Help with school note/advice

[smiths02]

What is the parent supposed to do?

If my (theoretical) 16 year old doesn't want to go to school, how am I supposed to make them? Do I call the police to come to my house, and drag my kid off to school for me? (I genuinely am wondering - what DO parents in states where they could go to court if their kid skips school do?)

I can't see how using the courts to punish families for attendance problems accomplishes anything useful. The system we've got here seems to work just fine without anyone trying to "wake up" parents and/or their kids by bludgeoning them with the law.

I skipped my morning math class through most of Grade 5. My mother was a single parent, working her butt off to provide for me. I was seeing a psychiatrist at the local hospital (free - yay, Canada!). My mum was doing everything she could possibly do, to make sure I got a good education. Is it reasonable to haul her into court, take away custody of me, possibly cause her to lose her job or bankrupt her with lawyers fees? I'm awfully glad none of that happened!

In many (if not most) places in the United States, 16 year olds can drop out (with parent permission), so the child can be withdrawn. Here, homeschool or online school would be options as well. If the child is younger, this could be an opportunity for the parent to get help from social services to get the child to school.

I get what you are saying, but never educating your child is neglectful and should put authorities on the alert. (and if there are true medical reasons, there are hospital/homebound services, online schools, etc) Someone should be looking out for a kid who is missing tons and tons of school, no not 3 days for a Disneyworld trip, but seriously missing.

 

[littlejimmy]

gee, this topic has gone round and round. could someone please scupperize all the subjects, and what we learned. also, if they could separate it into united states vs. Canada, that would be helpful too. thanks in advance.

 

[CarolAnn856]

Don't forget Jewish Holidays start at Sundown. So Yom Kippur would start at sundown Monday and last through Tuesday Sundown.

Actually, it starts at sundown on Tuesday and ends at sundown on Wednesday, which is why school is closed on Wednesday.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I also wanted to point out that we do block scheduling in HS here. Not only that, but my middle-schooler is currently taking 2 HS courses, math and science, that by default are block scheduled courses. That means she has an entire year's worth of HS science in a semester--the other semester is compacted 8th grade science. Obviously, she's also a smart kid who cares about her grades, and is already thinking about her college choices. Missing a few days of school for a vacation would make her anxious--it's doubtful she'd even want to, or be able to enjoy herself if I did suggest such a thing. But, I also recognize that she's not typical--some kids might jump at the chance of the vacation, and get right back into the school groove afterwards. But, it assumes that they're good students but not honors track, no AP classes, and no extracurriculars that require daily attendance.

You shouldn't assume a child who would jump at the chance for vacation and get right back on track isn't an honors student or has no AP classes. My oldest child is an honors student and AP student, and he has no problem making up missed work. My youngest child is an average student and has a lot harder time catching up, but he does get it done. We have taken them out for vacations several times from K through 10th grade. They will miss days for vacation again this year. They are in 9th and 11th now.

Our school district allows family vacations as excused absences. In fact they are exempt from the maximum number of allowed absences per semester. If our school didn't allow it, then we'd figure something else out. I find it sad that there are schools that would punish a child by not allowing them to make up work missed for vacation. It's basically punishing the child for the parents choice. There are some parents who just wouldn't care.

 

[sam_gordon]

Actually, it starts at sundown on Tuesday and ends at sundown on Wednesday, which is why school is closed on Wednesday.

My apologies.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Check the student handbook for the policy on absences. If vacations are not allowed (they aren't in my district) writing a note might not be a good idea. Calling them in sick might be better.

 

[jevs]

gee, this topic has gone round and round. could someone please scupperize all the subjects, and what we learned. also, if they could separate it into united states vs. Canada, that would be helpful too. thanks in advance.

You want school policy from Down Under as well

OP, inform the teachers, don't expect any make up work, and have a great trip!

 

[diznygirl]

gee, this topic has gone round and round. could someone please scupperize all the subjects, and what we learned. also, if they could separate it into united states vs. Canada, that would be helpful too. thanks in advance.

- taking your child out for vacation is allowed here
- it's not allowed here
- it should never be allowed
- we never ever would think about doing it
- whatevs, do what you want


And I didn't read all seven pages.

 

[tvguy]

You need to talk to the school to see what their policy is. It seems to vary wildly from district so no way any of us who are not in your district can answer.

 

[Magpie]

How could you know that unless you have participated in this type of proceeding?

I'm basing my statement on what the previous poster said, "They don't look at the absences a kid already has before deciding on a punishment. Most schools have a discipline ladder. Where she is on the ladder determines the punishment, not her grades or how many days she has previously missed."

In other words, it appears to be automatic and impersonal. And there's no discretion for individual school administrators.

 

[Magpie]

If its a simple illness like a stomach bug, I can call my kids' doctor, tell them what's going on and they'll have a note ready for me to pick up without an actual exam. It costs me nothing.

I'd think it would be a hassle to have to go out and get the note, but I'm glad you find it easy.

I also find it interesting that your word as a parent is good enough for your doctor, but not good enough for your school.

 

[Magpie]

Find out why her child cannot stay out of trouble. Find out why her child is not going to school. Get her kid some counseling if she needs to. Back the school up with some at home punishment. You know- - parent.

