Help! Our family vacation is being crashed!

[wrighter]

One more thing that I would like to add: Although it sounds like you've been able to breathe a little easier regarding your touring plans, etc - remember that they can be built-in babysitters!!! Do your own thing as a family, do your thing as a whole group, and by all means see if you can't work it so that you and your DH get at least one evening to yourselves! Get a window table at California Grill for the fireworks or heck, even go to a movie in DD if you want. But use them!!! Use them use them use them!!!

I wish you much luck - it's never easy to plan these vacations, and the more people there are the harder it can be. But you WILL have good times, you WILL have frustrating times - no matter WHO goes.

Have a wonderful trip!

 

[RachaelRol]

MIL is getting altzheimers so I'm feeling a bit guilty but I still don't want them with us...and I think she may have forgotten about it...:

I know you didn't mean it in a malicious way, but that was funny...

Op I know how you feel. My MIL invited herself on our first trip with DS. She asked DH, he said he'd discuss with me. Such a punk escpecially, because we had already decided it was just the three of us..... She would up calling me, and i told her no, that we just wanted it to be the 3 of us.

I felt a little bad, but it was the best trip ever and I am glad to have had it for just the 3 of us. We then invited her with us to lots of day trips like Hersey Park, the Shore, etc...

It all worked out and she hasn't asked again.

 

[MEM]

Sorry! Just saw Junior Trooper's updated post.

If MIL is not a planner, I would make an ADR now for the group - you can always cancel later - and not wait for her and FIL to make a decision.

 

[kangareaux]

If it comes down to it and it's really looking horrible a month or so from now, there's a sneaky underhanded alternative...

*secretly* change your reservations for a week later. When vacation time gets really close (Like within a WEEK) DH or you just suddenly have something at work that comes up and you have to delay your trip a week. ("Darn it! But I was so lucky! The folks at Disney were so nice and let me move our reservations. We were so lucky, but man we are going tomiss being there with y'all!" )

Yeah, I know it's rotten, but hey.....sometimes with inlaws, sneaky and underhanded is the only thing that keeps the peace.

 

[~luvthemouse~]

I say life is short, and you never know when a family member may not be in your life anymore. So suck it up, and plan some days of the trip just for your family. If this is your biggest problem right now, I would say your pretty lucky. I have been to Disney with my family and it all works out fine.

 

[seashoreCM]

(Being Christian or having an A.B. in theology required)

Change "honor thy mother and father" to "honor thy son and daughter" for the duration of this trip.

You decide when to spend time with extended family. Since you are a planner, you can get started on this scheduling early..

You should have separate accommodations.

Extended family can follow and dote on your kids any time.

Yes your children should have their choice of going off with Grammy and Grampy on occasion, but if the children are not returned punctually to rendezvous points, you may restrict this choice later.

Don't need (sic) to worry about too many ideas. Those that are not yours can be passed over or executed in your absence. You do not have to use democracy.

>>> may not be in your life
Plan additional family gatherings at other times before and/or after.

Disney hints:
http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm

 

[CleveRocks]

(Being Christian or having an A.B. in theology required)

Change "honor thy mother and father" to "honor thy son and daughter" for the duration of this trip.

Seems to me that the 10 Commandments are in the Old Testament, and therefore not originally a Christian idea. Being kind and thoughtful are also not exclusive to Christians, or people of any faith, for that matter.

 

[CleveRocks]

My MIL and FIL crashed our May 2005 trip, our first WDW trip with our then 5 year old son and 2.5 year old daughter.

We were VERY unhappy, but yet we enabled it. They needed me to front them the money for airfare!

And they never even once offered to babysit, not even for 10 minutes so we could take a walk. We were in connecting rooms.

We weren't happy they came, but their antics and total lack of Disney knowldege made for a hilarious trip report.

One little tidbit. In the months prior to the trip, I tried to include them in meal/PS planning (they were PSs then, not yet ADRs). My MIL kept getting frustrated and angry that I was asking her preferences, and several times said we would be ruining "her" vacation by planning too much. By our second day at WDW, they both complained that I didn't plan the PSs well enough (PS at a restaurant in a park that we decided that morning NOT to tour). My FIL proudly stated that we could easily get seated at a restaurant in the Contemporary or at, as he called it, "that Florida hotel," because, as he said, "No one would think of eating there." So you get the idea of how my week went ....

 

[Califgirl]

I guess I see this from a different point of view. Since they are not trying to stay with you, they are not actually 'crashing' your vacation. WDW should be big enough for anyone's extended family I think it is wonderful that they want to spend some time with you and they are probably looking forward to seeing the joy their grand children have when visiting the Mouse!

Please don't snub them when they are going out of their way to try to enjoy their grandchildren at WDW. (and you too of course) Not everyone is uber planners, and it sounds like they are happy doing things on their own. Everyone enjoys WDW at a different pace, and it seems like they are aware of this and are not trying to impose their vacation style on you.

