Helping an introverted daughter apply for a job

[Mom-to-3]

I'm extroverted. Really. I talk to people in line at WDW, the grocery store, etc.

I'm married to an introvert and our daughter (age 16) is extremely shy and reluctant to talk to people. It puzzles me because she has seen me and the techniques I use with people all her life. I've tried for years to help her be more outgoing. I'll even give her topic suggestions ahead of time.

She loves shopping and every store in the mall is hiring for seasonal help. She knows she needs some job-type experience for her college resume (why they have college resumes is another thread for another day). She would also like the store discount.

She is scared to death about the application process. I'm out of helpful hints. Any DISer help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[CheshireVal]

I'm not sure how exactly you can help her.

She's just going to have to suck it up and go ask for applications! She doesn't need to be real chatty until it's time for the interview.... and everyone is scared of interviews!

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

All I can say is that she may grow out of it. I was the shyest person on earth growing up, but now I consider myself pretty outgoing. I didn't break out of my shell until I was about 19 or 20.

I think her working at the mall would be a good experience and help open her up. It's really not difficult to ask for an application. Tell her that if it helps, write down what she wants to say ahead of time. I used to do that for phone calls. In fact, I still do sometimes. Only have her memorize what she wrote down. It might look silly if she pulls an index card out of her pocket.

 

[missypie]

The best thing you-or any parent-can do is to do practice interviews with her. Tell her the kind of questions they might ask and practice some answers.

When I was a senior in high school, I was invited to the university I was going to attend for a scholarship "contest". They gave a bunch of us a test, and had faculty in our majors interview us. I had really never been interviewed. I did a horrible job. I was unprepared for the most fundamental questions. My parents would have really helped me (and maybe saved themselves some $$$) had they prepared me for the interview.

 

[rascalmom]

I have an introverted daughter too. When she has a new situation coming up, it really helps her to role play a bit. I tried it with her a couple of times, now she will actually ask me to do this with her.

Funny thing - this same kid has no problem auditioning for plays & singing in front of others. It's the one-on-one stuff that bugs her!

 

[ahutton]

I would suggest she pick a store that she has lots of clothes from, put on an outfit that has that store's look and go in there and ask for the application. Then if/when she is called for an interview she should do the same thing, make sure she is clean and presentable, then go in looking like that store "looks" which will tell the manager she will be able to sell what they have. You might prepare her for the types of questions she'll be asked (what makes a good shopping experience, what makes people want to come to our store, how would you handle... and give some scenarios) and have her practice with you or a friend. Then she can go in a bit ready, she'll look great and they'll hire her. The other plus being she'll get discounts on what is her favorite stuff. I worked at GAP in college, it was a great experience!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Whatever you do, don't do it for her. Sounds obvious, but when my DD was working at Starbucks this summer she had a mom and DD come in and the mom asked for an application for the daugher and the mom did all the talking. It's one thing for the mom to be there for emotional support (not at the interview, though), but if the DD can't even ask for an application she is not ready for a job.

I think that practicing what to say at home is a good idea. BTW, my DD wanted to apply a year earlier for Starbucks, but wouldn't take the initiative on her own, so she didn't. She regretted that when she did eventually apply and get hired.

 

[Maleficent13]

Really, I'm not trying to be mean, but if she is having this much trouble gearing up for an interview, is she going to be able to handle the customer interaction at a retail store? A job that by definition mainly requires you to verbally sell the product? Especially during the holidays, when your basic customer base is rushed, flustered, and sometimes just plain mean?

 

[LadyyRedd]

Whatever you do, don't do it for her. Sounds obvious, but when my DD was working at Starbucks this summer she had a mom and DD come in and the mom asked for an application for the daugher and the mom did all the talking. It's one thing for the mom to be there for emotional support (not at the interview, though), but if the DD can't even ask for an application she is not ready for a job.

I couldn't agree with this more!!! I have had 2 jobs where I was part of the management team that handed out apps, talked to the potentials, etc. There is not one thing that screams "Don't hire me" more than having a parent do it for you. Go with her, but stand back. Have her ask for the application, have her fill it out herself, and for the love of pete, when I ask her questions about her skills, experience and availability, let her tell me herself! Because I can guarantee you that they will NOT be interested in interviewing her if you do any of it for her.

Sorry, off my soapbox now. That's just one of my biggest pet peeves, LOL.

Kimya

 

[minkydog]

Whatever you do, don't do it for her. Sounds obvious, but when my DD was working at Starbucks this summer she had a mom and DD come in and the mom asked for an application for the daugher and the mom did all the talking. It's one thing for the mom to be there for emotional support (not at the interview, though), but if the DD can't even ask for an application she is not ready for a job.

.

I second this. Getting your first job is all part of growing up. One thing we did for our son was help him write a resume. He keeps a copy folded in his wallet so when he applies he has all his info right there at hand. We also practiced answering interview questions. We helped him learn how to dress the part(the prior advice about "dressing like the store" is right on) It amazes me how many kids don't get the basics like ditching the sloppy clothes and getting their hair out of their eyes.

