HELP! Possibly having to take in sisters children!

[pweyl36]

I think I read somewhere that in most states the foster care subsidy/assistance isn't available to 'family' placements. I think that is crud....as many families would help and the children would be kept with family...etc but they just can't afford to take on more children financially. So the government puts these kids in a foster home and pays 400+ a month to that foster parent. Again, I think that the government should re-evaluate this and offer some kind of assistance if family steps up to take a child in a bad situation.

And I don't look down on anyone for having to say 'no' to these types of situations....it's hard to make that decision but each person has to know what is best for their family.

I've heard the same thing and it makes me so mad,they will give strangers money for the kids instead of family willing to take them in. My sister has her sister in laws 2 out of 4 kids and she gets maybe $100 a month. She did adopt the 4yr she got him after the mother left him in a motel room at 6wks.

 

[MN_Gal]

This link is for the TANF cash program in Alabama

http://www.dhr.state.al.us/page.asp?pageid=359

 

[MN_Gal]

Here is the link for Medicaid for Alabama

http://www.medicaid.alabama.gov/apply/index_apply.aspx?tab=3

Just call your local office and discuss with them Relative Caregiver and what your options are. You will however need a copy of the birth certificates and some way to prove the relationship between you and the children. Your birth certificate and your sister's showing the same parents.

A child support case will also be opened for the boys with their mother as the absent parent (along with one for the absent father)

Each state has their own policies/guidelines for administering the federal TANF program. If you have more questions, just ask

Good luck!

 

[marypoppinswannabe]

I know this may be hard, but if you are not already receiving public assistance, this might be a good time to check into to it. Also if these children are in public school, they may be able to qualify for free or reduced price lunches.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Seeing loved ones struggle with addiction is always hard, especially when there are children involved.

 

[Mophia'sMom]

The following website references help for Kinship Care Families, relative fostering, and subsidized guardianship. It has names, addresses & phone numbers of people who can help. Looks like there is help out there if you decide to take your nephews in.

http://www.grandsplace.org/gp8/al.html

I did not have to take in kids, but after my mom passed away, my DH & I had to sell our home & move in with my father to care for him. It did place some financial burden in regards to increased food costs and increased utilities since I am no longer working, but I truly believe that God does not give us more than we can handle. It's hard, but I know that I am doing the right thing even though it is not easy at times.

 

[loco4dis]

If the children aren't damaged to a point where they would be a danger to my own children, I would take them in. That's just what I would do, but I know other people have their own situations. As others have said, I would search out each and every social service/human service agency I could for help, donations, etc. Alabama has a "kinship care" program in which relatives receive various kinds of assistance from the state when they act as foster parents. For me, I'd try to make it work. I'd just have to. I don't know…I'd just have to try. I'd feel like everything I've ever been taught about doing the right thing, and everything I've ever believed about rising to the occasion when I'm called upon to would be in that moment. And then I'd call Disney World and tell them what I've done and ask them if they could PLEASE help me include these suffering children in my family's vacation!

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

Just wanted to clarify. A couple of people mentioned that you would not get foster care payments because they are kin. That's not entirely correct. If you go to court and ask for CUSTODY of them, you would not be eligible for assistance from your local child protective office. However, if the STATE gets custody and you apply to be their FOSTER PARENTS, you would be eligible. (BTW, I work for child protective services, hence why I know this). A lot of people jump the gun to avoid social services even getting involved and ask the court for custody. While this is very admirable, a lot of people don't realize that they are losing out on financial assistance, day care assistance, clothing allowance assistance, and (a big one) assistance with visitation with the bio family by asking for custody. My advice is to let the state take custody and apply to be a foster parent. They should reinburse you (tax free). Good Luck

 

[Princess April]