My brother was one of those kids who just wouldn't go to school. He ended up in Saturday school for the remainder of the year and then summer school--agreement between the court and my parents. My parents took away his driving privileges and his keys. Mom drove him to Saturday school and summer school other than that he went no where. They used their parenting skills. It is a parent's responsibility to make sure their child follows the laws and goes to school.

Could your psychiatrist not write a note? And you are being extreme anyway. I would bet that the school had some idea where you were every morning.

I am glad your system works. Doesn't make ours wrong.

Actually they didn't, and neither did my mum. She sent me out the door on time every morning, and I just headed off elsewhere instead of to school. Had a bit of a deal going with a guy at a convenience store where I would exchange my bus tickets for penny candy and then mosey off to school at my own pace, eating candy and walking slowly.

I've seen the notes that went back and forth. And I'm awfully glad the courts didn't have to get involved, like they did with your brother, even if it turned out well for him in the end. Things turned out well for me, too, even without summer school or Saturday school.

There are obviously many different approaches to successfully parenting a kid who is refusing to go to school. In my neck of the woods, it's considered a primarily psychological issue and treated as such (I googled local resources and came up with about 30 helpful links for "school refusal" in my city). It's not a legal issue, and it's not considered a failure of parenting.

 

[Magpie]

In many (if not most) places in the United States, 16 year olds can drop out (with parent permission), so the child can be withdrawn. Here, homeschool or online school would be options as well. If the child is younger, this could be an opportunity for the parent to get help from social services to get the child to school.

I get what you are saying, but never educating your child is neglectful and should put authorities on the alert. (and if there are true medical reasons, there are hospital/homebound services, online schools, etc) Someone should be looking out for a kid who is missing tons and tons of school, no not 3 days for a Disneyworld trip, but seriously missing.

I actually agree... I was once familiar with a "homeschool family" who very much concerned me, years ago. Kids were all unwashed, shaved heads even on the girls, oddly identical clothing, and largely uncommunicative (they came into the comic book store where I was working regularly). This is a definite failing of our system - kids can fall through the cracks more easily.

On the other hand, I think the laissez-faire approach works well for the majority of families, and I much prefer a system that overlooks a few, versus a system that over-controls many. The vast majority of kids do get educated adequately (our international scores rank up quite well: https://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2010/dec/07/world-education-rankings-maths-science-reading).

... aaaaand this may explain why I tend to score "libertarian" on those "what's your philosophy" quizzes.

 

[LisaR]

I apologize, I misunderstood my friend- he got accepted to Penn State Main! Not U of Penn. Two totally different schools, I agree!!

I was shocked when she told me too, because I thought she said U of Penn...and I thought, how could this possibly be! Glad I clarified with her!

That is a really quick admissions process Penn State must have. Didn't applications just open up on Sept. 1st? The schools with rolling admission around here take six weeks.

Edited to add: I believe you! It takes so long here that I was just surprised how fast other colleges manage to get it done.

 

[CarolAnn856]

That is a really quick admissions process Penn State must have. Didn't applications just open up on Sept. 1st? The schools with rolling admission around here take six weeks.

I know a senior who already got an acceptance, from Pitt, I think. (Could be wrong on the school, but she definitely heard back already.)

 

[LisaR]

I know a senior who already got an acceptance, from Pitt, I think. (Could be wrong on the school, but she definitely heard back already.)

I believe you. I'm guessing they are just slow around here!

 

[CarolAnn856]

I believe you. I'm guessing they are just slow around here!

Sorry - I thought you were questioning the other poster. It is really early! (Now, if only MY senior would FINISH his apps, lol!)

 

[LisaR]

Sorry - I thought you were questioning the other poster. It is really early! (Now, if only MY senior would FINISH his apps, lol!)

I just reread what I posted. It does sound like that. Ugh! I was just so surprised. It seems to take forever here.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Don't forget Jewish Holidays start at Sundown. So Yom Kippur would start at sundown Monday and last through Tuesday Sundown.

Can't forget something I've never known LOL

 

[luvsJack]

Actually they didn't, and neither did my mum. She sent me out the door on time every morning, and I just headed off elsewhere instead of to school. Had a bit of a deal going with a guy at a convenience store where I would exchange my bus tickets for penny candy and then mosey off to school at my own pace, eating candy and walking slowly.

I've seen the notes that went back and forth. And I'm awfully glad the courts didn't have to get involved, like they did with your brother, even if it turned out well for him in the end. Things turned out well for me, too, even without summer school or Saturday school.

There are obviously many different approaches to successfully parenting a kid who is refusing to go to school. In my neck of the woods, it's considered a primarily psychological issue and treated as such (I googled local resources and came up with about 30 helpful links for "school refusal" in my city). It's not a legal issue, and it's not considered a failure of parenting.

Every single kid that skips school has a psychological issue? Over half my graduating class would have been in counseling! ! Talk about clogging a system.

We skipped because we didn't want to be at school. We liked the idea of having a few hours of total freedom.

My brother just simply didn't like getting up in the morning. He would oversleep and then not go in.

Some skip school because its a rebellion against their parent. Some just hate school. A few are actually smart enough that they are bored.

Your kid skipping school is not a failure of parenting. Not taking action and doing something about it could be.