Help! need tips on doing Disney with another family!

[detroitmama]

Hi! Our family is going to Disney next month for the first time. My brother with his 2 kids plans to meet us there for most of our two week trip. I was pretty excited about this until I started reading some of the posts on these boards that said their biggest mistake was traveling with family/friends.

We are renting a 5 bedroom house to share pretty close to the parks, and we will both have our own rental cars. The bummer is that we ended up getting the 30 day Fun In The Sun tickets, but my brother will probably get the 5 day PHP. We can go everyday/anytime we want, but not him. Anyhow, I'm getting worried that our plans/touring styles will clash (he's probalby more laid back.) I'm trying to keep communication open - I emailed him my itinerary plan for the trip, and I've told him which PS's I've made for us all. I've also told him that he is welcome to join us for our plans, or make his own.

Have any of you traveled with family/friends that could offer suggestions on making the trip a success? Specifically, should we try to tour parks together, or would it be better to split up each day, planning to spend afternoons by the pool together, or see fireworks together, beach together, waterparks together, etc?

I haven't seen my brother or his kids in 3 years. He has two girls (8, 3) and I have two girls (7, 5), plus an 18 month boy.

Thanks!

 

[cyiland]

We've been to WDW on our own, with our kids, with other couples who had NO kids, and in a big family setting. The "big family setting" was 15 years ago, and taught the lesson that needed to be learned.

I think there are a couple of points that I'll make:

1) Don't force togetherness, don't force separation. Set expectations early on (i.e., "we'll probably be sticking to our touring plan pretty closely tomorrow; if you all want to come along too, we'd love to have you, but don't feel obligated to stick with us even if we start out together").

2) Delays (and frustrations) DO seem to increase exponentially as you add members to your "touring group". Our first large-group trip included 11 people (4 were kids). An example delay: by the time everyone (including the "slow ones") were ready to leave for the parks in the morning, some of those that were ready first needed to return to the restroom facilities. Then, by the time we reached the parks, it was time to find another restroom. If you have to stop at every bathroom in the park for one person or another, you end up with a very expensive, slow, tour of the bathrooms of Disney, and not much else.

That said, I'd suggest groups of 4 to 6 like-minded individuals seem to work better than larger groups. So if everyone's going together, split up and plan "meet up times". And keep in touch between groups with cell phones, so delays in one group don't cause major frustrations for the other.

Mostly, have fun, and remember that everyone has a different reason for being there. Enjoy!

 

[Jordan's MOM]

We have done WDW with my sister's family and we learned a few things. Having a plan is a must. If not, nothing gets done. Slitting up is all well and good, but we found the kids wanted to be together, so if we split up too much, one family ended up with all the kids. We did enjoy meals together, and splitting up in pairs and threes as intrest dictated. We never did a whole day either. We would tour as a big family 1/2 or most of the day and then spilt for family times. We stayed at different resorts, though close by. Being in the same house will be harder. It sounds like yours kids will not even know each other so be prepared for what ever happens between them. Good luck and have fun.


Jordans' mom

 

[gopherit]

We've done this family trip stuff before, and let me preface by saying I am an extreme planner. Not that I'm commando -- no, I plan so that I'm NOT commando. I therefore make it very clear to guests that we have a game plan, here it is, check it out -- see what parts you'd like to join us on, or feel free to blaze your own trail! I also take input from them. I usually ask each and every member of the vacationing group (our family and all guests) to name the top 3 things they just GOTTA do, and 1 restaurant. I make sure these things are accounted for in the schedule. That way, everyone KNOWS that at least 3 wishes and 1 meal will be granted on their vacation!

We are DVC and stay in the DVC villas. Last trip, we had SIL,BIL, and their son with our fam of 5 in a 2 br villa at VWL. I usually plan a few dinners in (last trip we had 4 out of 9 dinners in the villa). So I do ask that I get a good headcount on how many to expect for that! And when we had our family reunion (18 folks -- 9 kids!) each of the 4 families picked a night to do dinner, and then the adults took turns for who got to return to the park that night with the teens (versus staying in the villa with the under-3 crowd!) We also are big fans of the days I purposefully leave unscheduled (or as my DH teases me, my highly-scheduled moments of spontanaiety!) THese days are critical (especially with kids, and with guests that you don't fully know their likes/ dislikes / intensity level etc). Having some "free space" days can allow you to plan more events together (if you're "clicking" well!) or get some much-needed time apart (if you AREN'T). They are also handy if a day gets ruined by unexpected events (illness, weather, etc). Always good to build in a buffer here and there when possible! On our last trip, on a "free" day, our guests took one day to return to MK while our crew totally lazed around the pool and visited the BW and BC/YC area. THis was great -- we each got a little "family time" with just our immediates!

In short, make your plans, and tell your brother you are doing this, and for him to do the same. Then compare plans and pick a few places that they overlap. Set these up together (maybe a few PS?). THe rest play by ear (and don't forget the buffer days!)