Keeping in touch through cell phones will help your trip go smoothly, and help you set times and places where you can meet up, even on the fly. It might be a huge courtesy on your part to make an ADR for everyone one night, but only do it if you can do it with joy. Try to look for the positives.

Take lots of pictures because these will be wonderful memories down the road!
And DON'T expect them to babysit unless they specifically offer. This is their vacation too. You all just happen to be there at the same time!

Have a great trip.

 

[WDWFAN9]

Good luck with your trip! It sounds like your ILs aren't expecting to be joined at the hip for the duration!!

I have to say that I have taken many extended family trips to WDW, and enjoyed them immensely. One big key is setting expectations beforehand. It helps if everyone is flexible and patient. My kids have wonderful wonderful memories of times spent with their grandparents and cousins in the World. Heck, one trip included my exMIL, exSIL, her 3 kids, myself, my 4 kids, and my parents! We all had a blast and we actually did spend a lot of the time together. It helped that XSIL and I had pretty similar parenting styles and budgets and we spent a lot of time together at home, so we knew that everyone would get along.

Just remember to be honest, when you want time to yourselves just take it. I am hoping you will be pleasantly surprised at how well it goes. I know that someday I hope to be included in my kids' trips to WDW with my future grandkids. Of course I am the planner in the family, so I am thinking there is probably a very good chance I will be! And, I intend to follow my Mom's and XMIL's example of how to be a thoughtful, loving, and non-interferring grammy.

In the meantime enjoy your planning!

 

[crusoe2]

This must be the "Year of the Vacation Crashers". I was just venting in another thread because some of my inlaws have done the same thing - but they not only jumped on our bandwagon, they have tried to take the reins and drive the thing, too. I love that so many of you suggested changing the dates of the trip. I've seriously considered doing just that but I felt kind of bad about it. Ultimately I decided to keep the dates as planned because I am really looking forward to seeing the Flower and Garden Festival at Epcot and I won't give that up just to avoid a confrontation with SIL. (Our trip is during the last week of the festival and going earlier isn't an option.) Good luck to the rest of you folks dealing with the same problem. I hope everyone has a great vacation.

 

[pyrxtc]

did this and wouldn't do it with Disney again. My Dh's uncle and his wife were so slow going to the parks and such that we felt bad we weren't spending time with them and when we did wait for them, we took forever to do anything. they always were hungry 1/2 hr before our reservations and ate then but came to the restaraunt and watched us eat. Well, my MIL (who was with us then too) is coming wiht us this year again. we'll see how things go with her there. Oldest DD has a real hard tiem behaving around MIL. She whines and groans to get her way from MIL when DH and I say no. MIl usually gives in but is getting better. It better not happen this time cuz Oldest DD was the worst travel companion last avcation. she cried (at age 11) and whined all day every day. Worse than our 2 or 4 yr olds. made my DH so mad that he was one of those people you see blowing up at their kids at the park.

Now in 2010, we are taking major family to Hawaii. MY mother and father are going with us. My brothers and sister have all said they'll go if we really go. My sister even offered to get us all military Villa's (or try) so we wouldn't have to worry about hotels. We will ahve to rent a few cars and it will still cost us a ton of money to go wiht airfare but it will be a once ina lifetime trip. my parents have always talked about going and now they will.

 

[Grendalynn]

I did not read all of the replys. But i do feel for you right of the bat. Most of us to here, or so I thought from the few Ireplys/posts I did read....

Let me start by saying I AM SO SORRY! And I can so sympathize with you. Its sounds liek soemthing my inlaws would do and they ARE not planners and think the world revolves around them. Leaving grouchy and overtired kids for at an unplanned unnapped dinner.

1- I would say speak to your husband and have him speak or feel out his family. Why and where did they getthe idea it would be OK to attach themselves to you anyway?

2 - Don't be afraid to put your foot down - after all YOU are PAYING for this, not them. If you are like us you have to save save save and not sure when/if you will be able to go back.

3- its a Family VACATION, you should be with YOUR family and be able to relax.

4 - if:
4a -you do happen to have to vacation together with the 7+ extras, TRY TRY TRY to make teh most of it and focus on your hubby and kids. Don't let them ruin everything. If you have tension, the kids will sense it and teh Disney Magic will be down the tubes

4b - you do happen to have to vacation together with the 7+ extras, set your ground rules before you get there and makes a list/agenda/schedule for you and YOUR familys needs, wants and wishes.

Of course its easy for me to spew the "great" ideas at you, as I am not in this perdicament. If I were, I'd be steeming out the ears, foaming out the mouth and ready for WWIII! Take care and best wishes!

