about competing with adults.

Our kids had one teacher that explicitly said that if a project comes in that looks like a parent built it or had given too much help the project got an automatic F.

 

[Schmeck]

It doesn't get any better as the kids get older.

A friend of mine was telling me about some of the books that the kids in the elementary school were she works submitted for the "young authors" night. It was quite obvious that some of them were not done by the students.

My DD(24yo) was just tell us last night about a parent of one her 8th grade students. The mom sent her an email saying that she was going to sue because her child's progress report said that he was making adequate progress. DD is the case manager but not the classroom teacher. He is mainstreamed in all of his classes. DD looked through all of the data and it showed that he is meeting all of his IEP goals with 98% and above on all of his homework assignments. His test score are also above average. The mom goes on to say that she is doing all of his written homework assignments for him.

Your daughter really shouldn't be sharing this info with you, or anyone else not involved in this student's IEP. She could get sued for violating the student's right to privacy (FERPA)

 

[bumbershoot]

I can't help noticing that all us Dis Parents make our kids do their own work. I wonder which board the over-involved parents hang out on?

Here, I'll confess. We homeschool, and the other day DS got to make a diorama of his room. Which is interesting, since my husband never made one, I haven't made one since I was around 9, and the only examples I could find online were either done by teenage girls OR by adults for art projects or war-related projects. So I coudln't even show him one that was age-appropriate so it didn't suck out his creativity b/c he could never make one like that.


I did show him ideas (since I could find none online I had to make little things for him to see...I'm not very artistic so it was sort of like a kid had made it LOL), suggested ideas, etc, and had to force myself to step back and let him do it on his own, LOL. So I could have gotten a little too involved in the diorama, and I did do things like put the glue in certain spots so he could know how to do it *for the future* (explaining the whole time, and handing the glue back when he let me know that understood and that he could do it).

While working on it, he said he'd like to do a Lord of the Rings diorama next, and he can do that all on his own.

Whew, confessing that I almost got too involved felt good.



Related note...what's almost worse than parents doing projects and not letting kids be involved...is when you're a kid whose parents *don't believe that other parents are doing them*, and compare your project to the ones adults have made. That's the family DH grew up in and it left some emotional scars!

 

[jiminyC_fan]

Last year my webelo 2 co leader and I were trying to make the boys more responsible for their pinewood derby cars. We had three boys who did not attend the meetings where they boys worked on their cars. Guess which three dads, I mean boys, won the three speed awards. I so wanted to give the trophies to the dads instead of the boys and congratulate them on beating a group of ten and eleven year olds.

That's truly sad that the boys lost out to adults!

 

[Handbag Lady]

Last year my webelo 2 co leader and I were trying to make the boys more responsible for their pinewood derby cars. We had three boys who did not attend the meetings where they boys worked on their cars. Guess which three dads, I mean boys, won the three speed awards. I so wanted to give the trophies to the dads instead of the boys and congratulate them on beating a group of ten and eleven year olds.

You SHOULD have!!! My husband turns 50 this year. He still has his Pinewood Derby car that he made with his dad. He remembers exactly where he messed up the paint and exactly where his dad placed the cuts because his mother refused to let him handle the saw.

Thos kids are not going to have that memory of making their own cars.

 

[horseshowmom]

I am a teacher, and I have my students complete all projects in class. I remember one year (while I was a teachers aide), a student came in with a lovely science project. The teacher asked the student to read the poster. Student couldn't read most of the words! It turns out that Mom was a doctor and she completed the poster. The teacher I worked for made the student complete a new project during the school day.

This is why I hate reading and science fair projects. I realize that they can be good experiences, but it's ridiculous how much work is done by the parents. Interestingly enough, one of the judges that we had at our reading fair this year (I didn't select her) made comments about it looking like parents did most of the work. Even more interestingly, she was known to have "helped" her own children with their projects (excessively so) - her kids went to a different school in our district.

It is quite common and encouraged for parents to help with and attend class parties in our school district. There were more than 3 parents there. This Mom just stood out. She really wasn't even paying attention to her son at all. Just talking and putting the necklace together. I set out the stuff, but did not do the projects for the kids. I am very against doing my kids projects other than supervising and answering questions when asked.

My DS12 got graded down on his project in 5th grade because it wasn't up to par with the projects where parents obviously did the work. I saw those projects at conferences. I lost some respect for that teacher. I didn't argue though, I just stated that he did it all on his own. I told my DS if he had a problem with the grade then he needed to talk with the teacher.

