Help! Taking family that can be difficult

[jjarman]

Let me start with saying we have been to WDW as a family now twice in the last few years and planned it very well and truly enjoyed ourselves. DS16 and I will be going again 3/07 and I am not worried at all about that trip (except money, getting good airline tickets, room codes, nothing big, LOL). My worry is the next trip in 2009 with DB, DSIL and DN1 who will be almost 7 and DN2 who will be 5. They are great people and I love them dearly. DSIL is about my best friend. The boys are great, too. I am not really worried about them so much. DSIL and I have worked out the problems I had with her wanting to bring whole meals into the park. We will NOT be doing that. My worry is DB. He is a sweetheart but has some health issues that concern me. He has chronic migraines which if you have not heard of it he basically has a headache all the time, never goes away, sometimes a full blown migraine. His best times of day are the mornings. So we will hit the parks mostly in the mornings but he likes to sleep late too. Well, what do you do? DSIL and I have talked about it and we think we will just go and hit the parks on the days DB wants to sleep late and set a time and place for him to meet us later. But then he will miss out on so much that the boys will be doing. He is really a Grumpy at times and I am afraid he will complain about crowds, money, being tired, etc. I have laid down the rule already though that if anyone (mostly him) gets “poopy” they have to go back to the resort (we are staying onsite).

Also, there are some rides DB will not be able to do due to previous neck surgery and he has an occipital nerve stimulator in his neck and head for the headaches. Our plan was that DSIL, my son (if he goes) and I would go on the questionable rides to see if DSIL thinks DB could do it then let DB ride if possible. I figure we can use the baby swap for this. What if we get off the ride and we figure DB can’t ride. I guess we can tell the CM never mind.

There are food issues as well. With the migraines there are a lot of things DB cannot eat. I know WDW can help with that but I am really afraid something will slip past and DB will get a bad migraine from something in the food (MSG, cheeses, chocolate, etc) Any suggestions there? Anyone have experience with this?

What can I do to make this trip less stressful for me, at least? I am telling myself I can’t be commando on this trip and have to take it slow. That will be hard. Should we maybe get DB tickets for a day less than the rest so that we don’t waste a day if he doesn’t want to go with us? Couldn’t we then extend his pass one day if we had to? This will be the boys’ first trip to WDW and DSIL in about 20 years. DB hasn’t been in 30 + years. We are so looking forward to this and I really want this trip to be magical for them.

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

jjarman, you sound like a wonderful loving person to want to share the vacation even with all the 'problems' that might come up.

I have heard many on the boards suggest, and I agree, that it is best to let groups break up into compatible tastes and just plan to meet for some meals or shows along the way. That way all the planning is not on you and if your db should experience a migraine or whatever he will not feel badly for keeping you from doing what you want. Those things are murder. I have family members who suffer from such and I am so lucky to not to have it myself.

Best wishes on a fantastic and magical trip, Slightly Goofy

 

[lorrainesy]

I would try not to worry. Go with the mindset that you are there to enjoy this special time with your brother's family. Know that you may not be able to do all that you usually do at Disney.....maybe that you will not be spending the whole time with your brother. Also let your brother decide how much he wants to do, I'm sure he knows what he can handle. I bet it will be easier to decide that on a day by day basis at the park then decideing now. I hope everything works out great for you and have an awesome trip

 

[riopooh]

You might want to check out the Disabilities board - folks over there have great suggestions on all sorts of things that you might not have even thought of yet.

One thing to do is get a GAC pass - it let's CM know about "hidden" disabilities and any special accomodations you might need.

Good luck - Disney can be very accomodating to those with special needs - just ask!

Good Luck!

 

[HalfDozen]

I wouldn't worry about it - as a chronic migraine sufferer, I can tell you most of the time I'd welcome everyone getting out of my room and letting me sleep.

Honestly, that much togetherness can put a crimp in ANY family or friendship. It was very difficult for us. We found it worked best if we either went together in the morning and then split up around lunch (we'd excuse ourselves and let them know that we needed to take the kids back to the hotel for some quiet time, or to swim) or we'd just go independently and meet up for dinner and evening festivities.

 

[stacy6552]

You've got to just let it go. Take off the cruise director hat and burn it. What your brother does or doesn't do, misses or doesn't miss is an issue for his family. All you will do is builod stress for yourself and the relationship and the trip itself.

Say to yourself, "I'm breezy." "Whatever." "No sweat." Plan your trip for your core family. Keep your SIL up to date on your plans so she can plan accordingly. But let them worry over their trip.

If your brother doesn't already take preventative migrane meds, maybe he should for the trip.

Also, it sounds like you will have enough for a magical gathering, for which you get your own CM. Dump the details of your concerns on him or her.

 

[Anotherguynamedbob]

Oh for Pete's sake. This trip isn't for 3-years, and you are worked up, not about yourself, but about your brother?