 

[sandyneck]

We have done a few "family trips" to Disney and it has been both good and bad. Seperate rental cars is a great idea but make sure you use them!! It is tempting to try and pile everyone into one minivan. The problem is the odds of both families wanting to leave at the same time are slim to none. The advice to give them your itinerary and let them know they are welcome to follow along or go on their own is excellent. It also depends on your brother's personality. It he is laid back as you say, he probably won't care what you do. The worst is when you go with a family member who will be highly insulted and hurt if you don't spend every waking minute with them. Be prepared for the girls to not get along. That age group is best friends one minute and pulling hair the next. Try and give them some space away from each other. You will have a great time. Just go with the flow!!

 

[kadaten]

Originally posted by detroitmama
Have any of you traveled with family/friends that could offer suggestions on making the trip a success? Specifically, should we try to tour parks together, or would it be better to split up each day, planning to spend afternoons by the pool together, or see fireworks together, beach together, waterparks together, etc?

We went with 20 people in December, and it went so well we're all going to the beach together in July!

We did NOT try to tour together every day. Too many families, too many preferences, too many walking speeds, too many touring styles, etc. for everyone to be happy.

We had one "togetherness" activity planned each day....a big welcome dinner, a fireworks cruise, Candlelight Processional dinner package, and a good-bye dinner. Rest of the time we broke up into smaller groups that changed depending on the day and activities....the men went golfing 2 mornings, some parents took all the older kids to Disney Quest one morning, a few of us did a backstage tour, me and my little ones spent most of our time in MK and were sometimes just us and sometimes with grandparents/cousins along. This plan really seemed to work for us.

We were at AKL and got an extra room to use for a hospitality room so we had a place to gather in the morning to see who is going where and somewhere for the adults to retire each night for night-caps and catching up on everyone else's day. We also had it stocked with snacks and beverages we'd brought from home. Since you're renting a house, you've got that part covered!!!

As the planner, I let everyone know what I was doing and told them to join me if they liked, but also had other suggested things for them to do. My mom, not real adventurous, stayed with me the whole time. Everyone else took me at my word that we were'nt expected to spend every waking moment together.....we all had a fabulous time 'cause our trip turned out like we wanted and we didn't feel dragged around or slowed down by everyone else

Good luck! Touring with friends/family can be fun if everyone gets in the right spirit!

 

[motaei]

We went to WDW for the first time in December with another first time family. (We had not seen each other for 1.5 years) We stayed in the same WDW resort with adjacent rooms. We went to the parks together. We went to the pool together. We ate our meals together. We had a very good time together.

I was the tour guide & set the agenda. However, I was also very flexible in regards to what days we did what. Like the day they had severe jet lag (they traveled from Israel), we left the park by noon & just hung out at the pool the rest of the day.

When we hit the adventure rides, some people just sat outside & waited for the rest of us, or they waited in line with the rest of us & then took the "chicken" exit. When some wanted to go on a "boring" ride, we all went.

There were a couple of times DD & I went to the parks alone, like to shop at MK & to see Candlelight Processional at Epcot. We also took time alone in our rooms to veg & watch TV in the evenings. Yes....We did need "alone" time!

We went there to have fun & spend time together. I have read posts where groups only got together for dinner & such. That is not why we went there. We really wanted to spend time with our friends. To do this, everyone compromised on something or other to make it work.

But like I said, we had a good time together. Would I go back there with them again? Yes. Do I want to go back again without them? Yes, because there were things I wanted to do but didn't as part of the compromise. If I never get a chance to go back, were the compromises worth it? Yes. Our relationship is more important than dragging tired/bored bodies so I can see the Living Seas, or spending a little more time shopping, or any other "thing" I may have missed.

 

[HaleyB]

We have gone to Disney Land many times with big groups. It is a little easier because there is less of the which park question to deal with. In touring the parks here is what we have found.
Either stick together or don't. Do not try to meet up multiple times in one day. Agree ahead of time that if you are meeting and someone is a no show that you will wait 30 minutes, no more. That helps both the waiting and the late (because they don't have to worry you will be mad because you waited an hour). We always use cell phones to stay in touch, but 90% of the time it was message tag.
Have a plan and make it clear. Make sure all the adults have a copy.
Not everyone will need to eat at the same time, all the time, but it never hurt anyone to eat 30 minutes before they 'needed' to- we always plan food times and stick to them.
Decide if you will be waiting in lines for autographs or not ahead of time, if you are not of like mind with this you may need to split up. More than anything else this is the thing we had trouble with. We went two years ago with cousins that go all the time. No way they were waiting in a 40 minute line while my DD got an autograph. After seeing her almost cry when we walked by Cinderella we decided to split up and go our own ways for the day. It still makes me mad to think about it now. I didn't think much about it at the time, but latter I thought, those brats get to go once a month to our once a year- how selfish they were.

If you have 2 weeks with unlimited entry and they have only 5 days, let them decide a lot of what you do on those five days. Make it clear that you and your kids WILL be going more than five days (how much more would the Fun in the Sun passes be? That might be the best money you could spend.) I think this is going to be your biggest trouble area.