Very much unacceptable.

Our kids had one teacher that explicitly said that if a project comes in that looks like a parent built it or had given too much help the project got an automatic F.

The only problem with that is that if you have a student who is very talented it can be difficult to tell sometimes. When I was in the classroom, I only took grades from things that were completed totally in my classroom. It wasn't this way when I first started teaching, but things have changed over the last 25 years.

 

[golfgal]

This is why I hate reading and science fair projects. I realize that they can be good experiences, but it's ridiculous how much work is done by the parents. Interestingly enough, one of the judges that we had at our reading fair this year (I didn't select her) made comments about it looking like parents did most of the work. Even more interestingly, she was known to have "helped" her own children with their projects (excessively so) - her kids went to a different school in our district.




Very much unacceptable.




The only problem with that is that if you have a student who is very talented it can be difficult to tell sometimes. When I was in the classroom, I only took grades from things that were completed totally in my classroom. It wasn't this way when I first started teaching, but things have changed over the last 25 years.

Unless this is the first art project is it really that hard to tell if a 2nd grader made a castle vs their parents--I don't think so. Sure there are some talented kids but generally you have a sense of that going into the project and can use some discretion with the policy.

 

[2Kds2K9]

When DS was in 2nd grade, he had to make a bee hive out of clay as a project. DS helped me make the homemade clay, then he proceeded to make his own bee hive. A week later I was volulnteering at school and noticed that the bee hives were in a display case. To my amazement, my DS's and about 5 others, that were obviously made by kids and were on the sloppy side, were not. I just looked at the teacher and commented how lucky she was to have a class full of talented PARENTS. The majority of the bee hives were obviously not made by kids. The next day ALL the bee hives were in the case.

She got the point!

 

[horseshowmom]

Unless this is the first art project is it really that hard to tell if a 2nd grader made a castle vs their parents--I don't think so. Sure there are some talented kids but generally you have a sense of that going into the project and can use some discretion with the policy.

You have a point. Almost all of my classroom experience was with Jr. High and High School students, so I tend to think along those lines. Lower elementary is different.

 

[Leajess99]

Today at my 5yo Valentine's party I was given the task of helping the kids make candy necklaces out of fruitloops and gummy life savers. I went through two groups of kids about 5 in each group. I gave each kid their kit which included 5 gummy lifesavers, fruitloops and a piece of yarn. I told the kids what to do and if they had a problem helped. They all did fine. When they were finished I tied the necklace for them. When the third group came along so did two Moms. Mom A and B. The whole time they were in the center Mom A and B were talking (not the issue). Mom A proceeds to whip right along putting 3/4 of the necklace together for her son. Her son is complete way before everyone else and then bored. I just wonder, why couldn't she let her son do the activity that was for him. He wasn't having issues with it. All the other kids did great. They may not have had perfect necklaces, but the point is not having perfect necklaces. The point was to do a fun activity.

I know a mom who does this as well for her son. Thinks he can't do it on his own. It drives me nuts because she does not even give him a chance. I prefer to see what my child can do and IF she needs help than I will help her but not totally do it for her.

 

[Lloyd Gondolli]

I also think that supplies used for projects should be creative - not just mommy or daddy paying a bundle at AC Moore. Let kids use their imaginations!

 

[marcyinPA]

I'm a preschool teacher....I am not a fan of "product" art. You know, the cut and paste stuff, where every child's artwork looks very much the same. I am a fan of "process" art. You give the children the supplies, and they create. You may not know what it is when they are finished, but that's ok.

Yes, there are times that I do more of a "product" project, like when we made Valentine crowns. The children glued hearts onto white paper bands. But even then, I let them glue them. Some hearts were upside down, many put all their hearts on top of each other....I didn't fix them. The mom in the OP's post probably wanted her son's project to be perfect. UGH.

For the most part, though...I really detest those kind of projects. They really show no creativity.

 

[LilyWDW]

The bad thing is... the parents won't stop. So you end up with kids in High School and even College that can't do anything for themselves.

And I am not talking just about academics like writing papers or keeping track of assignments... but also everyday stuff like laundry and cooking. I'm now a grad student, but had to take an undergrad class last semester (to make up a missing credit) and it was a real eye opener.