Help with school anxiety...

[whogirl'smom]

My poor DD5 has been throwing up every morning before school for a month. She isn't sick on the weekends or when we were at WDW week before last. She wakes up with a tummy ache and within minutes, she is sick, wanting to stay home. After several talks, and thinking it was being upset about another child in class getting in so much trouble, it seems to be that she just doesn't want to leave mommy.

She spent the night with grandparents this weekend without problems, separates fine at church and went to the Wonderland Tea Party (where no parents are allowed) just fine. Her teacher says she is doing well, she has lots of friends; she is very tenderhearted and the actions of others (good or bad) really seem to affect her. No bullying reported by her or the teacher. I accompanied the class on a field trip last week, and all the kids seems to get along well.

We've tried talking, writing (well, drawing pictures) in an anxiety journal I made her, but the throwing up continues. It only started after school had been in session for about 4 weeks. DD did go to preschool 3 days per week since she was 1 1/2, without any trouble. I am a former social worker and I haven't seen any behavior changes or anything to worry me other than the throwing up.

Has anyone else gone through this in kindergarten and can give me advice? I think I'm going to take her to the doctor this week, but I don't really expect he'll find anything physically wrong, hopefully. Help!

 

[Ali]

I did it myself so I can say that the only thing that helped me was my MOM and school counselor making me go to school every day without commenting on why I was throwing up every day, making me realize that if I was going to throw up every day I would have to make sure I got it done before it was time to leave for school, and it was my teacher making me a special helper to kep me busy with other things when I got there. Of course, the philosophy now is that every child gets a classrom job, so being a special helper isn't so special now. If you know she is worried about a specific child getting in trouble make sure she knows that SHE doesn't get into trouble, that she doesn't need to feel bad about what other kids do, and she is a big kid who can control herself.

JUst stop talking about it, treat her as if she is mature enough to stop doing it, and go on with your routine. You know she is ok, can seperate, and isn't being bullied. She will get the picture soon enough.

I lived through it - but my mom let me stay home for 3 weeks and it was hard for me to fit in to thte class when I finally went back to school so I would keep making her go.

 

[susykt4]

DD6 also had a bad reaction to kindergarten that started at least a month into school. She didn't throw up, but she DID start wetting her pants REGULARLY at school. This drove me absolutely crazy because in two years of preschool she never once wet her pants at school or at home. Weird. Anyway, I first freaked out thinking something may be physically wrong- a UTI or something. That ruled out, I tried punishing her which didn't work AT ALL!!! I finally realized I was giving the matter WAY too much attention and decided to make her carry an extra outfit in her backpack. Her teacher and I agreed- no more trips to the office to change clothes. Just grab the extra outfit out of the backpack and head to the bathroom to change. I matter-of-factly told her of the "plan" her teacher and I had worked out, made sure the bag of extra clothes was in her backpack and told her it was now completely her responsibility and we'd never speak of it again. Amazingly, it worked. She never wet her pants in kindergarten again. So far, nothing similar in first grade, thank goodness.

I definitely agree with previous poster to keep sending her to school. "Possibly" treating the throwing up as something SHE is responsible for and at least pretending to act unconcerned about it will hasten its end. Good luck! I about went crazy thinking about how my daughter was dooming herself to a life of loserdom by being the Class Pantswetter!!!!

 

[java]

There may be more going on in that class than you realize. When my dd went through this- I was told nothing going on by the teacher and Principal.(this was in Pre-K) But it didn't make sense she went from a child that loved school to a child that was asking to stay home- throwing up crying not wanting to go. Well I did a little investigating and it turned out there was a very aggressive bully in her class. He was sitting on her in class and his punishment would be to have to hug her to say sorry during which time he would squeeze her as hard as he could. I guess they didn't think that was my business and chose to keep it a secret putting my child at risk. Handled so poorly that I furiously protested to the school. And have not sent any of my other children there and when asked for a recommendation on a school I NEVER give that one. For the stomach ache to be everyday is something to really take seriously. Now I threw up everyday before school when I was little- nerves. So it might just be nerves- but check out every other possibility before dismissing it to that. Good luck and big hugs to her.

 

[whogirl'smom]

I did forget to say that the child that was getting in so much trouble in her class transferred to another school last week (DD said his mom got really mad at the principal and both kids left. This child was in principal's office several times a week and just didn't seem ready to be in Kindergarten. I don't think he was really mean, just lack of maturity and lack of "home training" for manners.) I am good friends with several moms in the class and lots of other classes and feel secure in her teacher and the accuracy of what goes on in class per: the other kids conversations, too.

This am was much better and she only spit up once, but didn't seem upset about it. I have been trying to downplay it and never let her stay home from school except for the first day, b/c I thought she might have a stomach bug. This was disputed when I found her downstairs later in her tap shoes dancing away! She actually seems much better as soon as we're in the car on the way to school, which I think is weird.

I'd love to hear any other stories out there and how your child got over this! Thanks!

 

[wrldpossibility]

My son went through something similar. He actually did fine in K, but when 1st grade started, he because really anxious and homesick. He didn't throw up, but would beg to stay home and cry until the moment he was dropped off. We investigated any possible problems, but neither he or the teacher (whom we knew and trusted) could come up with anything in particular that was wrong. He had lots of friends, and liked school. He was just homesick.

Something that helped was a "smiley face". I drew a picture of a smiley face on an index card and he put it in his pocket every day. Whenever he felt like crying (before school or during), he'd pull it out and look at it, and it would remind him to smile. It became a bit of a security object, and we wore out many copies over the school year, but it worked. By the end of the year, he's sometimes forget it at home and never realize. A few times, he reported that one child in class laughed at him (when he was looking at it), but we taught him to matter-of-factly explain that it's just something he needs, like another child's medication, etc., and to ignore it. The kid lost interest in laughing soon enough.

Hope that helps. He's in 2nd grade now and never needs anything like it.

 

[Deesknee]

My nephew went thru this. It sounds exactly the same. One day he refused to get off the bus, he threw up on the bus when they tried to make him get off. I hate to say this, but it was his teacher. When he refused to get off the bus the bus driver called my DSIL at home. DSIL went down to get him off the bus and calm him down only to find out his teacher had found out the bus driver had called DSIL (after notifying the principal),yelled at the bus driver, took my nephew by the hand and dragged him off the bus, saying this is getting ridiculous, don't bother his parents with this again! DSIL talked to the principal. I'm not sure exactly how it was handled, but I know my nephew is a much happier person this year without that teacher in his life. He loves school, is getting involved in sports. He is so much happier now, it's like a different kid.
I am so sorry to hear you and your DD are going thru this. I hope all is well soon.