 

[Tinklvr]

Wow...I can totally sympathize with you. I just got back from WDW with my FIL and BIL. My DH invited them without asking me and I was so mad. I know exactly how you feel.

My best advice for you is to try to plan some time away from them each day. My sister gave me that advice and I think that is the only thing that kept me sane.

I did enjoy myself, but not nearly as much as I do when we go by ourselves. It is just so hard to be around people for that amount of time. My BIL and FIL are very hard to get along with...they are very critical and negative about everything. I did my best to ignore them and I focused on the positives...I was in WDW with my DH and kids. Good luck!

 

[seashoreCM]

Oldest DD has a real hard tiem behaving around MIL. She whines and groans to get her way from MIL when DH and I say no. .

Another age old problem with children. When Daddy or Mommy says no they go crying to Gramma.

Part of the responsibility of keeping hold of the reins of your bandwagon is enduring the heartbreak of seeing DD11 cry.

 

[ClaraBug]

Okay- my flame suit is on....

That is great!! Where is the Tag Fairy when you need her???

I just went through this cr@p for MY sister's wedding. My in-laws invited themselves because my DD was the flower girl. And they wanted to see her walked down the aisle all gussied up. My mom was an excellent diplomat!!

Anywhoo,
with this being your in-laws, I agree with talking to DH about this. Then BOTH of you need to sit and talk to them (in-laws) about what is going on. If he does it alone, then it might make you look like the bad guy. Strength in numbers!! Maybe make one meal a "gathering" meal with everyone and spend the rest of the trip doing your own family thing!!

We made the mistake of taking a family vacation with my DH's family, and I swore never again!!! The ONLY time during the whole stinkin' week DH and I had a good time, is when we went off by ourselves and did the stuff we wanted to do. (Now, they want to go camping! Like I want to get stuck in the middle of no where with them. Over my dead body!! )

Good Luck!!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

That is great!! Where is the Tag Fairy when you need her???

Ugh! Nice typo!

 

[bless7ings]

Hi, I saw your thread and quickly read through it. I just thought I would add my two bits.

First off I am glad my in laws have said they would never think of planning a vacation with their kids. Sounds mean but it is reassuring that what you guys said shouldn't happen!

Well here's my story. I was talking to my mom two years ago about planning a big trip to WDW before my oldest graduated from hs. She got so excited she invited herself and my father, BUT when she invited herself she offered to pay. I thought about it and talked to my husband and ventured calling her and taking her up on her offer. I couldn't believe I was doing this, but I had a peace about it. We talked quite a bit, because both my mom and I can be independent and want what we want. But what was differant was my grandparents had taken each of their 6 kids and their families when we were younger and we had a very special time, so my father wanted to do the same thing. My mother did also, but she had her own thoughts about her own vacation also. We talked out our feelings before hand and the whole time I had a peace about it.(which I was surprised about and my mom and I talked about it because she was wondering if she overstepped and I wanted to change my mind.) Well anyway, we had the most awesome time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There was only a couple times that we wondered, but they were smoothed out and or averted.

So all this to say, my mother crashed our trip, but we decided to let her because she offered to pay for a 11 day 10 night stay at Wilderness Lodge. We booked standard rooms and got bumped up two upgrades!! We ended up looking over the quiet pool.

 

[bopper]

I have done trips with the in-laws...the key is to not feel as if you have to do Everything with them. I would tell them that you have planned things out and this is when you will be at which parks. I would make at least one dinner reservation that included them (not usually a problem to show up for reservation and have less people) so if they want to join you they can. If you like to go early to the parks, and they don't, tell them to call you on the cell phone when they get there and you will tell them where you are and they can come find you if they want. As long as they have no expectations that you all have to do everything together, then you should be good

 

[tea4sanity]

1994 we did a family trip with 28 people - my parents, siblings & kids. We were 2 families to room at OKW. My parents had a few requests: 1 character breakfast w/kids, going into MK together some they could see the kids reactions (grandkids first time), riding Small World together and 1 adult only meal (they provided the sitter, a friends mom & sister). Other than that we were free to go our own ways. Usually 2 families would hang out together. There were some tense moments but it was ok. My 9m ds got sick from the heat so my parents kept him with them while we were at the parks with the ds4, dd5. They LOVED doting over him!

1997 DH planned a suprise trip for the 5 of us. His sister & dd tagged along. It was like having 5 kids. She was afraid to go anywhere without us. Not even going back to the hotel by bus. AND her dd (4) was afraid of just about all the rides. So I sat out of most of them so they wouldn't be alone. She did babysit one night for our 10th anniversary but ordered pizza and wouldn't leave the room.

2007, my cousin asked if she and her DH could come with us. THe DHs would fly down and we would drive. I thought having 2 drivers on teh way down and him to have a person to fl with would work out. My hubby flat out said NO WAY! So DH & I & 3 kids will be driving in April