First, realize your brother is a big boy now. He can take care of himself. He is responsible for his happiness, not you.

You make the trip less stressful for you by not worring about your adult brother. And if you really, really must stress about his happiness, at least wait until 2008 or so before starting.

 

[tmfranlk]

I think the plan you and DSIL have worked out will do well. With your DB the best thing for him may be for him to see how he feels each day. If one day he sleeps in and then regrets missing some things his kids did that morning, he may decide to get up earlier the next day (if it was just the desire to sleep in, not pain that kept him asleep, I mean).

The baby swap is just a little ticket like a Fast Pass. There's nothing that says that you have to use it. When you and DSIL go on the ride you go with DB to the CM at the ride and ask for a swap pass. Then he can go wherever while you ride. Later when he is ready to ride, he just brings the pass back for his ride (and up to 2 or 3 people can go with him).

If there are dietary needs, you can talk to the restaurant after making ADRs and they can work with you as well. Also, when you are at the restaurants, let the server know that you have dietary concerns. Often the chef will come out and talk to you about what on the menu/buffet is and isn't okay based on those concerns.

I think that if you are prepared with the plans and understand the contingencies and issues that can arise, you will be fine. Have a wonderful time!

 

[jjarman]

I wouldn't worry about it - as a chronic migraine sufferer, I can tell you most of the time I'd welcome everyone getting out of my room and letting me sleep.

Honestly, that much togetherness can put a crimp in ANY family or friendship. It was very difficult for us. We found it worked best if we either went together in the morning and then split up around lunch (we'd excuse ourselves and let them know that we needed to take the kids back to the hotel for some quiet time, or to swim) or we'd just go independently and meet up for dinner and evening festivities.

Thanks for your reply. It is good to hear from someone else who has the same problem as my brother. I think that is how things will end up in the end. I just want him to really enjoy his trip with his boys.

 

[jjarman]

Oh for Pete's sake. This trip isn't for 3-years, and you are worked up, not about yourself, but about your brother?

First, realize your brother is a big boy now. He can take care of himself. He is responsible for his happiness, not you.

You make the trip less stressful for you by not worring about your adult brother. And if you really, really must stress about his happiness, at least wait until 2008 or so before starting.

I just really don't know how to reply to this...so I won't.

 

[Antonia]

It's nice that you are trying to plan a great trip with your brother. Personally, I don't plan anything for 2009 - not yet. A lot can change in that amount of time and you could be wasting a lot of time planning a trip that far out.

 

[jenniferma]

Migraine sufferer here too.. (they have died down due to babies and breast feeding-- thank goodness)!

Would your brother object if he feels poorly to staying back at the hotel while you and your SIL take the boys out for fun? I would just leave his schedule open (play it by ear a bit) and schedule for the rest of you.

I am not sure about your brother.. but for me, migraines seemed to pop up more when I got off a regular schedule. I am careful as I can be on vacation to make sure I stay hydrated and have my blood sugar as normal as possible... and get lots of rest etc..

I agree that the Disney people would definitely help you with the dietary restrictions.

Good luck to you and your brother. I pray for you that he will not be suffering two years from now! I can't imagine going through all of that again.. it's enough to make me want to be pregnant forever! JT.

Has he seen many headache specialists yet?

best of luck to you- jennifer

 

[jjarman]

Migraine sufferer here too.. (they have died down due to babies and breast feeding-- thank goodness)!

Would your brother object if he feels poorly to staying back at the hotel while you and your SIL take the boys out for fun? I would just leave his schedule open (play it by ear a bit) and schedule for the rest of you.

I am not sure about your brother.. but for me, migraines seemed to pop up more when I got off a regular schedule. I am careful as I can be on vacation to make sure I stay hydrated and have my blood sugar as normal as possible... and get lots of rest etc..

I agree that the Disney people would definitely help you with the dietary restrictions.

Good luck to you and your brother. I pray for you that he will not be suffering two years from now! I can't imagine going through all of that again.. it's enough to make me want to be pregnant forever! JT.

Has he seen many headache specialists yet?

best of luck to you- jennifer

Thanks. I really anticipate that DSIL and I will take the boys a great deal of the time by ourselves and I wouldn't mind that at all.

DB has had these for about 5 years now. Actually, when we thought back he has probably had migraines since he was a teenager. He has seen many, many specialists in 3 states and had every treatment imaginable. He had a new experimental treatment last year. It involves implanting an occipital nerve stimulator under the skin in the back of his head. It kinda short circuits the nerve impulses and has helped a great deal. I wish he could be pregnant, LOL.

 

[dis-happy]

Since the baby swap passes are for babies that aren't allowed to ride due to height restrictions, I doubt you'd be given one for an adult. Instead, utilize fast pass, which works just as well if not better for your situation (less time for everyone waiting in line might help with your DB and his headaches). Just a thought....