Help with my In-Laws - they just invited themselves to go with us

[prestonsmomma]

Don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws..............................but it's our family vacation. My FIL doesn't like crowds and has already RUINED one Disney trip for me. I was talking to my MIL on the phone a while ago and mentioned that we were planning another Disney trip for next Christmas. She said "Oh good then, we will just go WITH YOU." How do I tell them nicely that I don't want them going with us?? I don't want to be rude but to me, it was rude of her to invite herself.

 

[goodeats]

Did you mean at Christmas (i.e. you'll be there December 25th)? I would have a hard time telling my parents "no, you can't spend christmas with your grandchildren."

But if you meant sometime in December, by all means just tell your MIL that you want this to be a immediate family trip only. You can't please everybody all the time, and best to speak up for fear of ruining the trip. Maybe you should have your DH say something.

 

[tink2]

I kinda just went through this with my parents. We have gone to WDW with my family 3 times and they went with us (without my brother's family) last year. We are planning a trip next Dec. and want it to just be me, my DH, and two kids. I told my mom that we just wanted to go by ourselves this trip- to experience WDW as our own family. She is disappointed b/c she enjoys watching the kids enjoy the characters and WDW, but I told her that we want our kids to have a family trip with just our little family. I told her that while we want our kids to remember vacations with the whole family, I also want them to remember vacations with just us. Soon after, we began planning a big family beach trip for this summer- so that helped.
Just be honest. They should understand. You need time with your family to bond and enjoy each other without anyone else sometimes and they should understand that. Good luck!!!

 

[TammyJ]

Wow! I love my kids' grandparents and we don't live near enough to see them all that often. But I would be furious if they invited themselves along on our family vacation. I am lucky that for the most part my parents and DH's parents understand that sometime "family" means just nuclear family. I'm not sure the best way to "uninvite" them except to say it would be best if your DH did it. Something along the lines of "We love you and being with you, etc... but this is going to be a time for just us and the kids."

My DH will be returning from deployment in February. My in-laws are itching to see him but they were so kind and actually told us that this would be important time for our family to be together, just us. They will come up a short time later. So very thoughtful.

 

[SylviaL]

I would definitely have your DH handle it. Depending on how long you are going, maybe your in-laws could just meet you for the weekend. Good luck.

 

[JERSEYGIRLINSI]

I love my inlaws also, but just let them know that you want to make memories for "your family" on this trip. I think direct is always the best way, and right away also. Be sure not to let them get all involved before you drop the bomb. Just my thoughts.

 

[ellyn2000]

I don't know how I would "uninvite" them, but if they insist on going I would make it clear that you have specific plans and they can play along or go off on their own. I've had to do this when we had a large group @WDW because 30 people asking every 5 minutes "what's next?" really got on my nerves! I hope there is a pleasant way to work it out.

 

[wrldpossibility]

I agree with the poster who pointed out that it makes a difference whether you meant actual Christmas or during Dec. sometime. I would have your DH talk to them, especially since FIL gets grouchy about the crowds, but maybe it'll turn out for the best—IF they pay their own way and are helpful with babysitting, etc. Maybe you and DH can get out for an evening or two alone. We're going with my parents next Christmas and I can't wait...but we have small kids and my parents are paying all the airfare. And they will follow our plans. Good luck!

 

[tlbwriter]

I disagree that it makes a difference whether you mean "around Christmas" or "on Christmas day." Either way, you don't have an obligation to spend your vacation, or your holiday, with the in-laws.

I think I would just ignore it and not mention your trip again. If she brings it up, say "Oh, you were *serious* about that? FIL hates crowds so much that I assumed you were joking. Let's plan a different trip we can all do together. You guys *definitely* don't want to go to Disney at Christmas - what a mob!"

 

[kerry34]

I feel your pain on this. I have a very large extended family and vacationing alone isnt something that happens often for me. I have decided that the next time I travel I am not telling anyone until a few days beforehand. My aunt decided to go to Disney the same time we are. It is tough because since she is renting her own rooms it is not like I can say you cant go on vacation. There is no easy way to deal with this IMO. I am the type that doesnt ever want to hurt anyones feelings so I would be in a tough spot if I were in your shoes. I will say one thing though...I dont think I could ever travel with my in-laws! I would need a good amount of Xanax to get through it. Yikes!! Maybe you could just tell her point blank that you were looking forward to having some time alone with the kids and maybe you could plan another trip at some other point in time so she could enjoy them as well.

