Helping a relative you do not have a close relationship with?

[luvmarypoppins]

I wont go into all the details but dh has a cousin. single mom, who lives 2/3 way across the country. She has also called his other cousin Scott in the next state. Another cousin Maggie refuses to have anything to do with her either. My dh hasent seen her in over 20 years. We send christmas cards and didnt hear from her this year. I do know she was a nurse, gave that up and went to work at walmart, is now self employed and not doing well financially. Has 2 minor children at home. She told dh not to call her dad (dh uncle). We also asked dh other cousin, Scott, and he agreed with us that we think she is having some sort of mental and financial crisis. We do know that dh dad sent her money in the past because I found lots of thank you notes when we cleaned the house out after he passed away. She didnt exactly ask us for money but she did curse my dh out and insult him on the phone. Some of her other phone calls she was crying to dh. Scott said it seemed like she was on some type of medication when she talked to him. She feels she is entitled to some of the family inheritance since dh and his cousin Scott and Maggies dads both died. We are still working on the inheritance issues and told the cousin we both have our own lawyers and they agreed the wills of the familys specifically excluded this girls dad from getting anything. We think years ago her dad sold his future inheritance for a financial payment back then. She thinks we have money and we told her its all tied up in this property which none of the 3 cousins entitled to it have tried to sell yet. She is saying she will sue all of us etc. My poor dh is afraid every time the phone rings. I told him just call his uncle and tell him whats going on because I fear for these 2 minor kids in the house. The kids dad is out of the picture and I know she doesnt have a support system to help her. I feel like she is threatening us and this weekend Dh and Scott are getting together and talking about what to do. This whole situtation is perplexing to me. Anyone else have anything like this to share.

 

[DawnCt1]

My feeling is; no matter what you do, she can't like you any less. It doesn't sound like handing her money in the past has done a bit of good, so I would certainly call her father. There are two minor children involved and there may indeed be some safety/competency issues. I find it interesting that someone who is having such financial problems would go to work at Walmart or stay in "her own business" when she could at least make decent money in nursing. That leads me to suspect that there may be drug, alcohol or mental health issues that lead to the revocation of her nursing license. In either case, concern needs to be directed to the children via their grandfather.