Help! they're going to kick BF's dad out of the hospital

[TeresaNJ]

Good luck Lora. Remember, NJ has a program called NJ Hospital Assist. It is for patients without insurance. Make sure he is signed up for this before he leaves the hospital as it will take care of his hospital bill. Also, DO NOT let the hospital discharge him unless it is a SAFE discharge. Make sure he is seen by the Social Worker. As far as him going to another hospital or program, he has to have an accepting physician to be transferred from one hospital to another, and most physicians won't accept a patient if the hospital he is in can provide the same care. His other option is to go to the ER of the hospital he wants to be treated at. The specific group of doctors that he would like to go to has the option not to accept him as a patient though, they would only have to accept him if he was admitted as a non-assigned patient, and they would also have to be on call for those admissions that particular day. It is not that easy to switch physicians mid-diagnosis and treatment.

 

[Hannathy]

Sorry this is happening but this is why people maintain insurance. He didn't so now as others have said it isn't the hospitals problem.I don't want to sound mean but truthful. If he has been in three weeks I'm surprised they haven't approached you sooner about discharge planning I know they always talked to us as soon as my Mom would get out of ICU.Did he perhaps ignore them? Even with insurance someone would still need to be primary care giver they only come in for treatments and bathing so many times per week, it isn't 24 hour care. My Mom had good insurance and my sister and I still had to hire people (and pay out of pocket) and take turns staying with her. What does he want to do ? Could he move in with your BF? or could your BF move in with him? Are their any other kids, if there are it is time for your BF to call and lay it on the line and ask for help if he is it then it will be up to him. Does your BF's father belong to a church- maybe someone there could come and check on him during the day. Good Luck it isn't easy and it sounds like it may not be getting any better unless they can remove it.

on a side note caring for the colostomy bag isn't hard and he could learn very quickly.

 

[LoraJ]

I also know how important it is to have insurance. However, his dad freelances as a graphic artist. He was getting no work for months and that ate up his savings. If I had known he didn't have insurance i would have encouraged him to get some no matter what he had to do.

But there's nothing I can do about that now. I don't think he deserves to die because he was unemployed and couldn't afford it. He may not qualify for medicaid because he just started doing some freelance work a month ago so they think he's working.

I don't think he needs 24 hour care but he needs something. First thing we want to do is move him out of his 3 bedroom apartment into my boyfriend's studio that is a few blocks from my place. My boyfriend has moved in with me. But it is easier said than done.

The doctors haven't even told him what stage his cancer is in which when I called the American Cancer Society they were surprised about. His dad called my BF last night asking if he knew how large the tumor was. The doctors aren't communicating well with him at all. They have horrible bedside manner and don't explain things well. Family members try to call and get more info but they won't give any out due to privacy laws.

No one has spoken to my boyfriend about what he needs to do to prepare for his father to come home. His dad is still waiting for the social worker to come by. As far as we knew he was supposed to have surgery this week, so we thought he'd still be there so we are very unprepared right now. And when we try to get his dad to make decisions about things, he feels overwhelmed and can't deal. He has a sister, a daughter and two ex-wives in New Orleans who are also wondering what the heck is going on.

 

[Nancyg56]

Perhaps it would be best to ask Dad to schedule a family meeting with his Dr, and the social worker. It sounds as though your BF is getting information from his Dad, but maybe he needs to get it directly from the hospital staff. Dad would need to authorize this, but it may make better sense. I know that my Mom was overwhelmed when she was in the hospital, and we needed to be able to speak with the Dr's and the nurses as well as the social services department. I know how hard this is, but as soon as you are able to get accurate information, then you can make decisions. Best of luck to your family.

 

[ducklite]

You BF's father can authorize the doctors to release medical information to a family member or trusted friend. It's often done, particularly when a patient might be trying to process a large amount of information and deal with an illness.

Is it possible that your BF's father has been given some of this info and is just so overwhelmed that he's not really hearing what they are telling him? I know this happens to me when I'm feeling really lousy.

Anne

 

[carole88]

I would also look into hospice. Many people have the misconception that hospice is only for the end of life. This is not true. Hospice can be very helpful during a terminal illness as well. We used hospice for my mother last year and they were truly a Godsend. Check it out.

 

[LoraJ]

You BF's father can authorize the doctors to release medical information to a family member or trusted friend. It's often done, particularly when a patient might be trying to process a large amount of information and deal with an illness.

Is it possible that your BF's father has been given some of this info and is just so overwhelmed that he's not really hearing what they are telling him? I know this happens to me when I'm feeling really lousy.

Anne

That's pretty much what is goping on. Sometimes the doctor will call my boyfriend to give him info on what is going on, but he has the same problem as his dad. He becomes overwhelmed with all of the terminology and can't comprehend what is being said.

I'll tell my bf to tell his dad to authorize his ex-wife to at least be able to get info. They have a 17 year-old daughter who has been totally left in the dark with all of this. I think his dad has been witholding info from her because he doesn't want their daughter to freak out. I think she needs to know so she can deal.