 

[prestonsmomma]

Oh no we aren't taking their only grandchild (heck my husband is their only child) away on Christmas Day. We are going the first week of December. My husband is putting his foot down.

 

[TammyJ]

Oh no we aren't taking their only grandchild (heck my husband is their only child) away on Christmas Day. We are going the first week of December. My husband is putting his foot down.

Good for you and your family...let us knowhow it goes.

 

[Rapunsel]

in -laws and outlaws???

Outlaws are wanted....

my MIL is to cheap to invite herself. So we don't worry about her. it DH's grandmother who is a problem... If we are going to a state where a relative is she calls them to let them know we will be in town and we are expected to see them. Yes she is 89, but she needs to butt out..
So now we don't even tell her when we are going out of town.

 

[sandiegosusie]

I disagree that it makes a difference whether you mean "around Christmas" or "on Christmas day." Either way, you don't have an obligation to spend your vacation, or your holiday, with the in-laws.

I think I would just ignore it and not mention your trip again. If she brings it up, say "Oh, you were *serious* about that? FIL hates crowds so much that I assumed you were joking. Let's plan a different trip we can all do together. You guys *definitely* don't want to go to Disney at Christmas - what a mob!"

Great answer! Smooth!

 

[seashoreCM]

If you lead, will DS and DH follow you instead of FIL and MIL and will FIL and MIL follow DH?

This includes EMH and ToT.

If the answer is no, then MIL and FIL are not ruining your vacation. DH is.

Disney hints:
http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm

 

[MickeyP]

Too late this time, but in the future, or for others, just say "I've booked a surprise vacation for DH and DS, so we don't plan on us for Christmas."

 

[Jynohn]

Sorry you have to go through this. We're going next month to celebrate DH's return home from deployment and my sister tried to invite herself and her boys on our trip too. I had to just tell her the truth and say, "we would love to have you, but it will need to be another time. This is our time to reconnect as a family." I suggest you just be up-front with your in-laws and tell them you had planned on it just being your family this time around. Hopefully they'll understand, but even if not, you are well within your rights to have a hard-earned family vacation without others joining you if you just want to spend time with your husband and kids.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[poohfriend]

I would die. I'm upset because my MIL invited herself on just to visit us while on a trip to Disney with MY FAMILY (M, D, Brother, SIL, kids). She will be visiting BIL in Orlando at the same time My Family trip is happening.

She just wanted to have dinner, but that's not the point of our trip. We have two days at Disney and I'm supposed to change our plans and take the kids out of the park to see her? I don't think so!!

Still, I would be much more upset if she deicided to come along.

I would consider making plans for your family without them and just ignore her comments. If she does ask, you can reply with that smooth answer above ...

or

You could just tell her you're planning a vacation for you, DH and the kids. IT's important for kids to have time with grandparents, but it's vital they have a sense of family and that you have TIME ALONE with them.

Don't feel bad for not inviting her along. It's not wrong for your immeidate family to enjoy time without others (even if they are loving grandparents).

Hope she doesn't make a big deal out of it!! PIXIE Dust and prayers!

 

[sara74]

I disagree that it makes a difference whether you mean "around Christmas" or "on Christmas day." Either way, you don't have an obligation to spend your vacation, or your holiday, with the in-laws.

I think I would just ignore it and not mention your trip again. If she brings it up, say "Oh, you were *serious* about that? FIL hates crowds so much that I assumed you were joking. Let's plan a different trip we can all do together. You guys *definitely* don't want to go to Disney at Christmas - what a mob!"

Agree and Agree! One of the things I think parents have the hardest time doing is seeing their adult children as heads of their OWN families. We put our feet down 2 years ago and decided to spend Christmas at our own home (out of state from both sets of grandparents) one side took it graciously as a natural progression from us being kids to parents - and the other side (my in-laws) took it kicking and screaming.

You are not taking their grandchild from them by vacationing without them. You are taking your OWN family with you! Good luck, let us know how it turns out!