God bless you .... . I know with thought and consideration you will do what's right for both your family and for the children. A lot of PPs have good points, and it's very easy to lead with your heart and jump the gun but really take your time and think it over.... remember your sis will someday *maybe* want them back ... what happens after you become a cohesive family unit and all of a sudden she tries to rip it apart??? Think it over long and hard before you make the final call, ask your kids, your DH.. make sure everyone is on board with this... I'm sure it will all work out for the best!
* that being said... if my grandparents didn't take me when my birth mother left me to get remarried and have more children I don't know where I would be today.. they are (were as my "Gamer" has since passed away) my heroes, and they always will be. My love for them is stronger than any love I could possibly have for my birth mother (their daughter) or my birth father. they took me in when they definitely didn't have to. My daddy was 50 when he got me and now at 80 (soon to be 81) we are repaying him by having him come to visit us as much as he can, enjoying the love of his first great grand child, and we are taking him on this year's family trip to DISNEY!!!! I personally think I ended up with the long end of the stick and I had an awesome life!!!! Please don't let this sound like I am trying to convince you to take them, I am just trying to give you the perspective from the other side.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I just came across this thread.

Jennifer. Those poor boys! I hope and pray it all works out. It's very good of you to try and make it work.

 

[jglass3]

Their father is also a drug addict and is abusive to their mother, so neither one is fit to be a parent. What upsets me the most is that they have had so many chances to straighten up, but they seem to love their lifestyle more than thier children. I just don't understand how any parent could do what they have done to them. I appreciate all of your prayers, and I am sure we will work this out, and everything will be fine. I can't let them fo to a foster home. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night for wondering if they were ok. I have know for years that they were going through hell being with their parents, I have called family services three times over the years and all they dis was give them domestic violence and drug classes, so I am actually releived that they are actually being taken from them after all these years of being in such a horrible environment. I just thought that maybe my parents who make triple what we make and have 2 extra bedrooms, and claim to love them to death would take them. It scares me knowing that I have no one to take my children if my Dh and I die. I will continue to give updates. Thanks so much!

 

[mickeymom1976]

To the OP: Good luck and God bless you.

My sister is a drug addict and alcoholic, too. My Mom got custody of her two oldest children just days after my nephew's birth. The kids are now 17 and 15. My sister has since had a 3rd child (now age 3), but has made no effort to get off the drugs or booze. To top it off, her boyfriend (father of the 3rd child) beats her up pretty regularly, but because she didn't even bother to show up in court when he petitioned for sole custody, he got it. They are now back together and both using every day, as the baby looks on. Before my DH and I were married, we discussed the possible future of the two oldest (should something happen to my Mom) and have recently discussed the youngest child. We agreed that if it ever came down to it, we would take the children. We have two of our own, but couldn't live with ourselves knowing that those innocent children were being put into foster care because of their mother's poor choices. The father of the two oldest is in prison and will be for a long time to come.

All I can say is to always love your sister and pray for her and the kids. Good luck to you and your family.

 

[MoniqueU]

If the children aren't damaged to a point where they would be a danger to my own children, I would take them in. That's just what I would do, but I know other people have their own situations. As others have said, I would search out each and every social service/human service agency I could for help, donations, etc. Alabama has a "kinship care" program in which relatives receive various kinds of assistance from the state when they act as foster parents. For me, I'd try to make it work. I'd just have to. I don't know…I'd just have to try. I'd feel like everything I've ever been taught about doing the right thing, and everything I've ever believed about rising to the occasion when I'm called upon to would be in that moment. And then I'd call Disney World and tell them what I've done and ask them if they could PLEASE help me include these suffering children in my family's vacation!

This is how I feel as well. I would just say I would take the kids, look for resouces and figure out how to do it. There is no way I wouldn't.

 

[PatsGirl]

Somebody needs to step up to the plate and raise these children and it looks like you have been given the opportunity to make a true difference in your life Kids can survive on very little but they cannot become productive, compassionate adults without love and good role models. So, the family eats mac and cheese and english muffin pizzas and can't wear name brands -- in the long run, not only do these children reap huge benefits but I truly believe you and your children will also! This is a lesson that you can't buy with money.