Good luck! This is a great time of year to apply for a job--more likely to get hired, which will surely boost her self-confidence.

 

[NMAmy]

Really, I'm not trying to be mean, but if she is having this much trouble gearing up for an interview, is she going to be able to handle the customer interaction at a retail store? A job that by definition mainly requires you to verbally sell the product? Especially during the holidays, when your basic customer base is rushed, flustered, and sometimes just plain mean?

I don't know, Mal, I was really shy as a teenager, too, I HATED talking to strangers. It made me so uncomfortable and I'd get all tongue tied. Then I got a job at a local convenience store--even though I'd known the owner since I was 5 and I'd babysat for his wife's kids since the age of 12, I was terrified about filling out an application and interviewing. The owner's wife actually bullied me into coming in.

But once I began working there, I was fine--in fact, I became a big customer favorite. It really helped me learn to make small talk with strangers. Plus, you have something to talk about--Can I help you find something, would you like that in another size, we have something similar over here, etc. Now I can talk to anybody about anything--it doesn't bother me at all.

Mom-to-3, it's great that you want to help your dd. I agree with the role-playing. Give her a practice interview at home, asking questions that are usually asked. I interview student employees all the time for my office and I never expect the same kind of confidence and expertise that I expect for other positions. With entry level positions, most employers understand that it may be the applicant's first interview ever.

And this is one of the few times I've ever disagreed with Mal!

 

[Soccer Princess]

Just an FYI, but when I interviewed they had me actually interact with customers and I had to "sell" things, make suggestions, etc. I would also have her practice this beforehand. It also helps knowledgeable about the store she is applying for (layout of the store, product lines..)

First impressions really do count, so make sure she looks dressed for the job when she asks for an application. If she acts friendly and confident she will have a much better chance of being hired. Good luck to her!

 

[Free4Life11]

Why not get a job stocking? I'm sure many of the big box retailers hire holiday help. I would say stay away from cashiering since you'll probably have to deal with the nasty customers. I've worked retail (merchandising specifically) and most of the time we stocked. We did have to help customers, but it wasn't bad. Usually they just asked where things were.

 

[Kermit]

I'm a shy person, too, and applying for my first job completely freaked me out. I found something I enjoyed doing (daycare), and I just forced myself to make the calls and get the applications to get started. I was incredibly nervous about the prospect of doing the interview, but they asked me about kids, and I love kids, so it didn't end up being a big deal. I have a feeling that if she really wants to work in whatever store she applies for, it won't be as hard for her as she thinks it will. The first part, where you have to go up to a complete stranger and ask for an application, is the scariest part. Once they call you in for an interview, it's really easy.

 

[LuvTigger]

I just wanted to add that her demeanor when she picks up an application (depending on what kind of store(s) she is looking at) can make a huge difference too. It's not always fair, but first impressions matter.

My first "adult" job was in retail, and my attitude and demeanor when I picked up the application is probably what got me the interview. The person I got the app. from started chatting with me, as she does with everyone she gives an app. too, and she would "rate" people based on her perception. For me, she added a happy face to my app., as opposed to sad faces. The happy face is what led the manager to call me in for an interview.

Now, I conduct interviews for my office, and if I see someone drop off a resume who doesn't really leave a good impression with our secretary, we probably won't call them.

Good luck! Keep us posted!

 

[nativetxn]

One thing I worked on with my niece was shaking hands. It's very important for women to learn to shake hands properly. I suppose that sounds silly but women tend to offer a limp hand and not make eye contact. See if you can practice with her, that's what I did and she got the job. (It didn't hurt that her uncle was a partner in the firm, either )

 

[Mom-to-3]

Original poster here.

Thank you guys so much! You have given good advice. BTW, I wasn't even planning on going to the mall with her. I'll get her opinion on that.

Here one crazy fact I forgot to add:

She's in the advanced mixed choir at school and sings and dances on stage. And has even sung a solo.

 

[bananiem]

Here one crazy fact I forgot to add:

She's in the advanced mixed choir at school and sings and dances on stage. And has even sung a solo.

I can understand this. I HATED flute solos. But I was more than happy to do duets, trios, concert band. I think it had something to do with the focus being all on you vs. part of the focus being on someone else.
My sister was the introverted one in our family, yet she did pageants and sang for her talent and walked in front of everybody in a swimsuit. She said on stage she could be somebody else.

 

[minkydog]

Here one crazy fact I forgot to add:

She's in the advanced mixed choir at school and sings and dances on stage. And has even sung a solo.

I believe you. My DS19, the theater geek, could hardly put himself forward to ask for a job, but you should see him all tricked out for his show. He's got a leading part in a local community theater production and he's hilarious. just don't ask him to make small talk afterwards.