It is possible to stay together and have fun with another family. We did just that last year with good friends. They also only get to go one or two times a year so we were on the same page for just about everything. I knew they would be cammandos like us because I had gone with my friend before we had kids. They were on a much tighter budget than us, which was great, we just followed their lead. We did treat on a few things, ice cream and popcorn. Since we skipped the sit down meal, we ended up going home with money.

Good luck and have fun. Oh and enjoy seeing your brother. I have never gone longer than 18 months w/o seeing mine and I miss him all the time.

 

[voodooboy]

I think that everyone has covered the fundamentals quite well in this post. I am responding for a couple of reasons that work well for me and because I am traveling with about 14 people in December.

1) I strongly agree that, conversations discussing time together and time apart should happen prior to departure, that way there are no assumptions when you get to WDW as to who is doing what, where, and when. I find that (after bitter experience) advising everyone in advance of my intentions prior to departure leaves no surprises when we arrive. My family moves at a very brisk pace through the parks and I inform everyone in advance, "we are not following anyone and if you want to follow us keep up". "If you want to go slow, go it on your own or with someone that wants to keep pace with you". Things like that make a big difference to family and friends that have never been before. Many times friends and family don't even want to go to the same park so discussions in advance help the group stay informed.

2) Meals - These can be a point of contention if you invite friends and family to have a joint meal with only the intention of meeting to congregate but then you end up getting stuck with the bill. Meal conversations should also happen in advance so expectations are clearly defined in advance and no one feels uncomfortable when it is time for the check.

Travelling with friends and family can be great so long as you discuss the important issues in advance (which everyone else covered well) and set expectations prior to arrival (the sooner the better too). But regardless of your best efforts someone will enevitably get their feelings hurt at least once on the trip (at least it happens to me every time) but so long as you have an open discussion in advance of the trip such incidents will be minimal.

I wish you the best of luck on your "Family Adventure".

 

[GlennandAnn]

Hi detroitmama, and welcome to the DIS .

We have traveled with other families, and the rule that we have always had straight BEFORE we leave is that it would be great to do things together, but we will have our own itinerary. If the other family wants to do what we're doing, fine, if they don't, that's fine too. I think it's important that everyone understand that nobody is under any obligation to spend every waking moment together.

Have fun!

Ann

 

[michelleheisler]

My family just took our second trip with my sister and husband and children. Our first trip with them was wonderful. (We did have separate lodging both times) On the first trip, we really made no promises to spend time together and we didn't have one problem. For some reason, on our second trip, we thought we needed to spend all of our time together, and it didn't go nearly as well. So, my advice is, if you are going to be in the same place at the same time, great, but try not to feel like you have to do everything with the other family. It will just build tension. If you can keep things a bit more relaxed, I really think you can have a wonderful vacation!

 

[momm2four]

One topic you might want to discuss is the kids. This may not come up with your brother, but I would talk about what happens if the adults split up and your two kids want to go with his girls or vice versa.

We went on a family vacation to the beach with my DH's family (Our family [only had three children then], DH's younger sister and her family of four, DH's older sister and her two kids, MIL, FIL and DH's grandmother) for a total 15. We rented a huge 5 bedroom house so we had lots of room for everyone.

The only wrinkle in my whole week was one afternoon when my DH and I wanted to go get some fudge. My two oldest wanted to stay and play with their cousins instead of going with us, so we asked DH's older sister if it was okay to leave the two oldest there for about 45 minutes. She said it was okay.

When we got ready to leave, I told DH's younger sister that we were leaving the two boys there to play with their four cousins and she said, "Well, did you ask "John" (my DH) or the people who will actually be watching YOUR children?" When I told her that I had asked "Jane", she turned to "Jane" and said, "Did you say it was okay?" Jane replied that she would watch my oldest, but not my younger son. At this point, I was soooo angry, I just said, "Forget it, we're not going anywhere."

Later on, my younger SIL apologized if she had made me angry, but that she and her DH didn't come on vacation to watch other people's children. If we had discussed our views on this before we had gone, we would have known to make our children come with us when they first asked (Although you would think with 6 other adults in the house, it would have been okay to leave them there for 45 minutes)

I'm sorry this is so lengthy, but this was something I never thought of before our trip.

Lori P.

 

[detroitmama]

Wow, all the responses have been excellent. I have written down a huge long list of things to discuss with my brother. I really think that we will try to tour the parks separately for the most part, and then let the girls swim together in the afternoons, maybe see fireworks together, etc.

I can see that anytime anyone has to wait for another family could cause contention, and also if we were running late I would be stressed. That doesn't sound fun! So I think just trying to avoid those kind of situations is important. And I'll make sure we both have cell phones.

Oh, and he decided not to get the FITS passes because he is hesitant of buying from an online ticket broker rather than straight from Disney. Me, I'm so cheap that I put my fear behind me and hope for the best. From what everyone has said on these boards about using these passes, it sounds like I made a lucky decision.

Our last day we are having breakfast together at Cindy's! Yeah!

Thanks!