 

[cndij]

We have been through a similar situation in our family a couple of times. Quick summary: My husbands sister died from complications of surgery at 26 leaving 3 small kids 6, 7 and 8. Her husband remarried but was found to be abusing/molesting the daughter a few years later, My inlaws who had tried to maintain a close relationship with the kids and be involved with their school, got a call one day from the school to come there immediately. Social Services had been called in when a friend of the girl told a teacher what was happening. The teachers told Social Services they were sure the grandparents would take her, which they did, they also soon got the 2 boys when the father went to prison and the stepmother, didn't want them on their own.

Fast forward a few years and the oldest son now has 3 children, and after the youngest at 2 walked across a busy highway while the mom was sleeping, Social Services began investigating them and found them to be unstable, violent etc. They were going to put the kids in Foster Care, but my mother in law again stepped in, and agreed to take all 3. The girls were 3,4 and 5 at the time.

My in laws were 66 and 68 at the time. They were given temporary custody by the State, but a couple of years later, when they found out the birth mother was trying to get her ex-stepmother, to get them as Foster Kids since not being related she would be able to get the stipend, and "share" it with her and her husband, my mother in law went to a lawyer and got permanent custody. Financially they struggled for years, only able to get Medicaid for the kids and after school care paid by the state and reduced lunches. I did a lot of research on their behalf and found out about the TANF funds. My father in law went to apply and when he found out that they would go after the parents for the money he got through TANF, he refused to apply, not wanting to put a "burden" on the deadbeat parents. I didn't agree with that, but I couldn't push him. We have tried to help as much as we could all along, and 2 years ago, when we sold our home we bought a much larger house and moved them in with us, so his parents could retire, which they finally did last year at 72 and 74. The girls are now 10, 12 and 13 and very secure and well adjusted. There is just no substitute for being raised by family who loves them, if that is at all possible. My mother in law has become a thrift store addict, to keep them and her in clothes. My husband and I now buy all their clothes and declare them on our taxes (father in law was letting the father use them for taxes, until I put my foot down and said no way)

We live in NC, so not sure how the laws differ from AL, but you should definitely be able to get Medicaid, after school care (maybe daycare while you are in school full time) and free or reduced lunches. I think they could have gotten foodstamps after they retired if they hadn't been living with us.

Cindi

 

[PlaneJoy1]

Just wanted to clarify. A couple of people mentioned that you would not get foster care payments because they are kin. That's not entirely correct. If you go to court and ask for CUSTODY of them, you would not be eligible for assistance from your local child protective office. However, if the STATE gets custody and you apply to be their FOSTER PARENTS, you would be eligible. (BTW, I work for child protective services, hence why I know this). A lot of people jump the gun to avoid social services even getting involved and ask the court for custody. While this is very admirable, a lot of people don't realize that they are losing out on financial assistance, day care assistance, clothing allowance assistance, and (a big one) assistance with visitation with the bio family by asking for custody. My advice is to let the state take custody and apply to be a foster parent. They should reinburse you (tax free). Good Luck

Applying to be foster parents is a LONG process, it is not apply and because you are relative placement you get the stipend. At least not in Georgia - been there done that. I think the minimum amount of time to get your foster care certification is 3 months, most taking a lot longer than that. We've been through the classes, but not the mountain of paper work that follows.

Part of the issue as well is that as a placement into foster care (relative or not) there is either a reunification plan or termination plan put in place. They aim for 12 months, but no longer than 18 months. If they move to terminate parental rights, they'll look to adopt out the children to the relatives or elsewhere. Which would end the stipend.

I think the best solution *if* the OP choses to take in the children is to go through the foster parent process to get the stipend. This would help financially support the kids without putting themselves behind on their own financial plans too badly.

 

[stahshee]

I took my sil child in 2 years ago and it was so HARD. My children felt left out that my dh's family doated on my neice(they did and still do ...) my poor neice was in such turmoil. when she would see me my children she would act up. When her mom would make an apperance it was DRAMA.. Thank God things are better but my neice is cooming to vistit this summer and saty with us for a couple of weeks m y older kids dread it.. I just want her to feel a part of the family.. She still dose not have her mom in her life full time...


