Help settle a debate between DH and me

[golfgal]

DS and DD were playing over at some friends' house on Friday night. Another boy came over to play, the son of some friends of ours that we have known for 13 years, and started causing problems. The two boys who's house they were at asked him to leave, he wouldn't. DD and DS asked him to leave and he still wouldn't so DS called his mom to come take him home. I thought he did the right thing and DH is mad at him for calling the mom. We have told the kids over and over again to try to solve problems on their own and if they can't, ask an adult, which is exactly what they did.

This mom is the type of mom that thinks her kids are perfect and can do no wrong, which is probably why this kid is a pain in the rear most of the time. My DH is the type of person that doesn't like to create waves and lets things just slide by without addressing issues. I though DS was being very mature and trying to solve the problem (while this kid was pushing and shoving him into walls, etc.) What do you think?

The kids were playing outside and the parents of the boys who's house it was were not home (they knew our kids were there, they live a block away, we know them very well, etc so no issues with the kids playing over there from either side).

 

[wdwmom2]

If the boy couldn't play nicely, then he needed to go. Have you heard anything from this boy's mother????

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I would be very proud of your son. I think he handled the situation very well.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I though DS was being very mature and trying to solve the problem (while this kid was pushing and shoving him into walls, etc.) What do you think?

ITA It sounds like your DS did the mature thing.

 

[Maleficent13]

If this boy showed up and was being inappropriately physical, then yes, I would expect a 13 yo to call for help. I might have called my own mother, rather than the boy's mother, but that's just me.

 

[bananiem]

Since there wasn't an adult at the home to help them get rid of the problem child I think he did the right thing.

 

[binny]

I think your DS did absolutely the right thing


he didnt know what else to do so he asked for help, he should be praised for it.

 

[golfgal]

If the boy couldn't play nicely, then he needed to go. Have you heard anything from this boy's mother????

No, I haven't heard from his mother and we won't. She will have told her DS that she was sure the other kids did something to cause all of this (I know her well enough to know how she will react). When this boy is at our house and one on one with our DS they are fine, unless they try to play a game or something and DS beats him-he is NOT a good sport about things. The 3 kids were doing a lot of golfing over the summer and DD is a pretty good golfer and so is this other boy. Well, DD is a smarter player and was beating him on a regular basis. The last time they went out playing he was making all kinds of rude noises when DD was teeing off and telling her her shot was really bad, even if it wasn't, etc. DD got mad and came home. That was the last time I took drove him to the course. He isn't really a bad kid, just a result of bad parenting--there is NO structure, no expectations, etc.

 

[ckay87]

I think it's important for our kids to know that if they're in a troublesome situation that they can call us and we'll be there for them.

Now it's a playdate, couple years from now maybe it'll be a party, drugs, whatever. You were right.

 

[palmtreegirl]

He felt uncomfortable so he called for help, he did the right thing.

 

[froglady]

Sounds like he just cut out the middleman. He could have called you,but you would have called the mother to get her son anyway.

Plus, if I got a call from my son's peers, I would be less likely to attribute the complaint to a difference in parenting style or house rule violations.

 

[Mysteria]

I would be proud of him. He did the right thing.

Myst

 

[cats7494]

I think your son responded as he should have. I would be proud of him too!

 

[epcotfan]

Your son did a good thing

 

[gradtchr]

Your son did the right thing in my opinion.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Your son did the right thing!!!!

IMHO not one or two, but FIVE, kids without a parent in sight. That was a recipe for this kind of problem.

I know your DH is reacting from the MACHO point of view. But, it sounds like things could have swiftly deterioted into a brawl!!!

Your son did the right thing!!!

I think your DH has the wrong opinion here.
Would your DH still feel the same way if your son or daughter were injured? Or if your son were shoved into something expensive, knocked it over, it breaks, and your DH were handed the bill $$$$$.

 

[agnes!]

He did the right thing.

I'm trying to understand why your DH is so uncomfortable with your DS's action, but I really *can't*.

Your DS & DD should not stay at their friends'(the two boys) house if this other kid shows up. This other kid has already shown his true colors by being inappropriately physical, he might retaliate somehow. I would also warn the two boys' parents about this bullying behavior, they need to know. Beyond that, how they decide to handle it is up to them.

You are in a ticklish situation, with all the various kids living in the same neighborhood - good luck.

agnes!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree with how it was handled. In fact your son DID use his head to solve it.

Your DH is fearful of retaliation, appearance, etc... and you need to tell him you cannot base problem solving on FEAR.