I got 0 help with $ but sometimes you just have to step in


good luck

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

Just wanted to clarify. A couple of people mentioned that you would not get foster care payments because they are kin. That's not entirely correct. If you go to court and ask for CUSTODY of them, you would not be eligible for assistance from your local child protective office. However, if the STATE gets custody and you apply to be their FOSTER PARENTS, you would be eligible. (BTW, I work for child protective services, hence why I know this). A lot of people jump the gun to avoid social services even getting involved and ask the court for custody. While this is very admirable, a lot of people don't realize that they are losing out on financial assistance, day care assistance, clothing allowance assistance, and (a big one) assistance with visitation with the bio family by asking for custody. My advice is to let the state take custody and apply to be a foster parent. They should reinburse you (tax free). Good Luck

I agree with this. Many states are trying to move what should be child protection/foster cases to private guardianship to make their foster care numbers look better. Why? Lower numbers makes it look like the system is working, the state gets a good review from the feds, the fed money keeps rolling in. You want to be a relative caregiver in relation to a child protection case. This would put you in line for funds and other assistance, albeit at a lower rate than a fully licensed foster parent.

Applying to be foster parents is a LONG process, it is not apply and because you are relative placement you get the stipend. At least not in Georgia - been there done that. I think the minimum amount of time to get your foster care certification is 3 months, most taking a lot longer than that. We've been through the classes, but not the mountain of paper work that follows.

Part of the issue as well is that as a placement into foster care (relative or not) there is either a reunification plan or termination plan put in place. They aim for 12 months, but no longer than 18 months. If they move to terminate parental rights, they'll look to adopt out the children to the relatives or elsewhere. Which would end the stipend.

This isn't necessarily true. Many states and foster care agencies offer a streamlined licensing process for licensing relative caregivers.

As for the permanency plan, federal law requires states to have a plan to move children through foster care in the most expeditious way possible. This means that once a child has spent 15 of the previous 22 months in substitute care (traditional foster or relative foster care) the state must move toward termination of parental rights, unless there is good cause to not move in this direction.

The same federal law has also provided a fund for subsidizing foster care adoptions. Children with special needs or who have spent more than a year in foster care are eligible for subsidized adoption. This means that the adoptive parents continue to receive the same payments they received while fostering the children. A similar program is available for some guardianship cases in some states, but the guardianship program is still in "study" stage and is harder to get into.

OP, good luck today!

 

[PlaneJoy1]

"Several States (Alabama, Arkansas, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Kentucky, Louisiana, Nevada, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Wisconsin) and the District of Columbia have established "kinship care" or "relative caregiver" programs by statute to provide relatives with benefits to help offset the cost of caring for a placed child. Six States (Alabama, Arkansas, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, and Tennessee) address foster care payments for kin caregivers in statutes. In these States, if a relative meets the qualifications for being a foster parent, he or she may receive payments at the full foster care rate and any other benefits available to foster parents, whether in money or services."

(Source: http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/placement.cfm)

Unfortunatley, my state (Georgia) does not do things this way.

 

[lwartberg]

Ask yourself...

"Would you want YOUR kids in foster care if something happened to you?"

 

[PlaneJoy1]

Ask yourself...

"Would you want YOUR kids in foster care if something happened to you?"

Coming from experience - this is NOT a fair question and should not be the basis of the decision made. Every even half-way decent parent out there would say "of course not".

We brought in a family members child (about 6 months old). Due to the stress of our own household, the age of our children and the new child, our finances, our jobs, size of our house and other factors I can tell you it almost ruined our marriage and our finances. It took us months to heal from the turmoil we went through. What good is that???? The child in question went back to the wonderful foster parents she had - who have now adopted her. She has MORE than I am able to give my children and is loved like she is their own. We had to do what was best for the child - and our family.

Each and every situation is different and has a different set of circumstances. Painting with a broad brush doesn't work when something like this is going on.